Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
Phoebe
Setting Rosa’s letter on my nightstand, I head into my en suite bathroom and take a hot shower to try and unwind from the hell that the past twenty-four plus hours has evolved into.
“Thank God I’m off tomorrow,” I say out loud as I take my time exfoliating my body before I shave my legs and under my arms.
It may still be considered winter according to the outside temperature as well as the calendar itself, but I hate how my scrubs feel on my legs when I don’t shave.
I wish I could be like many women who eschew the practice during the winter months, but sadly, I can’t even though there’s no love interest on any horizon in my life.
Once I’ve dried off and lotioned, oiled, then powdered my body, I slip into a pair of fuzzy pajama bottoms and a short-sleeve cotton top, brush my teeth, comb out my hair so I can braid it before I put it up in my silk bonnet, then head to the crib where Cami’s still sound asleep.
As I watch her dreaming, her little lips moving like she’s sucking on a pacifier I make a promise. “Camille Rose, I swear to you that I’m going to find your daddy if it’s the last thing I do.”
I finally get settled in my bed and reach for the letter. My heart is beating a mile a minute at what the contents may potentially say, but I have to know what Rosa was thinking when she did the unthinkable as far as I’m concerned.
Because if I had been in her position? I’d have fought until my very last breath to ensure I remained a part of my child’s life, no matter what.
But Rosa’s always been a little bit broken, having been in and out of foster care when she was much, much younger.
Until she came to live with my family, she bounced around, abused, neglected, and overlooked, and I honestly think it messed with her in ways I’ll never comprehend.
Taking a deep breath, I open the envelope and slide the letter out, then mentally prepare myself to read her words.
Dear Phoebe,
If you’re reading this, then I’m gone. I’m sorry and I’m sure you feel as though I made a selfish decision, especially where Camille is concerned.
The truth of the matter is, I’m too fucked up to keep on pretending that life is good, Fee. Every damn day is a struggle and as much as I love my baby, I can’t keep up the pretense any longer. I tried and tried, and even started seeing a therapist who got me on meds, but it’s just too much.
So, I’m checking out, and I’m apologizing in advance for leaving you holding the bag.
The manilla envelope has everything concerning Camille as far as her birth certificate, her shot records, even those visit summary forms you get from the doctor.
I love her, so fucking much, but with my history, all I’ll do is screw her up, and that’s not fair to do that when she’s just a baby.
You’ll also find the information for her father so you can find him.
He’s got a letter in the folder as well.
Please don’t take anything he says personally, Fee, because the last time I saw him and we ended things, it didn’t go well.
He’s going to be livid at me for keeping her from him, but he’s really a good man.
I guess you’d call him a green flag guy, Phoebe.
He works hard, loves his grandmother who’s now in a home because of dementia, and is loyal to his brothers in the motorcycle club he’s a part of.
Again, I’m sorry. Just so you know, I probably would’ve tried to stick it out until Cami was grown, but at my last doctor visit, they found a malignant tumor in my lungs.
Remember when I couldn’t get rid of that lingering cough?
Yeah, it was because of that and unfortunately, it had already spread everywhere.
There was no way I was going to put that on you to watch me fade away, Fee.
You’ve been the only one in my corner for longer than I can remember.
The second page of this letter has all of my information as far as passwords to my accounts, my banking information, and my will so you can handle everything.
I have two life insurance policies; one lists you as the beneficiary, and the other is for Cami so she can be taken care of.
It’s got you as the trustee or whatever the lawyer said.
I’ll miss you, Phoebe. So fucking much, but already the pain has gotten worse and it’s getting harder and harder to put on a good face for you. Take care of my baby and find Eli so he can raise our daughter.
Hopefully I’ll see y’all again someday.
Rosa
By the time I’m done reading the letter, my face is soaked with tears.
I had noticed that she seemed to be in pain, but I thought it was because of the accident she had two months ago where someone rear-ended her.
Guilt swamps me when I realize that she’s been silently dealing with terminal cancer.
Then, I realize that the anger I felt over her actions has dissipated, to be replaced with understanding and grace.
“Now to find Cami’s father,” I murmur as I look at the second page and see she’s thoroughly outlined every aspect of her life, down to her funeral. I make a mental note to advise Dr. Patel of the cancer diagnosis because I don’t think she’ll be able to be an organ donor, but I truly have no clue.
Setting that aside, I open the manilla envelope and see a page with my name on it.
Scanning it quickly, I realize that I have Cami’s father’s information so I can find him and get her life sorted out.
I’ll definitely need to reach out to her attorney to find out how to get Cami’s policy switched to her father since he’ll need it to help raise his little girl.
Opening my phone, I create a master to-do list for my day off.
Looks like I’m going to be a busy woman when all is said and done.
Getting out of bed, I head to the laundry room to start a load, since that was something I was going to do tomorrow.
May as well get a head start now since there’s no way I’ll be able to sleep after reading Rosa’s letter.
Once I have that going, I clean out the fridge, then place a grocery order to deliver first thing in the morning.
I typically food prep my meals for the week, but since I’ll be running errands or making phone calls most of the day, I opt to get some of the store’s pre-made meals that I can heat up for my lunch.
Four hours later, as exhaustion weighs me down, I look around and snort.
“Well, the house is clean, the laundry is caught up for twenty minutes, and Cami’s still sleeping.
” I can get a solid six hours of sleep before she wakes up and the day starts so I double check that the house is locked up for the night, then head to bed.
Tomorrow’s soon enough to worry about everything currently circling in my head.
“I don’t claim to understand what you did, Rosa, and I wish you had talked to me first. We probably could’ve found another way, but I promise that I’ll find Cami’s father.
You can rest easy,” I murmur as the nurse goes through the procedure to shut down the machines that are currently keeping Rosa alive.
The latest tests showed that the minimal activity had declined to the point that she was only alive because of the machines.
Because of the cancer that had metastasized, the doctor who handles organ transplants didn’t feel she would be a good candidate for donation.
I’ve already put the funeral home on notice, and as soon as I call, they’ll come and pick her up.
She paid for a cremation, and already bought her urn, as well as paid for the package.
I clasp her hand in mine as I watch the last monitor, noting that the respirations are slowing, her blood pressure is dropping, and her heartbeat is almost non-existent. It’s not long before the doctor comes in and checks her vitals before he shakes his head.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Dr. Patel says. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”
“I just need to call the funeral home. She apparently made all the arrangements when she got her initial diagnosis,” I manage to say. “Can I… can I stay until they come and get her?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll send in a nurse to get her cleaned up if you want,” he advises.
“No, I think… I think I’d like to do this one last thing for her,” I murmur as I stand to my feet.
“Then I’ll get one in here with the supplies you’ll need,” he says.
“Thank you.”