Chapter 34 Stone
Stone
Natalie reminds me of a gleeful sprite ready to play a prank on anyone at any time—in the best possible way, of course.
She leads Hercules on his leash, guiding him as we walk down the street to the ice cream shop. The evening is cool, so I pull off my jacket and place it around Coco’s shoulders before taking her hand and squeezing it.
At the ice cream parlor, Coco makes perfect small talk with my sister, asking if she has a sweetie.
Natalie replies, with all the seriousness of an alligator eyeing its prey, “No. All the boys in my class are dildos. What else would you expect from ten-year-olds?”
My eyes pop open. “What? And where did you learn that word, young lady?”
“Let’s calm down. Don’t start acting like Pane and being all protective. I know about dildos. My old nanny used to talk about them in her book club.”
Coco bites her bottom lip, her eyes shining with laughter. “Well, there you have it. And I agree with you, Natalie, boys your age are dildos.”
“Right?” My sister grins wide at me. “I like her. She’s got common sense, and she’s pretty, too.”
Coco’s ears turn red, and I embrace the hard thumps as my heart engages in a full-on rock concert against my ribs.
This woman is wrecking me bit by bit, day by day, minute by minute.
As she and Natalie engage in a back-and-forth about school and girl stuff, my heart is full. There’s no greater happiness than this moment right here.
A little while later, Natalie’s stuffed from eating a large bowl of homemade strawberry pretzel salad ice cream—yes, they make it in ice cream flavor. Don’t worry, I bought a half gallon to take home.
Once my sister’s finished every last lick, she leans back and groans. “I’m going to be sick.”
“Not until we get home.”
I grab my sister and lift her onto my shoulders. She squeals in a mix of terror and delight. As Coco grabs the tub of to-go ice cream, I bound from the store and down the street, staying a little ahead of her and Hercules, who we tied to a post outside the shop.
There are things Natalie and I need to discuss.
“Slow down, you’re making my head bob. It’s worse than brain freeze,” she yells.
I lift her by the waist and put her back on the ground. She glares up at me. “I didn’t say I was done riding on your shoulders.”
“That’s okay. I said it for you.”
She looks back and sees Coco slowly walking toward us with Hercules on a lead. “You want to talk to me without your girlfriend hearing.”
“First, she’s my fiancée.”
“If she’s your fiancée, why haven’t you ever mentioned her before? She’s not as dumb as the girls you normally date.”
A sound of terror escapes my lungs. “Excuse me?”
“You know what I’m talking about.” Natalie waves her little pixie hands. “She’s got brains. She’s smart. I kind of like her.” Then she sets her jaw squarely. “But I’m still not convinced Pane knows of her existence. Are you sure you’re engaged?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Because you’re not being you.”
“Define not being me, because last I checked, I’m still the same guy.”
I glance back at Coco, brows drawn in what I hope translates into a look that says, Give us a minute. She catches my expression and steers Hercules toward a grassy patch in front of a gingerbread-style house. The lambicorn begins to munch happily, and I focus on my sister.
“You’re different,” she answers, emphasizing the word.
Does she know? Can my sister tell? She’s a pretty quick kid. It wouldn’t surprise me if she opened her mouth and sounded like a fifty-year-old sage. “I’m the same Stone I was when you last saw me.”
Sort of. It’s not technically a lie because I am the same person. I’m just more me now.
“No, you’re not,” she argues.
“And what makes you say that?”
“You’re different. Nicer. Not mad at the universe every five seconds.
Pane went through this whole anger stage about your dad, too.
He’s still kind of there, but it’s not as bad as it was when he and Rowe broke up for a while.
But you”—she slaps her forehead in a dramatic, Oscar-worthy performance—“you were just mad most of the time. Especially at Mom. And now it’s like someone pulled that Stone out of you and replaced him with someone else—like a body snatcher. ”
She leans back, folds her arms, and assesses me. “Has someone stolen your brain?”
I bark out a laugh. “No, of course not. Look, about this whole thing with Dad—”
“Your dad. Not my dad. Mom didn’t tell me my dad wanted nothing to do with me so she could keep us apart for twenty years.”
It feels like I’m standing on a tectonic plate while an earthquake hits. But I’m able to keep my legs steady, my feet planted on the ground.
My mother kept my father away from me on purpose? I search for this core memory, this piece of me that’s missing, the seed of resentment, of anger I know would’ve sprouted like a weed, but it isn’t there.
Of course it isn’t. How can it exist when there’s no place for it to? When there’s no earth for it to be rooted in?
It’s hard to explain, and I know I should be feeling something, but I can’t. It’s like that part of me is gone. No, not that part.
That Stone doesn’t exist anymore.
I’m not the same man I was a few weeks ago.
And it’s all thanks to a hard hat.
“Listen, kiddo . . .”
“I’m all ears.”
I ruffle her hair and she shoos me off. “Even if I’m acting different, I’m still the same big brother you’ve always had. I’m still me, Stone, someone who wants nothing more than to spend this weekend spoiling you rotten.”
She blinks, shocked by my words. “Really?”
“Absolutely. Whatever you want to do, just name it.”
Natalie rubs her hands together devilishly. “This is going to be fun. Woo-hoo! Best weekend ever!” She spins toward Coco. “You can come over now. We’re done having our little tête-à-tête. It’s safe.”
Coco strolls over casually with Hercules, who walks slowly, as if he doesn’t like being led by Coco. That can’t be right. Hercules loves her. He loves everyone.
Natalie bends down and the lambicorn licks her nose. My sister giggles before wiping off the kiss.
“It’s safe, huh?” Coco says to Natalie but looks at me. Worry flits across her face until I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her into my side.
“It’s more than safe.” I press a kiss to her temple. “Natalie gets to do whatever she wants this weekend.”
“Whatever I want,” she seconds, tossing her arms into the air. “And that means tomorrow morning, we tube down the river.”
Coco places her warm hand on top of my shoulder. “Tubing? Isn’t it a little cold for that?”
I grab her hand and kiss the underside of it. “It’ll be fine.”