Chapter 45 Coco
Coco
My mom calls later and asks if I’d like to come over for dinner. I simply don’t have it in me, but she’s got her whole “Mom” voice on, which means if I don’t go over there, she might load up the truck and bring herself, along with others, to my tiny cottage decorated in doilies.
So off to their place I go.
When I arrive, it’s late afternoon. No one’s outside, which is good. The last thing I feel like is being surrounded by my entire family.
I enter the house and call out, “Mom! Dad!”
“We’re in here,” comes Dad’s voice from the basement.
I weave through the house and go downstairs, where I find my dad, Mom, Brittany, and Jet playing pool.
“Just in time,” Dad says. “I just whipped Brittany’s butt. Now it’s your turn to try to take me.”
It’s impossible not to smile. “All right. Rack ’em up. Let’s see if I can do it.”
For the next half hour we talk about everything but what happened. The whole situation is soft—no harsh edges. Brittany isn’t trying to one-up or embarrass me, or for once make me feel like the little sister who screwed up every day in middle school.
No, it’s the easiest conversation I think we’ve ever shared as a family.
We even laugh. I mean, really laugh, because my emotional walls, which are usually up, have disintegrated. Wow. If I’d known publicly humiliating myself would bring me closer to my family, I might’ve done it ages ago.
Just kidding.
Even though they’re being super nice, there’s still a hole in me, an ache that lingers.
It feels as if it’ll never be filled. So when Mom tells us dinner’s ready, my appetite isn’t there.
I haven’t eaten anything since the coffee Cristina brought me this morning, and I don’t think I’ll be able to manage much.
But still I go up, and stop, instantly hit with the familiar smell of shrimp Creole, my absolute favorite dish on this planet. I look over at Mom, and she smiles with encouragement.
She made it for me.
Nu-Nu walks in when we’re sitting down. “Looks like my sixth sense was right. I had a feeling y’all were about to eat. I’m surprised no one called me. Hell, I only live down the road.”
“I was just about to, Mama,” Dad says, kissing her cheek. “Come and sit.”
She takes a long look at the pot. “What? No gumbo?”
“Not today,” Brittany tells her.
“Nothing makes a person feel better when your life’s been destroyed than rib-sticking gumbo,” she mutters.
“Mama,” Dad scolds.
And there it is. All the judgment will happen now. My stomach tightens. Whatever my family wants to throw at me, I can take it.
Nu-Nu shrugs. “What? We all saw what happened.” They shoot her big eyes, and she glances around until she spots me. “Well, shit. I didn’t expect you to be here, Coco.”
“Hey, Nu-Nu.”
“Come give me some sugar.”
The tension melts from me. Sugar. She wants a kiss, not to remind me of all my life’s wrong choices. What a relief.
I get up and kiss her, and then I make her a bowl of shrimp Creole and put it on the table. Sweet gulf shrimp lay in a sauce of tomatoes atop a bed of white rice. It’s amazing.
There’s an awkward silence for a couple of minutes before my grandmother says, “It would have been a beautiful wedding, lambicorn and all.”
For some reason that makes me laugh. I chuckle until my ribs hurt, and everyone joins in, the tension that Nu-Nu brought melting like butter in a hot pan.
“It was a beautiful venue,” I admit glumly. “The whole town looked great.” I take a bite of the shrimp and let the savory tomato sauce linger on my tongue for a moment before I chew and swallow it down. “When did Stone call you?”
“A few hours before,” Mom says. “He asked if it was okay. Your dad told him yes.”
All eyes swivel to Dad, who runs a hand down his beard. “What? I like the guy. He stood up for you and he stood up to us. Takes balls to do that.”
“Yeah, your dad thinks that boyfriend of yours has big balls,” Nu-Nu adds, laughing.
We all laugh, and when it dies down, and Mom says, “We liked him. Not because he’s a Maddox, but because of how he treated you. How he seemed kind and funny.”
“And because he got you to pick a new hiding place,” Brittany quips.
I frown. “You want us to keep the same spots. Every year. You tell us to.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, she doesn’t,” Jet confirms. “What’s the fun in always hiding in the same place? The viewers want it to be different.”
“But I thought . . .” I start the sentence but don’t finish it, because it occurs to me that perhaps what I thought the truth was isn’t what it actually is.
“You thought what?” my sister asks.
“I just thought you wanted us to hide in the same places.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t want that.”
How is it possible to have been so wrong? How could I have completely misunderstood the assignment? Because of my own prejudice? Because I assumed that’s who my sister was?
Had I ever even really listened to the instructions? Or did I simply make them up in my mind, allowing my own bitterness to take the lead?
All those years, I returned to the same spot, waiting to be found, just like I’ve been doing with my life.
The irony is real, y’all.
We finish dinner and I tell my mom and sister I’ll clean up, so they go outside with the men to sit on the porch and enjoy the evening.
Which leaves me and Nu-Nu. I know my grandmother has things she wants to say. She’s had that look on her face through dinner, like there’s something on the tip of her tongue. I just have to wait for her to ask it.
“So you have the touch,” she finally says.
A bitter laugh escapes my throat. I slide the last plate onto the drying rack and take a seat at the table across from her.
“I didn’t ask for it,” I say, in case she’s wondering.
“Of course you didn’t. Do you think you chose it? No, it chose you.”
I let that sink in. I’ve never thought about it like that.
When the blue sparks began plaguing me, I figured it was a freak occurrence, something that needed to be kept a secret.
It never occurred to me the power chose me.
“Well, now the whole town knows. Any day now, an angry mob will appear, especially after what I did to Stone.”
“You know, your great-grandmother was touched, too.”
I blink. “What?”
Nu-Nu nods. “She had a little bit of magic in her. Kept it to herself mostly, made little healing remedies for folks. Now, she never gave anyone amnesia that I know of—”
“Darn.”
Nu-Nu laughs. “Come on. How bad was it that it happened? Really? From what you said at the church— You’re not pregnant, are you?”
I roll my eyes. “We weren’t marrying because I’m pregnant.”
She claps a hand over mine. “That’s real good, cher. Not that I would’ve minded a little great-grandbaby, but you know, I’m old and traditional.”
“I know. It’s okay.”
She draws her hand away and leans back. “What was I saying?”
“About the church—Stone losing his memory and it being my fault.”
She shoots me a sympathetic look before continuing. “From what you were saying, it didn’t sound all that bad—like he became a better person when he lost his memory. Hell, I’d probably become a better person, too.”
We laugh, and light dances in her eyes. “I know right now things may seem hard, but they’ll get easier. This’ll pass, and even though folks might’ve been upset because of what you did, no one there pulled a pitchfork out of their butt and came after you, did they?”
“No, I guess they didn’t.”
“Times are changing, and even if Stone Maddox don’t forgive you, I know what you did came from goodness. You weren’t trying to hurt no one. Were you?”
“No, I just wanted him to see why I did it, and it wasn’t for me.”
“That’s because you’ve got a good heart. Don’t let no one tell you different.”
“I’ll try not to.”
“That’s my girl, and if anyone comes to your house looking to burn it down, you call me. I’ll come over and sit on them.”
I laugh, because Nu-Nu isn’t a waif. She’s got some weight on her, and knowing my grandmother, she probably would sit on someone who wanted to hurt me.
I rise and wrap my arms around her neck. “Thanks, Nu-Nu.”
“You’re welcome. Now, give me some sugar and get out of here.”
I kiss her cheek and head to the front porch. I say goodbye to my family. Even though they don’t repeat what Nu-Nu said, that they would protect me, I know they will—they’ve got my back no matter how this unfolds.
As I head to my car, Brittany says, “I’ll walk you.”
“It’s just right there.”
She shrugs. “I know, but I’ll still come.”
Okay. This is a first. My sister never escorts me to my car. Is she all right? I’m hoping she doesn’t want me to cast a spell on Jet or anything. My spell-slinging days are over.
As soon as we’re out of earshot, she says, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s not as if you brewed a potion that made Stone Maddox forget who he is.”
“Not about that—for everything else.”
“What are you talking about?”
“For making you think you had to stay in the same place every time we played Hide from Brittany.”
“Huh?”
She scrapes her fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry you feel like you’ve been playing second fiddle. I didn’t realize how pushed aside you’ve been until . . . recently. My channel requires me to be a big personality, and I guess sometimes I take it too far.”
“It’s okay.” I’m used to it.
“No, it’s not,” she replies, flustered. “When you came along, like when you were born, you got all this attention, and I was jealous. Back then it seemed like everything you did, our parents made it such a big deal—all of it, from the time we were little through high school. Even now, they’re amazed because you have magic. ”
“They are?” I look back at the house. The porch is empty, but the light’s still on. “They never said anything to me about it.”
“Well, they said plenty to me.” We reach my car and Brittany leans against the door. “It’s always been like that. They fawn over you.”
A laugh bursts from my mouth. My sister gives me a puzzled look, and I explain, “Are you serious? That’s how they act about you.
All Mom talks about is you and your channel.
I’m not kidding. It’s all she ever mentions.
She’s so proud of you, you know that? So proud that she forgot I had a new job. Stone had to tell her.”
“Are you sure you didn’t forget to tell her?”
I frown. Did I tell her? Or did I figure she wouldn’t remember anyway, so I didn’t bother?
Shit.
Maybe I didn’t mention it. I look up at the house in disbelief.
Brittany shakes her head. “When we were little, they talked about you all the time. It’s why I pushed myself so hard, because I felt like I was competing with you.”
Wow. My entire life, I’ve been comparing myself to Brittany, and she’s been doing the same. It never crossed my mind that she might feel insecure about me. How could she when she’s the one making all the crazy YouTube money?
Is it possible I’ve been wrong about her? That my sister and I have each suffered in silence, thinking our parents loved the other better, when they loved each of us the same this entire time?
Is it possible we’ve each been jealous and we didn’t need to be?
“I’m sorry,” I admit.
She cocks her head. “For what?”
“For years I’ve been jealous of your success because I thought Mom and Dad respected you more.”
“I don’t think that’s true. They may not tell you how proud they are, but I hear it, Coco.
I hear it a lot. I think, if anything, they have a hard time expressing it.
But I know they love you. Why do you think they were excited about the wedding?
They were worried, of course, like any parent would be.
But they want your happiness. More than anything. ”
My chest expands, filling with love that should have always been there for my sister but was trapped behind the barbed wire of jealousy. It’s hard to wrap my mind around, the fact that my parents have bragged about me to Brittany, when for years it felt like they didn’t see me.
Maybe they did see me, it’s just that I didn’t allow myself to realize it because I was so used to being dismissed.
Just like I’m trying to dismiss myself again. Just this morning, I thought I should disappear because I’d ruined things so badly with Stone.
But that’s how I’ve spent my life—hiding, shrinking, slipping into invisibility because it was easier than allowing myself to be seen.
Stone gave me the power to let myself be looked at. Why would I take that away just because he left me? And rightly so, of course. What I did to him, how I kept up the lie, is reprehensible.
But just because he’s gone, does it mean I should allow myself to suffer, too?
It doesn’t seem right.
I hug Brittany and she hugs me back. This might be the first time in forever we’ve actually done this, and it feels right. A lifetime of sadness, bitterness, and jealousy washes out of me, and I allow myself to see things from her perspective.
We’ve both been trapped in what we thought the world was, but it turns out we were wrong. We’ve seen each other as the competition, but that isn’t the truth. We were never supposed to be against one another.
We were supposed to be on the same side, and I see that now.
Better late than never.
“Thank you,” I tell her when we part.
“For what?”
“For telling me. I had no idea.”
“Me neither.” We stare at each other for a beat before she says, “Now. Go out there and get back your man.”
“What?”
“Just kidding. But if you do decide to go after Stone, call me. I’ll be your backup.”
I laugh and head home. In a couple of days, I return to work.
There’s no telling what I’ll face when I arrive.