Chapter 20 Avery
Tuesday September 2, 6:15 PM
Avery returned to the kitchen after using the bathroom. She went to sit back down, and Gabe scooted his chair away from her.
He quietly focused on the computer screen and didn’t acknowledge her. Gabe was acting so odd. Quiet. Serious. Avery had never seen him like this. What had she done? Was it because she told him the kiss in the parking lot meant nothing? That must have been it. She had half regretted kissing him, knowing it could give him the wrong message.
But then he had cleared the air with his comment about Claire. So it was all her, according to Gabe. Interesting. That changed things.
She had to admit, it was so gosh darn hard not to flirt with Gabe Manwaring. Mr. Playful. Mr. Fun-loving. Except right now he was Mr. Serious. She did not like this side of him as much.
“You okay?” she finally asked.
“Sure. Yeah. Fine. Never better. We gonna finish this or what?”
Avery lifted an eyebrow and tried to read over his shoulder, offering help as needed. After they went over his paperwork and deemed it complete, she asked, “So what’s this other thing you need my help with?”
Gabe paused. “Did you mean to end that sentence with a preposition?”
Her mouth gaped and she laughed. She did not expect him to even know what a preposition was—a lot of people didn’t. “Are you serious right now? How did you know?”
“I may not be a good writer, but I know my parts of speech.” He tried not to smile but failed. Okay, there was the old Gabe back again.
She smiled at his playfulness. Somehow, even doing something like paperwork was fun with him. “Let me rephrase the question. WITH what do you need help?”
Gabe let out a big sigh, paused for a few seconds, and kept taking a breath like he was about to form a word only to hesitate yet again.
She leaned towards him, her patience running thin. “Out with it!” she finally said. “Whatever it is, I can help.”
He closed his eyes. “I need you to help me know what to say when I call my parents.” He opened his eyes, looked down and offered a cringed expression.
“Okay.” She waited. “And?”
He sighed again. “They’re the ones I’m sending the paperwork to. You know, to ask for money.”
Avery made an “oh” with her mouth and nodded. That did complicate things. He had said they lived far and didn’t have the best relationship.
“And I hardly ever talk to them,” he added quietly. “Because I’m a terrible son. Person. Pet owner. Boyfriend. Everything.” He put his head down.
Where was this all coming from? He’s only ever been Super Sub, the Gabe everyone loved at school.
“Gabe.” She placed her hand on his back, only to lift it immediately, afraid to come off as too flirty. “You sound stressed.” More like, he sounded like his life was falling apart and needed therapy, but she wasn’t qualified for that kind of thing. “Why don’t we take it one step at time?”
He lifted his head, his eyes slightly wet and nodded. “Yeah.” He shook his head. “Sorry. I’m all over the place. I feel bad asking you to help me do something I should already be doing.” His eyes were soft and sad.
Avery searched Gabe’s face, finding a man who seemed so determined yet scared. He was being so vulnerable about something he wasn’t good at. Apparently he wasn’t good at everything, which wasn’t as comforting as she thought it might be.
“So, you’re not a superhero after all?” she said tenderly.
He looked up and smiled, but not his all-out happy Gabe type of smile. There was something still sad behind it.
“It’s totally fine if family relationships are hard. I don’t talk to my dad much,” she added.
He perked up a bit. “Really? You, the super daughter?”
Is that what he thought of her? Interesting. She had moved back to help her mom, but it was also to get away from Marshall. She didn’t see that as very heroic.
“We can’t be all things to all people. I learned that the hard way.” She thought of Marshall and his visit this coming weekend. She was so dreading it, but apparently he had something important to tell her.
“I guess that’s true,” Gabe said. “So, Miss Writer Lady, what should I say?” He opened the notebook on the table and grabbed a pen. Part of her wanted to put her hand on his, help him feel better, maybe even… no. Stop it, Avery . This was a friendship, not anything more. Even if Gabe and Claire weren’t together, Avery still has a lot of things to figure out.
“Why don’t you tell me what your parents are like?” Avery asked.
Gabe fiddled with the pen, flipping it around in his fingers. “They love to travel. Uh, what else?”
“They sound adventurous?” she prompted. Like Gabe was.
He nodded enthusiastically.
“Well that’s good. Are they hard-working?” she asked. Again, they sounded like Gabe.
“Very,” he said.
“Do they value the discovery and preservation of antiquities?” Avery asked.
Gabe smiled. “That was a very studious way of saying it. I mean, yeah, I think so.”
“Do they have the money to help you?” she asked.
He folded his arms and nodded quietly. “Well, yeah. Plenty.”
“So it sounds like they are the perfect candidates. But you don’t feel like you deserve it.” Avery said it as a statement, realizing the truth of it as the words came out of her mouth. That Gabe was similar to Avery. He was fumbling through adulthood and relationships and everything else as she had been.
Gabe took a big breath, as if agreeing with her.
“But you do deserve it,” she said. “You deserve everything good in life.” She wanted so much to put her hand on his shoulder or back, give him a reassuring pat or rub. It took everything in her not to. Always, Avery wanted to make people feel better. Her mom, Claire, Marshall, and now Gabe.
Was it love? Or was it the desire to help another person? Maybe both. Or two different types of love.
Who was she kidding? Of course she had romantic feelings toward him. She had since she first met him. That’s the real reason she had kissed him in the parking lot earlier. No matter how much she denied it, she was totally into him.
But the timing was off. She decided to hold back her affection, caring, yearning, gestures, which might lead him on. Not because she didn’t want to comfort Gabe—it wasn’t that. It was because for the first time, she was thinking of herself. I could so easily fall head over heels for this guy. But he’s going to leave, and then what? Would he even want to return? I need to protect my feelings for once.
“So, say it with me. ‘I, Gabe Talon Manwaring, deserve to go on this archeological expedition.’”
Gabe looked at her with puppy-dog eyes, an embarrassed sort of happiness that melted her heart. But she remained strong.
“I…” Avery started.
Gabe joined her with the rest. “Gabe Talon Manwaring, deserve to go on this archeological expedition.” He nodded and offered a hopeful smile, like maybe he believed in the statement, at least a little bit.
Like a substitute teacher, Avery coached him, willing him to believe in himself. “Gabe, you got this. No script. Speak from the heart. Your parents will understand.”
His face brightened. He picked up his phone and tapped the screen a few times and put it up to his ear. With his other hand, he tapped on the table nervously.
“Mom, hey. Can you put it on speaker? I want to talk to you and Dad. No, nothing’s wrong.” He looked at Avery, then cleared his throat. “I have something really exciting to talk to you about.”
Gabe stood and paced around the kitchen, then the living room, back into the kitchen, and up and down the hallway, going on and on about the expedition, the same animated old Gabe she had seen in the classroom. She only caught bits and pieces of his side of the conversation. His voice was softer than usual, either because of his relationship with his parents or that he was asking them to fund his trip. Still, she was proud of him.
“Yeah, so, I was wondering if you could help me out so I can go. I’m going to send you an email with all the details. It would be four months to start, with possible extension if the dig goes well. Especially if we find significant pieces. Oh, I see. Okay. Oh, really? That’s great.”
He was silent for a while, listening to whatever his parents were saying, not smiling or frowning. The suspense was killing her. He kept pacing around the apartment.
Should she be excited for him to leave? Or to stay?
If he left, there would be no dating, obviously. He’d be gone for at least four months, and he might not come back. And maybe his project would lead him somewhere else. Not like there was anything tying him to Phoenix. Either way, she wouldn’t have to even decide what she wanted in the foreseeable future. Simple. Easy.
But, if he stayed, and they both kept subbing, she’d see him. And even though she kept telling herself dating him wasn’t a good idea, it was hard not to want to. At some point she’d probably give in, knowing herself.
What she really needed to do was clear things up with Claire. She hadn’t seen her since the night Gabe and Avery kissed in his truck, and Claire had given her a ride home.
Then there was the issue of Marshall coming into town on Saturday. Avery had no idea what to expect. Maybe he’d beg for her to come back. Maybe he’d pay her back all the money she’d spent on him. Maybe he’d tell her it was really over and he was the one who was going to break up, even though Avery already had, though she wondered if he hadn’t accepted it yet. None of those options would surprise her.
She picked up the pen Gabe had left on the table, tapping it against the blank notebook page. She was here to help him, but really she needed help of her own. Too many “what ifs” were floating around in her head, tangling themselves together and causing her anxious brain to come up with a million scenarios.
Gabe walked back into the kitchen, his face still placid. “Um yeah, let me know.”
He pulled the phone away from his face and tapped the screen. Letting out a big sigh, he placed his phone on the table. Avery dropped the pen. Her heart beat fast at the possible outcomes. Until now, she hadn’t truly considered what Gabe wanted. Of course he wanted to go on this expedition. He had wanted it for years and years, and this could be the moment of decision.
Did he even want to date her, or was she conveniently in front of him? Her heart dipped a little. If she was being honest with herself, Gabe could get any girl he wanted. If he left, maybe he wanted to go without being tied down in a relationship. The thought crushed her.
Finally, they locked eyes, Gabe standing across the table from where she sat. He stood there, not saying anything.
“So?” Avery asked, throwing her hands in the air. His answer could either rule out her anxiety or make her have to choose how to untangle her feelings.
Gabe pursed his lips, as if delaying his emotions as much as possible. “They said,” He paused and she leaned forward. “Mayyyyybe.”
Avery swallowed, then turned her head to the side. “That’s good, right?” She wanted to be encouraging, while covering up the shakiness in her voice.
Gabe and sighed. “I think so. Yes. Of course, yes. For me to spring this on them and all, after not talking to them forever and even though you said I deserve it I don’t know, but it felt good and I just…”
She walked over and put her hands on his shoulders. “Gabe. It’s great news. You did a big thing and I’m proud of you.” She meant every word, but mostly she wanted him to calm down and quit rambling.
Yet there was a part of her that liked being near him. Touching him. Knowing Claire was out of the picture, at least in Gabe’s mind, made her feel okay being this close to him.
He gazed at her silently, then reached up and adjusted a piece of her hair that had fallen in front of her face. Avery’s heart beat more rapidly as the one thing she wanted and the one thing she knew she shouldn’t do was about to happen again.
Gabe cupped her face in his hands and touched his lips to hers. His tenderness drew her in, and Avery forgot herself. Kissing Gabe was a beautiful way to get lost. She kissed him back, giving into her feelings for him, her hands moving from his shoulders to his back.
“Wait.” She backed away abruptly. “I can’t…”
He let go, his eyes still closed for a second. As he opened them, she could see his confusion and pain.
“I’m sorry, Gabe. I really like you. But I don’t think this is a good idea.” She stepped back, putting distance between them. “You’re probably leaving soon, and I don’t want to lead you on or make things awkward.” Or continue to break my heart.
Gabe froze, his eyes wide, then he ran his fingers through his hair. “Oh. Right. I mean, I guess that’s best.” He wrinkled his brow.
“What?” Avery asked. “What is it?”
He bit his bottom lip. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” The words stung, even though it was what Avery needed to hear.
“I feel so comfortable with you.” He put his hand down to his side. “Thank you for helping me. You don’t know how much your help means to me.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “No one has ever been proud of me before.”
A whimper came from down the hall. “Oh, Emmett probably needs to go out. Excuse me.” He disappeared and she watched as he ushered his dog out the front door.
She went to pick up her cup when a text pinged on Gabe’s phone.
CLAIRE: It’s a date. See ya then!
Avery robotically picked up the cup, walked to the kitchen sink and stared out the window where Gabe stood with his dog next to a tree. So, he wasn’t exactly being truthful, was he? She shook her head. What was wrong with her? How many times did she have to tell herself they were only “friends” only to let things go too far?
Duh, Avery. Gabe wasn’t available after all. Why did it take her so long to get that through her head?
She slowly dumped out the remaining water and ice out of the cup and dropped it in the sink. The problem was Avery kept running to help Gabe, or vice versa. She had to put more distance between them. She didn’t hate him. He was too sweet, especially compared to Marshall. So she had to avoid him as much as possible.
Gabe came back inside with Emmett.
“I’d better get going,” she said. “I hope you get the funding for the project.” And she meant it. She ducked her head to avoid eye contact with him and left.
When she got in her car, she pulled out her phone, ignoring a new text from Marshall. Instead she tapped on Claire’s number and called. “Hey. What are you doing right now? We need to talk.”