Chapter 31
Liz, May 23
My smile is real as I enter the hotel lobby. My planning has led to this beautiful event and I am so proud. People are filling the room, dancing to the music or talking to old friends. Matt and I have decided on a late entrance together instead of me arriving on time alone while he dealt with a work crisis.
I’d be lying if I said Ben didn’t make my heart skip, but tonight, Matt is the one I have to be with. He’s the one I chose to show up for.
I don’t even notice Ben until he’s about a foot in front of me. His smile is confident, effortless. I return a similar one, feeling sure it means we have both reached the same conclusion.
“Ben, it’s nice to see you,” I begin. “Matt, this is my friend, Ben. Ben, my boyfriend, Matt.” The two boys shake hands.
“Pleasure to meet you, Matt,” Ben greets him warmly.
“Is that a British accent I hear? Where are you living now?” Matt inquires.
“I’m from London. I was actually in the exchange program at West, I’ve returned home since then.”
“Oh yeah? Interesting. I’ve never been out of the country myself. Oh, excuse me.” Matt glances at the phone as he frees it from his pocket. “I need to take this, excuse me.”
Matt flips the phone up to his ear as he leaves the crowded room. Ben gestures to the dance floor as a slow song starts up. “Shall we?” Knowing I need an opportunity to thank him for being smart enough to see what I couldn’t, I accept and allow myself to be pulled onto the dance floor.
“About last night …”
I don’t want to answer questions about my emotions so I cut him off quickly. “Yeah, I’m sorry about the way I reacted.”
“No worries.” He smiles. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, thank you. Ben, can we talk about February?”
“Yes.” He looks relieved, almost as though I broached a subject he was too afraid to bring up.
“Good.” I sigh. “I was mad… ”
“I know,” he interrupts, “sorry.”
“No, no. I’ve actually been thinking. I hated the way you did it but you were right. I do have feelings for you. If you were here, we could be so happy. But you aren’t.” I think there will be sadness at saying these words aloud, but my mind is made up and apparently my heart respects that. “There is no way that I can imagine us working and no way I can be happy while I’m divided. I owe it to myself, to Matt, to try. I cannot be distracted by what isn’t.” I smile to show my confidence.
“Are you happy?” The question catches me unprepared.
“What?” I stammer.
“It’s an easy question, Liz.” He chuckles softly. “Are you happy?”
The song is winding down now as I ponder his question. I think of all the times I’ve spent with Matt. We have fun when I’m not high strung, distracted, or stressed. “I could be if I gave it a chance,” I answer honestly.
The song ends and Matt is smiling from the edge of the dance floor. I wave at him. “Are we okay?” I ask Ben. Despite my realization that we would never have a future, I cannot forget our past.
“We are.” He smiles, and I start to head to Matt. Ben’s hand captures my elbow and I turn back in his direction. “But one last thing.” I feel a hand on the small of my back.
“I should’ve told you sooner and I’m sorry I didn’t. You are amazing and I adore you.” His green eyes are flashing with intensity.
“Matt,” Ben’s gaze lands over my shoulder, confirming that the warm hand is, in fact, my beau, “take care of this girl, she’s a special one.”
“That she is.” Matt says before planting a soft kiss on the top of my head. “That she is.”