Chapter 46
Liz, March 12
All day long I keep thinking about how poorly I handled everything. The ring sits on the kitchen table under a note I left this morning: “We need to talk.” At the time, it seemed like a clever plan. I would put everything out in the open — my frustration, my uncertainty, my feeling that this was too rushed — and we’d have no more secrets.
But now… what if he comes home in the middle of the day and sees it alone? I hadn’t really thought that through. He could very well stumble on it while I’m gone, and then all those emotions — confusion, surprise, maybe even anger — would be left for him to handle by himself. That’s unfair. I refuse to be the person who unloads their feelings without considering the other side.
All day I check my phone, half hoping, half fearing that he’ll call or text because he found the ring. My chest tightens with every glance at the screen.
After a full day of teaching I have a Writer's Theater group. I try to find someone to cover for me and fail miserably. So, by the time I get home, it’s almost five. The ring is still untouched, and there’s no message. That’s when I make a choice: I won’t let myself spiral in waiting. I grab my phone and call.
“Hi, you’ve reached Matt. I can’t come to my phone… ”
I hang up before hearing the rest of the message. I already know where his priorities lie. And you know what? That’s fine. This is my life, my choices, my heart. The ring can wait. I can wait. I’ve decided that I will not be paralyzed by what anyone else does or doesn’t do.