Chapter 78
Liz, July 18
Have you ever been half of a perfect couple? I hadn’t either until last week.
Sure, Ben and I have been officially dating for a few months, and before that we had years of connection simmering under the surface. But actually being together in the same country, in the same space has turned us into something stronger than I ever imagined. We’re the kind of couple people secretly hope to be when they’re young and na?ve and daydreaming. Somehow even the boring things, grocery shopping, folding laundry, feel sweet when we do them together.
There have been awkward moments, of course. Strangers assume we’re married, or that Ben is the obvious father of my very obvious belly. Ben, always classy, brushes it off with charm. He told one older gentleman he wasn’t “lucky or smart enough” to be married to me yet, but promised he’d fix that the first chance he got. It was corny and cliché but oh my god, it was romantic.
At night, I scroll through photos of the English countryside and let myself daydream. For someone who used to roll her eyes at love and call daydreaming weakness, I’ve come a long way.
Sometimes, I can’t believe how lucky I am. Before I booked that ticket to England, I never would’ve dared picture this future. After Matt, I thought I’d signed a lifelong contract with loneliness. And weirdly, that wasn’t all bad. It forced me to learn myself inside and out and to stand on my own two feet.
And maybe that was what it took. Maybe I had to learn to love myself before I was really ready to be loved.
Look at me. I’ve grown up.