Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sierra
Finally, my face’s swelling had gone down to where I could cover up light inflammation with medium coverage, so you know what that meant?
Drksnricky: Hey, sexy, loving those full caramel lips. You should put them to use sometimes.
Delete. He was cute too. He didn't have any full pictures, so it was hard to catch print, so maybe that was a good thing.
Pretyyboyy30: You said you were Puerto Rican and black?
FitNFlirty: No, I said I was a Black Puerto Rican.
Pretyyboyy30: How you a black Puerto Rican?
Delete. Couldn’t even spell pretty right, and didn’t even capitalize the B in Black?
I wasn't spending any time explaining my identity to someone who didn't understand race versus ethnicity, and I damn for sure wasn’t wasting my time on someone who couldn’t spell.
Some of the DMs sent from women weren't any better.
Every picture I posted up on hookup apps, I tried to soften my look, knowing the way my body looked, often gave people negative assumptions.
BlasianPrincess1999: Just so you know, I'm kind of a pillow princess.
FitNFlirty: Just so you know, I'm not a stone cold butch or a stud.
And there I'm blocked. Gosh, why was it so hard to get laid? You could literally be serving up pussy on a silver platter, but a lot of these responses didn't easily land with me. My body was strong, I knew that was a turn off for some men, even when they claimed to prefer fit chicks.
What they usually meant by fit was naturally slim, and even when they could overlook my muscular frame, in the end many just wound end up insecure that it even seemed like I could bench press more than them.
Which was hilarious, because it worked against me in the sapphic department.
Learning I was a fighter often landed me in the assumed top department or designated masc in a situation.
No amount of selfies in Kuromi pajamas and short shorts could counter that.
More often than not, I had to prove that I was a girly woman, no matter who I was attracted to.
The struggle was real. Not to mention how little interaction I got being a Black woman on these apps.
A lot of it centered around my skin color as a flavor people wanted to lick, which I guess I wasn't looking for a step parent to my child, but I also didn't want someone to be someone's phase or part of their rebellion era.
I wasn't curves in all the right places. I didn't have long, loose hair. I was Latina, but I wasn't the right kind of Latina, and I had a male-dominated job. At this point, I was better off hitting up a bar and hoping I got lucky.
Adjusting on the living room sectional sofa, I went from replying to DMs to swiping left to right. So in the zone, I didn't realize Josue had hugged the couch behind me as he mischievously snatched my phone.
“Hey, what the fuck are you doing—”
“That's private,” I interrupted, jumping up to retrieve my stolen screen. He laughed out loud processing at what he was looking at, a look of penetrating blankness against his features.
“I know you're not on dating sites.”
“So, what if I am? And they're not dating sites, they're hookup sites. It's just a post-fight ritual of mine. Helps loosen me up a little. Relax me a bit. I feel like I've earned it after my last fight,” I defended.
“So, you're gonna reward yourself by giving losers pussy?” he ridiculed.
“You wouldn’t understand,” I shrunk. He was a man, when they won fights, groupies flocked toward them. It wasn't the same for women.
“Kid, you gotta make me understand. Because some of these replies as a woman, would have me dry as fuck. I want to worship every part of you. Fucking virgin,” he gibed, continuing to keep the distance between us every time he opened a DM.
“I used to do a little UFC back in the day.
No, the fuck you didn't. Kid’s like a hundred and twelve pounds soaking wet.
I don't normally do Black girls, but you got me rethinking my life choices.
Does this bullshit actually work on chicks?
He'd be lucky if a woman sat on his face with a mask on. Talkin’ bout, I don't normally do Black girls. Get the fuck out of here.”
“Come on, Josue!” I reached up for my phone, and he raised it higher to keep it out of my reach.
Surprising him, I jumped on his torso, my weight forcing him stumbling to the couch.
Straddling him, I wrestled to get the phone out of his hand but he was persistent, as he fought to keep the phone close to his chest.
“Wait, one more,” he teased, reading the phone screen with a smile on his face.
“Oh, damn, this one's kind of cute. A little fetishy. But at least she wasn't on some racist shit like the dudes were—”
“Laugh all you want, but if it were easy for me to find people to hook up with, I wouldn't be on apps,” I confessed.
“Guys, women just flock to fighters. I get horny after fights too, but I have to wait for my face to heal. Unlike you guys, where the night you fight, you can literally find a willing body.”
“I’m not arguing with that.” He held up his hands in surrender.
“But dudes are intimidated by me. Girls just want me to be the guy. I know that I don't have time for a relationship, but I have needs.”
“Sierra, mira*! The feeling of winning only lasts until you lose. Settling for mediocre dick from losers when you're a goddamn winner? Giving pussy to losers ain't it,” he laughed.
“So, what did you do after a win?” I sat up, his back sliding on the edge of a pillow.
“Same thing as you, mama. Only I punched above my weight.
After I won a fight, I went looking for a fuck I wasn't supposed to have. But sometimes I’d settle for buying something stupid that I wasn't supposed to have.
Hence the four cars. Trying to make weight, I'd eat the shit out of something I wasn't supposed to have.
Like two thousand calories in one sitting type of shit.
I'd be going in on some Chinese food,” he laughed.
Sometimes I forget how handsome his face was when lit up by genuine laughter.
When he smiled with his eyes, it softened his sharp angular features.
“Now that I'm older, I'm seeing all I was doing was chasing compulsion. That feeling of feeling invincible. Having a boring hobby like chess or bowling could have saved me a lot of money, bubble guts or broken jaws from fucking someone else’s wife.”
“But you see how easy it is for you as a guy,” I reiterated.
“I don't envy you at all, but honestly, you're better off with the chick threatening to lick you like a tootsie pop. The way I would pay to be a fly on that wall to see her lick you like a tootsie pop. Shit, I may have to take a shower imagining her lick you like a tootsie Pop,” he continued to joke until I pushed him off the couch.
“Ay mami! Sabe que me quieres*,” he teased.
“I'd love for you to get the fuck on.”
“Alright, damn. You lucky I had to take a shower anyway. I just came from a run, and I'm sweaty as fuck. But I wasn't kidding about being a fly on that wall,” he teased before hopping up. “Let me not bother you on your search,” he said, excusing himself as he disappeared into the hallway.
Honestly, there was truth to his point. The pickings really weren't that great, and I'd rather have no sex than an average lay that took away that fresh out of the box win feel. Plus, I think deep down why none of the dudes were doing it for me was because they didn't hold the torch to Josue.
As satisfying as I knew hooking up with a woman would be, I kind of just wanted to be put into the mattress, and I wanted someone strong enough to keep me there. Joking with Josue made the whole search feel hopeless.
I walked back to my room, eager to use the bathroom after hearing the shower cut off.
The thing about living with your trainer was that they saw you at your best, worst, sweatiest, and smelliest. While he'd never seen me naked, my time in the cage left little to the imagination, so in retrospect all it’d take was a little guessing to know what I was working with.
Barging into the bathroom before I knocked was becoming a natural occurrence during my stay, so he didn't even flinch when I walked in as he was securing a towel on his waist.
“Your room don't got mirrors?” he smirked.
“Not with lighting as good as this one,” I said, I dumping out my makeup bag, priming my face for a night out. “Plus, I'm not seeing anything I haven't seen before.
“True!” he laughed to himself, closing the distance between us to watch me put on my makeup.
“You know, I've never seen all the effort it takes for a woman to look like she's not wearing makeup,” he observed.
"Fixing yourself up must have meant your search went well,” he huffed, a silent resentment in his tone.
“I decided on eating something I’m not supposed to have.”
“Is that right? What place did you have in mind?”
“I don't know, because you're gonna take me.”
“Oh, I'm gonna take you?” he asked, both sure and surprised, like he'd expected me to come to that decision from the beginning. “So where was I planning on taking you?”
“I don't know, somewhere good. Familiar. Not too cheap, but not break the bank worthy. You know Jersey better than I do, I figured you’d have a place in mind.” Wiping the smirk off his face, he rested his palms on my shoulders and lowered to my ear.
“Todo lo quiere la loba, lo consigue*. Just let me get dressed. I have just the place.”
* Look!
* You know you love me?
* The she wolf wants everything and she gets it(like saying whatever she wants, she gets)