Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Sierra
My heart was racing, chasing whatever time I'd have with Mónica if she didn't make it. I’d betrayed Josue’s rule of never crying so many times over, that if I hadn’t taken melatonin, I would have never gotten any sleep on the plane.
I kept thinking, why did I have to be so far away when this happened? Mónica probably felt all alone, despite being surrounded by a room full of professionals. It didn’t take long after offboarding the plan before Josue hit up the only open car rental service at the airport.
Jose drove the rental, racing to CHOP. Witnessing my hysteria, he opted to drop me off while he navigated the impossible task of finding a park. Checking in at the front desk, I all but ran to the food allergy center, where I was told she was being treated.
I texted Josue before my tears me consumed so much, I couldn’t see. It didn’t take long to find Sondra sitting in a waiting area.” Oh my god, what happened?” I cried my eyes out, looking for someone to blame.
“Gosh, Sierra. You couldn't have fixed your face a little before coming. You're covered in bruises,” she deflected, but I had looked much worse. Dismissing me wasn't going to give me any answers.
“Sondra, please. Just tell me what happened. Is she gonna be okay?”
“She didn't even eat anything with nuts in it. She just had a few maduros* cooked in peanut oil, so I figured it was minimal risk. I thought it would be okay with her EpiPen—”
“But that's not a reason to chance her life,” I interrupted. “I thought I made it clear. No nut anything. Not even cooking in oil. Her allergy at this age makes her in constant pain. If these are her last moments, all she’s going to remember is being in pain, and me not being there—”
“Sierra, I'm sorry. I should have listened to you.” But at this point I didn't want to argue. I just wanted to see my daughter. Given her age and reaction, she was being monitored for the next few hours, and they wouldn't agree to me seeing her until I calmed down.
Josue had followed my instructions, and as much as I didn't like pulling him into my kid stuff, it was nice to see a familiar face.
“Got here as fast as I could. I fear parking in Philly’s worse than Jersey,” he dryly joked, as I stood and hugged him.
“How are we doing? Are we okay? Is she okay?” He lowered his gaze to look me in the eye.
“She was being treated earlier with a more potent dose of epinephrine to open up her airways. Stabilized her blood pressure. But they’re keeping her overnight, and since I missed visiting hours, they won’t even let me see her unless I calm down. But I don’t know how to,” I cried.
He soothed my shoulder with a nice rub and I admit, it did help.
Sondra cleared her throat, like she was expecting me to introduce them. She probably thought I had brought my boyfriend. “Sondra. This is Josue, my trainer. Josue, this is my daughter's paternal grandmother.”
They shared an “encantada*” and an “el placer es mío*” between each other, a simple handshake exchanged.
“I tried to get here as fast as I could. But a fight from Vegas isn’t exactly quick,” Josue defended.
“You got her here, that's all that matters,” as it took a minute for Sondra to fully regard Josue’s appearance. I’m sure when I spoke about my trainer, she wasn’t expecting someone as strapping or attractive, even despite his physical flaws.
“So, you're the one getting my son's ex into fights?” she challenged.
“None that she can't win,” he winked. “But do you guys like, need anything? A bottle of water, a bag of junk. It's too late for the cafeteria, but I'm sure there's a vending machine somewhere.”
I'm just gonna stretch my legs a bit. That’s if you don’t mind, Sierra. It’s been a long night,” she said, excusing herself to get some fresh air.
“Ex's mom?” Josue regarded, as she turned the corner. “That's gotta be rough.”
“She's actually a lot nicer, considering. Tonight is just a high stress situation, is all. If she hadn't taken her, I fear Mónica would have just fallen through the cracks of the system,” I admitted.
“That's good. At least in that regard you can trust her,” he noted, taking me in for another hug.
“You know, you don't have to wait with me—”
“Come on, Sierra, I'm already here. I'm not gonna leave you like this, geez,” as I melted into another hug, and he took my hand, leading me to the cluster of chairs.
“I hope she ends up okay,” he said, reaching the back of my hand to his lips to comfort.
“Nothing is confirmed, but I'm told she will. It just sucks I wasn't there.”
“Would you have rather missed the fight? Gave you a hell of a payday,” he asserted.
“Honestly, I don't know. On one hand, I wish I hadn't been so far. But if I hadn't needed the money, I wouldn't have been so far. So, it's hard to know what was the right thing to do.”
“Well, it was one hell of a fight,” he smiled. And if I wasn't so worried about Mónica, I would have beamed at his approval. “If she were old enough to understand what you do, I'm sure your daughter would have been proud too.”
Josue fidgeted a lot in his chair, that made me assume on his end, his chair wasn't very comfortable. Or maybe, he himself wasn't very comfortable. I didn't want to, but I could take one guess why.
He wasn't built for this. Dealing with the realities of a fighter who was a mom. Someone who would drop everything for her kid. Honestly, it was selfish to ask him to, given he'd intentionally stayed child-free by choice all this time.
“Maybe it's time you went home,” I said, gently trying to take my hand from his. This wouldn't be easy for me, but I wasn't going anywhere. At least not for now.
“Home’s like an hour and a half drive. If anything, I’d just book a hotel, so we can be close until we head back to Newark—”
“That's the thing,” desperately trying to tenderly rip off the band aid. “I'm not coming back with you to Newark.”
“What do you mean you're not coming?” he laughed, so he must’ve he thought I was joking. When I didn't join in, his face turned serious. “Do you mean, like…you need a couple days? Maybe a week or two to make sure—”
“Josue, you’re making this harder than I wanted. I genuinely don’t know how much time I’ll need,” as I wiped away the tears I’d fought so hard not to show. “I'm trying to figure out a lot right now, and I don't think I should leave Philly until my business is settled.”
“Yeah, but you're going to come back, right?” The only ever time I’d seen his eyes with this much sadness in them, was when he admitted how his mom died. I hated that I had brought him that pain again.
“If it means leaving my daughter, when I might have a chance at getting her back, then no,” I bluntly admitted.
“Sierra, if it's about space, I'm willing to shift things around. I have the room. All it would just take—”
“Josue, I’m not going to force you into a wall given your stance on kids—”
“And I thought I made it clear to you, that I didn’t mind that you have a kid,” he argued.
“Yeah but, my daughter’s stability would be on the line.
What if you get bored? What if an arrangement doesn’t work out.
I’ve been there before. Bouncing between floors and couches.
All so my mother wasn’t without a man. I’m not going to risk my daughter’s future housing over someone who’s just my trainer.
” Josue’s eyes widened at my words, and as much as it hurt to say them, I had two choices, and I wasn’t going to repeat what my mother put me through.
“Wow,” he pursed his lips, scratching his nose with his index finger. “Just your trainer…Okay,” he dismissed, and suddenly, I was brought back to the version of Josue that saw me as…just a woman.
“It didn’t seem to bother you when I introduced you that way to my daughter’s grandmother—”
“Sierra, I don’t know how the fuck that woman feels about you?
I figured you were just protecting yourself.
But to say I’m just your trainer?” he questioned, as tears welled but he managed to keep his composure and never let them fall.
“So, I guess fuck me, right? Guess it’s good I know my place,” he spat.
“I know you’re not really that mad. You knew what it was between us—”
“I knew we were building something. But I guess none of that shit matters.” He shrugged.
“I get it. Cost of dealing with female fighters,” he laughed, trying to act nonchalant.
“Even without me, you’ve achieved a lot, and I just don’t want to see everything you’ve built for yourself get thrown away, kid. ”
Now that stung. From his cold expression, and darkening eyes, there wasn’t a doubt he was disappointed, even if I couldn’t read it from his face. He hadn’t called me kid unless he was mad at me. Now I wasn’t so sure I’d ever earn his respect back.
“I’m not trying to, but since I lost her, my only goal has been to fight for her. And I have so much I need to figure out on my own, that I’m giving you the chance to gracefully bow out.”
“And that’s what you want, Medina?” he asked once more, his emotions balanced in his tone.
“It’s not. But it’s probably what’s best,” I admitted. He stood, raking his fingers through his hair once more, unable to face me.
“Do what you gotta do, kid,” he said, walking in the direction of the elevator, and never looked back.
***
I'd spent the whole night fighting falling asleep, but succumbing to uncomfortable naps. When someone finally shook me awake, it was finally visiting hours.
Mónica looked so sweet sleeping, as I couldn't stop the tears from falling, seeing that she was okay.” I'm sorry, baby. For not being there when you needed me. If I can help it, I'm never gonna leave your side.”
Sondra knocked on the threshold of the room, surprising me that she'd been still been here. “Sierra, can we talk?”
“Okay.” I stood, following her in the hallway.”
“God only knows how guilty I feel right now. I understand if you're mad at me—”
“Sondra, I am understandably upset. I’m upset with myself more than anything, because if I had been the kind of mother I wanted to be, you wouldn’t even have been burdened with this.
So, I don’t want you to think of me as ungrateful, because the help you’ve given me has really helped me find my way.
Especially given how much I know you love your son—”
“Mamá, as a mother, I do love my son. But babying him was my biggest failure with him. He needed a man to show him what he should have been. Just because I love him doesn't mean I agree with what he put you through. Or the fact he put his hands on you.”
“I’m not trying to live in the past, Sondra. I just want to move forward. And I have some real money saved up. I would appreciate if you were honest and could admit Mónica is too much for you.”
“It’s never about being too much. I offered to take her, because I didn’t have support.
No one came and offered to help me raise Kelvin.
I was doing it all by myself, so I get it.
No one tells you how hard it is, and I may not have raised him to be the type of man he was to you, but he had no example of how to be better.
And I may not have given him the best life, but that ain’t have shit to do with Mónica.
She doesn’t deserve all this. I was helping because I know that you were what’s best for her,” she admitted.
“I can probably afford a hotel until I can find a place. I’d take anything if they let me pay upfront, if I can alleviate the burden from you—” I promised, only for her to have a counter offer.
“Sierra, you could stay with me. But it wouldn’t be permanent.
You’d have to be actively looking. I trust that you would be, so I don’t mind you staying until you got back on your feet.
But you won’t be able to hide your lack of trying in my household, and I promised I wouldn’t give you a fight if I saw you were ready. Are you ready, Sierra?”
“Yes,” I admitted through tears of relief.
“We'll go down to family court and go from there.”
“Thank you, Sondra—”
“Don't thank me. Just be with what Mónica needs.” I planned be that and then some.
Through the crappy sleep and chaos, I realized I hadn't checked my phone. I’d been rather harsh to Josue, so I half expected a text claiming he would hate me for the rest of my life being his last attempt at contacting me.
There’d been a final text, but all it said was, "Good luck, kid.” But after that, was a money transfer underneath.
Josue Mendez has sent you $20,000.
* Ripe plantains
* Enchanted-it’s like saying nice to meet you, but formally
* The pleasure is mine