Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
ESME
I stood in the doorway watching Jake’s retreating form disappear up a flight of steps. The bright blue phoenix tattoo took me right back to Knoxville and his hotel room. It danced in time with his muscles as he ran up the steps, just like it had danced on his back as I’d fucked him in his hotel room. The mesmerizing tattoo was accompanied by the equally mesmerizing blanket in his hand.
He hadn’t denied having it the night before as we’d left the arena and had gone as far as to demand we find it before he’d finally gotten into bed. I highly doubted he remembered any of that. He’d stood in the entryway, so confused by where he was and what he should be doing, I’d worried he would fall asleep with his weapon still on his belt.
Even though I didn’t know much about guns and I wasn’t sure if it would discharge if he rolled over on it, I knew he couldn’t sleep with it on. It had taken a bit of coaxing, but he’d eventually headed to the kitchen and managed to lock his gun and badge up. From there, I had needed to guide him up the steps to his room and coax him through getting ready for bed.
Thankfully, I knew the layout of his place. The reason I passed his place on my way home is because he lived in the same development I did. A development of carbon copied townhomes. Given his place was a mirror image of mine, it was easy to guess where things were and what was behind each door.
He’d been more asleep than awake as I’d worked to undress him and I’d only managed to get his pants and shirt off before he’d collapsed into bed. It had taken pure force and will to get his blankets pulled down. I’d been certain Jake was asleep before his head hit the pillow except, as I turned to leave, he began a frantic search for Elle.
It had taken us both searching for nearly a minute before I’d found the gray blanket with a plush elephant sticking up from the middle of it. Attached to one corner by a ribbon had been a blue pacifier, the same blue pacifier Jake had been sucking on when he’d answered the door. Of course, Jake had settled immediately with Elle in his hand and barely managed a thank you around the pacifier before he’d been asleep.
I’d told him I’d gotten up early, and I had gotten out of bed at six forty. What I hadn’t told him was I’d been awake the vast majority of the night thinking about him, worrying about how exhausted he’d been, and with confirmation of his interests, wondering what type of Daddy he was looking for.
The last part had been the hardest to wrap my head around. In a matter of a few months, I’d gone from professional hockey player so far in the closet I might as well have been living in Narnia to lying in bed trying to figure out what type of Daddy my coworker needed.
I’d actually been relieved when dawn began to lighten the night sky and I could rationalize starting the day. I’d gotten up, dressed, fed the animals, and gone grocery shopping. Somehow, a number of dinosaur coloring books, crayons, a couple stuffed animals, and a divided plate and sippy cup had landed in my cart as I’d walked through the store.
Strangely enough, I hadn’t made the conscious decision to go to Jake’s and check on him until after I’d unpacked my purchases. My subconscious had been more aware of my plans than I had been.
Footsteps clomping down the steps drew me from my thoughts and I looked up in time to see Jake in a pair of his signature khaki cargo pants, though he’d exchanged his usual black NPD T-shirt for a black NPD sweatshirt. I was disappointed the tattoo had been covered up despite being the one who’d told him to put a sweatshirt on. Notably absent was Elle and his pacifier.
Knowing they were such important things to him… important enough he’d taken them to Knoxville over the summer and their absence had kept him up until we’d found them the night before… it didn’t feel right for him to be without them now.
“Where’s Elle?”
Jake’s cheeks blazed red at my question. “I. I, uh. I’m not. I mean, she’s just something for bed.”
I couldn’t help the disbelief on my face or in my voice. “Really?”
He rubbed uncomfortably at the back of his neck and tried to sound more convincing than he managed. “Really.” My face must have given away that I didn’t believe him because he added softly, “Most of the time.”
My chest tightened with pride at his admission. “That’s what I thought. Go get her. Then we can go feed your growling stomach.”
He chuckled through obvious embarrassment and rubbed at his belly. It had been making noise since I’d walked in and the most recent rumble had been loud enough his neighbors had probably heard it. “So if I want food, I need to get Elle?”
I nodded. “And your pacifier.”
Jake’s cheeks threatened to catch fire with my statement, but instead of arguing, he turned and walked up the steps like they led to certain death. I rolled my eyes. If this was how Jake was as a little, I was going to have my hands full with him. But he’d followed my directions even though he hadn’t wanted to. It felt like I’d passed an unspoken test.
“What are you smiling about?” Jake asked. He’d returned without my noticing and was no longer embarrassed. Annoyance was written all over his face as he stared at me in challenge. “Are you teasing me? What is this?”
I held up my hands in surrender. “No. Not at all.” He relaxed a measure, and I dropped my hands to my side, daring to continue. “I was just thinking about you.” It hadn’t even been a lie. I had been thinking about him.
“Oh.” Jake once again became uncomfortable and shifted from foot to foot. “Sorry about jumping down your throat. I’ve never told anyone but a few trusted people about Elle or my…”
“Your pacifier?” I finished for him and glanced down to Elle’s head sticking out of one of the many pockets in his pants.
He nodded. “Yeah, that.” By the way he couldn’t meet my eyes but his hand naturally landed on the pocket Elle was in, it was a safe bet his pacifier was in there too.
“Well, I know. And you don’t have to hide them, or anything else, around me. Promise.”
Yes, it was a blatant hint that I knew more than he was letting on, but I didn’t think pushing him to tell me right then was a good move. Judging by the skeptical look on his face, I needed to give him some time to adjust slowly to me knowing he was a little.
He stared at me a few seconds longer. I even thought he was going to ask me what I was talking about before he shut his mouth, took a breath, and changed tactics. “Thank you.”
“Of course. Now, are you ready to eat?”
At my question, Jake’s stomach let out a grumble. “Well, my stomach is.”
“I thought so. Come on.”
We were already in my car when Jake spoke again. “Where do you live?”
I chuckled. “Basically around the corner.”
“What?” His surprise was comparable to mine when he’d given me his address the night before.
We made two quick turns and five buildings later, I pulled into my parking space in a little row of townhomes that looked identical to his. “We’re here.”
He stared at the building. “Seriously?”
“Seriously. I won’t be here much longer, but I’m here for now.”
Jake pursed his lips and tilted his head. “Hate Tennessee that much?”
It took me a second to process what he’d asked and when I finally did, my eyes popped open in surprise. “No! Nothing like that. I’m waiting to close on a house nearby.”
Jake looked relieved at my explanation and a smile played at the corners of his lips.
My need to prod a bit took over. “Are you glad to hear I’m staying?”
He followed me from my parking space to my back door, and I already had my key in the lock before he responded. “To be determined.”
I smiled inwardly, but then my mental victory dance was cut short when the sound of Chloe’s feet happily slapping against the hardwood floor gave me warning of her arrival. Each step she made vibrated the floor slightly, the vibrations growing stronger as she approached. “Chloe, easy!” I called out, knowing she wouldn’t listen to me.
No sooner had the warning left my mouth when her rounded brown snout appeared around the corner, her body following in short order, and of course Stank was right behind her, though moving more gracefully than his rodent bestie.
Jake gasped in surprise. “You actually have a capybara?”
“I told you I did.”
“But tell and see are two different things! You actually have a capybara!” He dropped to his knees and reached his hand out but glanced up to me before he placed his hand on her head. “Can I pet her?”
“She’ll be your best friend forever. She loves attention.”
Jake scratched her head and Chloe let out a happy snort before pushing her way closer to him. He sat on the ground marveling over my capybara, making comments about her thick wiry coat, her rounded head, and webbed toes. Chloe only cared that he was paying attention to her.
When Stank decided he needed attention too, he pushed his way past Chloe. The first time Jake saw my cat, his eyes went wide as saucers. “Is that a cat, a skunk, or a cunk? Do cats and skunks mate? Because if they do, I think that’s what results.”
“That’s Stank. He’s all cat.”
Jake giggled at my response. “He’s so cool!”
A few minutes after he’d made himself comfortable on the floor of my kitchen, I made my way to the refrigerator to start making him breakfast. About the same time I dropped some breakfast sausage into a frying pan, Jake got over his shock. He continued to pet Chloe, and Stank when Chloe allowed, but also started peppering me with questions about her.
As I cooked, I told him the entire story of adopting her, how my new house had a huge fenced backyard with a large pond for her, and told him what she liked to eat. When his questions had stopped for a few minutes, I glanced toward where he was sitting and found Chloe lying on her side getting tummy rubs from Jake. The fur on her neck and back was standing up from happiness. I didn’t know if other capybaras had the same happy tell, but the poofy hair was Chloe’s.
He had his phone in his free hand, and he snapped pictures of Chloe and tapped rapidly on his phone.
What made me almost forget about breakfast wasn’t Chloe’s happiness but the way Jake was bouncing his legs and that he’d put his pacifier in his mouth as he split his attention between his phone and Chloe. Elle was still attached to the pacifier by a ribbon and dangled in front of Jake. As I watched, I couldn’t detect any worry or stress in his features. Quite the opposite—he was smiling around the pacifier, his eyes filled with happiness as he showered my animals with love.
The smell of eggs finally pulled me from watching them on the floor, and the rest of my prep was done in comfortable silence. Every few minutes the silence was broken by a loud meow from Stank, a squeal or snort from Chloe, or giggles from Jake.
The happy sounds from the three on the floor lasted until I’d finished cleaning my pans and plating our breakfast. There’d been numerous times I’d reached for the fun plate I’d purchased earlier in the morning, each time stopping myself with a reminder to give Jake time.
And when I cleared my throat to get his attention, he immediately looked up, then blushed when his blanket bumped just below his chin. I used my head to gesture toward the kitchen island before Jake’s embarrassment had time to fully set in. “Come eat.”
He reached for his pacifier, paused, adjusted how he was sitting, paused, and once again reached for his pacifier. It was then I realized he was nearly paralyzed with indecision. Watching him, I knew he needed help figuring out if he should get up or take his pacifier from his mouth and in which order he should do them. I was fully equipped to help him with it.
I held my hands out in front of him and Jake looked up at me with questions in his eyes. “Let me help you up. Then you can wash your hands before breakfast.”
Jake relaxed when the decision was taken out of his hands and reached out to me. His fingers wrapped around my hands and I helped him to his feet, then walked him to the sink and turned the water on for him, holding the soap out to squirt on his palm. We worked together as we washed our hands, and by the time I handed him a towel to dry his hands, Jake was once again smiling around his pacifier.
I reached out and gave the ribbon a little tug and felt my own smile grow wider when he let go of the pacifier. I saw the instant his nerves started to get the better of him and leaned forward to place a kiss on his parted lips. It wasn’t necessarily chaste, but it also wasn’t meant to lead to more—just enough to get Jake to relax and give me a moment to figure out what I was going to say next.
When I pulled back, Jake’s pupils had dilated and his lips were parted in surprise. His finger reached up and touched his lower lip, a slow smile spreading on his face.
“Sit. You need to eat. And then we can go to the living room and relax for a while.”
Questions were clear in his expression, but they remained unvoiced in exchange for the breakfast in front of him. He tucked in quickly, letting out a little moan at the first bite of his burrito. I wasn’t convinced it was good enough to elicit that reaction, but the sound reminded my dick way too much of the sounds he’d made as I’d fucked him over the summer.
It took a few cleansing breaths and turning my attention to giving Chloe a second breakfast before I’d convinced my libido it was not the right time or place to wake up.
Jake split his attention between me and his food for a few minutes before his breakfast was finally more interesting, which was fine with me. He needed to eat. I didn’t like how little he’d eaten the day before, and he hadn’t eaten anything at all in nearly twelve hours.
And there were things in my living room I was sure he’d want to enjoy without being interrupted by a growling stomach.