Chapter 29
CHAPTER 29
ESME
Why were my palms sweating?
Oh right. Because I’d been thinking about this moment since before I’d heard about the nightmare Jake’s week had been. I wished he’d told me about how difficult it had been, and that was the angle I was going to take when it came to my plan for the evening.
In all the talking we’d done, all the discussions about his needs, this was the moment I saw as being a make or break for us, and I was nervous.
A lot had changed in the house while I’d been gone. I’d known the work was being done, but it was different seeing it for myself. The house had been painted, the floors had been cleaned and in a few rooms replaced, and all my furniture had arrived. There was very little I would have to do beyond unpacking a small number of boxes and even those had been stacked neatly in the corners of the rooms.
Jake came in behind me and spun around to see the space. “Wow. This is gorgeous.” He placed the small safe he’d grabbed from a drawer in his kitchen on the counter, then took off his belt. I watched him closely as he unholstered his gun, clicked something and removed the magazine, then placed them separately in the safe. He unhooked his badge and then his cuffs and eventually the taser and a few other things I didn’t recognize. He had a place for every item and they fit neatly in the safe. When he was done, he shut the lid and I heard the lock slide into place.
“There. No worries about my service weapon now.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” He probably thought I was a nutcase, but guns still freaked me out.
He grinned down at the lockbox. “It’s nice to have it back. I’ve been using the hotel safe and it’s not the same.” Looking around the house again, he smiled at me. “This really is beautiful. It’s not what I thought I’d see, though I’m not sure what I’d expected. I just know it wasn’t this.”
“Thanks.” I smiled to myself as I looked around. “It’s strange to know I own land. I’ve never owned a house before. I bought a condo near the arena in Boston my rookie year and never moved.” I couldn’t help but chuckle as I’d been the only long-term player who’d lived within walking distance of the arena my entire career. Three months earlier, I’d rarely driven anywhere. Now I had a sprawling home on the outskirts of Nashville, a yard bigger than the park across from my Boston condo, a pond in my backyard, and I drove daily.
When Jake didn’t say anything, I turned around to find him staring at his phone, scrolling rapidly through something. I cleared my throat. “What are you doing?”
He looked up at me in confusion. “Looking for my adjuster’s phone number.” He returned his attention to his phone screen. “I missed their call earlier.”
It seemed he’d been nonstop since the weekend. From what I'd gathered of the story, he’d gone to hang out with his friends but had already been dealing with the catastrophe at his place. No wonder he’d been off, according to Trent. And he hadn’t stopped since and was still trying to get everything done on his own. Our conversation about him struggling to turn his brain off, even when he needed to, was pinging louder by the minute.
“Do you really need to do that right now?”
Jake blinked as he looked in my direction. “I’ve been working business hours this week since there haven’t been any games or concerts.”
“Will something happen if you don’t call them back today?”
Jake paused, looked at his phone screen, then at me, and back to his phone screen, his eyebrows drawn together in thought before he finally looked up at me again. He was, somehow, more confused. “I don’t know?”
Was that a question or a statement?
Conveniently, I’d had my fair share of condo living mishaps in my day and I was able to tell him with confidence, “Absolutely nothing.” I slipped his phone out of his hand and turned it to Do Not Disturb. “We’re going to put this away for now. I’m going to put your dirty clothes in the laundry room. Then we’re going to go to my room.”
Jake hadn’t moved, his hand still frozen in front of him from when I’d taken the phone from him. It wasn’t until I’d started toward the laundry room that he said anything. “Elle.”
I nodded. I remembered slipping his blanket and pacifier in the front of his backpack. I’d also found a small stash of diapers in his closet when we’d been packing some clothes for him. I’d slipped a few in the duffel bag he’d been using to pack, knowing full well I’d overstepped yet confident I was doing the right thing.
The trek to the laundry room and back only took a minute at most. I dropped his dirty clothes off, hung his backpack on a hook, pulled Elle and his pacifier from the front pocket, and made a stop at the door where I'd dropped his duffel bag of clothes from his place. When I returned to the kitchen, I had Elle, his pacifier, and a diaper in hand.
Jake’s eyebrows went from pinched together in thought to nearly flying off his forehead in surprise. “When? Where? How? Why?”
“If I remember my writing class, there’s also a who to include.”
Jake rolled his eyes at my cringey statement, but at least he didn’t look like he might pass out from shock and was willingly following me through the house and to the master bedroom. “I found them in your closet while we were packing up. I think that covers the when and where. As for how? I slipped them into the duffel bag when you were gathering things from your room. And why? I’m pretty sure this entire situation is what you were talking about when you told me you sometimes need help getting out of your head. And the who is me.” I winked at him as I finished.
Jake actually chuckled. “Smart-ass.” He stopped and waited for me to look at him before he spoke again. “Thank you.” The words were soft but sincere.
“You’re welcome?” I wasn’t entirely sure what he was thanking me for, so it was hard to be confident with my response.
He smiled. “You remembered. And you’ve been looking after me since you saw me today. I really appreciate it. I’m not used to having someone actually here for me when I need it.”
I pulled him into my arms and kissed him slowly. There was no heat, and while I’d love to slide into him again, it wasn’t what either of us needed at the moment. Jake needed time to let everything else go and I needed to be the person to give him the space for it.
Being with Jake was unlike anything I’d experienced before. Sure, there were nights I was hornier than hell at the thought of him and just seeing him made me hard. Then there were times like this, where our bodies were flush against one another, our lips touching, and I wasn’t hard at all. It was crazy, and I was beginning to suspect I was learning what love was like.
When I pulled back, Jake didn’t resist. He didn’t resist taking my hand or following me to my bedroom. He didn’t blink as I began to undress him. Reaching for the waistband of my sweatpants, pants that were on the small size for Jake, I made sure to make eye contact with him before I went further. “You have your safewords. Make sure to use them if things get to be too much or if I do something you don’t like.”
Jake became visibly lighter at my words and his smile softened ever so slightly. It almost reached his eyes when he nodded. “Green,” was all he said but wrapped up in it was an unsaid thank you as well as an I trust you , which meant so much more than anything else at the moment.
Slipping off the joggers, I turned my attention to the bed, thankful I’d made it before I’d left on my trip. It wasn’t necessarily how I’d seen us getting into bed the first time at my new house, but Trent had insisted it was important for Jake to be comfortable. According to him, there were times for bend him over my lap spankings and times for drape him over my lap spankings. Bending him over my lap involved a chair and him dangling over my legs, while draping him over my lap involved a bed where he could stretch out and float. At least that was what I’d taken from the conversation.
I was pretty sure it meant that in this particular case, where he needed release and for someone else to be in control, draped was better.
There was also a whole list of things Trent had given me to keep in mind during and after the spanking, but the most important things had been safewords, communication, and comfort.
I’d covered safewords, so I went to the communication part. “You’ve told me you need help getting out of your head. Everything I’ve heard and seen since I’ve gotten back shows me you need to do that and to let things go for a bit.”
Jake nodded and let me position him over my lap in the center of the bed.
“I’m going to help you get out of your head, and you’re going to use your safewords if you need them.”
Jake nodded earnestly. “Stoplights. Got it. Elle?”
I smiled and handed over his elephant.
He hadn’t been embarrassed by his nakedness, being positioned over my lap, or asking for his favorite blanket, but when he looked up at me with Elle in his hand, his cheeks were pink. “When you’re done, I’m going to want my pacifier. Have it close by.” Then the pink turned to red. “And I’ll probably cry. It’s not pretty.”
I ran my hand over his back. I’d already been warned about how crying and yelling were normal. I’d also been assured it was okay to continue despite him telling me to stop or saying no, as long as he didn’t use his safewords.
“I know. I’m expecting it. And it’s okay. You need to get everything out that you’ve been holding in. Use your safeword if you need it and I’ll stop.”
He sighed as he nodded. “Yeah.”
“And when we’re done, I’m going to get you diapered and put you in some comfy clothes and we’ll head downstairs for something to eat before bed.”
I swore Jake’s body became lighter as stress left him. “That sounds perfect.” He pressed Elle against his cheek and turned his head downward into the bedding.
Realizing the communication part was over, the rest was up to me: taking the lead, letting him know I was there for him, and hoping I remembered everything Trent had told me so I didn’t fuck this up for Jake.
I rubbed over the swell of his ass, giving him a moment to become familiar with my hand on him and allowing me to catalog every bit of the moment. When his ass pushed up ever so slightly off my lap, I knew he was asking for the spanking he needed, and I drew my hand upward before letting it land sharply on his skin.
Pink immediately bloomed, but Jake sighed with noticeable relief. He nodded before I could bring my hand up again. “Yes, please. More.” He’d spoken into the blankets, but his words had been clear enough.
I repeated the motion on his other cheek with the same result. Each time my hand came down on his ass, I gained confidence. He reacted with gasps and moans and his dick lengthened between my thighs after a few minutes.
I lost track of time and how many times my hand had landed on his backside as I focused my attention on the color and temperature of his skin and the noises he was making. When his skin was evenly pink, his dick had hardened between my thighs, and his breathing was more ragged, I pushed a little harder, my hand coming down sharper with each spank.
A few spanks later, Jake shook his head and began trying to squirm away from the contact. It was hard to not stop—decades of “No means no” was hard to ignore—but I managed to continue knowing I was giving Jake what he needed. Stopping now was only going to throw everything into disarray for him and me.
Then a loud sniffle escaped Jake and his body stiffened as I spanked him. A few spanks later, he began to cry, full-body sobs racking his shoulders and ribs, and he went limp over my lap. Trent had prepared me for this moment as well. I didn’t stop spanking him immediately, instead softening the spanks and drawing them out longer and longer until I was eventually rubbing his spanking-warmed cheeks.
At some point, I’d started praising him softly. “There you go. That’s it, baby. You’re okay. I’ve got you.” I had no idea what else I’d whispered to him, but I continued the encouragement as he cried. “Let it out. You’re safe. I’m here.”
I dropped my right hand from his thigh in order to grab a blanket to cover him with and felt his pacifier. I remembered how he’d said he’d want it, and I adjusted to be able to tease his mouth with the nipple. Jake opened readily, his eyes red and puffy, and sucked it between his lips. From there I only moved enough to cover his bottom half up, and we stayed until his sobs had turned to shaky breaths and hiccups behind his pacifier.
“Okay, baby. I need you to slide to the side so I can get your diaper on you.”
Jake grunted and made an uncoordinated roll off my lap, or at least far enough off me I was able to free myself, and I moved off the bed to grab his diaper, the expensive cream Trent had recommended, and the warm pajamas I’d bought him weeks earlier.
When I returned to his side, I saw that Jake had rolled only enough to be on his back, his pacifier still in his mouth and Elle gripped in his fist and resting on his cheek. His eyes were so heavy he could barely keep them open. “Change of plans. Nap, then food. Once you’re up to it, I think we can even find some things for playtime.”
His nod looked like it took the last bit of energy he had. He’d pushed himself way too hard and stretched himself way too thin throughout the week. For now all I wanted to do was diaper my boy and snuggle him close while he relaxed.
Diapering him was both easier and more challenging than it had been the first time. I at least knew what I was doing as I worked on centering it below him. Putting the cream on his red skin drew happy little hums from him and let me know I was helping. Getting the diaper and his clothes on him while he was barely awake was far harder and involved muscles I hadn’t used since my retirement in September.
By the time I was pulling the covers over us, we were both exhausted and sore and our nap was well earned.