Chapter 8 #4
Heck, Bram and Ty worry about Myra feeling included since she's got a cub form, but no feathers of her own, unlike her little siblings.
Clara gives me a sad little smile. "He knows he doesn't have a beak.
That's not the issue. I'm not asking you to change how you talk about other avian kids.
It's just that the flock doesn't get my stance on how I frame shifting and disability with him.
I don't want him to feel like people he loves think he's broken. "
"I get that." My shoulder twinges right on cue, like my damn body knows what that word means and how everyone applies it to me.
I wince as I rub at my chest, recognizing how impossible protecting the kid from that attitude is.
"So, you need a reliable flock around you?
That's part of why you asked me to move out of the flock building with you, back when he was a baby, isn't it? "
"It was a big part of it. For your sake too.
Figured even birds of a broken feather could maybe flock together.
I understand why you needed family support while you were healing though.
" Clara shrugs and shuffles away from me a bit.
Like she's distancing herself from that past rejection.
"It all worked out. Harvey's strays have been amazing over the years.
And if he didn't help work out the paperwork there's no way we could have afforded a place outside flock housing long-term.”
“Yeah. Harvey’s got a knack for that, the old busybody,” I smile ruefully. “He made sure Seb and his mate had a roof over their heads when they needed one too.”
“Exactly.” Clara nods. “I'm not sure how he does it, but the shifters he brings into Four Corners get what it's like not to fit with their home packs and to have parts of themselves that don't fit in.
And the folks he sends to live with us tend to be unimposing and enjoy the odd bit of babysitting to get their minds off their troubles and pay in their pack accounts.
It's strange to realize how much I've relied on them now that their side of the building has been empty for a while. "
"So, about that." I grip the edge of the bench, bracing myself for her response. "As delightful as it is to run into you here, I actually meant to call you today regardless. And just to be clear, my offer to help out with Luca’s pool routine stands regardless of anything else."
"Okay? What's up?" Clara cocks her head toward me, giving me more of her focus.
"I mean, you're right that I needed the extra support while I was healing.
And now that my shoulder is as recovered as it's going to get, I think you were also right that I need some space from the flock.
A place where I can stretch my figurative wings in the human sense of the words.
Figure out what I want from life without my literal wing's limitations defining me. You know?"
"That makes sense. So, where does calling me come into play?
" She arches a brow at me, a hint of a smile in the twinkle of her eye as she turns the tables to make me ask for what I want.
I squirm in my seat, wishing I'd done this after my morning swim.
My nerves are thrumming with excess energy and my shoulder muscles are twitchy from how hard I'm gripping the bench. Ugh. I force myself to relax my body.
"I was wondering if you maybe still had a room for me to rent in your building?" I blurt, then offer her a tentative pleading smile.
Clara's face lights up with her answering grin.
"Well, as it turns out, the entire two-bedroom apartment on the other side of the duplex is currently available, so if you can get the flock to sign off on making it your official housing so your flock stipend helps to cover the utilities and maintenance, it's all yours.
Which will make it easier to make these chats more of a regular thing as a condition for you insisting on helping out with my kid.
We can have flock dinners together too, if that sounds good? "
"Yes. Sounds great!” I agree, excited at the prospect. Then I I bite my lip as something else occurs to me. “I…um, just to be super clear, I'm sorta maybe seeing someone?"
Hanging out as friends is one thing, but that brilliant smile Clara has aimed at me feels like maybe there's something other than friendship behind the desire to spend more time together. Clara’s my best friend, and I love her like a cousin.
And also like a cousin, I don't have anything other than friendly intentions toward her.
So if she's not on that same page, things could get real awkward real fast.
"Someone who might be taking Luca to the pool with you?
" Clara asks, confusion in the uncertainty of her tone.
Her smile dims as her brow furrows. We stare at each other for an uncomfortable moment.
And then her entire face brightens again.
"Oh! No. I mean, all the love, Winifred, but I am not flirting with you. Or anyone. I am very happily single."
"I mean, I know dating as a single parent is harder and…"
Clara shakes her head at me. "Sure. But even if I wasn't Luca's mom, I'm ace. I'm not interested in finding a mate. I thought you knew that?"
I stop myself before I can ask what about Dale, our mutual ex. He left me for dead after I fell into the ocean the same week he skipped town while Clara was with their newborn son in the NICU because Dale lied about his heritage. His name, unspoken on my lips, hangs between us like a miasma.
"Yeah, I know. Him." Clara scoffs, then grimaces.
"I mean, not to say I suspected he'd do any of what he did to screw with either of us, but I was looking for an avian shifter to give me a clutch without wanting to be overly involved.
I figured he fit the bill. Someone just drifting through town who wasn't the sort to stick around.
And that mostly worked out for me and Luca.
Other than the lying and concealing risk factors from me. What he did to you was unconscionable."
I shrug it off. None of that is her fault. "Fair enough. So, when you said you wanted us to be a flock?"
"I meant it. Chosen flock, you know? Like Harvey and his strays are a subpack within the bigger Four corners wolf pack, even the ones who don't have a wolf form."
"Well, that's how I see you and Luca already, so, guess we're on the same page and it won't be too awkward if I bring a date to our flock dinner one of these nights?"
"I'd say any shifter you want to bring home to meet the flock is welcome....but I've met your ex," Clara teases.
"Ouch! I've outgrown my interest in bad-boys I can fix. Gillina is....she's sweet and kind and she adores kids. She's a preschool teacher, so yeah, I'm sure she'll be great with Luca when they meet."
"Oh, it's when now? Someone sounds smitten." Clara teases me.
"Hey! I don't have to sit here and take this teasing," I retort, turning away from her.
I catch a glimpse of the time on the massive wall clock as I turn my head.
I freeze mid-motion and my stomach sinks.
Crap on a cracker, I've only got fifteen minutes left to swim.
I glance longingly between her and the pool.
I don't want to end the conversation abruptly, but I don't want to miss my pool time either, so I sit in the frozen moment of indecision.
Clara notices where I'm looking and her smile softens with understanding.
"Go swim while you have the chance. I'm not going anywhere, like a janky blood feather.
You aren't getting rid of me without a fight now that you've signed up to join our little flock.
" Clara winks and I laugh, mostly because I know she'd let me out of our agreement if I truly wanted her to.
"Thanks, Clara." I stand, take two steps toward the pool, then turn to face her and nod toward Luca. "Oh, um, you two gonna be around after? To talk about the apartment?"
"Yep. You can walk Luca and me home to check out the place and hash out the details if you don't have anywhere to be right away?" Clara offers.
"Sounds good." I smile. She returns it. "And, uh, I've missed our talks, for what that's worth."
"Me too, Winny, it'll be good to see more of you. For both of us, I think. Now get in the pool, you're fidgeting like my son when he's trying to resist a plate of fresh cookies he knows are too hot to eat yet."
"Pretty much." I laugh, she's not wrong.
Clara shoos me toward the water, and I go with a smile on my lips and a spring in my step.
The way she understands this part of me, the part that needs the pool time like air, is everything.
I walk away to find a lane with room for me to join the other swimmers.
Every part of me is thrumming with excitement for this fledgling plan to form our own mini flock of mutual support with my friend.
How do I explain that right here is where I feel the most at home in my body?
The other regulars don't have to talk to me for it to be obvious they share the same peace suffusing my body when I finish my morning laps.
Much as I love my boisterous, loving family and our broader flock, they don't get why I need the silence and solitude I find in the water.
It's impossible to explain why swimming feels so much safer than flight.
Much as I love my family, not even Seb, the best listener of the lot, really understands this part of me.
Not that my moms and siblings let their lack of understanding get in the way of accepting that my pool time is sacrosanct and making sure the rest of the flock treats it as such.
I've yet to find the words to make any avian shifter understand my existential terror of being held aloft by nothing but the flimsy feathers that have already failed me so catastrophically.