Birdie
Iyawned as I grabbed a fresh onesie and overalls from Juniper’s dresser. My body had gotten used to daylight hours these last few days, but today was the end of my off-shift bliss with Beau and Juniper. Tomorrow, I had to go back to work.
I loved my job. I loved serving women in the community.
“So why am I so sad to be heading back into work tomorrow, berry girl? What’s going on with my heart?”
Juniper pulled her toes towards her mouth.
“Hey, that’s a cool trick! We’ll do yoga together when you’re a little older, keep all your muscles nice and flexible,” I cooed as I tickled her belly.
“We’ll have to show the doctor that! Yes.
You’re going to like Dr. DeLuca. I tell all my patients to use her for their babies.
And since I love you so much, she’s who you’re going to see, too.
I made sure I told Daddy she was the only one you should see. ”
Juniper dropped her foot, her tongue coming out to blow raspberries at me. My phone, on the nightstand next to us, buzzed.
“Hey, Lainey. What are you doing up this early?” I answered my sister’s call after I’d set Juniper down on her musical mat. Someone’s voice started singing about a purple monkey in a bubblegum tree, and I laughed as I waited for Lainey’s response.
“What are you talking about? I get up early,” she snapped.
Good mood instantly killed. Apparently Lainey had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Again. “I didn’t mean anything by it. And of course you’re up…it’s nearly the middle of the day. Juniper just has me in a silly mood this morning.”
“Right. Beau’s secret baby. I can’t believe you agreed to be his live-in help! How’s that going for you?”
I sent my sister a text after we got back to the ranch from town the other day. It was more about letting her know I wouldn’t be at my house if she needed my help with anything. I hadn’t meant to give her fuel for her bitchiness.
“Don’t you mean how’s it going for him?”
“Uh, no. You’re the one who’s had a crush on him ever since I can remember. Always the best friend, never the baby mama. At least you’ll get to play mom and wife for a bit, until he figures out how to move on without you.”
“Ouch.” I rubbed my fingers across my forehead where a tension headache was starting to make my temples throb.
“Maybe this is the wake-up call you need. He had a kid with someone else, Birdie.”
“He slept with someone else one time, Lainey. He didn’t even know Juniper existed until a few days ago. Let’s cut him some slack, okay?”
“Right. Because it’s okay for him to be sleeping around, stringing you along when he comes home and cuddles you in his bed, all the while you’re not even kissing anyone, let alone letting some dick slip—”
“Lainey,” I seethed. “That’s enough. Is this why you called me this morning?”
“No. But I’m glad I got to say it. Someone needs you to take your head out of the clouds and protect yourself. The next thing you know, you’ll be staying there to help him with his baby, and he’ll still be off working and screwin’ anyone but you.”
“I’m going to hang up now.”
“Fine. Fine. I said what I needed to say about Beau and my feelings on him.”
“Does that mean I get to tell you how I feel about Greg?”
“I know you don’t like him. I…get it. But things have been better. We’re…it doesn’t matter. He’s been better lately. That’s actually why I’m calling. He said I could start Lainey’s Kitchen! I’m going to do it. I’m going to start offering my meals to people!”
My heart skipped a beat. This was exactly what I wanted for her. Access to money that was just hers.
“That’s fantastic! Oh my gosh, I’m so excited for you!
How can I help? Do you have fliers? I can hang them up at the hospital!
Or maybe you can come out to the ranch and we can talk about business strategy?
” I hadn’t seen my sister in person for almost two months, thanks to my dislike of Greg.
But this could be something that closed the gap that had been growing wider between the two of us recently.
“No. No. Phone calls are great. I’m just so busy right now trying to figure out the menu and what dishes to order. But Greg doesn’t really have the money to invest in the business right now…”
The silence hung heavy between us. Because her excitement for her new business hadn’t been the reason she reached out to me.
“How much do you need?”
“Birdie, I—”
“I have some money saved away. Tell me how much you need. You can take it as a loan. And when you do come out to the ranch, or stop by my house sometime soon, we can figure out the terms of you paying me back. Right now, I’m just excited for you and this opportunity.
So, tell me how much you need to get going. ”
“Twenty-five hundred dollars.”
Shit. That would be tight. I’d meant what I said about having savings, but between the house and the small town midwife salary, I wasn’t swimming in money. I could make it work, though. To give my sister a sense of financial freedom? That was worth spending all my savings.
“Done. Send me the details on your business account when you open one, and I’ll deposit the money straight in,” I promised.
“Can you transfer it to my personal one?”
“No. I can’t.”
“Why not?” she whined.
I hated to be harsh, but I wasn’t taking any chances when it came to the money being used by my sister…
and only my sister. “Because I don’t want Greg to have access to it.
That money is yours for your business. I want it in a business banking account, with only your name on it.
You need to be smart, Lane. You love him, you trust him, but as a woman, you have to be watching out for yourself, too. ”
“Fine, I’ll figure something out. Can I text you when I have it all situated?”
“Yep,” I smiled, “just send me the information and I’ll happily transfer it then.”
“Thanks, Birdie.”
“That’s what sisters are for.”
“Maybe we could…” She hesitated. “Maybe on your next days off, I could meet Juniper and we could hang out.”
“I’d love that so much.” The way my voice wobbled gave away just how true of a statement that was.
“Okay. I’ll text you about the bank, you text me about your time off.”
“I love you, Lane.”
“Love you, too, Birdie.”
I slid my phone into my back pocket and scooped Juniper up off the floor.
The purple monkey song continued to play as we walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
A complete look of betrayal crossed her cute little face as I put her down in the playpen Beau and I had set up for her, but as soon as her eyes landed on a little bee that rolled around encouraging tummy time, she forgot all about me.
I found Beau sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee gone cold and the same face Juniper had just made at me etched across his.
“Hey, I didn’t realize you were back. I was starting to worry you might not make it in time for her appointment.
” I waited for him to huff at me, or sass me, but it was almost like he didn’t even hear me.
“You okay in here?” I asked, placing my hand on his arm.
He was staring so intently at the piece of paper in his hand, he jumped when I touched him.
“I didn’t even hear you come in,” Beau said as he wiped his hand over his face.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I’ve got Juniper all ready. Fresh diaper, the cutest Daddy’s little cowgirl outfit on with a big, ridiculous bow. I put her in the playpen, but we should probably be putting her in the car seat now. Don’t want to be late for her first appointment.”
Beau shook his head. There were very few times in our friendship where I saw him with tears in his eyes. But every time I’d seen him get emotional, something big and scary threatened to take down my cowboy.
“What’s going on?” I slipped the piece of paper out of his hands and looked it over.
He’d been staring at Juniper’s birth certificate.
“I don’t even remember what I was doing that day,” Beau whispered.
“What day?” I asked.
“The day she was born. I can’t remember.
My life is so predictable for the most part, I know I had to be doing ranch duties.
Maybe I put in an order for feed? Or had to vaccinate some of the cattle?
Maybe Dad had gotten pissed at me because I missed moving the herd on time?
But I can’t remember the little details about the day my daughter was born.
She came into the world, and I didn’t even know.
” A tear slipped down his cheek. “She’s lived in this world for almost five months without me having a single clue.
I feel fucking angry, Birdie. Every time I look at her, I feel so angry at Rosa for not reaching out to me. ”
My hand settled on his shoulder. “What you are feeling is completely valid, Beau. You did the right thing that night. She had your name. Your number. She even remembered your middle name! The fact that she didn’t reach out is something we have to live with forever.
But it doesn’t make it a reflection on you or your character.
Those were her choices. Juniper is here now, and you’ve already made her the priority in your life. ”
He nodded, gently wrapping his fingers around my wrist, moving his chair back from the table at the same time he pulled me so I sat in his lap.
His arms went around my waist, and he buried his face against my neck.
I could feel the itchy stubble of his unshaven face scratching along my skin, but it didn’t hurt.
Nope. It tickled in that funny way that made my heart beat a little faster and my fingers feel numb.
“Beau?”
“I just need a minute, Chickadee. Just one minute of holding you so I can pull myself together.” His voice was still so raw. And I would have been lying to him—and myself—if I told him I wasn’t exactly where I wanted to be.
So I stayed still, except for my hand, which threaded through his hair, moving it back from his face.