Beau
“Ineed to talk to you.”
Yeah, I was probably a dick for waiting until we were laying in bed—after she’d gone full blown Nurse Birdie on me in the shower, no less. My hair was now clean and my head did feel slightly better, but I was definitely going to have a wicked scar.
I had grabbed her favorite lotion off the counter while she was brushing her teeth, and I wasn’t above using a little massage to help ease into the conversation we were about to have.
Pumping a drop of it onto my hand, I warmed the lotion between my palms before reaching over and pulling her arm onto my lap.
We had her follow up appointment next week to see if she could stop using her braces, and I knew she was ready to not be dealing with them anymore.
Still, I was careful not to get lotion on the one supporting her wrist.
“Oh,” she gasped in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“I stressed you out today. It’s only fair that I help you relax.”
She wiggled her eyebrows. “I can think of a better way to help me relax. Still involves your fingers…or it could involve your mouth.”
My head tipped back as I tried to push the image of Birdie falling apart on my tongue out of my mind.
I finished rubbing the lotion into her arm, and went for it before I could lose my courage.
My fingers splayed over her stomach. Fuck.
I was nervous as hell to have this conversation with her.
Because from the moment I’d seen the test in the trash downstairs, I’d been on edge. And I knew she could tell.
“You’d tell me if you were pregnant, wouldn’t you?”
Birdie sucked in a breath, her body suddenly jerking in my arms with the force of her coughing. I sat up, frantically patting her back.
“Okay. Alright. Try to breathe normally,” I teased.
“Sorry,” she wheezed. “That question just threw me for a loop.”
My stomach felt like there was a boot in it as I tipped her face up to look in her eyes. “But you would tell me, right?”
“Of course, I would. I’m not, if you’re thinking I’m hiding something from you.”
I closed my eyes, trying to figure out how the hell I was supposed to bring up what I’d found. It wasn’t like she’d left it out for me to see.
“That’s not why I asked. I mean, before dinner, I found the pregnancy test box in the downstairs bathroom. Did you think maybe…”
She shook her head. “I’m a few days late, is all. We haven’t been the most careful, and then Vi said something about it being weird that my boobs are really sore lately, so I was just covering our bases. I’d tell you the minute I found out, Cowboy.”
“Tell me before,” I whispered, finally recognizing the fear I’d been carrying.
“What?”
“Tell me if you even suspect it, okay? If you’re late again. I want…fuck, I want to drive into town with you to pick up the test. I want to sit on the tub as you pee on the damn stick. I want to hold your hand during the wait. And I fucking want to see your face when we get a positive result.”
“Okay.” That acknowledgment was all I needed for the ropes that had been constricting around my heart to loosen. She tucked her head down onto my shoulder, and I felt the tension finally bleed from my body.
“I know it’s different from what happened with Rosa. I didn’t know her at all. One night changed both of our lives forever. And even though I didn’t want more than that from her, I still would have been there.”
“I know you would have.” Birdie’s hand squeezed my forearm.
“I still would have wanted to celebrate each milestone. I would have wanted to be there for the birth. To hold our daughter in her first few minutes of life. To thank Rosa for the beautiful gift that Juniper is.”
She reached up, brushing away the tear that escaped from the corner of my eye.
“I’m sorry you weren’t able to do that with her.
But I think deep down, she knew that you were a good man.
And that’s why she put your name down. Even if she couldn’t pick up the phone to call you.
Even if she couldn’t let you be a part of their lives before.
She knew if something happened, you’d be there for Juniper.
And you are. You’re the best dad, Beau.”
“I want it all with you, Birdie. Everything. I can’t wait to watch your belly grow big with our baby. Fuck. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I found that test.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “I’m scared that you don’t understand how much I love you, Bernadette Ford.”
She tipped her head up, pressing her lips against mine. “As much as I love how your name sounds with mine, I’m not a Ford.”
“Yes, you fucking are. It may not be on any legal document yet, but you are. You have been a part of this family for thirty years, and you’ve been my inevitable destiny for just as long. It was always us, beautiful. The Cowboy and his Chickadee. Always.”
“So if I told you I was sad the test was negative?”
His finger lifted my chin. “You were?”
“Maybe…”
“I’m sorry.” I pressed my forehead against hers.
“I’m ready to try,” she whispered. “I don’t know if you’re there yet, but we’re both getting older. It might take some time. And Juniper is still so little, I didn’t know if you would feel too overwhelmed if we had a baby really close to her.”
Her eyes went wide with panic and she gasped, reaching out to cover my heart with her hand. “I don’t want you to think that I am trying to have a biological child because I don’t love her just as much as I’d love a child I carried. I love her with my whole heart, Beau.”
“God, I know you do, sweetheart. I heard you singing to her the first day I went back to ranch duties. I heard what you told her. There has never been a doubt in my mind, but even if there was, the way you talked to her in that moment would have cleared my mind of them. The love in this household would just multiply. It will multiply when we give Juniper a sibling.” I studied her face, making sure my words sunk in.
“Can we start trying?”
Fuck, I could feel how much worry and hope was wrapped up in that question for her. “You don’t want a ring on your finger before we do?”
Birdie shrugged her shoulders. “We’re already family, aren’t we?”
“We absolutely are.”
“That’s all I need.” She smiled. “I want to try.”
I kissed her temple, then her shoulder, pushing my body down in our bed until my face hovered above her belly. And when I pressed a kiss there, I heard her breath halt in her chest. Birdie went completely still beneath my touch.
“Can’t wait to see you, carrying my baby.” I smiled. “But I feel like we are going to need lots of practice before we get it right. Probably should get started, shouldn’t we?”
Her body shook with laughter. “Practice sounds like an awful lot of fun, Cowboy.”