Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Juno told Piper he wanted to nap before dinner, so Piper closed the curtains and then said he was going to explore the inn for a while. In reality, Juno wasn’t tired. Not any more than usual. No, he just needed a moment because things were both better…and they were worse.
The canyon between him and Piper seemed to be shrinking by miles each time they touched, and fucking him in the shower had mended something that had been broken. Piper had come in his arms, on his cock, and then he’d held Juno for so long after.
It was everything Juno had ever wanted.
But things were changing. On his knees, he’d looked up at Piper, and there was no denying now that there was a spot in his right eye. Not dead center, but close enough. It fogged half of Piper’s face when Juno looked straight at him. And he knew soon enough, it would consume so much of what Juno could see.
He still had enough vision in his periphery that he knew he wasn’t going to trip and fall or be left groping around in the dark, but it wasn’t enough. It was moving too fast.
He wasn’t ready.
There were still so many more miles left to cross, but Juno knew the ticking clock had started racing him.
And it was winning.
Lying on the bed, he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. When he opened them, he stared at the ceiling, then closed his right eye.
The world faded to fuzzy grey with bits of light on either side. It was odd. He could still see the side of his nose, but it was more noticeable now. He traced it with his finger, then turned his head and grabbed his phone from the nightstand.
Swiping on the screen, he turned his eye in toward his nose since the outer periphery was the clearest. He had to hold his phone half an inch from his face, but he could see the text. His eye was already watering, though, and he could feel the strain. He wouldn’t be able to keep that up for long.
He tapped on his email, scrolling through his messages, and then his heart thudded against his chest. An email from the genetic testing.
His results were in.
Juno sat up with a small gasp, opening his right eye and blinking until he could read clearly.
Juno Roman, your results are in! We’re excited to tell you…
His finger trembled as it hovered over the subject line, and after a long beat, he realized he wasn’t brave enough to click it. Chances were he’d learn nothing. They weren’t super accurate, and the most he could hope for was maybe finding a half sibling or an aunt or uncle that might have information for him. He didn’t want to be part of their family. He didn’t want to know them.
He just wanted to see where he came from. Maybe be able to ask a few questions he thought would always go unanswered.
Swallowing heavily, he gave in to his fears and opened his call log, tapping on Piper’s name. He picked up after two rings with a quiet laugh in his voice. “I need you,” Juno said.
Piper’s demeanor changed instantly. “What’s wrong?”
“Please come back to the room. I need you.” Then he hung up.
Piper was at the door in less than two minutes. From where Juno sat, he could see a faint dusting of color in Piper’s cheeks, and all the lightness and joy from their time together was gone. Juno hated himself for doing it, but he didn’t want to read all of this by himself.
He couldn’t.
Piper dropped to his knees beside the bed and placed his hands on Juno’s thighs. “Talk to me.”
“My DNA results from that test thingie are in.”
Piper blinked in shock. “That was fast.”
“I didn’t read them. I’m…I think I’m afraid. I don’t know why. I mean, I knew some of my family, and I know why I was dumped. But it feels like it’s too much.”
“What can I do?”
Juno let out a tense laugh. “Log in to my account and read them for me?”
He could see the hesitation in Piper’s face. He knew what his lover wanted to say—this was too personal. Too much to ask. But Piper had made it very clear that he would do anything for Juno, and in this moment, he was going to take advantage of that.
“Please,” he added.
Piper stiffened, then nodded. “Where’s your laptop?”
Grabbing it from his bag, Juno made room for Piper on the bed, then buried his face in Piper’s shoulder as it booted. He offered out his finger so Piper could use it to log in, and then Juno gave him directions to his email.
He listened as Piper typed. As he clicked. As he hummed in thought.
The lack of words was threatening to drive him insane.
“You have a lot of Norwegian in you,” Piper said.
Juno barked a laugh without looking up. “Yeah. From what I know, my mom was second generation.”
“There’s also a lot of French and some German in here.”
“Milky white,” Juno said.
Piper let out a soft laugh and kissed the top of his curls. There seemed to be a mood shift after that, and Piper cleared his throat after a long beat. “You have family members.”
“Are my parents…”
“No,” Piper interrupted. “There’s…it looks like an aunt. And so many cousins I can’t count.”
He was holding something back. Juno squeezed his eyes shut tighter. “Just tell me.”
“A brother. Half brother,” he clarified.
Juno’s heart began to pound so hard he could hear it in his ears, feel it on the sides of his tongue. “I don’t know how this site works. Can you click on his profile, or…?”
“His name is Roe Broderick. There’s a profile photo, but it’s blurry. I think he looks like you.”
Juno swallowed past the lump in his throat. “What else?”
“He’s thirty-eight. He has a link to his Facebook and LinkedIn.”
Be brave , Juno told himself. This was what you wanted. Be brave . He cleared his throat, then sat up and turned toward the computer screen. His eye wasn’t worse—he knew that—but for the moment, the spot was all he could see. “Click on his Facebook.”
“Are you sure?” Piper’s question sounded genuine and not like he was trying to subtly call Juno’s request a bad idea.
“I’m sure.”
Piper’s hand moved over the track pad. He clicked. And then the link opened up. Roe’s Facebook looked mostly private. He had no cover photo, and his profile picture was of a massive tree. There were a couple of shared links to charities but nothing else.
“He has some tagged photos,” Piper said quietly.
Juno nodded against him, closing his eyes again. He needed to take this in small bursts. He wondered for a moment if Miles had ever done this. He knew Oliver hadn’t. Oliver had known his birth family for far too long to bother trying to keep in touch with them. But Juno had no real memories of anyone.
He knew that not being with his parents had been for the best, but there was still a gaping wound inside him that would never fully heal. And now he had a brother.
“Juno,” Piper said softly.
Juno hummed.
“He looks like you. He looks so much like you. His hair is darker, but your face…”
Juno opened his eyes. There was a photo of a man who was wearing his face. There were a few more lines on his forehead, and his hair was a dark brown, but it was worn long the way Juno kept his, and it was just as curly. He had big eyes and a full mouth and broad shoulders.
It was his brother.
Juno had been apart from family for so long he hadn’t realized it would feel like this to see someone who looked like him so much. He had no name at all for the emotion he was feeling. He felt lost and yet somehow found.
Juno reached out and touched the edge of the screen, then leaned forward to get a better view of him. “I’m going to send him a friend request.”
“Oh.”
Juno glanced over his shoulder. “Bad idea?”
“No, sugar. Not a bad idea.”
“But not a good idea either,” Juno pressed.
Piper took a breath, running his hand down his face before he gathered Juno closer to him. “I can’t give you advice on this. I’ve never been in any situation like this in my life. I know who my family is. I know where I came from. I’ve never had to use some random test to try and find someone related to me.”
Juno licked his lips. “If you got an email or something from someone saying they were your sibling, would it hurt you?”
Piper laughed softly. “No. I wouldn’t even be surprised. Neither of my parents are very kind, and I don’t think they love each other that much. I might be a little envious of how they got to grow up. I wouldn’t trade having my brother for the world, but I used to fantasize about strangers rolling up to our house claiming they were our long-lost mom and dad.”
Juno’s smile felt frail. “There’s nothing about me to envy, so I doubt that’ll be an issue here. But I don’t want to disrupt this guy’s life. I don’t even know if I want him to reach out. When I first took the test, I told myself I just wanted to know who was out there. I didn’t think I’d actually find anyone.”
“And now you have. What do you do?”
Juno closed his eyes, feeling for the edge of the laptop. Then he opened them and pressed his finger to the track pad. He watched the mouse icon drift upward—upward, toward the little box in the center of the page. He took a breath.
And then he clicked it.
Juno did his best to leave his anxiety back in the room as he and Piper went down to dinner. Piper held his hand the entire time, and Juno caught the hostess giving them a knowing smile. It all made sense when they were escorted past the main dining room, up a set of stairs, and led to a very small, screened-in patio with a single table near the window.
It overlooked the field and the lake, which was dark black apart from the reflection of the crescent moon. He could hear the waves lapping at the shore, and it made him smile as he sat. The room was lit by small hanging string lights, and there was a glowing candle sitting at the corner of their table.
“Please enjoy your dinner,” the hostess said.
Juno looked across the table at Piper. “Is this what you were doing while I was napping?”
“This was what I did right before I seduced you in the shower.”
“You mean before I sucked your cock and then fucked you silly,” Juno pointed out.
Even in the low lighting and with his shitty vision, he could see Piper flush. “I love your mouth.”
“Even when it’s nasty?”
Piper reached across and brushed a touch over Juno’s lips. “It’s never nasty. You say what’s on your mind. I like that you don’t have much of a filter.”
“You’d be the first,” Juno said, not quite bitterly but maybe not entirely okay with that either.
Piper just chuckled. “I like being your first at something too.”
He was Juno’s first at a lot of things, but Juno wasn’t ready to share that with him yet. He picked up his menu instead and had to hold it a little closer than before as he read everything over. And it still wasn’t easy. His new blind spot kept getting in the way, and his brain was trying to compensate, but it was just making up gibberish. At one point, he swore he saw photos of fruit baskets until he turned his head properly.
“You okay?” Piper asked.
Juno cleared his throat and set his menu down. “I think I have a little headache. Leftover from the migraine,” he lied.
Piper’s face fell into sympathy. “Oh, sugar. We can go back to the room if you want.”
“No. You’re taking me on a date,” Juno said primly and folded his hands over the menu. He felt like shit for lying, but he didn’t want to ruin this. Piper would worry. Piper would want to go home and make Juno see the doctor, which was pointless because there was nothing the man could do for him at this point.
Now, it was just sit and wait for it to get as bad as it was going to get.
After a beat, Piper smiled and shook his head, looking down again. “Fine. Tell me what you’re in the mood for, and I’ll find it for you. That way, you don’t have to strain your eyes.”
Juno couldn’t tell if he was caught out and Piper was being kind, or if Piper believed the lie. He didn’t want to poke the bear. “Chicken.”
Piper rattled off several dishes, and Juno went with the roast chicken and vegetables. Simple, easy to digest, and wouldn’t piss off his anxiety-ridden insides. He sipped his water as Piper ordered his steak, and then he stretched his legs out and let his ankle hook around his lover’s.
Piper laughed. “Footsie?”
“Better than sitting in your lap and kissing you the way I want to,” Juno said. He fiddled with the edge of the tablecloth, then said, “I have a favor.”
“Anything.”
Fuck, the way Piper said that without a second thought was doing things to him. He swallowed heavily. “Can we skip some stops?”
“Why?” Now, he sounded suspicious. “Did something happen?”
He wanted to meet Piper’s brother and get settled in case his vision got much worse before the wedding. He wanted to be there long enough to figure the place out so he wasn’t stumbling around or burdening people.
His stomach began to hurt.
“I’m feeling a little burnt out. I mean, I love this. I really do. I’m just not used to traveling, and I’d like to get to your brother’s so we can settle in for longer than a night or two.”
Piper looked like he didn’t entirely believe him, but Juno also knew it was a sound excuse. “We can do that. I just need to call and adjust the reservations.”
Fuck, he’d forgotten about that. “If it’s too much of a pain?—”
“It’s not,” Piper said. He pulled out his phone and tapped on the screen for a long moment before putting it away. “Done. We’re renting a vacation home from a guy that Phoenix and Maddox know, so if there’s no other people in the house right now, we should be able to get it. I’m—” He stopped and pulled his phone out again, smiling after a second. “We’re good.”
Juno finally relaxed. “Great. I’m sorry.”
“I swear to God, say I’m sorry one more time and I’m going to spank your ass when we get to the room.”
Juno’s whole body erupted into heat. He’d been threatened like that before, but never with the tone that Piper had just used. And while Juno had never even considered spanking as something erotic, the thought of Piper taking him over his knee…
Yeah, it was doing something to him.
“Oh. You like that idea?” Piper whispered.
Juno swallowed thickly. “I don’t think I hate it.”
“We can explore that when we’re not at a small inn with very thin walls.”
Covering half his face, Juno grabbed his water and took a long drink. “Change the subject, babe.”
Piper did. He told Juno their plans—tonight, they might see the northern lights. Tomorrow, the planets at the observatory late into the night when the sky was darkest. He loved listening to Piper talk about what life had been like for him before he retired.
Their food showed up, and Juno realized he hadn’t even tasted it until he was almost finished. He’d been so caught up in Piper, so enraptured by the way he smiled as he chewed, and the way his eyes kind of sparkled, and the timber of his voice, and the deep, richness of his laugh.
“What are you thinking?” Piper asked.
“I…” Juno stopped himself. The words nearly tripped off his tongue, and they felt so right, but the timing felt all wrong. Maybe it was unfair to himself, and unfair to Piper, but he swallowed them back. “I want to go back to the room.”
Piper swiped his napkin over his mouth, then laid it beside his plate. “Let’s get a dessert to go.”
Juno wasn’t going to argue with that. He let Piper choose, enjoying the way he touched his lower lip with the tip of his tongue and the way he used his finger as a guide to read. How much of that would he lose?
While Piper wasn’t looking, Juno closed his right eye and shifted his left. Most of Piper was gone to the fog, but not all of him. Juno could still see the edge of his smile, and when he turned his head enough, he could see his face. It wasn’t as defined as before, and the colors weren’t the same, but it was still him.
“The flourless chocolate cake,” Piper said.
Juno blinked rapidly, then nodded. “Sounds good to me.”
Piper gave him another look like he knew something was wrong, but he didn’t push it, and Juno felt terrible because keeping things like this a secret had threatened to shatter them just days ago. But he wasn’t ready yet. He wanted a little more time to ignore what was happening.
Talking it out wouldn’t change anything.
He wanted just a few more moments of denial in the grand scheme of his life.
His phone buzzed, and he pulled it out of his pocket, holding it at an angle he could see it clearly. His heart leapt into his throat. “He messaged me.”
“Roe?” Piper said.
Juno stared at the message preview: ‘I saw your name pop up on DNAFacts…’
“He knows. Uh. About me, I mean. He saw my profile on the DNA website.”
Piper bit his lower lip, then set the dessert menu down. “What else?”
“I’m afraid to look,” Juno admitted in a whisper.
Piper rose from his chair and dragged it to the other side of the table. He sat, facing Juno, and took his face between his hands. His palms were warm and a little soft and the most comforting thing Juno had ever felt in his life.
“You need to look. You don’t have to message him back, sugar. But you should read it.”
Juno nodded, unable to stop until Piper tightened his grip on his cheeks. “Read it to me.”
Piper picked up his phone and swiped his thumb over the screen. His eyes moved back and forth, his lips moving silently, and then he took a breath. “I saw your name pop up on DNAFacts.com, and I read over your profile. I didn’t accept your friend request, but I thought maybe we could talk on the phone. I’d prefer that to messages. Here’s my number, and I’m free all evening.”
Juno squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head. His hands were shaking, but the fear wasn’t as intense as he expected it to be. Maybe just getting it over with was enough. “Do you mind if I do this outside?”
Piper leaned in, hooked a knuckle under his chin, and kissed him. “No, Juno. I don’t mind. I’m going to pay, and then I’ll meet you in the room.”
Juno got up and moved, through his whole body felt strangely numb. His feet were heavy as they trudged across the restaurant floor, then through the lobby. Eventually, he found himself outside and glanced around. It was dark apart from the low parking lot lights, and he was terrified of getting lost, so he sat on a bench next to a cement flowerpot and stared at the number.
His thumb hovered before pressing on it, and he was prompted to make the call. So he did.
“Is this Juno?”
He almost laughed. The man’s voice was deep, and it sounded so friendly. It wasn’t what he was expecting. “Yeah. Yes. Roe, right?”
The guy laughed. “Yeah. Seems like our dad had a thing for weird names, yeah? Though at least yours isn’t after fish eggs.”
Juno choked on a laugh. “I guess not. Uh…so. Dad?”
Roe was quiet for a long time. “My mom died about two weeks after having my sister, so I’m assuming you’re not hers. I don’t know if he ever mentioned anything to you, but…”
“No, I, uh…I don’t remember him,” Juno admitted. “I…” He never quite knew how to talk about his past. With Oliver and Miles, he could be blunt. He was a system kid. Life sucked, and then he aged out, and it sucked less. People who didn’t go through it never understood. “I was with my grandparents for a while—my mom’s parents—but they died when I was, like, two? CPS took me after that. I bounced around until I turned eighteen. No one came for me.”
“I’m sorry,” Roe said really softly. “My aunt took me and my sister in after my mom died. I never knew Dad. There were a couple of pics, but my aunt said he wasn’t a great guy, so?—”
“Yeah, no,” Juno said with a laugh. He rubbed at his eye and blinked against the small spot. “I don’t think he was. There’s probably more of us out there.”
Roe sighed. “I was expecting to hear from someone a lot sooner than this, to be honest. If nothing else, then for medical history.”
Juno’s laugh was tense. He knew Roe wouldn’t have the same condition. His was passed down through maternal genes, so Roe was safe. But for some reason, he wanted to tell him. “That’s…yeah. That was part of why I did the test.”
Roe was quiet for a beat. “What’s wrong?”
“I have a thing,” Juno said, then tried to cough some of the tension out of his throat. “I’m going blind.”
“Is it genetic?”
“It is. Fuck, I don’t…sorry for saying fuck,” Juno mumbled. “I can be kind of rough. I don’t mean to be. Jesus, I’m so sorry.”
“Relax. You’re okay,” Roe said softly. He very much had the voice of an older brother, and it was oddly comforting. “You can say whatever you want. This is a totally fucked-up situation our parents put us in.”
Juno burst into laughter just to avoid crying. “Yeah. It really, really is. But anyway, my thing is from the maternal line, so it’s nothing you have to worry about.”
“Oh. Is it fucked-up if I say good?” Roe wondered.
Juno laughed again. “No. I wouldn’t wish this on you.” He rubbed at his face and took a deep breath. “I’m glad you messaged me.”
“I’m glad you called,” Roe told him. “Where are you?”
“Like where do I live?” When Roe hummed in the affirmative, Juno shrugged. “East Coast. This small town in Virginia on the coast, kind of near Virginia Beach. But I’m in Michigan right now because my, uh—” Christ, he didn’t know what to call Piper. Ah, fuck it, he thought. “—my boyfriend and I are on a bucket list road trip. We’re here so I can see the northern lights.”
Roe hummed again. “I’m in Connecticut. That’s not too far from you.”
“Would you want to?—”
“Yeah,” Roe interrupted. “You?”
Juno rubbed at his eyes with his fingers and thumb. “Yeah,” he said, and he was surprised at how much he meant it, considering how adamant he’d been about not looking anyone up and not wanting them in his life. But he felt something between them—something he’d never felt before.
He’d always wanted to believe that blood family was bullshit, and frankly, he still stood by that because no one would ever, ever be more important than Oliver and Miles. But he wanted this. Maybe he was nuts. Or selfish. Or a giant hypocrite.
Right then, he didn’t care.
“When will you be back?” Roe asked.
“Couple weeks. We’re going to his brother’s wedding, and we’ve got a few more stops on the tour,” Juno said.
“I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Is there any way I can help?”
“Are you a geneticist on the verge of a breakthrough in inherited blindness?” Juno asked.
Roe laughed. “I work in IT.”
“Then no.” Juno smiled in spite of himself. “No one can do anything at the moment. Talking to you made a difference.”
“Yeah?”
Juno’s smile got a little wider. “Yeah. Can we talk more later?”
“We can. I’m still not going to add you on Facebook if that’s okay,” Roe said, a little hesitant. “I have a wife and kids—my girls are teenagers, and they’ll have questions I don’t think I’m ready to answer just yet.”
“It’s fine. I just…needed to reach out,” Juno admitted.
“I want to see you when you get back,” Roe told him. “I want to get to know you.”
“I think I’d like that.” Connecticut was close to Rhode Island. It would be a good excuse to see Oliver and tell him everything that happened. Maybe Miles would come along. Maybe Piper would too.
Maybe it wouldn’t be all bad, this thing happening to him.
“I should go,” Juno told him after a long beat of silence. “My boyfriend’s waiting.” He paused. “You’re not, like, some religious homophobe that’s going to preach at me about gay marriage, right?”
Roe snorted. “No. My eldest daughter is trans. We’re big allies in this house. And by the time you get back, I’ll have had time to explain this all to them. I know they’ll want to meet you soon.”
Now, that terrified Juno. This was family, but it wasn’t. Those kids were his nieces, but only by blood. Still, it felt big and important and straight up, gut-wrenchingly nerve-racking. He couldn’t do this alone.
And then he remembered he didn’t have to.
“Talk soon?”
“Yeah. Talk soon.”
The call ended, and Juno gave himself five minutes to process before he stood up and made his way to the elevator. Piper was waiting. His boyfriend—probably. His future—if he could swing it. His happily ever after—if he had anything to say about it, then definitely.