Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
AVA
The walls of my carefully built facade are beginning to crack deep in their foundation.
I’d expected this session to be more difficult than the first. Readied for it, even.
It’s easy to lie about my future plans with Kasey—moving in together, supporting each other’s goals, crafting dreams for a prettily painted life ahead—but matters of the heart, ambiguous as they are, can be a little more difficult to portray authentically.
The need to prove the love between us is real is the riskiest part of this whole plan because it’s the biggest lie we’re telling.
Tell me, do you worry she might leave again?
I glare at the man on the opposite side of this decades-old desk, and can’t help the immediate urge to let my tongue fly. I know this is the exact sort of question that should be asked in pre-marital counseling. Still, I wonder if he can smell all the blood in the water.
And Kasey . . .
My chest squeezes at the raw vulnerability written across his face.
It took restraint not to bring up the dark circles under his eyes when he picked me up this morning—probably from pulling extra work at the ranch lately.
He already looked exhausted before this stupid meeting, now he looks even more depleted.
He’s either a damn good actor, or he meant it when he said he didn’t blame me for leaving him ten years ago. I’m honestly not sure if that’s better or worse than hating me for it. I’d been prepared for his anger . . . but I’m at a loss for how to handle this distant resignation.
Pastor Brown shifts in his chair. “What if it happens again?” he asks.
I scoff.
Both men turn my way.
“Really?” I chide, keeping my focus on the pastor. “We’re getting married, for fuck’s sake.”
Kasey’s eyes widen in surprise.
Pastor Brown’s mouth grows tight. “I don’t mean any offense, Ava, but I am curious to know what’s occurred between the two of you since you’ve been back that would give Kasey some assurance that you won’t just up and leave again.”
A fire smolders in the crevices of my heart. “I came back because the real world chewed me up and spit me out. I couldn’t hack it.” The words feel bitter on my tongue. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Kasey’s eyes burn a hole in my cheek. “Ava,” he says low, but I can’t look at him.
“So you’re choosing Kasey now because you failed to build a life elsewhere?” Pastor Brown asks.
“No,” I snap, impatient. “I’m not marrying Kasey because I failed. I’m marrying him because he’s the best man I know. Because he’s honest and he’s steady and he’s careful with my heart, because he’s respectful beyond measure. I’m marrying him, sir, because I love him.”
My chest rises and falls with the force of the words escaping right out of my heart, grateful that the slip works in our favor. Frustration coils tight against my ribs at the utter injustice of having to sit here and prove anything to this man.
“I see” is all he says in return. His expression gives nothing away.
I finally steal a glance at Kasey and find his eyes still rooted on me. They’re alight with a violent mix of hurt and sorrow and confusion. I have a deep urge to reach for him, to press my finger into his skin and smooth it all away.
Steely resolve seems to settle in his brow.
He turns to the pastor with tight lips. “Ava and I have worked through all of this.” The lie comes out smooth.
“We both realized that even if we don’t have all the answers, facing life together is a much better option than missing out on what we have.
” He straightens his back, squaring his shoulders.
“Neither of us wants to do that again. I won’t pretend there aren’t still fears, but if we’re looking at hearts today you should know mine is with her, always. ”
Pastor Brown smiles lightly, leaning back in his chair so far that it creaks. “Very well then. Let’s move on.”
I throw Kasey my best syrupy-sweet smile. “That went well.”
His eyes rise to the sprawling blue sky, as if begging for a bolt of lightning to strike him down. “Yeah, I could see the glaring approval written all over his face.”
I laugh, and his gaze drops to me. “Seriously, how fucked do you think we are?”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “Royally, probably.” He pulls open the passenger door of the truck and I climb in. “But at least you didn’t puke this time.”
I shoot him a glare, and he smirks. “You looked like you wanted to,” I volley. Despite his teasing mood, the storm that brewed inside those doors is still swirling.
He shrugs. “I distinctly remember you saying it was going to be easy because we didn’t care.”
“I didn’t say it would be easy, I said it would be easier. I stand by it. If we weren’t pretending, we’d probably be feeling real shitty about ourselves after that mess of a meeting.”
He gives me a long, curious look before shutting my door.
Kasey drives us back to the ranch so we can regroup.
We spend the fifteen-minute ride in a silence that, though not as awkward as they have been, is still not quite comfortable.
At least it’s a step in the right direction for the bone-deep flame of hope still flickering that we can find a way to be friends.
His face lights up when we pull up the main drive, and I follow his line of sight through the windshield to see a medley of bikes and balls scattered around the lawn in front of the main house.
Layla sits on the front porch with the youngest of Brooks’s sons in her lap, and Mrs. Bennett stands hands-on-hip on the front walkway, watching the two other boys chase each other around on scooters.
My heart catapults at the sheer warmth and love in Kasey’s expression as he takes it all in, and then swiftly dive bombs as he slows the truck to a stop and rolls down the window.
“Good to see everyone out playing,” he calls out to his mom.
She looks at him and smiles, shooting a backward thumb toward the house. “Brooks is inside. They came over for dinner if you want to join.”
Kasey hesitates, turning back to me. He must see the panic on my face, because he faces her again, saying, “Ava and I have some stuff to sort out, but can we take a raincheck?”
“Kasey,” I whisper. “Don’t not go because of me. I can just . . . wait at the cabin.”
He ignores me.
“Of course,” his mom says. She shifts her focus to me, smile widening. “Can’t wait to catch up with you both!”
I give her a polite wave back before pretending to dig into my purse for Chapstick.
I have a great deal of respect for the matriarch of the Bennett brothers; I know how hard it must have been to raise this family while constantly being thrust into the center of so much town lore. Still, I’m not ready to face her yet.
I’m not ready to explain myself—not when there’s still so much Kasey doesn’t know.
“How’s he doing today?” Kasey asks, his voice considerably lower.
“He’s all right,” she answers. “It’s been a good day.”
He nods. “Good. I’ll call you in the morning, okay?”
“Okay, honey. Love you.”
“Love you too,” he says before rolling up the window. I take a deep breath when we hit the small side road that leads directly to his cabin, and he throws me a smirk. “Scaredy cat.”
“Am not.”
“Not usually,” he agrees. “But I like that it’s my mother of all people who gets you flustered.”
I roll my eyes. “Just drive, Kasey.”
He laughs as I turn to look out the window, spotting a golden horse alone in a corral. It’s the same one who nuzzled me in the barn when I came to talk to Kasey after he agreed to our plan. “What’s her deal?” I ask, my gaze skimming down her long mane.
Kasey sighs. “She was rescued from a ranch after the owners were reported for animal mistreatment.”
I whip my head to face him. “She was abused?”
“Not physically hurt, not that we can tell. But there wasn’t enough food to go around for all the animals, and she was severely dehydrated when a vet got to her. We’ve had her for about a month and we’re still working to get her saddled, but we’re hoping she’ll let us ride her soon.”
I’ve always known the Bennetts’ work here isn’t just about training horses and selling them for profit.
It’s a long, tiring fight to protect the ones who need help, to rescue and keep the most vulnerable safe.
I’ve regretted that I never got to see Kasey in action, knowing how much the work means to him.
I’ve seen him earn belts in rodeos and I’ve seen him train at camp.
But I’ve never watched him rehabilitate a horse here on the ranch.
Between my father’s strict rules and my fierce independence, I didn’t let myself integrate with Kasey’s family and therefore never visited the ranch during daylight hours.
He snuck me in on countless nights, but not for anything horse-related.
Deep down, I feel a rippling desire to see it all now, to understand this part of him that I shied away from back then. “I hope she lets you too,” I finally say.
When we make it inside the cabin, I immediately unbuckle the straps of my heels and throw them aside before sinking into the plush couch.
“You really should wear better shoes,” Kasey grumbles on his way to the kitchen, still making his disapproval of my fashion choices as obvious as ever. “Want coffee?”
“Sure,” I say, kicking my feet up. A sigh of relief flows through me knowing our counseling sessions are over, but I can’t help the worry that pinches tight in my brow. “What do you think Pastor Brown is going to do?”
Kasey snorts, pulling two mugs from a cabinet and setting them in front of the coffeemaker. One of them is pink, and I eye it curiously as he adds coffee to the filter before setting it to brew. “Your guess is as good as mine.”
“What do we do if he rejects us?”
He shrugs. “You’re the brains of this whole operation, sugar. I’m sure you’ll think of something.”
My chest flares with indignant annoyance. “It wouldn’t kill you to be more helpful,” I say. “I mean, you have this whole wide-open ranch—”