Chapter 21 #2
Honestly, my nerves aside, this feels . .
. good. To be in the mix like this, to be only one of many instead of one of so few, it’s new for me—but I like it.
As teenagers Kasey and I made a lot of effort to avoid our parents, so I never really saw the possibility of what things could have been like on the ranch if I’d stuck around.
I was always so worried about what Kasey’s parents would think of me that it never occurred to me that I might enjoy it.
I’ve been at this table for less than an hour and I already can’t wait to come back.
Like maybe we could make this a weekly thing, something to look forward to.
And then the sting of the truth pierces in, that we can’t do this forever. That someday I’m going to have to give it up.
My mind spins back to earlier in the day, when my father came home for lunch to find me packing up my things. He’d tried to make conversation, pestering me with questions, and it’d felt so wholly different than this.
“Have you heard any of those Bennetts talk about their ranch?” he’d asked, watching me unplug my laptop cord from the outlet next to my bed.
Those Bennetts. I scoffed. “Of course they talk about the ranch, Dad. They live on it.”
“What about an inheritance trust?” he continued to probe. “Have you heard anything about that?”
I turned to look at him, feigning confusion. “What inheritance trust?”
“The one that says one of those boys has to be married to gain ownership of the ranch.”
“I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Brooks was already married.”
“Well, he’s not anymore. And they never transferred the land into his name when he was.”
There’d been undisguised curiosity shining across his features as he watched closely for my reaction.
He looked almost . . . gleeful. “How the hell would you even know anything about their inheritance, Dad? Isn’t that kind of personal?
I mean, shit, I know people around here have a reputation for being nosy but this feels like another level. ”
His eyes narrowed into thin slits, a look I’d seen so often growing up under his roof. “Did you marry that boy so his family could keep their ranch?” he asked flat out.
I scoffed. “How dare you even insinuate we would be a part of something like that!”
But my outrage had done nothing to sway him. “I’ll figure out the truth, Ava. I always do.”
I decided not to tell Kasey about any of it. He’s got enough on his plate of things to worry about. My father doesn’t scare me; he never has, despite his best efforts. If anything, knowing the Bennetts are in his line of sight only makes me want to rub this marriage in his face harder.
Kasey and I stay for dessert at the insistence of Mrs. Bennett, but halfway through my slice of peach cobbler he catches me yawning and quickly announces our departure, citing the early morning he has with the horses to make up for Rhett and Wells being at the bar tonight.
“Has Brooks been out there?” Mr. Bennett asks.
Kasey shakes his head. “Not yet, Dad.”
“He’s doing so well though,” Mrs. Bennett adds, eyes on the three young boys who are clearly listening.
“We’re fine,” Kasey insists. “He can take all the time he needs.”
“Maybe I could help with some things,” Mr. Bennett says aloud, studying the corner of his napkin.
“No need.” Kasey slaps a hand on his shoulder. “Promise.”
Our walk home is less eventful, although Kasey does seem a lot less bothered.
“Did you enjoy yourself?” he asks quietly, eyes fixed on the path ahead as he stuffs his hands in his pockets.
He’d had three or four beers during dinner, and I can see the way the alcohol turns the tips of his ears pink like it used to.
“Yeah, I actually did,” I say. “Your mother is really nice.”
He smiles. “She’s a good woman.”
“It must take a big heart to support such a big family.”
“She’s got it. We’ve all put her through hell over the years and she’s never failed to support us.”
I think about my own mother and how she couldn’t find a single quality reason to stick around, back when I was still trying to impress her with my good behavior. “You’re really lucky,” I say.
I feel him look at me. Eventually, he looks away.
“Was last night the first that you’ve had nightmares like that?”
“No,” he says. “I’ve had them most nights since it happened.”
I try to choose my words carefully. “I was thinking . . . I might be able to get into my dad’s online records to see if anything about that night is on his radar.
If any law enforcement office is going to come after you, I’m fairly certain he’ll know about it.
” My gut tells me Dad doesn’t know or he would have tried to use that against me too.
But it doesn’t mean it won’t still come.
“I can’t ask you to do that, Ava.”
“You’re not.”
“If he found out you accessed his data, you’d be directly implicating yourself.”
“I don’t care.”
“You should,” he snaps.
“Well, I don’t.” I smile. “I used to do it all the time.”
The fight loosens in his expression as a smile threatens to break through. “You used to access the sheriff’s database?” I nod. “For what?”
I shrug. “I used to background check guys who asked me out. Sometimes I’d try to dig up dirt on someone’s family if they wronged me.”
“Shit.” He laughs, shaking his head. “Did you ever look me up?”
“No,” I say quickly. “Never.” And it’s the truth.
My father always had a strong dislike for the Bennett family, starting back well before I was born.
It was one thing to hack into his files for my own personal gain and enjoyment, but it’d felt slimy to use that kind of stolen access against people he despised.
Also, I was a little scared of what I might find—I didn’t want Kasey to be a bad guy.
For the first time in my life, I’d chosen to trust someone.
“I don’t want you getting mixed up in any of my shit, Ava. Not now that . . .”
“Now that I’m pregnant?” I throw him a half-hearted grin.
He nods.
“I can take care of myself,” I promise as we approach the cabin, the porch light Kasey left on illuminating the front steps.
“You’ve always made that clear.” His face is void of emotion, but I can hear the dejection in his voice.
I sigh. “Hey, about earlier—”
“Yeah,” he agrees, “about that. Look, I’m sorry, Ava. I shouldn’t have kissed you. You told me you aren’t interested and I never should have touched you.”
“I never said I wasn’t interested,” I throw back, frowning.
“Maybe I don’t want you mixed up in my shit, either.
Maybe I’m trying to protect you too. I meant it when I said that we aren’t the same kids we were back then, but that doesn't mean I don’t still feel for you, Kasey. Especially after . . .”
He eyes me carefully, something alight in the edges of his face. “Especially after what, Ava?”
“Especially after the last few days.” I throw my hands out in supplication.
“After the wedding, and kissing you, and sleeping in your bed. After that fucking dinner we just had with your family, Kasey.” My heart pounds hard in my chest, but it feels good to let this out.
To be honest with him—and with myself. “I tried really hard to forget about you after I left. I knew I’d hurt you and I hated myself for it—I still do.
But it felt like the only choice. I was going to hurt you either way so I figured getting it over with would at least let you move on with your life.
“I never planned on coming back. I never planned on seeing you again, because I knew if I did these feelings for you would come back too. And maybe . . . maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to give in to this thing that clearly still exists between us. At least this time you know.”
His eyes narrow. “Know what?”
“That I’m not good for you! That I can’t promise you a future. That I’ll probably hurt you again at some point, because even though I care about you, I care about myself more. I’m selfish, remember? It’s who I am, who I’ve always been.”
His face softens as he moves to stand in front of me, pressing his palm against my jaw.
He smells like soap and leather, like everything good and safe.
“You’re not selfish, Ava. You’re just scared.
” He tilts my face up so he can look me in the eye.
“But you don’t need to be. We can figure this out together.
” The pads of his fingers drag across my skin, rough and tender, full of hope.
I close my eyes and unspool a breath, conflicted by his words. The want in me is waging a brutal battle against the run. It would feel so good to give in. To let him make me forget how unworthy I am.
To this day, he’s the only person who’s ever known how . . .
Just like that, the battle is won.
“Make me forget, Kasey,” I whisper urgently, clutching at his shirt.
And he does.