Chapter 10
I pull back. ‘I wasn’t expecting that,’ I say, not feeling any excitement or thrill. It was more of a disappointment, like kissing a wet rag. Would it improve with practice?
‘And tell me, did you like it?’ He smiles confidently.
‘Well, it was different from what I’m used to.’
‘Different?’ He tilts his head, not impressed with my assessment of his kiss.
‘You will feel more when I kiss every part of your body, in your bed.’ He stands, holding out a hand. ‘We will embrace one of life’s real pleasures.’
‘It’s a lovely offer,’ I laugh, wondering if he’s joking, but I don’t think he is, ‘but I’m a bit old school. I’d need to be taken out for a nice meal and get to know you better before taking things any further.’
He sighs and lets his hand drop. ‘Very well, we will have dinner,’ he says, as if it’s an annoyance. Suddenly I’m not feeling half as attracted to him. In fact, hardly at all.
He seems to realise it and puts on one of his smiles, while I have an overwhelming urge to wipe my lips.
‘Dinner will be lovely. We will talk more about using my bread for your salon de thé , but I’m afraid now I have to go.’
I’m not sure what I was thinking, imagining that this man was actually interested in me, when clearly all he was after was a little afternoon delight before going back to work. I try to bring things to just-friends. ‘It must be hard, being a baker, working all hours.’
He shrugs, smoothing his hair and finishing his wine. ‘It’s not so bad. My wife helps out so we take it in turns to do morning and evening shifts.’
‘Your wife?’ I sit bolt upright, as if someone has just thrown a bucket of cold water over me. I’m shocked and suddenly shivering. ‘Your wife?’
He gives me a smug smile, which makes me feel sick. ‘It is the French way, non ? Think about it. We could get together again some time. It might be lots of fun.’ He raises an eyebrow.
Fury and embarrassment swirl in my head and stomach, replacing any remnants of the desire I was feeling not so long ago. ‘I didn’t expect … I thought you … You kissed me!’
‘You thought I wouldn’t be married?’ His face crumples as he laughs. ‘It was pleasant enough kissing you, but you could do with some practice! I can help, if you like, when I have another free couple of hours.’
It’s as if I’ve been slapped, hard. Worse than feeling invisible, I feel like a very obvious moving target, standing out like a sore thumb.
The woman who walked out on her marriage, with a pocket full of stupid dreams. A stupid, middle-aged woman who thought she could come to France and find herself again.
‘You clearly wanted me to. I could feel you were coming on to me. Don’t worry, it happens all the time. My wife understands that women find her husband attractive.’
‘Get out!’ I say, my face burning at the very recent memory of his lips on mine. I’m not sure who I’m crosser with, myself or him. ‘Just get your things, and go!’
He’s adjusting his watch and smoothing his hair again.
‘Sure. But first I need to find what is mine while I’m here.
’ I’m surprised he doesn’t pull out a mirror and check his appearance.
He’s more in love with himself than anyone else, and I can’t help but feel for his wife.
If she knows about his flirtations, though, she’s mad to stay with him.
‘You need to find what?’
‘What I came for. As lovely as the welcome was, it was a shame you didn’t follow through on the promises your body language was making.’
‘Get out!’ I say furiously, my cheeks burning and my eyeballs stinging with rage at his behaviour.
‘Like I say, when I get what I came for. The cellar, it is still accessed by the trapdoor?’
And the penny drops. Really loudly. I put my palm to my forehead.
He’s here for the tin.
I’m on my feet and storming towards the mill, into the cool of the big room and to the kitchen area where I emptied the contents of the little bags into the sink. I grab the tin out of the bin and march back to him, fury powering my jelly-like legs.
‘Is this what you’re looking for?’ I hold it out to him, anger making my hands shake and the lid rattle.
‘Ah, yes, thank you!’ He reaches towards me.
I can’t bear even to have his fingers touch mine.
I hesitate, handing it over. ‘I know you own the place now, but would you mind if I still meet my business clients here? It’s always been a convenient, out-of-the-way place to see them, but close enough to town. ’
‘ Mind? ’ I grip the tin so tightly I think I might dent it. ‘Would I mind ?’ I can barely speak I’m so furious. What kind of fool does he take me for? Clearly the sort I’ve just shown him I am – the kind who was flattered by a few generous words and flirtatious looks. ‘Yes, I mind very much!’
He goes to take the tin and I throw it at his feet. The lid opens, and nothing falls out.
He turns and stares at me. ‘I think you may have something else of mine.’
And I turn very cold.
He just took something of mine – my dignity. What was I thinking? I’m not here to meet someone new. I’m here to find me. Now I feel used. Grubby. Angry. I run my forearm across my lips.
I could cry. But I won’t. That was for the younger me. I could run away. But that’s what yesterday’s me might have done. This is today me. This me is staying exactly where she is and standing firm. I hold his steely stare, evenly. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say.
‘This tin contained something belonging to me.’
‘Like what?’
‘A little security, that’s all.’
This place, deserted and taken up by the local drug scene.
No wonder no one wanted it. I look out on the beautiful lake, and hear a car door close as the attractive fisherwoman arrives.
The beautiful view is now tainted as raindrops begin to fall into the water.
The fisherwoman passes us, bids us good day and continues to her flat rock, setting up her fishing rod under an umbrella.
She doesn’t move, as if weathering the storm, literally.
‘I have nothing of yours,’ I say, as evenly as I can. ‘And, just for the record, where I come from, if you’re married, you don’t kiss other women.’
‘It’s a very old-fashioned way of thinking. And it was you who kissed me,’ he says, fuelling my fury.
‘Come near my property again and I’ll call the gendarmes . I presume that still works in the old-fashioned way around here? You get caught supplying drugs, you get charged?’
He swears under his breath as he turns on his heel and stalks away.