CHAPTER 10
GEMMA
I can’t believe Keaton talked me into this. The last thing I want to do is have a beer tasting party. Not tonight. Not ever.
The swarm of butterflies in my belly has been relentless and I’m sure this is the worst idea I’ve ever had. The absolute worst.
But the beer is finally ready. The first one using the method Keaton suggested; the one with some real research and science behind it. It feels like it’s taken forever.
I haven’t had a problem filling the time at all, not with Keaton in my life now. It’s almost like I have emotional whiplash.
For so long the biggest characters in my life have been my best friends. Now I have one more. The more time I spend with him, the more I’ve fallen for him and the more I’ve regretted the distance I put between us.
Even if I do think it’s what we both needed, at least at the time.
Still, I get a little pang in my heart when I think about the time we lost.
I shake my head slightly before looking over my shoulder when I hear my friends walk into the room. It’s a rare night the event space is open since there’s always an end of summer rush to make memories.
“Are you ready for tonight?” Meadow’s eyes are sparkling, but I can see the genuine concern in her eyes as she studies me.
“Sure,” I try to keep the word bright, but it lands flat.
Very flat.
Like I’m facing the gallows.
Greylin gives me a knowing look, but I can’t hold her gaze for very long. I know I’m being ridiculous.
I know Keaton was right.
I’m not allowing my friends to support me. I’m holding on too damn tightly, all because of fear. Knowing doesn’t make it any easier to change.
“I’ll be honest with you,” Mayer’s words feel like a warning even though I’ve never known her to not be honest, “that answer did not inspire a lot of confidence in me about how you’re doing right now.”
A giggle bubbles out of me which sounds far more unhinged than I’d like it to.
“Confidence is in short supply at the moment,” I admit.
“What’s not to be confident about?” Meadow’s question is a challenge.
When I open my mouth to answer, she shoots me a look and I snap it shut again.
“The beer is chilled. You’ve put the time into it and you’ve teamed up with someone who has more experience and knowledge.
” Her eyebrow arches while her eyes glow with sincerity, “Using that knowledge and experience is not a reflection of your own ability currently or in the future.”
I scoff, “You know you sound like a self-help book right now, don’t you?”
“I think she’s trying to say she’s proud of you,” Mayer cuts in.
Warmth blooms in my chest at her words. Their smiles tell me everything and the feeling spreads.
“Who else is coming?” I hear the sly tone in Greylin’s question and shoot her a look.
Still, I can’t hide my smile.
“Since I know you’re really asking if Keaton is coming, I’ll just go straight to it and confirm that he will be here.
Gary is coming too,” my voice is threaded with worry, but I try to push the feeling aside.
I add, “Keaton already gave me some of his beer as well, since Gary is coming and he can’t drink mine. ”
“Oh,” Meadow chirps, “I want to try his too.” Something shifts on her face before she looks at me again. “Is that okay? I mean, this is your tasting.”
I wave my hand dismissively. “I don’t mind at all. You should try it.”
“Are you nervous because of the tasting or because Gary and Keaton will be in the same room?”
“Mayer,” Meadow whines, “you don’t have to be so blunt about it.”
Mayer just rolls her eyes. She definitely doesn’t pull back her words. I don’t expect her to.
“I’m just not sure how to act with them both in the same room,” I admit. “It’s going to be awkward.”
“Especially when he can’t touch you and be affectionate,” Greylin teases me with a huge grin on her face and her eyebrows wiggling comically.
I’m not surprised that she’s teasing me. Keaton doesn’t hide his affection for me when he’s around my friends. Not anymore. And he definitely doesn’t hold himself back when we’re alone.
But in front of Gary? I don’t know what to do.
Is he going to pretend I don’t exist? Is he going to use helping me to deflect?
I’m not even sure which would be worse at this point. The only thing I haven’t considered, or allowed myself to even imagine, is him wanting to put it all out there and for us to be ourselves without keeping it a secret.
I already know it isn’t going to happen.
Before I can agonize over what might be, strong arms wrap around me and I levitate off the ground for a moment, the miracle of it all fueled by sheer terror. I spin around and look up to find whiskey-colored eyes staring down at me and filled with amusement.
He holds up a small cooler and wiggles it slightly. Very slightly; but enough.
“I wanted to make sure I was here early enough to help get any last-minute things done and to get these in the fridge.” While talking, he smiles at my friends, greeting them with a warmth that only makes me love him more.
My breath hitches and I have to look away for a moment. I have loved Keaton for a long time. I whispered the feeling across my heart when I was too young to understand that nothing is without sacrifice or pain. But I haven’t allowed myself to really think about loving him for years.
If I didn’t admit it to myself, it wasn’t real. Right?
But now I know the truth.
I love him.
Not the boy he used to be. Not the ideal of him I never truly knew.
I love him.
Before I can stop him, or even question it, he leans down and kisses me softly. The contact is brief, but I feel it to the depth of me. When he pulls back, I blink up at him in surprise.
“Did you just kiss me?” The question tumbles from my lips and is filled with a mixture of shock and outrage.
“I’m not hiding this,” his voice is firm. “You are too good to be treated like some dirty little secret. I won’t do it.”
If I weren’t already in love with this man, that would have done it.
I hear my friends make little noises of agreement and encouragement, but I don’t look at them. I can’t. Because I can’t bear to look away from his whiskey-colored eyes.
“What about Gary?” I hate how my voice wobbles as I ask the question, but it’s not like I can take it back.
“Gary will have to deal with it,” Keaton says it so easily.
Like it’s simple.
For a second I let my mind wonder with the notion that it really could be that easy. Then the thought crashes and burns.
Gary has always been easy going, but he can be a real stick in the mud and way too overprotective for my liking when it comes to me. I always accepted it before because I didn’t have a reason to fight against it, not really.
Now? The thought of me being the thing that ruins the friendship they’ve had for almost their entire lives makes my heart clench.
“Why aren’t you afraid?” I whisper the question; it’s so soft he probably has to strain to hear it.
“I am,” he admits, his words low. “I’m terrified he’ll lash out and say something to hurts you. He can hurt me if he wants, I can take it. But you? You’re off limits.”
My arms slide around his waist and I give a squeeze. Then I release him just as quickly. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
Keaton looks at me for a long time, so long that I start to shift from one foot to the other. “If you would rather not take away from the tasting, I’ll try and keep myself under control.”
I open my mouth, but that’s the moment Elwood, Hollyn, and Gary walk through the door. Everything in me freezes. I’m not sure what to do or where to look.
The last thing I want to do is look at Keaton and see hurt in his eyes. When I muster up the courage, I force myself to look at him. There is only understanding in his gaze. I think I might hate that more.
I’m in a daze while my brother hugs me before immediately pulling Keaton into a conversation.
I move away from them, but Keaton keeps his eyes on me almost the entire time.
That’s unsettling enough, but Gary keeps looking between us like he’s a fucking detective and his gut is screaming at him about something being hinky.
It’s the last thing I need.
The butterflies are back when I clear my throat and project my voice, “Thanks for coming everyone. This is my first official tasting,” I try to keep my words steady, but I can feel the wobble in it.
I glance at Keaton and our gazes hold for a second too long. My lips part to say something else, but I get cut off.
“What the fuck is going on here?” It’s Gary’s voice and I freeze in place.
When I look at him, my eyes widen because he’s not looking at me. He’s looking at Keaton. My heart sinks.
“You’ve been looking at my little sister like you can’t wait to get her alone,” there’s a hint of judgement in his tone.
“Gary,” there’s a warning in Keaton’s voice, “Gemma is having a tasting. It’s not something she’s done before and she’s nervous.”
“How do you know she’s nervous?” Gary’s question is filled with suspicion.
Keaton shoots me a look, and I already know that I barely have enough time to mentally brace myself. “Because she came to me for help and the moment I opened my door, I knew I wouldn’t ever be able to go back,” his voice is clear and carries throughout the entire room.
Part of me wants to shrink away from the sound. Part of me wants to do a happy dance.
I stand perfectly still instead of doing either.
Gary’s gaze swings over to mine. He studies me for a long time. I have no idea what he sees on my face. The best I can do right now is not let my unshed tears fall.
“Is he saying that not only has he been helping you, but you’ve also been,” he pauses and his face screws up, “dating?”
“Yes.” Keaton leaves zero room for argument.
Gary keeps his eyes on me and waits. My response is more of a squeak, “Yes.”
My brother’s eyes slam closed and his chest heaves with a few deep breaths. He spins around until his back is facing me. I watch every breath he takes even though it feels like my lungs have seized.