Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Saylor
I didn't sleep well. I felt Marshall's steady breath, but I couldn't seem to let go. I tossed and turned, unsure how much shut-eye I actually got. When the sun finally rose, I was ready to take a shower, pack, and get this day over with.
There was no easy way to say goodbye, so I'd need to plaster on a neutral face and get it done.
I slipped out from under Marshall's arm, grabbing the clothes I'd set out the night before, and jumped in the shower. I left the door unlocked, hoping Marshall would join me, but at the same time, I knew I needed to create distance between us.
If I didn't have space, I had a feeling I'd ask if I could live in this house with him forever, and that wasn't a possibility. This was a temporary rental for him. He was buying a beach house for him and his daughter.
He'd purposely left that possibility of moving to Naples open. Even if I decided I should stay, he wouldn't necessarily be here.
I let the hot water flow over me, washing away the exhaustion. I wasn't ready to face the day, but I was done with the seemingly endless night.
I closed my eyes, tipping my face into the stream of water, wishing I never had to leave when I felt a hard body press against my back.
Marshall slowly turned me so that we faced each other, squeezing body wash onto his hands, gently soaping my body. He took his time getting every inch, then shampooed my hair, giving me a lovely scalp massage.
The gentleness in his touch had tears springing to my eyes. This was the longest goodbye ever, and I wasn't sure I was going to make it through.
When he was done rinsing my hair, he said, "Go ahead and dry off. I need to wash up."
I stepped out of the shower, grabbing the fluffy white towel and wrapping my body in the softness. Our time together had come to an end. His washing me was his way of saying goodbye, just like the way we'd made love last night. I breathed through the tightness in my throat.
I'd get through this, and then I'd have a car ride to feel sorry for myself. I finished packing my stuff, then headed downstairs to Hayden's room.
I knocked softly on the door, and she said, "Come in."
I opened the door slowly. Her suitcase was on the bed, overflowing with clothes.
She gave me a panicked look. "Can you help me? I think I have more stuff than I brought with me."
I chuckled as I looked at the mound of pastel-colored clothes and bathing suits. "Did you buy a lot of beachwear while you were here?"
"I think so?" Hayden said, and we both erupted into giggles.
"Next time, bring an empty suitcase so you have room to take everything home." Then I sobered because the next time she was here visiting, I wouldn't be living with her.
"I'm going to miss you," Hayden said softly.
"I'm going to miss you too." I hugged her tight. "You have my number. You're welcome to reach out anytime you need anything."
Hayden smiled. "I'll do that."
At least she was just a text away. "Are you feeling better about going back?"
She nodded. "I'm giving it a chance like I promised."
"Let's get to work." I folded her clothes and packed them as tightly as I could. But we still had a bunch of shoes and toiletries that wouldn't fit.
Marshall paused in the doorway. "Are you packed?"
I took a step back. "It doesn't fit."
"I have a duffle that could work," Marshall said without missing a beat.
A few minutes later, he returned with a duffle, opening it on the bed.
Hayden immediately got to work stuffing her things inside of it.
"Pancakes are ready whenever you are," Marshall said before ducking out again.
"I'm going to eat," I said, once most of her things were packed.
Hayden smiled at me. "I'll be there in a minute."
I left her room, my heart feeling heavy as I entered the kitchen for my last Marshall pancake breakfast. I sat at the counter with a stack of pancakes. "I'm going to miss this."
"My pancakes?" Marshall asked with a smile.
"Just those," I said.
He grinned wider. "I'm sure that's not all you'll miss."
I sighed. "I'm going to miss all of it. You. The house. Hayden. The island."
He winked. "It will all be here waiting for you."
Would he really be waiting for me? He hadn't said how he felt about me, even if I could feel the emotions pouring off him in the shower this morning. Before I could say anything about his comment, Hayden appeared, slipping onto the stool next to me. "You spoiled me this summer."
Marshall frowned. "That's not possible. I missed so many moments in your life."
"How will it be now that you're living here full-time? Will you come to my soccer games?" Hayden asked.
"I've thought about getting a condo near you, so that I can be there for school events," Marshall said.
Hayden glanced up at him, her eyes wide. "Are you serious?"
"My work will be here, but I want to see you too." Marshall shrugged. "It makes the most sense."
I didn't even know he'd been thinking about getting a condo in Naples. It sounded like he intended to live in both places. But it was possible he couldn't live without Hayden. I wouldn't blame him if he made the move permanent.
I ate slowly, the pancakes settling like bricks in my stomach.
Marshall wrapped up the leftovers in tinfoil and placed them next to me. "There's more pancakes and bacon for your drive."
"Thank you." That was thoughtful of him. But I wanted more than just food. I wanted a lifetime of pancake breakfasts. The pain was so sharp; I rubbed my chest to alleviate the ache.
"We have to get going," Marshall said to Hayden. "I'll put your bags in the car."
When he left, Hayden turned to me. "Are you going to tell him how you feel?"
"How do you know I didn't?" I asked, unsure I should be talking to her about this and not him.
She pouted. "I don't understand why you're leaving."
"I have a job in Jacksonville."
Hayden sighed. "I know, but I thought you would be here with my dad."
I reached over and touched her hand. "You don't have to worry about your dad. He's a strong man."
Hayden smiled at me. "I'd feel better if he had someone like you."
I didn't know how to respond, but Marshall reappeared, his expression stoic. "Truck's packed. You ready to go?"
Hayden hugged me tight.
"Keep in touch," I said to her as she stood, grabbing her book bag.
"Will do," Hayden said with a smile, then disappeared down the hallway to the front door.
"Are you heading out soon?" Marshall asked, his unaffected tone was off-putting.
I stood, dumping the dregs of my coffee down the drain. "I have a long drive ahead of me."
"Drive safe. Text me when you arrive." His voice was gruff.
"Will do," I said, wondering why he still stood across the room.
He threw a thumb over his shoulder, but he didn't move. "Hayden's waiting for me."
I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my cheek on his chest. His body was hard and warm under mine. I'd miss this closeness when I was alone. When I pulled back, I said, "Thanks for a great summer."
He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Then he turned on his heel, his heavy footsteps pounding in rhythm with my heart. Was he going to turn around and declare his love for me? Should I have said something to him?
I felt like I had things to resolve in Jacksonville before I could offer Marshall anything. And I wasn't sure he felt the same way I did, so I was stuck in this strange place. I had no choice but to move forward with my life.
My grandmother could take care of herself. Hayden would be back with her mother soon, and then it would just be Marshall. He didn't know where he would land either. This wasn't our time.
My stomach sunk when I heard the rev of his truck engine. I made myself wait until I couldn't hear the engine anymore. He wasn't coming back.
He was moving on with his life, and I needed to do the same. I couldn't be here when he got back. If he loved me, surely, he would have said something.
I finished packing, grabbing the last of my toiletries and tucking them into my bag when Elena texted.
Elena: Are you still planning to leave today?
Saylor: Heading out in a few minutes.
Elena: You didn't tell Marshall how you felt?
Saylor: That doesn't seem fair. Not when I don't know where my life is headed at the moment.
My things were in storage, and my job expected me to be in my chair at the office tomorrow. People were depending on me.
Elena: I guess he didn't say how he felt either?
Saylor: It was a summer fling. It was amazing while it lasted.
My heart felt heavy as I shoved everything deeper into my bag so I could zip it.
Elena: But you're in love with him.
I felt defeated. This situation felt eerily similar to my relationship with Flynn. He didn't love me enough to be faithful.
Saylor: I can't make someone love me though.
Our lives were at a crossroads. We needed to figure out what we wanted before we had any hope of something more. Then there was the pesky issue of his feelings for me. We'd had a fling, and calling it something else would be going against the rules of our relationship. It wouldn't be fair.
Elena: I saw how he looks at you.
Saylor: This is the way it has to be.
Elena: But does it?
Elena's words stuck with me as I finished packing my bags and stuffed them into the trunk of my car. When I went to put the address into my GPS, I realized I didn't have one. I'd need to find a hotel for the night, then figure out if I should rent an apartment.
That was a detail I could and should have handled from Sanibel, but I kept putting it off.
I needed to focus on the drive and not think too hard about what I was leaving behind: the lovely beach cottage where I'd spent my summer in the arms of a man who felt like he could love me back. It hurt that it didn't seem to be the case.
I'd fallen for him, and he'd seen me as a nice distraction. I was leaving his life as quickly as I'd entered it. It hurt that I hadn't meant more to him than a summer escape from his life.
But then again, it had happened before. We flitted in and out of each other's lives, never sticking. We weren't the forever kind of relationship. We were temporary.
Then why did it hurt so much?
I reminded myself of all the practical reasons why I had to go home to Jacksonville. My life was there. My job was expecting me.
But the more miles I traveled, the harsher my reality appeared. My ex was in Jacksonville, living his new life with the woman he cheated on me with. He'd led a double life, and now his new girlfriend was living the life I had.
That didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. In fact, it barely registered on the feelings scale. There was no sharp pang of pain or shame at what he'd done. There was nothing.
Huh. That was interesting. I'd expected to be more upset or at least worried I'd run into him, but instead I felt nothing.
Maybe the relationship with Marshall helped me get over Flynn, and that was a good thing. I could move on from that relationship.
Except I wasn't happy. I was sad about leaving Sanibel, and it wasn't just that I was leaving my grandmother or Hayden. I was leaving Marshall, the only man I'd ever loved.
By the time I arrived in Jacksonville, late at night, my head ached. I found a hotel and carried my things inside. This would be my home for the foreseeable future.
I snapped a pic of my room and sent it to Marshall with the caption, Home Sweet Home .
His answer was immediate.
Marshall: You don't have a place to stay tonight?
Saylor: This will do for now.
Marshall: Good luck tomorrow.
I groaned in frustration. Good luck tomorrow? That was all he had to say?
Saylor: Thanks.
Our relationship was stilted. It was over. I wouldn't be calling him or texting him to discuss our day. We wouldn't live together anymore. There wouldn't be any more pancake breakfasts, impromptu lunches, or walks on the beach.
I was in shock from the abrupt change. I'd have to get used to living alone again. I pulled out my work clothes and hung them in the small hotel closet.
I had a big day tomorrow. I wasn't used to working in an office or reporting to my boss every day. I had to get back into the swing of things and fast. I didn't want to lose my job to one of the younger workers, the ones who seemingly lived on energy drinks.
I checked my phone repeatedly as I got ready for bed, but Marshall didn't message again. I had to come to terms with the fact that our relationship was over. My life was in Jacksonville once again. There was nothing for me in Sanibel.