Chapter 71
‘You are OK?’
Faye smiled at Kostas’s words and wondered if she had ever felt like this in her whole life.
She was absolutely joyously overflowing in a way she never thought could be possible again.
She was content and complete on her own.
But here, with him, lying on blankets on the sand, listening to the water rock as rhythmically as they had together, there was no ceiling, no limits, just a sensation of overabundance she wanted to soak in.
‘Yes,’ she answered, her head on his chest. ‘I am OK. Are you?’
‘Fuck, Faye, I don’t know what I am,’ he answered. ‘I am certain only that I am not the same person who arrived on this island such a short time ago.’
She laughed, moving as he moved, until they were both sitting up, still naked, facing the sea. He curled her up into his arms until they were comfortably nestled together like a rock and its fossil.
‘But it is only a good thing,’ Kostas told her. ‘A great thing, actually. And I know the work is not done.’
‘What do you mean?’ Faye asked.
‘Well, I mean this much more self-aware version of me knows that he needs to be better still. And that is going to require me to go back to therapy.’ He took a breath, played with a piece of her hair, smoothing it between his fingertips.
‘I need to be able to be in a room with cushions and not feel like I need to hide them in a wardrobe for a start. Realise that a touch of home, of comfort, of permanence can be a good thing.’ He sighed.
‘And I need to be able to face the fact that it is likely my father arranged for guys to attack me in Athens and no one is responsible for anything that happened to my family except him.’
‘Oh, Kosta, I don’t know what to say,’ Faye said, unravelling herself a little so she could look at him.
‘You do not have to say anything. You do not have to feel any way about it at all. It cannot be changed. And that is where I want to grow from. Address it, establish it as a fact from my past and move forward.’ He hugged her to him.
‘You told me how important honesty is for you and I don’t think I truly understood what you meant because I have not had that kind of honesty my whole life.
’ He sighed. ‘I think the people in my life treated “honesty” like a white lie. You don’t feel you are being dishonest because you know the truth will hurt someone’s feelings.
But sometimes we have to feel hurt to be able to feel all the other things. ’
‘You are going back to Athens soon?’ Faye asked him.
He nodded. ‘There are new plans I am working on.’
Her body stiffened instinctively and he drew her back into him.
‘Hey, do not worry. I am not about to lodge plans to put a shopping complex next to the Parthenon. I am just taking things slowly this time. I could have told everyone about the idea tonight, perhaps alleviated their hatred for me, but I realised I would be doing that for me and not them and their island.’ He took a breath.
‘I’ve decided I want to set up a basketball centre for excellence here in Corfu.
And, not just that, I want there to be more courts, better courts, in more places here.
Places that are accessible to everyone.’ He sighed.
‘The times I lived here, and in the holidays, there were never enough places to hang out, you know, as kids. And when kids get bored, they look for trouble.’
‘Or they get really good at skimming stones.’
‘You want me to have a centre for excellence for that too? I am sure it can be done.’
She smiled. ‘I think you’d have to be the teacher.’
‘I could be. Because, you know, I want to spend a lot more time on this island in the future.’
‘Really?’
‘Faye, have I not made myself clear?’ he asked.
‘I know, but there’s a lot of things involved and—’
‘And maybe you don’t feel the exact same way I do. Damn. I kind of jumped forward too fast, didn’t I?’
‘No!’ Faye said immediately. She extricated herself from him, kneeling up on the sand and taking hold of his hands. ‘No, it isn’t that. Well, not exactly.’
‘Honesty, Faye. No white lies or shields, remember? Even if feelings get hurt.’
She took a deep breath. It was something that had been on her mind from the very beginning. Something that had held her back from thinking this could be anything more than a summer fling. Something that she knew she could never commit to.
‘You’ve just said about making something for the next generation of basketball players.
You talked about someone inheriting your estate in the future.
What about that, Kosta? Even if I feel the same way you feel about me, we can’t ignore the fact that you’re twenty-five and I’m forty and I don’t want any more children.
’ She held his hands. ‘That time for me has passed. I’m at a different stage of my life now.
’ She sighed. ‘Pursuing anything with me is not going to result in a family.’
He nodded. ‘Wow, you’re actually really forty.’
‘Stop it. It’s not the time for jokes.’
‘You think Saffron will ever like me? You know, maybe if I learn the words to some cool Korean pop songs or, I don’t know, there must be some choreo on TikTok I can try?’
Faye shook her head. ‘Don’t joke. I’m being serious.’
‘So am I, Faye,’ Kostas said. He sighed.
‘You know, I’ve seen the way Saffron looks at me sometimes if we see each other around the hotel.
And I know she’s thinking, Who is this guy who thinks he is good enough for my mother?
And I relate. But I am also thinking, Wow, Faye has created this whole young person and as she is the most important person in Faye’s life, this is someone I need to get to know and earn the trust of to prove that one day I can be worthy of being beside her mother.
And then, maybe in time, perhaps I might be someone she can come to for support.
’ He sighed. ‘I don’t know what that looks like really. But I would like to try.’
‘Kosta,’ she said, squeezing his hands in hers.
‘Listen, Faye, having kids, I believe that’s something you only ever think about with someone you’re so blindingly in love with that you can’t imagine ever being with anyone else.’
‘Well, yes.’
‘So, what if you find that person and that person can’t have children? Or doesn’t want children? Are you meant to give that connection up? Because what are the chances of finding that unique, amazing, sizzling, mind-blowing, off-all-the-scales kind of feeling with someone else?’
‘I… don’t know.’
‘Well, I know, Faye,’ Kostas told her. ‘I know that what I feel for you I’ve never felt even close to with anyone else and if you tell me children aren’t on the agenda for you, I accept that. And I’m not going to change my mind. If you want me to sign another ninety-nine-year lease today I will.’
There were tears in her eyes now. Could this be real? Was this all for her – her beloved job, her brand new home, this gorgeous, intelligent, slightly off-the-wall guy who matched her vibe so easily, so sweetly, so perfectly…
She didn’t say anything, but she got to her feet and took a few steps to the side of the space. Then she crouched a little, finger in the sand, drawing, writing. It took a few seconds and then it was done.
‘Vlepo,’ Faye said, encouraging him to stand. ‘Look.’
He read aloud. ‘Kostas. OK, my name.’
‘Your name,’ she said. ‘Written inside that heart. My heart. That’s the only contract we need.’
‘OK,’ he said, bending down to the ground. ‘But it is not complete.’
She watched him draw a heart shape next to hers and write her name inside it. And then he stood and, linking their hands, he turned her towards him. ‘And now it is done. Signed in the sand. Atéleiotos.’
Endless.