Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Kinsley
I floated through the next few weeks, attempting to be present at work. I shopped for materials and created designs for Shep's house on my lunch breaks. At home, we worked every night on the bathrooms.
I was also focused on the plans for the kitchen. Everything would need to be ordered so that the guys could renovate quickly.
At home, we flirted and stole kisses when Maya was out of the room. But we hadn't told her that we were anything yet.
I wasn't sure what the protocol was for something like that. Did I talk to her about it? Would she even understand?
She liked Shep, and she enjoyed living with him. But I had no idea if she'd have a problem with us seeing each other.
When Maya went to bed, we spent time on his rooftop deck and made love before I disappeared to my bedroom. I wanted to be there in case Maya needed me in the middle of the night. Not that she did unless she was sick or had a particularly bad nightmare.
I hated that we had to sleep in separate beds when Maya was here, but I wasn't sure about when to take the next step. Is that what he wanted, or did he enjoy this in-between relationship? We weren't together, at least not publicly or in front of Maya.
It was okay for now, but I wasn't sure how much longer I could continue with the ruse. Maya's bathroom was done, and she'd moved her toys from Shep's tub to her own. She adored her new bathroom, continually referring to it as her princess bathroom.
Shep had gifted her with new fluffy towels and a pirate ship that floated in the water. He did little things like that for her. But the best thing he did was spend time with her.
I'd consistently posted one new clip a day on the company's social-media pages, but they hadn't gotten much traction. I wasn't sure people were even aware that we were doing that. I quietly opened a channel on a streaming service, wondering if that platform would be better for something like this.
But the landscape was so glutted with similar options, I wasn't sure that it would be seen. But what would happen when it became public?
Would the women show up at the gate wanting to spend time with Shep? Would he see that there were other options out there for him and take them?
It was probably better that no one was interested in our little renovation. It could be something that we shared, that no one else could pick apart.
Our little secret.
Today, Elena was stopping by with Hudson and a wedding planner. Linnea wanted a tour of the property so she could plan the ceremony and the reception.
Elena assured us that we didn't need to do anything for the wedding itself except for finishing the renovation and being a guest.
I was nervous that Hudson would know that there was something going on between me and Shep. Would there be some kind of blowback at work if everyone found out?
Jon was so hard on Shep. Would he use this as one more reason to believe he was irresponsible? I didn't want to be a problem for him.
We cooked breakfast together, and I tidied up the house while Maya played in her room. When the doorbell rang, I was a mess of nerves.
Shep got the door, and I hung back. I was just the roommate, not the girlfriend. Should I even be here? Before I could decide, Elena approached me, hugging me. "How are you?"
"Good," I said, wondering if anyone would ask if I'd found a place to live yet. Because the truth was, I hadn't even looked. I was content here and in no hurry to move out.
I couldn't imagine not living with Shep. If we didn't have our nights, we'd only see each other when Derek had Maya, and I couldn't go that long without my fix.
Elena pulled back. "This is Linnea, our wedding planner. We wanted to show her the venue."
Linnea shook Shep's hand. "Your home is gorgeous."
She was professional in a pencil skirt and silk blouse. I couldn't believe she'd worn heels to tour a wedding venue on the beach. She probably didn't have a child at home or an ex to deal with.
She seemed enamored with Shep, standing close to him and holding his hand a beat too long.
"Thank you," Shep said, pulling back his hand. He led the way onto the patio. I followed at a slower pace, unsure if I was even supposed to be here. We hadn't discussed my role in the wedding.
I hovered on the edge of the group, listening but not making any comments.
Linnea walked the patio. "There's plenty of room for a cocktail party.
The bar can be set up here." She stood at the edge of the grand stairs that led to the beach.
"These are magnificent. Can you imagine what your pictures will look like with the photographer standing there?
" She turned so that she faced us. "You're so lucky to have this house in your family. "
"My grandmother entrusted me with keeping it," Shep said.
Linnea smiled. "You were close with your grandmother."
Irrational jealousy bloomed in my chest and threatened to choke me with its intensity.
"I was," Shep said simply.
Elena went down the stairs, meeting Linnea on the soft sand. "We were thinking of having the ceremony in front of the house, and the reception off to the side."
"We could rent a tent, tables, chairs, and linens. We'll bring everything in." Linnea tapped out something on her tablet.
Should I move out before the wedding? Would people think it was weird that I lived here when we weren't technically dating? I didn't want anyone to be upset.
"What happens if it rains?" Elena asked.
"It depends how set you are on having your wedding outdoors. There really isn't an indoor area to take your guests unless you're okay with them in your house."
And it wasn't their house. It was Shep's. I wasn't sure how he felt about hosting a wedding.
"We'd have to clear out the furniture to have it inside, or we could get tents with flaps and do it under the tent. It's up to you."
"I really want to be on the beach. No matter what." Elena chewed her lip, looking at Hudson to check in with him.
"Whatever you want is fine with me. I just want you to be happy." He pulled her into his side with his arm over her shoulders.
It was a sweet moment. What would it be like to be that committed to someone? I couldn't imagine it because Derek hadn't been that into our relationship after I got pregnant.
I was extra to this discussion. I didn't have anything to add to the conversation, so I stepped away to check on Maya.
Observing Elena and Hudson together got to me. I wanted that. When would I finally be with someone who treated me like I was worthy? Maybe I had to start thinking I was worthy first.
I headed upstairs, ducking into Maya's room where she was playing with her dolls. I knew better than to ask if I could join her. She didn't like interruptions.
So I sat on the bed and tried not to think about what Shep was thinking. Was he grateful that I'd disappeared? Less pressure on him to pretend that nothing was going on between us?
A while later, I heard voices downstairs. They must have come inside to discuss details. Was it awful that I wanted to hide out here forever?
Shep ducked his head inside the room. "Linnea's leaving soon, but Elena and Hudson are staying for lunch. You want to come down in a bit?"
"I will."
"What are you doing hiding up here?"
I flushed. "I came inside to check on Maya."
Shep just gave me a look because he knew that when Maya got involved in her pretend play, she wouldn't want me to interrupt her. "Come down when you're ready."
I smiled at him, trying to convey that I was fine and that the display of the happy couple on the patio hadn't shaken me.
Either he was proud of what we had, or he wanted to hide it. It couldn't be both. And I didn't like how it felt to be a secret.
I waited until I heard the front door close, and then I headed downstairs to help with lunch.
Elena was seated on a stool, and Hudson leaned against the counter next to her.
"How did it go?" I asked them.
"Great." Elena smiled at Hudson. "We're finally getting married and at a location that means a lot to us."
The house probably meant more to the Kingston family, but it was the beach which satisfied Elena's desires for the perfect wedding.
I wanted Elena to have whatever she wanted. I wouldn't let this thing with Shep interfere with her wedding. But I didn't know what that meant. Would I need to move out before the wedding so that there was no hint of a scandal beforehand?
Hudson dropped a light kiss on her lips. "I'm thrilled you want to get married here."
Elena smiled at him and then asked Shep, "You think you'll be able to have the kitchen finished before then?"
"You want to see the plans?" Shep asked her, opening the drawer where he kept the plans for the house renovation and laying them out on the table.
We moved over to the table to see.
"I thought I could do a gourmet island and state-of-the-art appliances, double oven, industrial fridge. I'll keep the butler's pantry, so we'll have plenty of storage for food and serving dishes. That way, we can host a lot of family parties in the future."
"You really want to open the house to the family?" Hudson asked him, not taking his gaze off the plans.
Shep nodded. "That's what Gram would have wanted."
Elena squeezed Hudson's hand, and he said, "But this is your house now. You should do what you want with it."
"I want it to be in our family for generations. I might not have any kids, so it makes more sense for the rest of the family to enjoy it."
My stomach sunk when he said he might not have kids. Did that mean he didn't want them? He didn't see a future with me and Maya? Or was it something more? He didn't think he was worthy of having children? My brain was running rampant with ideas, none of them good.
Elena curled her hand around Hudson's arm. "I think it's a great idea, Shep. Your parents will be thrilled too, I'm sure."
"It's going to be great when it's done." Hudson shifted through the other blueprints. "What's this?"
He held up one I hadn't seen before.