Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Shep
I screwed up.
I'd been in a panic ever since I realized that Kinsley had walked out of the bar and went home by herself. I tried to let down the women nicely, thinking that it was good for the show and our business. But I'd hurt Kinsley, and I hated it.
Why had I ever decided to keep us a secret? I wasn't even sure we'd had another conversation about our relationship being hidden after that first night together.
Dad didn't want me to date her, but what about what I wanted?
Why did I always have to think about the business first? I wanted it to be successful. I wanted to create a legacy for the kids in the family. But I deserved to be happy too.
Unfortunately, I had pushed Kinsley away, and apparently, she was looking at rental properties. I focused on the kitchen with my brothers, trying not to think too hard about where she was.
"Ivy said she's showing Maya properties today," Cooper said casually while we worked to carefully remove the cabinets.
"That's what I heard." My jaw was tight.
"She's in a hurry to move out?" Hudson asked.
"I think the wedding has her spooked. She doesn't want people to talk about us living together. It would be weird since I'm her employer."
"Is it though? She's a family friend. We're just helping her out," Cooper said.
"Dad seems to think it's a problem for island gossip. He talked to me on Friday about it."
This was all my fault because I didn't know how to express my feelings unless it was through the physical.
"Are you going to miss them when they're gone? You seemed close to Maya." Hudson looked down at me from his spot on top of the ladder.
The ache in my chest hadn't gone away since I read her note. "I've gotten close to both of them."
"You used to fight with Kinsley all the time, and now you seem friendly," Cooper continued, and I wondered where he was going with this.
"I think she softened toward me."
Hudson focused his attention on the upper cabinets where he was attempting to pull them from the wall. "Was it because of the way you took care of her and her daughter?"
I nodded. "And I offered them a place to stay."
"And you treated them well," Cooper said.
"I like to think so." Was it hot in here, or was it just me?
Cooper looked at me. "Is there anything else going on between you?"
I stiffened. "What do you mean?"
"You seem distracted. You're checking your phone every few seconds."
I shrugged. "I wanted to see if she found a place."
Cooper's brow furrowed. "This is more than that. I'm getting I fucked up vibes from you, and you're waiting to hear from her as if you screwed up something with her.
I wiped the sweat from my brow. "I don't know why you'd think that."
Hudson climbed down from the ladder and leaned against the lower cabinet.
Cooper snorted. "You hooked up with her, didn't you? And Dad is worried it's going to screw up the dynamic at work."
I squeezed the back of my neck. "He doesn't know that anything happened. He warned me not to make a move."
Hudson shook his head. "And yet you did anyway."
"I'm not irresponsible," I said, even as my stomach knotted.
Hudson leveled me with a look I couldn't decipher. "I never said you were."
"I liked her. I was in a place where I wanted something more. But I don't know. I never told her, and now—"
"She's leaving. Does it have anything to do with the women who approached you all night?" Cooper asked, disgust tingeing his voice.
The band around my chest tightened. "I have a feeling she didn't like it."
"Why didn't you hang out with her?" Hudson asked.
"We kept our relationship a secret from everyone. I let her lead that because she had Maya to consider. And I didn't want to do anything to mess up the publicity we got for the business."
"Who cares about the videos? This is about you and the only woman you've ever been serious about." Hudson's voice rose in volume.
"How do you know I'm serious about her?" I asked, wishing they'd stop hounding me about my screwup.
Hudson gestured at me. "I've never seen you like this. You're wound up tighter than a clock."
I couldn't argue with him because I was tense. I'd been a mess ever since last night. I'd rushed home to talk to Kinsley, but she was already asleep. And then she was gone before I returned from my run. I should have stuck around the house until she talked to me.
Instead, I was stuck in this limbo where I couldn't apologize or make anything better. "She's looking for an apartment. How else am I supposed to feel?"
Cooper raised a brow. "Did you ask her to stay?"
I placed my hands on my hips. "Of course not."
Cooper exchanged a look with Hudson. "I can see why she'd be looking for a new place to stay after last night. Especially if you didn't claim her in front of those women."
I ground my teeth together. "That wasn't part of our agreement."
Hudson raised a brow, amusement in his tone. "Oh, there was an agreement?"
"Not exactly. There was an understanding that we'd keep things quiet because Maya didn't know we were together. And then Dad had warned me away from her."
Hudson straightened. "What exactly did he say?"
"That I shouldn't make a move on our employee. It wouldn't be right. And it was implied that it would be one more impulsive thing I did that was wrong."
Cooper scoffed. "You're not hooking up with an employee. You're in love with her."
I opened my mouth to deny his declaration, but then I remembered how I felt on Friday night, how I wanted to claim her as mine. Was I in love with her?
"How do you feel about the prospect of her leaving?" Cooper asked.
"As if I was losing a piece of myself. And don't even get me started on how I feel about Maya not being here with me."
"You're in love with her, and she doesn't know how you feel. She assumes you welcomed the attention of those women last night. That you don't want her, other than as a dirty secret."
"She's not my dirty secret." I recoiled at that characterization. What we had was real. I wasn't ashamed of it. It was the best thing in my life. She lifted me up and made me a better person. I wasn't embarrassed by her.
Cooper gave me a look. "Does she know that?"
I growled. "I can't do anything about it. She won't talk to me."
Cooper sighed. "I forget you haven't been in a relationship before."
"Tell me what to do." He'd hooked up with Ivy, getting her pregnant. Then they realized they were in love with each other. He had to have a perspective that was better than mine.
"Every situation is different, and I don't know Kinsley that well, but you have to apologize to her and tell her you're an idiot. Tell her how you feel. Women expect us to screw up sometimes. It's how we handle it that will make or break a relationship," Cooper said.
"And if I don't want her to leave?" I asked, my stomach roiling at everything I needed to do.
"Then tell her," Hudson said as if it were that easy.
"What about Dad?"
"You probably need to talk to him about how you feel, and that you're going to be making the decisions from here on out. He doesn't have to like them."
I ran a hand through my hair. "And if he says that I'm being irresponsible?"
Hudson considered me. "I think this is a good sign of your maturity. You love a woman, and you want to take care of her and her child."
I stretched my neck from side to side, thinking about the possibilities. She could refuse to talk to me. She could reject my apology. What then? "What if she wants nothing to do with me?"
Cooper snapped me with a towel. "That's a possibility. Maybe she doesn't want your sorry ass."
I grabbed the towel and snapped it back at him. "Not cool."
"You know what I mean. There's a possibility that she could say that, but what do you think? Is that the kind of relationship you had?"
I remembered what she looked like when we sat on the rooftop deck and gazed at the stars. "I don't think so."
"Then you have a good chance. Just don't wait too long. Pain can cut deep and leave scars if we let people believe things that aren't true," Cooper said, and Hudson nodded in agreement.
"You sound smart about this stuff."
'"I know some things now that I've been through it myself. Ivy was resistant to the idea of a relationship. It wasn't easy to get her to see that we had something special."
"I've never felt like this before." I actually felt better after talking to my brothers. It was like we had something in common besides construction for the first time in years.
"Then tell her," Hudson said as he climbed up the ladder.
"I will if she ever comes home." We got back to work, Hudson loosening the cabinets so we could lower them and carry them to his truck.
I was surprised Cooper sensed I was in love with Kinsley before I did. But the more I thought about how I felt whenever she was around, the stronger I believed it.
I'd never felt like this before. I wanted to share my house and my life with Kinsley and Maya.
Maybe people would think it was too soon to move in with someone.
But what was the point in making them go through the motions of moving out when I wanted them here with me?
Where they didn't have to worry about faulty pipes or lazy landlords.
Besides, I had a huge house that sat empty most of the time. It was lifeless without my girls. I wanted them back.
I was comforted by the knowledge that Derek had to bring Maya back sometime today. So Kinsley had to return. I just hoped she didn't make other arrangements to avoid me. How fast could Ivy secure a new home for her and move her in? Surely, not by tonight.
By five, my muscles ached, and my head throbbed. I was still worried about talking to Kinsley, and now I was wondering how I'd do it if Maya was here. Was that her plan? To use Maya as a buffer?
I walked the guys outside. "Thanks for helping."
Hudson inclined his head. "It'll be all hands on deck to get this done before the wedding."
"I can't believe that Hudson is getting married," Cooper said with a smirk.
Hudson didn't rise to the bait and said, "I'm sure it will be the first of many weddings in the Kingston family."
I blew out a breath. "I used to think relationships and marriages meant the end of something, my freedom. But now I see it as a new lease on life. Kinsley's the key to my happiness."
Cooper squeezed my shoulder. "Don't be an idiot and lose her."
The gate opened, and Kinsley drove through, followed by Derek. I was excited and nervous to see Kinsley and Maya. Would Maya realize that something was wrong?
"Good luck," Coop mumbled as he opened his truck door, and Hudson squeezed my shoulder in a silent show of support.
Kinsley got out of her car and moved toward Derek's rear passenger seat, letting Maya out.
Maya ran to greet me. "Shep!"
I picked her up. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and I felt a deep sense of belonging. This was where I was supposed to be. I wanted more days where Kinsley and Maya came home to me. We'd spend our evenings cooking dinner, doing homework, and playing games.
I just had to convince Kinsley.
Kinsley grabbed Maya's bag from the back of the car and shut the door.
I raised a brow. "Derek's not getting out."
"Nope," Kinsley said, looking weary. She had bags under her eyes.
"Let's go inside so you can relax." She must not have slept well last night, probably worried about the same things I was. Except she thought I didn't care for her. That I didn't want her. And she couldn't be further from the truth. I was going to set her straight. If she'd let me.
"Wave to Daddy," I forced myself to say to Maya.
Maya complied, and then we turned to go inside.
Kinsley dropped Maya's bag by the door.
"You want to cook dinner or order in?" I asked her, not sure what I was supposed to do in this situation.
Kinsley made a distasteful face. "You don't have to cook."
We were back to this again, and I didn't like it. She was shutting me out. I looked at Maya. "What do you want?"
She held her hands out wide. "Chinese!"
I grinned. "I haven't had Chinese in forever."
"It's not something we normally splurge on," Kinsley said softly.
I wondered if the apartment search hadn't gone well.
"Should we get Chinese food delivered or go out to eat?" I asked Kinsley, letting Maya down.
Her shoulders lowered slightly. "Chinese sounds good."
"Let's have a night in. Eat Chinese, read our fortune cookies, and watch TV." I needed to reserve my energy for the talk we needed to have.
I wouldn't let her disappear this time. Kinsley couldn't walk out of my life without her knowing where I stood and how I felt.
I ordered the food, getting everyone's preferences before making the call. Then I suggested we get in the pool.
We didn't discuss what happened the night before, since Maya was with us. It was tense. I wanted to ease the awkwardness, but any conversation would have to wait for Maya to be in bed.
When the food came, I went out to the gate, grabbing our bags. When I returned, everyone was upstairs getting dressed, so I knocked on Kinsley's door.
"Yes?" she called through the door.
"Meet me on the rooftop for dinner."
I waited for her muffled acquiescence, then changed out of my trunks and made my way upstairs. I couldn't wait for Maya to see this space. I was positive she'd love it as much as I did.
I'd hung a string of lights on the railing to make the space more inviting, and lanterns were placed around the deck to provide ambiance.
I wanted a fort feel, so I set the food on the table, grabbed a blanket from the couch inside, and hung it from the railing so we could sit on the floor and enjoy the evening.
I started to open the boxes of food when I heard the squeal. Maya dived under the fort a few seconds later. "What's this?"
"A rooftop fort."
She knelt on the floor, her body wiggling with excitement. "It's so cool."
I handed her a box with chopsticks, which she accepted.
Kinsley took her time getting into the tent and sitting on one of the pillows. "No stargazing tonight?"
"It's cloudy, and I thought it would be fun to have a fort on the roof."
From here, we could still see the waves crashing on the shore and smell the salty air. The breeze ruffled the blanket from time to time, but it held. I had a feeling there would be a storm later this evening.
It was probably fitting, considering the conversation we needed to have. We ate and then projected a movie onto the wall. When Maya drifted off, I carried her to her room.
Kinsley was behind me, tucking her in. In the hallway, I asked, "Can we talk on the roof?"
I expected her to say no and held my breath.
"Give me a minute, and I'll be up."
Upstairs, I took down the blanket, folded it neatly, and set it on the couch. Then I returned the pillows and cushions to the couch and surrounding chairs.
I braced my hands on the railing, wondering how this was going to go. I hope she listened to what I had to say.