Chapter 23
I’m staring at my screen, still not 100 percent sure I clearly understood what Leslie just said to me. “I’m sorry, what?” It’s only been a few days since I’ve been back home to my apartment, and my mind is still too busy replaying the breakup over and over to focus on anything else.
“Avery, your writing is nothing short of genius. Don’t look so surprised! We’d be lucky to have you on retainer.” Leslie’s eyes are sparkling with excitement.
“I …” I knew I’d nailed it, but this is much more than I’d expected. “I would love to, Leslie.”
“Oh, and you absolutely must come to experience the retreat yourself,” she continues.
My heart skips a beat. “Really?”
“Of course! If you’re going to be writing for us long-term, you’re worth the investment, darling.”
“I’d love to,” I reply, my voice meek. I’m trying to sound grateful for the opportunity. But I’m out of money. There’s no way I can pay for airfare to get there.
How can I tell her that without sounding completely pathetic?
“But it might be a little difficult, what with the?—”
“Nonsense,” she interrupts, a big smile on her face. “Since you’ll be writing more content for us, it only makes sense for you to truly experience everything Prakriti Mountain Wellness has to offer. It’s our responsibility to help you go through the experience.”
“What are you saying?” I don’t dare hope she’s saying what I think she’s saying.
“I’m saying we’ll be sponsoring the trip.”
I don’t know how to feel. First off, it seems too good to be true. I’m still reeling from heartbreak and barely holding it together, so I dare not hope. This stupid apartment just doesn’t feel like home anymore. This was Jasper’s home. Another life entirely. The last thing I want is to be here, alone … despite telling Logan I want to be alone.
But now I’m being given a second chance at a retreat. A chance to heal.
I explode into tears, unable to hold back. And I can’t help the shame that crawls into my stomach. This is completely unprofessional of me.
But before I can explain myself or apologize, Leslie chimes in:
“And it looks like you’ll be needing it, too.”
“You have no idea,” I say through my tears.
* * *
By the next morning, I’ve got a plane ticket booked for North Carolina that’s leaving in two days. But I can’t leave just yet. I still have one piece of unfinished business. So I swallow my pride and text Sophie.
I’ve been a major jerk and I’m sorry. I’m back in town. Can we please talk?
I crash on my couch and stare out the window while hopefully waiting for her reply. The office building staring back at me is still the same as ever. Like always, I can see the workaholic who’s almost always in his office. He’s still hunched over like he’s starting to morph into his desk.
It’s so weird. It really feels like nothing has changed. But I’m so bruised and battered that, in another way, everything is different. I have absolutely no idea where to even begin with myself now that I’ve made it clear I want to heal.
I do have one thing going for me—I know exactly what to expect when I land in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I’ve spent so long writing about it that I know everything I need to know about the Panchakarma cleanse I’ll soon get to experience.
My phone vibrates against my thigh, and my heart skips a beat. I look at the screen and immediately sigh in relief at the sight of Sophie’s name.
Was about time you came back. Come on over in like an hour or so. Heather’s sleeping.
My heart leaps in my throat. I can’t leave Montreal again without speaking to Sophie. Not only do I want to apologize in person for cursing her out when she was right about me, but I have to let her know what I’ve done.
I hope she’s going to be proud of me. I know she wants me to allow myself to be happy, and this healing journey is the first step to making it happen.
Within the next hour and a half, I’m dressed and already knocking at Sophie’s door in the Verdun neighbourhood. Her house is pretty close to the canal, and for a city house, it has a pretty sizeable yard. From what I can hear, Gwen is already out playing in said yard; I hear her squeal and laugh, followed by Matthew’s booming voice.
My heart constricts, and I close my eyes. But I don’t let myself get too envious. This could be mine soon enough. Once I figure myself out, if Logan doesn’t find anyone else in the meantime, maybe this could be us someday. Maybe, in a few years, it could be the sound of our children laughing that I’ll be hearing behind our home. But I can’t expect him to wait around for me forever.
The door opens, revealing Sophie in a silk bathrobe with Heather in her arms. At first, I don’t move or say anything; I simply stand there like an idiot, my mouth agape. But Sophie doesn’t waste a second. She closes the space between us and wraps me in an embrace, and I find myself pressed against her and her tiny little girl. This contact brings me more comfort than I thought possible.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper against her shoulder. Heather coos, and I step back to give her some breathing room. This lets me look into Sophie’s eyes so I can apologize properly. “I’m really sorry, Sophie. You were right. And I shouldn’t have?—”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s part of the job description.” She smiles as she pulls me inside. “Come!”
An upbeat Sophie drags me through her kitchen and living room all the way to the porch in her backyard. When Gwen sees me, she stops the roughhousing with her dad and squeals my name before running towards us.
“Come here, you,” I say as I catch her in my arms with a big hug. I hold her tight against me. There’s nothing better than a toddler’s hug.
“Aunty Avy, I learn how to do somersaults,” she exclaims as she pulls away from my hug. Her eyes are bright with pride. “Come see, come see!”
“Wait a minute, Gwen, let’s let Auntie Avery settle in first, okay?” Sophie calls out as she settles in at the large glass table on the porch. She’s holding Heather against her chest.
“No, no, I want to see,” I insist. I let Gwen pull me by the hand into the grass, where Matthew is still sitting with an amused look.
“Good to see you, Avery,” he says with a wave. I respond with a nod and a big smile.
“Look, look!” Gwen lets go of my hand and proceeds to perform her somersault in the grass.
“Wow, good job!” I can’t help the huge smile on my face. “That was so good!”
“Do you wanna play with me and Daddy?”
I shoot a look over at Sophie. I do, in fact, want to play with her, but the urge to have my conversation with Sophie is much stronger. Luckily, Sophie gives me a smirk before addressing her daughter: “Maybe a bit later, but for now Auntie Avery wants to talk with Mommy, okay?”
Gwen pouts but immediately runs back to her dad as if she’s completely forgotten about me. It’s so impressive how quickly little kids can move on. They feel deeply, and sometimes in explosive ways, but they can bounce back from it all within minutes, if not seconds. I would be lying if I said I didn’t envy it.
I head back to the table and sit next to Sophie. “Here, why don’t you hold her while I get us some lemonade?” She hands Heather to me. I happily take her in my arms and gasp when she gives me a gummy smile. “Oh, aren’t I the luckiest girl,” I coo to her. She squeals in delight.
Sophie comes back shortly with two tall glasses of lemonade. “She’s been smiling more and more often,” she explains as she sits down. “I thought Gwen was a ray of sunshine, but this one? She’s just always smiling now. We’re so lucky.” I watch Sophie’s eyes fill with love as she looks at her daughter in my arms.
“I love her so much,” I add as I start bouncing her on my knee a bit. “I missed them. I didn’t think I’d miss them like this.”
“I missed you, too,” she replies before taking a sip of lemonade. “And I need to apologize to you, too.”
“What for?”
“For not getting in touch after you …” She winces. “You know.”
“You don’t need to apologize for that.”. My cheeks go pink with embarrassment. “You must have been pretty mad.”
“Actually, no.” She purses her lips. “I mean, sure, I was angry at first. Like, my initial reaction was being angry. But after five minutes, I calmed down and figured that you needed some space. I knew you’d reach back out when you were ready, and I didn’t want to push you. But I’m sorry if that’s not what you needed.”
“No, no, it’s fine. I think it’s exactly what I needed. In fact—” I inhale deeply, “that’s what I told Logan, too.”
Sophie frowns. “What do you mean?”
I proceed to tell her the whole story. The way Logan and I argued. His hurtful comment. How my dad called. And what I figured out I needed after all this.
Sophie sits there, looking dumbfounded. “So after all that … you broke it off? The guy told you he loved you—which, by the way, I told you so—and you decided to break it off?”
“Yes, because you were right,” I say sheepishly. I stroke Heather’s soft head; the gesture is more to soothe myself than her. “That argument was going to be the first of many. I don’t want him to start resenting me because of my issues. I need to be alone. Like, really be alone and clear all this stuff out of my head. God, Sophie, I think it was the most painful thing I’ve ever done, but I think it’s for the best.”
She keeps staring at me with her mouth slightly open. “Still … I mean …” She sighs. “But if you’re telling me that’s what you need, then I believe you. It’s just …” She pauses, and I can see her thinking hard. “Hmm.”
“What is it?”
“Nah. Never mind.” She shrugs and looks over at her partner and daughter. “So what now, then? It’s not like you can afford another retreat.”
I grin. “Yeah, about that …”