Slanting Light
slanting light
In late August, the sun came through the windows at a slightly different angle. The sky was blue, but huge gray clouds sped over the sun, blocking the light in a flashy, premeditated manner, as if signaling that change was coming.
Blythe pulled her ancient L.L. Bean vest on over her shirt. It wasn’t cold, really, but instinctively she craved a sense of protection. Leaving for the summer on Nantucket always made her family excited, exuberant, carefree. They were headed for the beach! Sun! Ice cream!
Returning to home felt less hopeful. They were facing school, rules, schedules, and responsibilities. The children looked forward to seeing their Boston friends again, and Miranda always enjoyed buying new clothes. Once they were settled back in their routines, all would be fine, but until then, Blythe thought they were like small animals peering out from their burrows to see what was waiting for them.
Recently, without fanfare, Miranda and Brooks had reconciled. Now they seemed like extremely good friends. They spent every possible minute together, walking around as if they were joined at the hip, inclining their heads toward each other as they whispered. Blythe waited for Miranda to explain this new relationship, but that never happened. Miranda was laughing, eating, sleeping, and that was really all Blythe needed to know. Miranda was a junior this year, and soon she’d be eager to start looking at colleges and planning her own life away from home.
Blythe was eager to start her new life, too. Teaching. Spending time with Jill and other city friends.
Spending time with Nick.
She settled on the back porch with her first cup of coffee, inhaling the fragrance of flowers, listening to the birds gossip.
Her front door slammed. She assumed it was Brooks. He’d left a message on the board that he was having breakfast in town.
To her surprise, Holly rushed in, still wearing her summer pj’s, her hair frizzed into a halo.
“Mom! Mom! Mom! Something terrible—”
The front door slammed again and footsteps thudded down the hall. Daphne charged out to the porch, grabbing Holly by the elbow. Daphne was dressed, her hair was combed, and Blythe would have bet money her teeth were brushed. Daphne was her orderly, sensible child. But telltale red blotches gave away her distress. “Holly! Shut up! She worries too much and she can’t fix it!”
Blythe’s heart triple-timed.
“What’s going on?” she asked, trying to sound rational, helpful. “Daphne, let go of Holly. Girls, sit down and tell me calmly.”
Holly glared at her older sister and blurted, “Dad and Teri and Kate are yelling at each other. They’ve been fighting all morning. Dad’s mad at Kate and Teri says she’s heartbroken.”
“Well, adults do yell…” Blythe wanted to calm her daughters, but how?
“It’s your fault!” Holly blurted.
Daphne tried to speak quietly, but her hands were trembling. “It’s because you kept a secret about Dad’s…something.”
“I kept a secret?”
“Teri wants a baby,” Holly informed Blythe. “Aunt Kate said that you should have told her what is wrong with Dad!”
“Oh, sweetie.” Blythe reached out and pulled Holly into her lap.
Daphne sat at the table, folded her hands, and announced in the manner of a judge handing down a sentence, “They were in the kitchen when we came down just now. We were in the hall. We heard Aunt Kate say that Grandmother told Aunt Kate something that Dad said she shouldn’t know and Aunt Kate told Teri.”
“Ahh.” Understanding uncoiled the tight vise around Blythe’s heart.
She took a deep breath. This was a complicated mess. Blythe didn’t understand how it made her at fault, and it absolutely was not up to her to reveal her ex-husband’s vasectomy to their children.
“ Girls… ” She took on her best schoolmarm’s tone. “What you overheard was a private conversation. It is between your father and Teri. You need to ask them why they were fighting.”
Holly cried, “But we heard Teri say she’s leaving Dad! She’s going to pack and go back to Boston. She’s so hurt she doesn’t want to be with Dad anymore.”
Daphne’s face went red. “I think Dad is sick. He needs something cut out of him.”
The parent’s trick, to be soothing and authoritative while she was quivering inside, was something Blythe had, over the years, become expert at. “Your father is not sick. He and Teri and Kate were discussing something very private and grown-up.”
“If it’s so private, why were they yelling?” Daphne demanded.
What should she do now? Blythe wondered. She got why it was, in some way, her fault. Blythe had told Celeste that Bob had had a vasectomy. Celeste had no doubt told Kate, who in turn had told Teri.
But this was not Blythe’s problem to solve.
“Holly, stand up.” She gently removed her daughter from her lap. “We’re all going back to Grandmother’s house. Your father can explain everything there.”
She marshaled her daughters out of the house and into the minivan. She didn’t even bother to take a quick glance into the mirror. She didn’t care how she looked. She’d insist that Bob tell Teri the truth, and if he refused, Blythe would tell her herself. What a cad Bob was for not giving Teri this significant piece of information. How cruel! It would serve him right if Teri left him.
She screeched into the drive of Celeste’s house, killed the engine, and said, “Come on, girls.” She was feeling powerful, righteous—and liberated. Finally, it was clear that she was not the only parent who needed to take care of the children.
Without knocking, she threw open the door and strode into the house.
Daphne was right behind her. “They’re in the kitchen.”
Blythe walked to the kitchen door and stopped so suddenly that Daphne bumped into her.
Bob was sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. Celeste sat at the other end of the table, pouring a shot of brandy into a cup of tea. Miranda lurked at the door into the dining room, ready to sprint away. Teddy sat on the kitchen counter, scrolling through his phone.
“Drink this,” Celeste said to her son.
Blythe and her two daughters entered the kitchen and stood there dumbfounded, as if they’d been set down in some stranger’s house.
“Where’s Teri?” Blythe asked.
“She’s gone,” Celeste said, sliding the tea over to Bob.
“What?” Holly’s voice had gone so high she could have joined a boys’ choir.
“She’s left me,” Bob said. “Teri has left me.”
“Kate is driving Teri to the boat,” Celeste said.
“Dad!” Daphne spoke as if she were cursing.
Celeste was pale, and Blythe noticed how she tucked her hands into her pockets as soon as she had set the tea in front of Bob.
“Celeste, sit down, here.” She pulled out the chair at the head of the table.
Several times in her life, Blythe had found herself in this sort of situation, where everything was a mess and there really was no easy solution. It was part of life. Inescapable. It made her heart hurt to see her family this way, and she had no magic answers.
But she loved them. She loved them all, her daughters and her son, her ex-mother-in-law, even her ex-husband, who was the cause of all this turbulence. Why hadn’t he told Teri he’d had a vasectomy? Was he afraid he’d lose her? Right now, he absolutely sagged in his chair, hiding his face in his hands, his shoulders slumped. As if he thought he’d lost Teri.
Blythe pulled a chair up next to him. She put her hand on his shoulder.
“Bob. I get it. It’s so hard, raising children. But you are a wonderful father. You made it through all the tears and tantrums of seventeen years—and those were only the ones I had.” She smiled, pleased with herself for being funny.
Behind her, Miranda snorted appreciatively.
“You’ve been with Teri for three years. Your children have come to feel safe with her, to enjoy her, and you have been happier because of her. I know that. I can assure you of that. Maybe you haven’t been perfect, like I am, but you’ve been pretty darn good.”
As she spoke, freewheeling it, in that rare space she’d found herself in so many times over the years, speaking without knowing what she was going to say next, and talking honestly, almost helplessly, from the heart, she sensed how the mood in the room was lightening.
Bob dropped his hands. He sighed enormously. “I don’t know, Blythe. Really. I don’t know.”
She kept her eyes on Bob, but she knew her children were watching her as if mesmerized, waiting to hear what she would say next. And what could she say? What should she say? She wasn’t a priest or a psychiatrist. She was only an ordinary person.
What did she care about? What would she want her children to know?
She would want them to know about love.
First love, young love, lost love, family love.
“You say you don’t know, Bob, but let me ask you this. Do you love Teri?”
Bob shot her a sideways look.
“I think you do,” Blythe told him. “I think you love her and she loves you.”
He nodded. With a scratchy voice, he whispered, “I do love Teri.”
“Then go get her. Apologize to her. And then you two decide, because the decision belongs to both of you, about the whole vasectomy matter.”
“God, Mom,” Daphne said, “you should come with a soundtrack.”
Bob looked around the table at his four children. “You guys like her, right?”
“We do,” Miranda replied, glaring at her siblings in case they dared to disagree.
Bob stood up. “I guess I’ll go see if I can catch her before she leaves.”
“Yay, Dad!” Holly cheered.
Bob went to the door. Everyone followed, the children elbowing one another out of the way.
Bob opened the door. Fresh air and the fragrance of newly mown grass rushed in at them. Across the street, someone was mowing his lawn. Next door, a woman knelt to pick flowers.
A Volvo came down the street.
Holly whimpered. “Aw. There’s Kate’s Volvo turning into the drive. The boat must have gone.”
“That’s sad,” Daphne pronounced, folding her arms over her chest in the way Blythe knew she did to keep her sadness inside.
“Well, Dad, why don’t you take a plane?” Teddy suggested. “You’ll get there before she does. You can meet her boat.”
“Thanks, Teddy, I’ll do that.” Bob smiled at the crowd in the hallway and stepped out onto the path to the driveway.
Kate stopped her car, opened the door, and got out. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“I need you to drive me to the airport,” Bob said.
“Where are you going?” Teri asked as she stepped out of the passenger side of the Volvo.
“Teri!” Daphne yelled.
“You came back!” Holly cried.
“Let’s all go inside,” Celeste suggested.
This time, they gathered in the living room. Celeste sat in an armchair, but the others all stood.
“I need to talk with Teri,” Bob said. Holly was leaning against him possessively. “Alone,” he clarified.
“Not yet,” Blythe said. “There’s something else.”
Kate stared daggers at Blythe. “This is not about you.”
“Actually, Kate, it kind of is.” Blythe folded her arms over her chest, hoping this would help her stop trembling. “I don’t want to keep one more secret. It’s exhausting.”
Celeste spoke up. “If it’s about the man Teri was kissing, I told Kate.”
“What?” Teri asked.
“What?” Bob had gone an unhealthy shade of purple.
Don’t let him have a heart attack, Blythe thought.
Blythe said, “Before we left for Nantucket, I was lunching at the mall with Jill. We saw Teri kissing another man. Um, really kissing.”
“Are you kidding me?” Teri almost shrieked.
“Not kidding,” Blythe said. “We can phone Jill and she’ll back me up.”
“Wow.” Teri threw her hands in the air as if she were swooshing away a flock of birds. “I can’t believe this.”
Turning toward Bob, she said, “It was one kiss. With Damon, my high school boyfriend. We ran into each other unexpectedly in the mall. I hadn’t seen him or even been in touch with him for years.” Sudden tears spilled from her eyes. “I was feeling hopeless about ever having children. Damon was divorced, and he said he still loved me, and we kissed. For a moment, it was like being in high school again, you know?” Teri slid her fingertips on her cheeks, wiping away the tears. “And then I told him I was living with a guy, and I loved him and I loved his children.”
“Aw, Teri, that’s so nice.” Holly went to Teri and hugged her around her waist.
Daphne whispered, “We love you, too.”
Miranda gawked. “Your high school boyfriend. ”
“But you’re so old,” Teddy said, looking confused. Then, seeing Teri’s reaction to his words, mumbled, “Sorry.”
“I wish you’d told me.” Bob stood frozen.
Blythe knew that right at this moment, Bob was struggling to deal with all this information and the emotions it caused, and sympathy pinched her heart.
“It’s hard to keep secrets in this family,” Blythe confessed.
“I don’t know about that.” Teri faced Kate, her brow furrowing in sorrow. “Why didn’t you tell me this, Kate? Why didn’t you tell me what your mother and Blythe knew about me?”
Bob’s color was fading, but his cheeks were still red. “Furthermore, Kate, why didn’t you tell me ?”
Kate shook her head. “I’m sorry. I apologize. I thought that Blythe was making it up and I didn’t want to upset you.”
Blythe burst out laughing. “This family should come with an instruction manual.”
Daphne, the family’s private detective, asked, “Have you seen him since then? This Damon you kissed.”
Teri smiled at Daphne. “No, sweetheart, I haven’t. No communication of any kind. You’re welcome to check my phone.”
“Damn,” Teddy said. “That’s invasion of privacy.”
“I think I need a drink,” Celeste announced.
“I think Teri and I need to go somewhere to be alone,” Bob decided. “Teri, let’s walk down to the lily pond.”
Teri nodded, smiling up from under her lashes in a shy Di moment.
Bob and Teri held hands and walked out the front door.
Everyone else stood in the living room, as if frozen by the sudden silence.
Blythe spoke up. “Let’s go out to the garden, everyone.” She used her sweet but tyrannical tone of voice.
“I’ll make tea,” Celeste said.
“I’d prefer wine,” Blythe told her. “And lemonade for the others.”
“I need Scotch,” Kate huffed. But she joined them at the patio table where they discussed in great detail how quickly summer was coming to an end.
—
A few years ago, Daphne had named this golden stretch of summer “The Days of the Lasts.”
The last time they would catch a movie at Dreamland, dine at the Brotherhood, bike out to Cisco, eat Moors End’s fresh corn on the cob, return books to the library, spend an afternoon sailing. For Blythe, it was the last time she and Sandy spent a day at the beach, perfecting their golden summer tans and gossiping about their own lives and everyone else’s. The last time she would give her family thick beefsteak tomato slices with mayonnaise on Something Natural’s Portuguese bread. For Daphne, it was the last time she’d spend with Lincoln, whose family was moving to Chicago. For the first time, Teddy would kiss Scarlett, and right in front of Holly, who would tell everyone in the family and on the entire island.
It was the last time Blythe’s children would squeeze their feet into shoes they’d grown out of over the summer. The last time they would all have dinner at the yacht club with Celeste—and the first time Blythe invited Nick to join them.
One morning, all the kids headed off to the beach. Blythe picked her brightest flowers from her garden, put them in a jug of water, and took them with her to visit Celeste.
The older woman was sitting in her backyard with an embroidery hoop in her hand.
“You look well,” Blythe told her, kissing her cheek.
Celeste motioned for Blythe to pull a patio chair closer. “Thank heavens you’ve come. I’ve got things to tell you.”
“Really? Tell me!” Blythe leaned forward.
“I don’t know why I’m whispering. They can’t hear me. I mean my son and Teri. They called to tell me that Bob has an appointment with a physician at Mass General. He’ll be at the hospital this morning, and then they will stay at his Boston condo for a couple of days, until—drumroll, please, he’s recovered from surgery.”
Blythe gasped. “He’s having a vasectomy reversal?”
“He is. Apparently, the surgery will take around four hours.”
“You Benedicts love visiting the hospital,” Blythe joked.
“He says he’ll have to lie around with ice packs and ibuprofen for a few days, and Teri will wait on him hand and foot.”
“Teri must be so happy.”
“She said her feet don’t even touch the floor.” Celeste laughed. “There’s something else.”
“Okay. Tell me.” Blythe held her breath. What now?
“They’re going to be married in October. Over Columbus Day weekend. They’re coming here, so that I can attend the wedding, and they will want all the children with them, too.”
“Wow.” Blythe sat back in her chair. “Married. October isn’t that far away.”
“True, but the weather will still be beautiful.”
“Please tell me they’re not getting married on a beach,” Blythe said.
“Of course not. Teri wants to wear a pretty dress. Not a gown, but a dress. And she will want to take the girls to choose matching bridesmaids dresses. Also, a suit and tie for Teddy.”
“The girls will love that,” Blythe said, adding, “as long as the dresses aren’t magenta.”
Celeste studied Blythe’s face. “You don’t seem sad about this.”
Blythe angled her head, considering. “I’m not sad about it, Celeste. I’m glad I married Bob, and I’m glad we got divorced. I like Teri. I think she’s been wonderful to the children. I hope she has her own child.”
“You’re facing a lot of changes, darling Blythe.” Celeste took Blythe’s hand in hers. “Your children, except for Holly, and she’s almost there, are teenagers, all of them eager to leave the nest. You’ve loved having babies, and how will you feel when Teri has a baby and your children have a half-sibling and want to spend more time at Bob’s home?”
“Well, for one thing,” Blythe said thoughtfully, “I’m going to be teaching seventh grade again. That will be a challenge. I won’t have much time to feel jealous or lonely.”
“And…?” Celeste prompted.
“And, when Bob and Teri have the children over Christmas, Nick and I are going to Saint Thomas.”
Celeste laughed. “How wonderful!” Reaching over, she took Blythe’s hand. “I think we should have a glass of champagne.”
“Really? Why?”
“Because today, right now, everyone in our family is happy.”