Chapter 25
TAYLOR
From my vantage point on the cabin porch, I watched him climb the steps, trying to judge his mood by his demeanor. Was he angry? Upset? Relieved? It was hard to tell.
‘How was Hannah?’ I asked when he reached the top.
He clutched a hand to his chest. ‘Jesus, Taylor. What is it with you and waiting for me in the dark?’
‘The first time, I wasn’t waiting for you. I was having a swim and minding my own business.’
‘And tonight?’
‘Tonight, I was waiting for you,’ I conceded.
‘Why?’
‘I’m not sure,’ I admitted.
He walked over and sat down on the other dark green cape cod chair next to mine, stretched his long legs out in front of him.
‘Where’s Dion?’ he asked, fighting, and failing, to keep the tinge of jealousy out of his voice.
‘At his sister’s, I’m assuming. That’s where he was heading after he dropped me off.’
He cleared his throat. ‘That’s all he did? Drop you off?’
‘If you’re asking whether he tried to kiss me, the answer is no. He did not. He was a perfect gentleman.’
‘Oh.’ His relief was evident.
‘But for the record, if he had tried, I’d have said no.’
‘I wouldn’t blame you if you fancied him. Half the single women in Pine Harbor seem to.’
‘I can see why. He’s pretty hot. Got that sexy lumberjack look going on.’
‘Is this you trying to make me feel better?’
‘Plus, he seems like a really decent guy.’
‘He is.’
‘How’s Hannah?’
‘Remorseful. She said to tell you she’s sorry for hijacking our night. Admitted she was jealous. I’ve set her straight, again, about my feelings.’
‘Which are?’
‘Purely platonic.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘One hundred percent.’
‘You guys have a lot of history.’
‘We do.’
‘You told me she kissed you.’
‘She did. Once. But she knows it can’t happen again.’
‘That’s not how it comes across when she’s around you. She’s very… territorial.’
‘I know.’
‘And you’re very protective of her.’
He took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. ‘I am.’
I stood up. ‘I’m going to head home. I just wanted to check in on you.’
He reached out a hand and lightly clasped my wrist. ‘Do you have to go?’
My breath caught in my throat when he touched me. ‘I think it’s for the best. You guys need to figure out whatever’s going on between you two, before you start dragging other people into it.’
‘I don’t remember dragging you anywhere.’
‘You know what I mean.’
‘Don’t go.’
‘Goodnight, Jack.’
‘Alex was my partner,’ he blurted. ‘In the police force.’
I froze, letting the words sink in. ‘You’re a cop?’
He nodded. His face was pained, as if even uttering the words dredged up horrible memories for him. ‘I was. Feels like a lifetime ago now.’
‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’
‘I want to.’ He patted the seat beside him.
‘Please? I always knew I wanted to be a cop,’ he said, when I was seated beside him again.
‘I joined the police academy as soon as I turned twenty, and that’s where I met Alex.
We hit it off straight away. I never had a brother, but he felt like one.
Same world views, same sense of humor. We very rarely argued, and if we did it was over stupid stuff, like what we were going to eat for lunch while on shift.
We met Hannah and some of her friends at a bar one night.
Her friend’s drink had been spiked; we were sent to make inquiries.
’ He sighed heavily. ‘We both liked Hannah at first, but Alex was the one who caught her attention. I didn’t blame her.
He was larger than life, like a blond Viking.
Muscles for Africa. The kind of smile that made woman fall all over him.
Seriously, he was stupidly good-looking. ’
‘Have you looked in a mirror lately?’
He flashed me a smile. ‘Thanks. But next to him, I may as well have been Gomez Addams.’
I snorted. ‘I doubt that.’
‘It’s true. But I couldn’t even resent him for it because he was just as nice a guy on the inside.
Kind, funny, empathetic. He cared about people, I mean really cared.
That’s why he made such a good cop. He saw the person behind the crime.
Didn’t just automatically write people off. He tried to help them.’
‘Sounds like a nice guy. I can understand why you two were such close friends.’
‘He fell for Hannah, big time, and of course, she fell madly in love with him. They were perfect for each other, and I was genuinely happy for them. They had a whirlwind romance, moved in together after only a few months. Bought their first house a year later. They were happy. Really happy. I thought maybe it would change our friendship, but it didn’t.
They never once treated me like I was a third wheel, even though I felt like I was, and I was grateful for that.
I mean, I ate dinner at their place more than I did at my own, and that’s not an exaggeration. They were like family to me.’
‘What happened to him?’ I asked gently, after he’d been silently lost in his memories for a minute or two.
‘He was killed on duty. We were on a night shift together and dispatch sent us to check out reports of a burglar breaking into a commercial building. When we got there, he went one way around the building, and I went the other way. I never even heard him scream, just came around a corner and saw him on the ground being stabbed, over and over and over. I can still hear the sound.’
He buried his face in his hands, his voice breaking. Seeing and hearing him in so much pain, my heart broke for him.
‘The perp must have surprised him,’ he continued. ‘Because he didn’t even have time to draw his gun. He never had the chance to defend himself.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said, even though it sounded incredibly inadequate.
‘I yelled out, ran towards them, but, the guy, he didn’t turn and bolt like I expected him to.
Instead he started running towards me, holding the knife above his head.
I had seconds, if that, to react, although it felt like an eternity.
Like everything was moving in slow motion.
I’ve replayed it, so many times in my head.
And the only thing I really see is the knife blade glinting in the light, Alex’s blood all over it, and his eyes.
They were… vacant, that’s the only word I can think of to explain it.
It was like he wasn’t even home in his own body.
He wasn’t looking at us like we were people.
I don’t what he was seeing, but there was no emotion in his eyes. Nothing. Just a blank stare.’
‘What did you do?’
‘The only thing I could. I shot him.’
My hands flew to my mouth. ‘Oh my God. Jack. I can’t even… That must have…’ I had no words.
‘His name was Kane Brown and we found out later he was heavily under the influence of drugs. Extensive criminal record, mainly for burglary. Nothing violent, until that night.’
‘Did he…?’
‘Die? No. I got him in the shoulder and the calf. It was enough to incapacitate him so that I could get to Alex and call for help.’
I tentatively reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. I wanted to let him know that I was there for him. He had my support.
‘He died in my arms,’ he said. ‘My best friend died in my arms, and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to stem the bleeding but he was too badly injured. His wounds were…’ He shook his head, unable to finish the sentence. ‘I can’t unsee them. I wish I could.’
‘Oh, Jack.’
‘His dying words were about Hannah. How much he loved her. He told me to tell her he was sorry, and then he asked me to promise I would look after her. It was the least I could do. I owed it to him.’
Suddenly, it all made sense. Their connection. His protectiveness over her. Her need to keep him close. There was only one thing I couldn’t understand.
‘What do you mean, you owed it to him?’
He looked up at me with eyes swimming with pain. ‘Because it should have been me.’
‘What?’
‘I should have gone that way around the building. I had less to lose. He had Hannah, a whole future ahead of him. It should have been me who died.’
‘How can you say that?’
‘Because it’s how I felt, for a long time.’
I stared at him. ‘Do you think Alex would agree with you?’
He shook his head. ‘No.’
‘Exactly,’ I reassured him. ‘There’s only one person to blame, and that’s the guy with the knife.’
‘I know. I blamed myself at first, but that wasn’t fair. I’ve accepted what happened. That nothing I could have done would have changed the outcome.’
‘Thank you, for telling me. I’m sorry if I pushed you into it.’
He shook his head again. ‘You didn’t. I wanted to tell you. I need you to understand that I look out for Hannah as a way to honor my friend. To do this last favor for him.’
‘I do understand.’
‘And I really am sorry.’
‘For what?’
‘Stuffing tonight up so spectacularly.’
‘It was a bit of a disaster,’ I agreed. ‘As far as non-date dates go.’
‘For the record, I wanted it to be a date.’
‘Then why didn’t you just say so?’
‘I didn’t want to scare you off.’
‘Do I seem like the kind of woman who scares easily?’
‘No,’ he admitted. ‘You don’t.’
I took pity on him. ‘I’m not completely blameless either.’
‘You’re not?’
I shook my head. ‘I wanted it to be a date too, although I told myself I didn’t.’
‘Why would you do that?’
I sighed loudly. ‘Good question. And one I was trying to figure out the answer for the whole time I was sitting here waiting for you.’
‘And? Did you figure out the answer?’
‘No, not yet.’
‘We’re as hopeless as each other, then.’
‘Seems that way.’
‘Where to from here?’
‘I don’t know,’ I admitted. ‘You’re a complication that I didn’t plan for.’
‘I’ve been called worse.’
I laughed, because if I didn’t, it felt like I might cry instead. ‘I’m only here for a few weeks.’
‘You keep saying that.’
‘Because it’s true,’ I insisted. ‘Pine Harbor is not my future.’
‘Why do you hate it here so much?’
‘I don’t hate it. It’s more of a love-hate relationship. This place holds a lot of bittersweet memories for me.’
‘Are you talking about your dad?’
‘Amongst other things.’
‘I can understand that,’ he nods. ‘L.A. was like that for me, after Alex died.’
‘Exactly. So, what’s the point in even liking you when there’s no future in it?’
‘You like me?’
‘You know I do.’
‘For the record, I like you too. Although like seems inadequate.’
My eyebrows arched. ‘You’re not going to tell me you believe in love at first sight, are you?’
‘I take it you don’t?’
‘I don’t.’
‘Seems cynical.’
‘It’s not cynicism, it’s realism,’ I argued. ‘Do I believe in attraction at first sight? Sure.’
‘Lust.’
‘No, not necessarily. I mean, are there people you meet that you immediately fantasize about jumping into bed with? Sure. But it’s not always about sex.
Sometimes it’s more of an innate feeling.
A sense of, “Oh, there you are.” Like you’ve been waiting for them without knowing.
But you can’t love someone when you don’t know the first thing about them. ’
He stared at me, and when he stared at me like that, I felt like I could melt into a puddle at his feet. ‘What?’
‘Nothing. It’s just… I’ve never met anyone like you.’
I couldn’t help it, I groaned quietly. ‘You’re not going to say I’m different to any woman you’ve ever met, are you?’
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m not going to say that you’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met, or that you’re different.
Because that’s obvious. Every person on this planet is different.
Unique. Special. I’ve met many amazing women.
Beautiful women. Intelligent. All equally special.
The quiet, bookworm, introverted women; the soft, girly and feminine women; the tomboys; the athletes; the extroverts; the party women; the career women; and the domestic goddesses…
I mean, I could go on and on because every single woman is unique and it’s all beautiful.
They’re all beautiful.’ He leaned forward earnestly, and I wanted him to touch me.
Ached for it. ‘So, no, you’re not different to anyone I’ve ever met before, Taylor.
I’ve met gorgeous, rebellious, witty women before. But I’ve never met you.’
I swallowed hard. ‘Oh,’ I said. Because I didn’t know what else to say.
‘It’s you who makes my heart skip a beat when you smile at me,’ he said. ‘And it’s you who makes me want things I haven’t wanted before, or ever.’
‘Don’t.’
‘What?’
‘Want what I can’t give.’
He reached out then, gently taking my chin in between his thumb and fingers. ‘You said it yourself,’ he said softly. ‘We don’t control how we feel. And frankly, I’m sick of fighting it.’
Then he kissed me.