Chapter Five #2
Many times over the years she’d wondered what kind of mother she would be.
The only conclusion she’d reached was that she’d be a different mother to her own, but she couldn’t say that to Gabriel.
It wasn’t just a matter of disloyalty but because he wouldn’t understand.
How could he? A monarch wasn’t an ordinary person and, even with the best will in the world, they couldn’t be an ordinary parent.
Their number one priority had to be to the monarchy.
Alessia, though, would never be a monarch, and she thanked the good Lord every day for that.
Gabriel’s eyes had narrowed but when he answered, his words were measured.
‘I think you’re capable of it but you’re from a world where duty comes first and often to the detriment of the individual.
Look at you and your brothers—all of you marrying for one reason or other to save the monarchy.
I will not have our child feel forced to make those same choices. ’
‘It’s a choice you’re making too.’
‘For their sake,’ he replied in the same measured tone. ‘And it is up to you and me to make the best of it and create a stable home for them. It will take many compromises and concessions on both our parts but if we are both willing, then it is achievable.’
‘Will you compromise on coming to Amadeo’s wedding with me?
’ she retorted, already knowing how humiliating it would be to attend Ceres’s biggest state event in decades without her new husband by her side.
People would understand someone wanting to remain private and not wanting to be a working royal, but family events, even when they were state occasions, were different.
Gabriel’s refusal to attend could only be interpreted as personal.
‘My conditions have already been agreed but everything else is open to negotiation. The question is, are you willing to make the compromises and concessions necessary for our child?’
How could this be the same man who’d made love to her with such frenzied passion?
Alessia wondered, gazing at him in disbelief.
From the expression on Gabriel’s face and the tone of his voice, he could be conducting an ordinary business meeting, not discussing the upturning of both their worlds; and his world was being upturned far more than her own.
On paper, he was everything she’d ever wanted in a husband.
He was everything she’d waited for—a man she could respect, who made her feel and who wouldn’t sell her out.
Gabriel commanded respect just by walking in a room, and there was no denying he made her feel.
In the short hours they’d spent together, he’d made her feel more intensely than she’d ever felt in her life, more than she’d believed it was possible to feel.
Even now, after he’d cold-shouldered her for two weeks, the intensity of her awareness for him hadn’t diminished at all.
Watching his mouth as he spoke, taking in the stubble thickening on his jaw, catching those whiffs of his cologne.
..it all did something to her. Meeting his eye was even worse, and now she was stuck on her bed with her veins buzzing, her heart a pulsating mess, hugging her legs as tightly as she could so he couldn’t see the tremors wracking her.
So yes, as much as she wished he didn’t, it was undeniable that he made her feel.
She knew too that he would never sell her out. His clients’ loss was her gain; Gabriel’s discretion was assured. And he’d made it clear he took fatherhood seriously. She should be rejoicing that he ticked all the husband boxes.
But he felt nothing for her. He wouldn’t be her prince. He’d left her sleeping and disappeared from her life as if what they’d shared had never been... But it had been. The tiny life in her belly was proof of that.
She breathed in deeply and kneaded the back of her neck. It scared her how badly she wanted the man who’d created that life with her, who’d made love to her with such intense passion, who’d brought the woman out in her, to resurface.
‘Alessia?’ he said, one of his thick black eyebrows raising at her silence.
She blinked her thoughts away and took a deep breath before meeting his gaze. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I am willing to make compromises and concessions for the sake of our child.’
‘That is good to hear. It will make life easier for all concerned if we always strive for common ground.’
Unable to speak about her marriage—an event she’d always looked forward to with rose-coloured lenses—any further in such an emotionless way, Alessia changed the subject. ‘Was anything else agreed while my back was turned?’
‘Yes. The converted stable block is going to be our home here. Your father tells me it is in need of modernising. Once we have agreed what we want from the renovations, the work on it will begin immediately.’
The stable block in question sat apart from the two main turreted mishmash of buildings that constituted the castle, and had initially been converted for Alessia’s widowed grandmother to live in when her daughter took the throne on her husband’s death.
The dowager queen had been a cantankerous old boot who’d loathed living in the castle surrounded by the thing she hated most: people.
And so the stable block had been converted into a seven-bedroom dwelling which she’d taken great delight in not admitting anyone into.
Alessia had been terrified of her but also secretly fascinated.
It had been this grandmother whose haughty spirit she’d channelled earlier to get her through seeing Gabriel again without falling to pieces.
She’d tried hard to reach for that spirit again since he’d barged his way into her room but she couldn’t find it any more.
Knowing her grandmother, she’d probably hidden from her out of spite from her perch in heaven.
Knowing her grandmother, she would have adored Gabriel.
A man who seemingly disdained the monarchy as much as she had marrying into the family would have thrilled her.
The difference was that her grandmother had been from the old Greek royal family and had played her public part as queen consort until her husband’s death magnificently.
For all his talk about compromise, Gabriel had been very clear that when it came to royal life, he would have nothing to do with it and that there would be no compromise on this, not even for Amadeo’s wedding.
Alessia would be a princess with a husband but without a prince for the rest of her life.
Fearing the swelling of emotions filling back up in her, Alessia straightened her legs and spine, and lifted her chin. ‘Anything else?’
‘That’s everything that was discussed.’
‘Good. Then I would be grateful if you would leave. I’m tired and wish to rest before dinner.’
He eyed her meditatively. ‘Before I go, I would like to apologise.’
‘You’ve already apologised.’
‘This is a different matter. I wish to apologise for not returning your call.’
It felt like he’d plunged an icy hand into her heart.
The impulse to draw her knees back to her chest was strong, but she fought it.
‘Oh. That,’ she said with an airiness she had no idea how she achieved.
‘Don’t worry about it—it was a mere whim.
I just thought if you ever came back to Ceres and was at a loose end then we could go out for drinks. I’d forgotten I even made the call.’
‘Whatever your reasons for calling, it was unforgivably rude of me to not return it. I will not insult your intelligence by making up excuses. A great part of me did want to call you back but the reason I didn’t is because I knew that nothing could happen between us.
You’re a princess and I’m a man who values my privacy and anonymity. The two are not compatible.’
How she managed to meet his stare after those words, she would never know.
But she did. She forced herself to, and she forced herself to hold it.
What she couldn’t do was stop the tremor that came into her voice.
‘Then you will have to agree it’s ironic that you’re being forced to marry a woman you’re not compatible with. ’
There was a long moment of stillness before Gabriel got to his feet. Slowly, he stepped to the bed and leaned his face down to hers.
His eyes were ringing with that beautiful supernova of golden colour she’d seen the night they’d made love and, though she tried hard to fight it, a tingle of electricity raced up her spine and tightened her skin.
His firm lips tugged into something that nearly resembled a smile but there was nothing ambiguous about the pulsating of his eyes.
‘No one is forcing me to marry you, Alessia.’ His face was so close to hers his hot breath caressed her face just as his tone caressed the rest of her senses.
‘Our lives are not compatible and it is unlikely we have compatibility in our interests... But there is one area where we know we are compatible.’
The flush that crawled through her was the deepest and hottest she had ever known. She felt it crawl through every cell in her body, burning her from the inside out, and when his face moved even closer, she could no longer draw breath.
‘We can have a successful marriage,’ he whispered, the tips of their noses touching. ‘And we can have a fulfilling one too.’
Her lips were buzzing manically even before Gabriel’s mouth brushed lightly to them, but still that first touch landed like a thrill that filled her mouth with moisture and made her pelvis contract into a tight pulse.
She hadn’t even realised she’d closed her eyes until the delicious pressure against her lips vanished and she opened them to find Gabriel upright and gazing down at her with that sensual, hooded expression she remembered so well.
She couldn’t open her throat to speak.
His shoulders rose as he breathed in deeply, then, wordlessly, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. From it, he plucked a business card. Eyes still boring intently into hers, he handed it to her.
She still couldn’t open her throat to speak, could barely raise an eyebrow in question.
‘My personal number,’ he said with the hint of wry smile. ‘Call me at any time. If I don’t answer, I will call you back. I give you my word.’
At the door he gave one last inclination of his head. ‘Until our wedding day.’
Gabriel took a moment to compose himself before going back downstairs.
The thrills racing through his loins stretched the moment to an age.
Only when certain his arousal was contained did he take the steps down.
As he left the castle, acknowledging a dozen members of staff along the way, he acknowledged too the satisfaction of a job well done.
The sexiest woman in the world was carrying his child and he’d successfully negotiated a marriage to her in which he would not be tainted by the celebrity of monarchy or controlled by her family, and in which he could continue living his life as a private man.
Undeniably, he had to wind down the business that had been the biggest part of his life for such a long time, but at the end of negotiations, it was the gains you made that counted, not the losses, and his gains were ones he could live with.
He was certain too that soon Alessia would appreciate the gains she’d made in the negotiations. A husband and protector for their child.
And a lover for herself.
Two a.m. and Alessia was still wide awake. There was so much going through her head, so much to process, that sleep was impossible.
What a day. What a month. Part of her wished desperately that she could wind back time to Marcelo and Clara’s wedding reception and gag her own mouth.
But that was only a small part of her because wishing to reverse time meant wishing the life in her belly out of existence and she could never wish for that.
That fledgling life was already a part of her and a growing part of her heart had already attached itself to it.
Switching her bedside light on, she reached for the business card she’d laid by her book. Her heart in her mouth, she lightly traced a finger over the numbers printed on it.
Impulse, much like the ones that had made her call out to him and swing herself over the balustrade into his balcony, had her grab her phone and dial the number.
It was answered on the third ring.
‘Alessia?’ His voice was thick with sleep.
Blinking with surprise that he’d guessed it was her, all she could say was, ‘Yes.’
‘Are you okay?’
She closed her eyes as the deep, smooth timbre poured into her ear and sent tingles racing through her, and gave a long, soft inhale. ‘Gabriel...?’
‘Yes?’ he said quietly into the silence.
She drew her knees to her chest and took a deeper breath. ‘You do know it’s a huge risk that you’re taking?’
‘What is?’
‘Marrying me. The pregnancy is at such an early stage...the most dangerous stage.’ Her voice dropped even lower.
‘My mother had three miscarriages between me and Marcelo. It’s why there’s such a big age gap between us.
I’ll do everything I can to bring our child safely into the world but sometimes nature has other ideas.
Are you prepared for that? That our marriage might be for nothing? ’
This time the silence came from him. When he answered, his voice was the gentlest she’d ever heard it. ‘I am marrying you for our child’s sake, Alessia, but it is you I am committing myself to. Whatever the future holds for us, it is a commitment I am making for the rest of my life.’
Tears filled her eyes, and she had to squeeze them tightly to stop them falling. ‘I’m sorry for waking you.’
‘Don’t be.’
Her voice was barely a whisper as she wished him a goodnight.