Chapter Eleven - Lu
Chapter Eleven
Lu
L u had no idea what she would encounter upon her arrival, but she braced for it. She relaxed her back against the leather back seat of the black Yukon, peered out the tinted window, a pair of Tory Burch shades on her face as she squinted from the sun. She found herself counting the tall, majestic palm trees with their arching blades—one by one, she counted. Zach grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. She looked over at him and he offered a gentle smile, although her stomach was in deep turmoil and her head spun from thoughts of what to expect when she arrived.
“Whatever happens today, I got you.” He gave her a reassuring smile.
She smiled back at him, relieved that he was there with her for emotional support.
They’d already checked into their Hyatt Regency hotel suite and dropped their bags. Now they were headed to Mercy General Hospital to meet John Samuels, where he’d been a patient for the past few weeks, and possibly meet his family. She’d anticipated this day, had played it repeatedly in her head. She had even rehearsed what she would say to him, what she’d say to her siblings when she met them. She wondered what they looked like, if they shared her skin tone, her hair, her eyes. Would they have her smile, her demeanor? Would they accept her or give her the cold shoulder? Would they like her? Would she even like them?
She knew that many of her questions would be answered in a matter of minutes as she and Zach hopped out of their Uber and he held the door for her. They made their way through the automatic doors and down the long hospital corridor with its colorful shiny floors. After passing the nurses’ station, she started looking for the room number, and with each passing number she took a deep breath. There was no turning back now. She was there, standing in front of the door, which was slightly ajar. The conversations and laughter on the other side of the door contributed to her nervousness. She inhaled and then exhaled, gathered herself, calmed her nerves, arched her back, stood tall.
“You ready?” Zach squeezed her shoulders from behind.
“I’m ready.”
He slowly pushed open the heavy door and stepped aside so that Lu could walk in first. Four sets of eyes all landed on her as she entered the room. The nervousness that she was sure she had left in the hallway had followed her inside. It overtook her as she first made eye contact with the man who stood near the window, wearing khakis and a navy-colored blazer—a bald head and a perfectly trimmed goatee. His hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants, he stared, though his face was friendly. He gave her a smile, and she felt the warmth of it. The tension in her shoulders relaxed a bit. Standing next to him was a beautiful woman with a golden-brown face and long black tresses that lightly brushed her shoulders. She stared but offered no smile.
The man in the hospital bed, on the other hand, gave her the widest welcoming grin. His face lit up at the sight of her. It was the face in the photo that she kept tucked away in her chest—John Samuels, her father. Though much older than he had been in that photo, his face was still the same. He still wore his hair in a military crew cut and a thick mustache danced upon his face.
“Lualhati,” he said and held his hand out to her.
She walked over to his bedside and took his hand. It was warm to the touch as he covered her hand with both of his.
“Hello.” Her voice cracked. She wished she was more self-assured, but this was what she had to offer. Fragility. Diffidence. Her entire body stiffened.
“You’ve grown to be so beautiful.”
She smiled at the compliment. She hadn’t been this nervous since taking the bar exam. “Thank you.”
Everyone stared. Observed. Lu wished she hadn’t been the center of attention. She’d argued cases in front of an entire courtroom of people, given speeches to full auditoriums, but this was different.
“This is my son, John Jr.” He motioned toward the young man standing near the window—the one who had offered her warmth.
“Pleased to meet you.” John Jr. gave her a nod, one that urged her to relax.
“And that’s Jess over there. She’s the baby of the family.”
Jess smiled this time and politely said, “Hello. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Glad to meet you, too,” Lu said.
“My wife . . .” John motioned toward the woman seated in a dark corner of the room, who was leaned back in the chair, legs crossed. Guarded. Shielded. “That’s Lillian.”
She peered at Lu. Though it seemed to pain her, she managed a “Hello.”
“Hi, nice to meet you.” Lu gave Lillian a smile even though one wasn’t reciprocated.
Just when she thought she’d survived all the introductions, she heard a woman’s voice behind her. “. . . but Dad, you know it’s true that only a handful of college ball players go on to play professional football anyway. I mean . . .” A young woman had emerged from the bathroom, drying her hands with a paper towel. She stopped in midsentence when she saw Lu.
Lu couldn’t help staring at the woman, like a deer caught in the headlights. It was as if she was glaring into a mirror, only the reflection was living, breathing, moving, even though Lu was stiff as a board. The woman could’ve been her identical twin—same build, eyes, nose. This woman had her entire face, and it felt eerie.
“Milan, this is Lualhati,” John told her. “Lualhati, Milan.”
“Hello.” Lu smiled after being completely dumbfounded for a moment.
“You didn’t tell me that she was coming today .” Milan peered at her father, disregarding the introduction and Lu’s greeting.
“I asked her to come. I wanted her to meet you . . . all of you. This is my daughter, your sister. And I felt that she needed to be here sooner rather than later.”
“I only have one sister, and that’s Jess.” Milan refused to even look in Lu’s direction.
“Milan!” John Jr. admonished her. “Stop being a brat.”
“I’m not being a brat! It would’ve been nice to know that Dad had invited her here. You should be upset, too. He never asked what we wanted . . . if we wanted her here. He just made the decision for us.” Milan groaned.
“It wouldn’t hurt you to be polite,” Lillian said.
The anxiety that Lu had felt after John’s phone call that first day, and the fear she experienced when arriving at the airport and the jitters in the Uber ride over to the hospital—all felt justified now. She wanted to run away, retreat to her simplified life in New Jersey. Her life had been just fine before John had interrupted it. She didn’t need this complication. She tried to will her feet to move, to turn and walk away—no, run away—but she was stuck.
“I’d like a moment with Lualhati. Alone . Would you all mind stepping out for a bit?”
“Of course, Dad.” John Jr. grabbed Jess’s arm and playfully ushered her toward the door.
Lillian gave her husband an inquisitive look, reluctantly stood. “You want me to leave?”
“Yes, darling, if you wouldn’t mind. Just for a bit.”
Lillian grabbed her Louis Vuitton purse, tossed its strap over her shoulder, and moved toward the door. “Come, Milan.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Mom, and you shouldn’t either.” Milan folded her arms over her chest. “Dad, we have every right to be here.”
“Sweetheart, I just need a minute,” John pleaded.
“Let’s go grab some lunch, honey,” Lillian suggested. She stood there and waited for her daughter to join her.
With a huff, Milan grabbed her embellished clutch purse from the chair next to John’s bed, gave Lu a scornful look, and then followed her mother out the door.
Lu raised an eyebrow and shook her head. The room had felt so small, so cluttered. It felt as if the walls had been caving in with all of them in the room. But with them gone, she could literally feel the wind leaving her body. She could breathe again.
“I’m sorry about all of that. This is very difficult for them, as you can see. Particularly Milan.” John struggled to sit more upright in the bed.
Lu helped him. “Is that good?” she asked.
“Yes, thank you.” He smiled at her.
“This is my fiancé, Zach,” Lu finally said.
“A pleasure meeting you, Zach.” John gave him a nod.
“You as well, sir.” Zach had been standing in the shadows of the room like a bodyguard, keeping his distance but ready to rush in at a moment’s notice. But he walked over to John’s bed, shook his hand, and then told Lu, “I’m going down to the cafeteria to grab some coffee. Do you want anything?”
“No, thank you,” Lu said.
“Do you need me to stay?” He attempted to whisper, but not very well.
“No. I’m fine,” she said.
“Call if you change your mind,” Zach said before heading toward the door.
Lu watched as he walked toward the door. He looked back at her, and she gave him a look of assurance that she was okay.
John started talking right away. “They’ve only recently learned about you.”
“You mean you never told them that I existed?”
“Only my wife knew.”
“No wonder everyone is angry at me. I feel like I just walked into a hornet’s nest.”
“They’re not mad at you. It’s me they’re angry with. It’s my fault for keeping you from them. I was just protecting them; at least I thought I was. They just need time. You all . . . just need time. Have a seat.” John motioned toward the chair next to his bed, where Milan had obviously been seated before Lu had interrupted her entire world.
She gently slid into the chair.
“I’m going to be frank with you, Lualhati. I don’t have much time to live. I’m very ill. I’ve done the chemotherapy, the radiation, and all the other treatments and therapies. I’ve exhausted all my options at this point, and now they’re just keeping me comfortable. Make no mistake, I’ve lived a full life, but now, I’ve simply reached the end of my road.” He turned from her, stared out the window. His eyes suddenly filled with tears. “The doctors have given me just a few months to live. Milan, John Jr., Jess . . . they don’t know.”
“They don’t know the severity,” she determined.
“They know that I’ve been battling this horrible disease for three years now. But they don’t know that the doctors have done all they can do, that they’ve given me this short time frame.”
“Wow. I’m so sorry.” Tears threatened to fill her eyes, but she willed them away. Her heart pitter-pattered. She handed John a tissue from the box on his nightstand.
He dabbed his eyes. “That’s why it was imperative that I reach out to you now; time is of the essence. I’ve included you in my will. I wanted you to know that. My attorneys have handled all of it.”
“I don’t want anything.”
“How did I know you would say that?” John chuckled lightly. “You remind me so much of your mother. I know you don’t want anything, but as a man and as your father, I should’ve been allowed to carry my weight, to do my part, but I wasn’t. I’m not pointing the finger at or blaming anyone. Your mother has a lot of pride.”
There was an awkward silence when he mentioned Yana. She knew that her mother hadn’t done the right thing when it came to John. Lu gazed at the television, which was muted. CNN correspondents were discussing the latest political news story.
“She’s stubborn,” Lu admitted.
“Indeed she is,” John agreed. “I know you have many questions. And while you’re here, I’ll do my best to answer as many of them as I can.”
She decided to begin her inquisition right away. Why wait, since time was not on their side? “How did you meet my mother?”
John explained, “Many years ago, when I was a young officer in the navy, as I’m sure you know, I did a tour of duty in the Philippines. In Manila. There, I met this . . . beautiful Filipino woman who I fell deeply in love with—your mother. I wanted to be with her, but times were complicated. My life was complicated. Before I was set to deploy back to the United States, I learned that Yana was pregnant, and I knew I couldn’t leave her there. Because she was living in poverty and such deplorable living conditions, I thought that bringing her to the US would at least offer her and the child, my child , a better life.”
“If you were so in love with her, why didn’t you marry her? Why did you take her away from her home only to abandon her?” Lu asked.
“I couldn’t marry her.” He looked away, stroked his goatee, and then dropped his head, “because I was already married, and with a toddler child.”
It all made sense to Lu at that moment—the reason Milan had so defiantly refused to leave the room. The reason the woman—Lillian—had been so unfriendly. Lu was a walking, living, breathing reminder to them of John’s betrayal. Hearing John admit that he had been married when he met her mother caused Lu great pain. Her chest hurt. She held on to it, hoping that the pain would stop, but it was persistent. She wanted to storm out of the room and never return, but she hadn’t come all this way for nothing. She came for answers, and she wanted them.
“Did my mother know that you were married?”
“Yes.” He said it emphatically.
It was that response that caused Lu the most pain. Yana had known, yet she still pursued a relationship with him, and moreover had followed him to the States anyway.
“She was able to get a work visa and followed me to California. I rented her an apartment, provided financial support for her. But the arrangement became too difficult for her.”
“The arrangement?”
“I’m not proud of it. My wife knew about Yana and you.”
“Why did it become difficult?”
“Because Yana wanted more. Much more than I was able to offer. And Lillian gave me an ultimatum. She was going to leave me, and I had no intentions of losing my family. So, when Yana told me that she had a relative in New Jersey and preferred to live there, I had to let her go. I gave her the money that she needed to get there, to start her new life.”
“So, just like that, you sent her away—sent us away?”
“I didn’t send her or you away. She insisted upon leaving. She didn’t want to be in the same city, knowing that my family was here, in California. We kept in touch for the first two years of your life. When I indicated that I wanted to fly to New Jersey to see you, she thought it best that I didn’t. She said it would only confuse you. I supported her financially for a few more years, and then I lost contact with her altogether.”
“And so you just went on with your life?”
“I’ve made mistakes, Lualhati, no doubt about it. I’m not proud of them and I can’t change the past, but I’d like to try to create a future for you and your brother and sisters. I don’t have much time, but all of you still do . . . you have time to build relationships and get to know one another. To not let my past mistakes determine your futures. You are siblings, whether you like it or not. Even if you don’t build relationships with one another, I wanted to make the introductions. I wanted you to know the truth.”
Lu could no longer contain the tears as they streamed down her face and she stood up. She needed some air, needed to breathe, to digest all that she’d learned in just a few hours of arriving in Sacramento. Even though she had so many more questions, she’d had enough for one day.
“I’m leaving.”
“Are you leaving California?”
“I don’t know yet. I just need to absorb all of this.”
“I know it’s a lot to take in, but please don’t leave the city just yet. Please come back tomorrow, so that we can talk again. I just want you in my presence. It feels good having you here.”
She nodded a yes, gathered herself, and headed out the door with not so much as a goodbye. She didn’t know if she would return the next day, didn’t know if she could. Her instincts were to hightail it to the airport and get on the first plane leaving for New Jersey in the morning, but at the same time it also felt good to her, too, being in John’s presence, though she didn’t want to admit it even to herself.
She needed to find Zach. She was grateful that he had accompanied her on the trip because she would need his support more than she thought. There was so much to digest. Her usually uncomplicated life had suddenly become so complicated, and she didn’t like it one bit.