Chapter 8 Mona
I’m trying really hard not to cry, but I’m still in heat, and my omega is really fucking sensitive. Way more than me.
Yeah, it’s her that’s getting her feelings hurt. Me? I’m fine.
I’m totally fine.
I sniff, wiping more tears off my cheeks. Silas stiffens in the front seat, his shoulders tense and rigid. I can feel him through the bond. He doesn’t like that I’m crying. Well, I can’t fucking help it!
Calm, Beep says.
And just like that, I begin sobbing.
“What is wrong with you?” Silas barks. “Are you—fuck, are you alright?”
I try to answer, to yell at him for being a dick, but Beep is there. She’s been back, I could feel her, but her first words to me send a cascade of relief rushing through me. God, I missed her so much.
It will be okay, Mona. Stay calm.
“You stay calm!” I snap back.
“What?” Silas asks.
I ignore him.
Because that’s what you do when you’re bonded to a man who doesn’t want you.
Mating bonds can be broken. Is that what you want?
Ghost asked Silas. And after everything we went through together, after all these months, all the pain and shit and horror, all leading us back to each other—to him, of all people, finding me in that basement, in heat, rescuing me, then riding me through the most intense, painful, pleasurable moments of my life—and he said. Fucking. Nothing.
I can feel it, too. Ache and anger along the thread binding us together.
He may not have admitted he wants to break the bond, but he blames me for it. And it was my fault, wasn’t it? I’m the monster here. I have no right to be hurt.
I choke on another sob.
The two of them, conspiring about how much they don’t want me. We’re in agreement then. Get her home to her alphas. Go our separate ways.
Try to rest, Beep tells me.
I can’t, I think back. I did this. It’s my fault. My heart feels like it’s being ripped out through my ribs and I can’t—I can’t—
I’m hyperventilating at the thoughts of what I’ve done. He said no, he tried to hold me back. But I climbed on top of him and made him fuck me.
And then I bit Silas, bonded him. Against his will. Trapped him forever with someone he’ll never love. Maybe he should break the bond.
Oh god, just the idea that he’ll cut this tether between us—I let out another keening cry.
“Mona! Tell me what’s happening!” Silas shouts frantically.
He’s angry. Scared. Worried, too, because he’s not a bad guy like he thinks he is. He’s rough around the edges, but he’s actually the best guy. He does really hard things, and I’m so proud of him.
Shame washes over me. And it’s so heavy, it collides with his. Our bond, like a lit tether, a magical string tying us together, sends emotions and errant thoughts between us, and all the torment inside him is so overwhelming, I think I’m drowning in it.
I suck in a breath, but I can’t swallow it. I try again, but it’s like my lungs won’t work. I’m naked, tucked into this little place on the floor, where I fucking belong.
“Hey,” Silas says, trying to soothe me. I don’t deserve it, though.
He climbs into the backseat, pulls me up from the floor into his lap, but I try to resist. I don’t want his comfort. He’s in pain, I can feel his anguish as if it were my own.
“Shh,” he whispers against my temple, rocking me in place.
The driver’s side door opens. Ghost, wearing a shirt again, climbs in and starts the car. He doesn’t say a word, doesn’t even look at me, just hands a bag back to Silas, then pulls out of the parking lot.
I barely had a moment to drown in Ghost’s scent before he ripped it away from me, but those seconds scorched through my veins and branded themselves into my memory.
He’s so unique, unlike anything I’ve ever known.
Everything about him is an enigma, and a secret part of me, despite the growing haze of my heat and the fact that I had only just met him, was excited that he could be mine.
That he’d be there during my heat, that he would be claiming me.
That was two days ago, though. That was before.
He didn’t claim me. He wants nothing to do with me.
Now, he hides his scent away from me, like I’m not even worthy of breathing him in.
The connection between us isn’t just gone—it’s empty, like an insatiable thirst, or a wound that won’t heal.
It aches deep inside me, like something is missing, but he seems completely indifferent to it.
Silas holds me while I cry in his arms.
And I decide to take the comfort he offers. Let his petrichor and citrus scent wash over me. Because when we get to Silent Peak, he’s leaving, too.
With one arm wrapped around me, Silas digs through the bag. He pulls out a blanket, rips off a tag, and wraps it around me. I’m still warm from my heat, but the material is so soft, and the gesture feels too good to dismiss. So good that my body responds, pleasure snaking down my spine.
I want it over. No more heat.
But it’s still there. Little spikes of it.
“It’s okay, Mona,” he says.
But it’s not okay. I can never take back what I did to him. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t mean to.
I don’t know what happened to him all these years he was gone, but I can feel through the bond, and from his reaction to Deidre’s voice, it wasn’t good. He’s uncomfortable.
But I know Silas is a good man, even if his words are harsh. Because he doesn’t want to be here with me, yet he doesn’t let me go.
And when a crest of heat spikes through me, tears spilling from my eyes, my omega whimpering, out of control, he arranges my body over his.
His fingers come between my legs. It feels so good, but the pleasure is tainted by reality.
“Please,” the word spills from my lips. Tears steam down my cheeks, wetting his neck. I bury my face so I don’t have to look at him.
I want him so badly, but I can never truly have him.
I’m sobbing, but he rubs my clit, and the feeling is viscerally comforting. “Shhh,” he whispers again. Then holds his erection between us, lifts me just enough, and pushes the crown inside.
I cry harder as he fills me. And he doesn’t fuck me.
He stays just like that, planted deep, while I ride through the heat spike. My pussy clamps down around him. He grunts while our bodies take what they need. Eventually he starts moving, thrusting.
But it’s slow and gentle.
And it almost feels like a goodbye.
The pleasure crests higher. Blissfully, my omega takes over, and my mind shuts off. She rolls her hips, and our sex becomes messy and desperate.
And then he holds my ass cheeks in his big palms, tilts his pelvis, and notches his knot at my entrance.
He grinds his hips in rhythmic circles, like he’s drilling himself inside me, until his knot pushes in, then swells, and I squeeze around it.
He lets out a shuddering breath, wraps his arms around me, and holds me tighter.
I fall asleep in his arms, selfishly soaking up his cum as he fills me.
Silas. My fierce monster.
I never want to let him go, but I have to.