Chapter 19 Grayson
If he were any other man—pack mate or not—if the situation were any different, I’d be breaking down that door and stealing my mate back.
If only my mother could see me now. I push eggs around in a pan with a spatula.
The oil splatters and burns my arm, and I hiss and blame the eggs.
I surreptitiously glance at her old apron, still hanging exactly where she left it, in the corner of the kitchen near the brooms. Hilde’s used it.
A few other wolves, too, in the last fifty years.
Yeah, I’m not putting on my mother’s apron.
I can hear them upstairs. Mona and Silas.
He hasn’t let go of her since yesterday.
They spent the rest of the night in her room, and he wasn’t kidding when he told her if he gave in, if she gave herself to him, that he’d be intensely possessive.
Maybe he used the word obsessive, but with Silas, same fucking difference.
And I thought I was bad.
Orion comes downstairs whistling. “They still at it?” he laughs, hooking a thumb over his shoulder. He’s grinning, and I don’t have to feel him through the bond to know he’s elated, asking stupid, rhetorical questions like that.
I grunt in the affirmative and turn off the burner. He peers over my shoulder.
“Eggs?”
I grunt again. I push some eggs onto a plate along with a piece of toast and jam from a stack I already made. Orion’s practically keeling over with laughter.
I let out a long, suffering sigh. “What?”
“You really gonna interrupt them right now with eggs?”
I grit my teeth. Yes. I was planning on it.
But then the door opens and Mona’s bright voice carries down the stairs. I shove the plate at Orion, and he sets the table.
I don’t have to say so, but I do anyway. “That’s hers. Make your own fucking plate.”
Orion’s still laughing when our mate comes down the stairs. She jumps directly into my arms, and I practically have to shove Silas’s hand away to get my arms all the way around her.
“Were you boys always bad at sharing?” she asks lightly.
“No.” “Yes.” We both answer at the same time. I sigh and set her on her feet after kissing her forehead. “I made you breakfast. You need to eat. You’ve been up there too long.”
Silas smirks, then steals a piece of toast from her plate. I slap the back of his hand, and his alpha growls at me. This turns into a light, minor scuffle, while Orion and Mona eat breakfast around us, talking about their day ahead.
Silas eventually stops annoying me, and we sit down to join them. He has one hand on her knee, eating with the other. I wrap my foot around the leg of her chair and tug her closer.
Mona smirks and side-eyes me. “Yes, Grayson?”
“I didn’t say anything,” I grumble.
“Oh. Only, it seemed like you wanted my attention?”
“You’re fucking loving this, aren’t you?”
She smiles, and it lights up her entire face. She tilts her head, and her blue eyes sparkle. “Yes.”
Orion laughs. It takes effort not to smile at her, and I just barely hold it in. “I’ve got to head down and speak with Kendrick at the hospital later. Andrea should be by to pick you up soon.”
Mona wrinkles her nose. “Can I hang out with you today? She’s just gonna make me work out some more, and I’m honestly not in the mood.”
The guys barely contain their laughter, but Orion swallows his down when she growls at him. He clears his throat. “Mona, you need to run drills if you want to get stronger.”
“Does that actually work? Exercise? I thought shifters were naturally strong.”
“Normally,” I tell her. “Not omegas, for some reason. Same as their slow healing. It’s just your biology. You’re weaker, and it makes others around you feel a natural inclination to take care of you.”
She gives me a look of disgust, and honestly, I don’t blame her.
Biology, in this case, sucks. But I add, “Exercise, weight training, agility… it’s all supplementary, even for an alpha like me.
We are naturally strong—you as well, you’re certainly stronger than a human—but we could always be stronger. For you, that means…”
“Lifting tires?”
Orion barks a laugh. Silas, feeling left out of the conversation, wraps his foot around her chair and drags her back to him, away from me. “You can hang with me today, pet. I won’t let Andrea force you to exercise. I have other activities in mind for that, anyway.”
Her perfume pulses out of her, making me and Orion groan.
Silas, unapologetic, pulls her in for a kiss.
My jealousy is loud again. But, not wanting to pull Mona into a tug-of-war with my brother, I say, “Actually, Mona, why don’t you come along with me to meet with Kendrick?
Andrea can meet up with you later. It might be good for you to get to know him. ”
Orion’s eyes shoot to me, but I ignore him. Kendrick said he wasn’t ready to tell Mona who he was to her, and while I disagreed, I respect his decision. But she should still get to know the man. And this distance he’s keeping will only piss her off more when she finds out the truth.
To Silas, I add, “Kendrick said Ghost has been scouting, but should be back later today. Why don’t you connect with him, then meet up with Orion and the enforcers.
The entire clan is on lockdown, every enforcer in the clan is scouting the woods.
You have insight into how the witches work, your advice could be valuable. ”
“Could be?”
I grit my teeth. “I don’t know, brother. Do you have anything of value to share?”
Something I’d have said without hesitation in the past. But that last sentence makes his light dim. And, in the past, if I’d spoken without thinking, he’d give it right back. This Silas just nods.
He doesn’t push away from the table dramatically. He doesn’t snark back. He finishes his breakfast. The need to apologize is right there. And I almost do. I should. But then he’s cleaning his plate and kissing Mona goodbye.
He and Orion quietly leave the kitchen.
“That wasn’t nice,” Mona chastises me.
I let out a long sigh. We get up and finish clearing the dishes. On our way out the door, toward the truck, I admit, “I don’t know how to talk to him anymore.”
“You guys weren’t very nice to each other before, I take it.”
I start the truck, and it rumbles to life.
“We didn’t hate each other. I’ve always loved Silas.
But we didn’t always get along. Especially in the later years, after our parents died.
He took their loss hard. I think he always felt like he could keep being a kid as long as Lune was around.
And then, when he was gone, people suddenly looked to him for guidance. He never seemed…”
I don’t know how to finish the sentence. Adequate? That’s not quite right. Because when Silas puts his mind to something, he’s a more creative problem solver than I am. He’s smart and clever, wily. Just… directionless.
“It doesn’t really matter, though, right?”
“What do you mean?” I ask her as we pass the heart, a little further down toward the hospital.
Wolves wave enthusiastically. When Mona was gone, a blanket of sadness fell across the clan.
First Silas, then Lily, and then our omega.
We were all devastated, not just Orion and me.
All three are back now, and none of them take that for granted.
“I mean,” she continues, “it’s in the past. His behavior, whatever it was like, everything he says or does now is under scrutiny. You’re judging him based on his past.”
“Of course I am. Your past defines you. It makes you who you are.”
“You think so?”
“Yes.” Without a doubt.
“I used to be lazy. And boring.”
I raise one eyebrow, and she gasps in mock offense, then laughs and reaches out to slap me.
“Don’t look at me like that! Not wanting to lift tires or run suicide sprints does not make me lazy.
What I mean is… I was always tired. Sick.
I never wanted to do anything. In my heart, I wanted to, but I just didn’t have the energy.
And so, I lived a boring life. I ate takeout, I watched TV.
I slept on the couch half the time because I was too lazy to go to bed.
Lazy, mind you, not that I didn’t have the physical strength to go from one room to the other. Mostly.”
“That was something that was done to you, Mona.”
“True. But that was also just who I was. It was the life I lived for over twenty years. And if all of this craziness that’s happened to me—having Beep, you guys, my omega—if all of it dropped in the old me’s lap without warning, I might have said no thanks.
Not because I was physically incapable of dealing with it all, but because I just wouldn’t have known where to begin. ”
“What’s your point?” I ask, not really understanding where she’s going with all this.
“My point is… I spent months on the road, alone, with Beep, figuring all this out. We went through a lot together, and my life slowly morphed into something new. I had to learn how to live like this. I changed, fundamentally.”
Ah. Now I see. “And Silas’s experiences over the last five years have morphed him into something else, too?”
“Yes. I know it’s not a good example, it’s just… people can change. Maybe I’m still lazy,” she laughs. “And I’d love to just sit on my ass and watch some TV one of these nights. But I’m different now. My life experiences have changed me. And it took time.”
We drive in silence for another minute, then I pull up next to the hospital and park.
“Why is she still here, anyway?” Mona asks. “Lily, I mean. Even I healed within a couple of days after the Andrea and Stance stuff happened.”
That reminder isn’t something I need right now. My alpha snarls, but I temper his annoyance. “The physical damage done to her was different… she was tortured for months.”
Mona sucks in a sharp breath. She looks toward the hospital entrance. I reach out and pull her closer. The steering wheel is in the way, I can’t pull her into my lap, but I get her close enough.
“She’s healing. She’ll be okay. I’ve seen her myself. You don’t need to worry.”
Mona shakes her head. “I saw her, Grayson. I saw her, and I did nothing.”
“Don’t you dare say that. You told me. I did nothing. You told me, and I dismissed it as just a dream. Something your subconscious manifested because of what Silas did to you. I’m the one at fault here.”
She doesn’t believe me. In her scent, I can tell.
Her omega has this way of soothing everyone around her, but she has a harder time turning that kindness onto herself.
I run my fingers through her hair, getting caught in the messy strands.
My fingertips scratching her scalp make her cuddle closer, and the purr that rumbles from my chest anchors her to me.
“In truth, we didn’t know where Lily was.
It was luck that you saw them, and that Kendrick’s Ghost went to one of Deidre’s compounds and scented two wolves on the property.
That those wolves were Lily and Silas was also luck.
None of what happened is your fault, and you couldn’t have stopped any of it.
All the blame is on me. And Kendrick. And every alpha in this country who knew their shifters were being kidnapped and didn’t coordinate, didn’t do enough to figure out what was happening. ”
“It’s not your fault either, Grayson.”
I wasn’t using hyperbole. It is my fault. And I’ll have to carry the burden of what happened to my brother and to Lily, and to all the others, for the rest of my existence.
And Mona is right. I need to give my brother more grace. Because even if he does still push my buttons—that’s a part of his personality that will never change—even I can see that he is different. What was done to him was a fucking tragedy. But it changed him. He’s not the same man he once was.
Kendrick steps outside. His eyes flick to mine briefly, then stay on Mona, who is still cuddling my chest, rubbing her cheek against the vibration of my purr.
The look on Kendrick’s face is what gets me moving. He’s either two seconds from storming into this truck and telling her everything, or about to run off in the opposite direction.
I open the door and maneuver Mona out of the truck, setting her on her feet.
“Oh. Hi,” Mona waves awkwardly at Kendrick.
His expression doesn’t change. His eyes don’t leave her face. But to me, he says, “I thought we were meeting.”
“That’s why I’m here.”
His eyes narrow. If he didn’t have his alpha tucked away, it’s possible I’d bare my neck. As it is, the look he gives me tells me how pissed he is that I brought Mona. Well, he’s just going to have to get over it.
“Mona wanted to tag along,” I lie. Not because I’m unwilling to incur his wrath, but to remind him Mona, his daughter, is real, and she’s here, and maybe he should be more open to getting to know her, regardless of the circumstances.
Kendrick dips his chin, then turns and walks toward a picnic table sitting on the side of the building. Holding Mona’s hand, we follow.