Chapter 32 Mona
My words trip over themselves as I try to explain. “I’m not—I was just—” Wow, I am really bad at coming up with stuff on the spot. Beep lets out an exasperated sigh.
“Checking the flower boxes?” Andrea asks, raising one eyebrow.
I scramble to my feet and pull open the passenger door of the truck. “Gas?” I chirp.
Andrea’s face goes still. So, I’m surprised when she starts the truck and continues along with my ruse.
We make it about a quarter mile before she yanks the wheel to the right, pulling onto the shoulder. She turns to face me. “What’s really going on here?”
“Andrea, I—”
She cuts me off. “Don’t lie to me. Just don’t. You’re obviously planning something. You’re about as subtle as a walrus. I am your guard, and I am responsible for you—”
“This isn’t about you!” My voice cracks harshly. I stare at my hands, twisting them in my lap. “I’m sorry. I’m—look, nothing’s happening. Can we please get gas and go back to the cabin? Please?”
“You think because you’re not telling an outright lie that I still can’t sense it. Go back to the cabin. Not with you, though, right? Where will you be?”
“Andrea—”
“No! You know something. You fucking know something, and you’re lying to me, and you’re going to get yourself killed, and then I’ll lose you, and I’ve already lost her, and I can’t—” Andrea’s heart beats loudly, breathing frantic.
The dark hole inside her, the one missing pieces of herself, pulses, like it’s growing an inch at a time.
“You’re being paranoid.”
“Do not patronize me,” she hisses.
I laugh, a cold sound that surprises even me.
“Oh, you don’t like being patronized? You?
That’s rich, coming from the fucking queen of sarcastic condescension.
You have been an asshole to me since the day we met.
Don’t pretend like you know me. We’re not friends, Andrea.
We will never be friends. You’re just a pathetic parasite who bullied your way into my mate’s good graces by feeding his paranoia.
You’re only here because you’re a perfect little soldier.
How does that feel, huh? Being someone’s literal fucking lapdog? ”
Bile rises in my throat as the poison leaves my lips. Each syllable tastes like shit, but I need her angry—need her to stop looking at me with those eyes that seem to pierce straight through me, right to the truth I’m trying to hide.
I can feel her hurt before I even see it.
It all feels wrong. Wretched, and my omega yearns to reach out and hold her.
Andrea’s apple mint scent turns acrid. The moment I catch the look on her face, her brows drawn, lips parted—trembling, even—I wrench my gaze to the window, hating myself with every second that passes.
The pain I’m causing—about to cause—slices through me like a thousand tiny blades.
My mates will be devastated when they discover I’m gone.
Silas will think I abandoned him. They all will.
And Andrea—she has to hate me. It’s the only way.
My throat constricts as I squeeze my eyes shut, clinging to my only comfort: it’s for her own good.
Even as I think those words, I’m struck by the bitter irony. It’s what Grayson says when he thinks he knows best. And yes, sometimes he’s right—but other times, I’ve wanted to grab him by his perfect face and force him to actually listen to someone else for once in his goddamn life.
I can do this. I can be mean to her and save her from getting killed. I can be cruel.
Fuck, this hurts.
“Andrea,” I try again, readying the words to nail the coffin shut. To play on all her insecurities.
But when I turn to face her, the words die in my throat.
She’s got that look on her face. The same one when Gray and I showed up back in town and I found her locked in the cell.
It’s the face of someone who’s already ten steps ahead, who’s just waiting for you to catch up.
A flicker of annoyance crosses her features before the corner of her mouth twitches upward, infuriatingly.
“Now I know something is wrong.”
“Wait, what? Huh?”
She rolls her eyes. “Mona, you can’t even insult me correctly. Yes, I am a perfect little fucking soldier. Paranoid, too. Good thing, since my instincts are screaming right now. You’re not just hiding something, it’s more than that. We’re not leaving until you tell me.”
“You’re not mad I said we weren’t friends?” Now my lip is trembling.
She softens a fraction, then laughs. “God, you’re ridiculous.”
“Andrea!”
“I’m sorry!” She throws her hands in the air, but she’s still laughing.
“I mean that with all the love, Mona. You’re pathetically adorable, you annoy the shit out of me, but yes, we are friends.
Wolves can sense lies, as you know, but there are ways around it, and you’re doing a shit job at skirting the truth.
I’m almost afraid to teach you, but you’re so bad at lying, I feel like you should know the basics. But we’ll get to that later.”
“You are such an asshole!”
Andrea’s finger jabs my thigh. My pockets, stuffed with glass vials, clank in protest. One of the vials wedged into my waistband works loose and slides down my pant leg, landing with a musical ping into my tucked-in socks. I clear my throat.
Tell her, Beep says.
But Deidre said—
Tell her, she urges again. It’s the only way. Trust me. Andrea should know. She can help.
“The witch…” I sigh, the words spilling out of me with a mixture of relief and reluctance. “She came to see me last night.” I check the window, scanning for any sign of movement. The last thing I need is for one of my mates to overhear this.
“What!? Where? How? How did she get in? I don’t understand, Grayson didn’t say—”
“It was in my dream. In a vision. She… she made me a deal. All the deltas and alphas, everyone she’s captured, in exchange for me. And she’ll stop taking shifters, too.”
Andrea’s eyes widen. She’s quiet for a second, then she explodes in outrage.
“No! Are you out of your goddamn mind? You can’t trust that harpy.
No fucking way. She’s lying to you. She’ll never release them.
And you’re just going to hand yourself over?
We’ve risked everything to keep you from her.
After what she did to Silas, to Lily—you’re just going to roll over and—”
I slam my fist against the dashboard, cutting Andrea off mid-sentence. “Enough!”
Her mouth snaps shut, but her jaw works back and forth. I can practically see the tirade piling up behind her clenched teeth.
“I know Deidre can’t be trusted, but Andrea.
.. What choice do we have? We don’t know where she is.
And I can see what she’s doing to all those shifters.
Maybe… I don’t know. When I get there, I can reach out to my mates.
They’d come for me. Maybe even get me out of there before it’s too late.
Or maybe I could stop her myself…” I let the thought hang, unfinished.
The truth is, I had no intention of reaching out to them.
Because they would come charging in without hesitation.
The witches have been preparing for this, and I can’t—won’t—risk a world without them in it.
Deidre would kill them all, I’ve seen what she’s capable of.
She’s stronger now, more prepared than she’s ever been.
And my mates, Kendrick… they’re flying blind.
“Mona…”
“She has Ingrid.” She doesn’t need the reminder, but I’m not above using her mate as leverage. Andrea’s shoulders tense.
“What is your plan, exactly?”
“If you’re just going to turn around and tell them—”
“I won’t.”
“How do I know that? How can I trust you won’t rat on me to Grayson the second my back is turned?”
She looks me dead in the eye. “Because I’m coming with you. Now, tell me the plan.”
Her offer doesn’t surprise me. I wonder if I sabotaged myself on purpose.
The plan was flimsy at best—bathroom break at the gas station, quick shift, disappear into the woods before she noticed.
But deep down, I think I wanted her to figure it out.
With Ingrid’s life on the line, Andrea wouldn’t just let me go.
She’d insist on coming along. I should feel guilty.
I do, a little. But I’m too relieved to take it back.
Andrea has, after all, been planning to go after her mate since she found out what happened to her. She just didn’t have any information to go on. She does now.
I look at Andrea. “You’re not my bodyguard anymore.”
“Mona—”
“No. If we do this, if you’re coming with me, we’re equals. I’m grateful for everything you taught me—”
And for all the times she punched you in the face? Beep snarks.
I punch the bridge of my nose and continue, to Andrea, “But this is my plan. I’m not going down there with you bossing me around.”
Andrea’s jaw clicks, then says through gritted teeth, “Fine.”
“I’ll tell you the plan as we go. I was going to shift, but since we have the truck—” I give the dashboard a pat. “Can we take this?”
Andrea thinks for a second, debating. “If we’re keeping the truck, I need my wallet. Hand it over.”
I do, and she digs it out and counts through the cash. “They might be able to track us if we use a credit card. Let’s stop and get gas, and I’ll use the clan card to take out some cash. After that, we’re on our own.”
There’s zero hesitancy in her tone, but she looks me over, then says, “Mona, I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am that you’re willing to do this.
And if I were a better person, I’d probably drive you right back to your mates and lock your ass up.
It goes against my nature as a soldier, as an alpha with an omega in her clan. But…”
“I can’t. I won’t go back, not without at least trying,” I plead.
“Well, I’m too selfish to send you back. But I need to ask… are you sure? You can just tell me what Deidre said, and I’ll go. You can stay here—”
I hold up my hand. “No. It’s us, or me. That’s it. Deidre won’t… she’ll know if I don’t go. She has a way to access my mind now. Because of my blood and my Seeker magic. I have to go. She was very clear about what would happen if I didn’t leave right away.”
“Okay. I accept your terms, though there are times I’m going to ask you to defer to my expertise. I know I tease you about not knowing how to fight, but you really don’t.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it.”
“But, I can admit, I don’t know shit about this witch stuff. You’ve been in our world less than a year and know more about it than me. So, yes. Together.”
She looks behind her before pulling back onto the road. “You’re sure? Sure, sure?”
“I’m sure,” I tell her, my voice betraying my confidence, or lack-thereof, keeping my eyes fixed in front of us, unable to watch the mountains grow smaller in the distance.
“What’s in the backpack? And for the love of god, what the fuck is in your pants? You stole something from the hospital, right?”
I open the bag and begin chasing down all the bottles in my pants, stuffing them into the backpack.
“I remembered they helped Lily. Heather told me once that wolf meds are pretty simple, mostly herbal compounds, less complex than human drugs. I figured if anyone needed immediate medical attention once I got there, these should help…”
Andrea’s quiet as we near the gas station. No one expects us back for hours.
“I wouldn’t have thought of that,” she says softly.
“Drugs?”
She leans forward, clears her throat. “When you said we could find her—Ingrid—that’s all I focused on.
I can strategize, get us into the building, silo whatever, get us there, deal with whatever else comes up along the way, but it’s like my blinders are on.
All I can think about is Ingrid. I didn’t even consider the others.
It’s just… it’s nice you thought of everyone else who’s there. ”
I shrug, my ribs constricting like a vise around my lungs with every mile that stretches between us and home. “I get it. My mates are my world. I know what it’s like to only see them.”
“You wouldn’t be here if that were true.”
I stare out the window, watching the blur of trees. Her words sit like a stone, pressing against my sternum. Is it noble or selfish, what I’m doing? Isn’t my loyalty to them supposed to be blinding, above all others? I push the thought away.
We get gas, while Andrea digs through my bag to see what I’ve brought. She takes a bunch of cash from the clan’s debit card at the ATM. I don’t tell her where we’re going yet, but once we get on 95, she’ll know we’re headed south. We should be in Massachusetts by the end of the day, maybe further.
The miles tick by, and the silence and tension between us thicken. I glance at Andrea, thankful for her solid presence beside me. Without her, I’d probably be making a U-turn right now, racing back to the safety of my pack, of the clan.
A bitter smile tugs at my mouth. I’m not quite the self-sacrificing martyr Andrea thinks I am.