Chapter Sixteen
Chris
What the hell happened last night?
I pictured Emily sitting with Hudson and me this morning. Instead, we were rolling solo, eating our breakfast. I was prepared to make pancakes, bacon, and eggs. Sadly, Hudson wasn’t impressed with my culinary talent. When he asked for toast, I didn’t object.
I did my best not to sulk at the fact that Emily bolted like a scared colt last night.
Hudson scrutinizing which jam he liked better was pretty damn funny. One slice was topped with strawberry jam, the other with blackberry. He took a bite and closed his eyes as if he were some celebrity chef on a cooking show.
My son amazed me each and every day. I kept my laughter tucked inside as I continued to watch him.
“Which do you like better?” I asked while simultaneously trying to answer the one question that had plagued me since Emily left last night.
“Hm,” he considered. “I think I like the strawberry best.” He cocked his head like he might change his mind but asked, “Where’s Emily?”
Good question.
Ten hours earlier, we’d been right on the precipice of having the perfect night together. The dogs were snoozing away, Hudson had fallen asleep between Emily and me, and thanks to the summer storm, the adults were finally going to have their first official sleepover since Hudson came home.
Hudson asking if Emily was my girlfriend was the icing on the cake.
So, what happened to cause her to run away?
I couldn’t put my finger on it—the thing that changed between us being in my bedroom and fifteen minutes later, when she couldn’t get out of my house fast enough.
The only thing I could think of was that I did something to piss her off. But for the life of me, I couldn’t think of anything I did wrong.
“Done!” Hudson said, pulling me from the unsolved mystery.
“You’re right, buddy. I like the strawberry best, too,” I said.
“But they’re both good,” he said. “When can we go get more?”
“You know what, son?”
“What?” The way he cocked his head reminded me of Kayla, and my heart swelled.
Thinking of her now, looking at my son and seeing parts of her reflected in him, didn’t sting the way they did before.
For the first time since her passing, I felt peace. I also felt love. Kayla’s love for me radiated through our son.
Savannah’s words echoed, and I finally heard them.
“Daddy?” Hudson’s voice came through. “Can we see Emily and the dogs?”
“Yes. We’re going to go get her and go to the farmer’s market.”
Emily might be able to reject me. But I knew she couldn’t say no to Hudson.
My notion proved true when she opened the door.
Her eyes said she was busy, but her mouth had her inviting us in.
“We ran out of strawberry jam, and I told Hudson about the farmer’s market where we bought it.”
“We have to get some more,” Hudson said.
“Did you taste the blueberry one?” Emily asked him.
“We don’t have that.”
“You don’t?” Emily met my eyes.
My cheeks burned with my guilty chuckle. “I might have eaten it.”
She couldn’t help her laugh as she asked, “You ate it all by yourself?”
I shrugged. “It was really good.”
“Maybe your dad will share it this time,” she told Hudson.
“Maybe,” he answered.
“We can get two jars this time, just in case.”
“Can we bring the dogs?” he asked.
“Maybe we’ll leave them here,” Emily said. “We can get them some treats. I know this really cool stand that has all kinds of stuff for them.”
“Just treats,” I said. “Luke has toys coming out of his ears.”
“So do they,” she said, pointing her chin to Moose and Rufus.
After making sure the dogs had everything they needed while we were out, we piled into my truck and headed to the farmer’s market.
Even with Hudson and music as our buffers in the confined space, Emily’s quiet anxiety was intense. Thankfully, it was a quick trip.
We walked together, Hudson in the middle. It didn’t escape me that Emily was still trying to keep some space between us. After visiting The Puzzle Guy, the Bark Booth, and the Jam Stand, we bought some fresh bagels with cream cheese and found a bench with some shade to sit together.
When my phone buzzed in my pocket, I groaned. But when I saw that it was my dad calling, I knew this would be a perfect opportunity to talk to Emily. I handed Hudson my phone and told him, “Sit down here. Grandpa’s calling.”
Sitting on the grass nearby, Hudson was oblivious, but still, I kept my voice low. “What happened last night?”
Her face hardened, muscle by muscle. The tension and adverse reaction to my question were evident in her simple reply. “Nothing.”
“Emily, I know something happened. Did I do something wrong?”
She looked away, refusing to meet my eyes.
“If I did something, I need to know what it was.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Is it about Hudson?”
“No.”
“Em, you have to talk to me.”
“It’s stupid. And not a big deal . . .”
“Something made you bolt, so it’s gotta be at least a medium deal.”
She gave a silent chuckle. “I heard Hudson . . . when he was crying.”
“Okay. I’m not sure why that made you feel like leaving. He was just scared of the storm. It happens sometimes when the weather gets crazy like that.”
“No, not that part,” she said, still averting her eyes. “He was crying for his mom. And I—” She wrung her hands together.
“Oh, Emily. That wasn’t?—”
“I’m not trying to take her place.”
“I know. And I’m not asking you to.”
“That’s not what I mean.” A quiet moment passed as we regarded one another. “When I heard him, it made me realize that maybe this whole thing is happening a little too fast. For Hudson, I mean. I don’t want to jeopardize anything with him or cause him more pain.”
I looked at Hudson, who was happily picking at the grass while he talked to his grandpa. “Emily, you have it all wrong.”
“But—”
“The thing you need to know is that this happens sometimes after we’ve talked about his mom. The night before, we looked at his scrapbook. It has pictures of Kayla when she was pregnant and after he was born. It’s filled with pictures of her. My mom and sister made it so he’d have something to remember her by.” I breathed deeply when she took my hand because I didn’t want to cry. “He was too little to remember her when she died. This way, he can . . . remember.”
“I-I didn’t know,” she said. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s nothing to apologize for. I can see where you got your signals crossed. He wasn’t crying because of you or anything you did. Hudson really likes you.” The corners of my mouth curved up. “I mean, what’s not to like, right?”
“Chris.” She sighed. “I’m new at all of this. And it freaks me out.”
“Me or Hudson?” I asked.
“Both. The whole family thing is elusive to me. My mom was strung out on drugs most of my life. She cheated on my dad, broke up our family, and eventually died from an overdose. My dad passed away, and then it was just me and my grandma.”
“You had a good relationship with her, though.”
“I did,” she said, nodding. “My point, though, is that what you have with your family isn’t anything like what I had. And I just don’t want to screw it up.”
“Then let’s just take it a day at a time. Baby steps, Emily. Practice is your forte, right? You’re the one who taught me that you have to practice, follow through, and repeat until the dog gets it right.”
“You’re not a dog, Chris.”
“Well, not a hundred percent. But we have done doggie?—”
Her cheeks flashed red as she stopped my words with a playful smack. “Hudson is right there,” she chastised.
“He’s oblivious, babe.” I tugged on her hand so she’d look at me. “See? Right there? You care about him.”
“I do. From the moment you showed me his picture in your wallet . . . He’s a very special boy.”
“Give it time. There’s no rush.” I kissed the top of her hand. “But you need to know that no one makes me feel the way you do. I never thought I’d meet someone and click the way we do. You are very special to me, Emily, and I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Her eyes were as big as saucers. “You are?”
I shook my head. “Fuck it. No. I am in love with you. I am. I love you, Emily. And I want you in my life. And in Hudson’s.”
Her eyes filled with tears before she choked back a sob. “I love you, too.”
Hearing her say those words filled me with the immense kind of joy I’d only felt a handful of times in my life. Unable to contain myself, our mouths crashed together. This kiss would be forever seared into my memory.