Chapter Twenty-Nine
Then
One Day Before the Fire
I passed the office one afternoon and saw my mom standing outside with Val, who had her back to me; this was how she liked to have a clandestine cigarette. She was a lifelong smoker, but smoking was prohibited at Dread’s Cove, especially during a summer as dry as this one.
My mom was stubborn, but Val was possibly even worse, so they’d agreed to a strange truce over the years.
Val would smoke only on the office porch, and my mom would always be there to chaperone.
They usually took it as a good opportunity for a break from the roller coaster that was running a summer camp.
When my mom turned in my direction, her expression was almost hostile. It softened slightly, when she saw me, but I still stiffened—had she found out about our break-in?
With a pointed glance at Val, who snuffed out her cigarette and retreated inside without another word, she nodded me over.
She had a tumbler full of ice cubes, and she pressed one to her red forehead as she spoke. “What’s going on with Stephanie? She’s been skipping meals this week. She knows that’s not exactly fulfilling her counselor duties, right?”
I winced. “She hasn’t been feeling well. I think she’s on her period.” I felt compelled to defend her, to deflect, even though I hated being dishonest with my mom. It was true that Steph had been acting strange since that night. I just didn’t know why.
Every time I’d tried to bring it up since then, she’d had one of two reactions: to laugh, or to jump down my throat.
“What are you so mad about? I didn’t know you were trapped in there.
What else can I do?” When she put it that way, I had no good answer.
Of course I believed her, that it was an accident, but there was something that still sat heavy on my chest at the thought of it.
Even though it felt akin to a betrayal somehow, it made me nervous, thinking about her wandering around my mom’s cabin while I called out in the dark.
But I trusted her, didn’t I? I had to. I mean, we were moving in together soon. It was her name on the lease—hers and Margo’s. She was my ticket out of Dread’s Cove. And if I didn’t have her, if I didn’t take this one chance—I didn’t know if I’d ever make it out.
I didn’t know if I was brave enough to do it alone.
“I’ll talk to her,” I told my mom, smile plastered on my face.
She matched mine with a smaller one, though I couldn’t tell if it was real or not. I wondered just how much we were both lying to each other.
—
Despite her complaints to my mother, Margo had night rounds, and Chelsea had volunteered to help Wes do inventory in the kitchen, which would leave Steph and me alone for the rest of the evening.
After I dropped the girls off at their cabin and said good night to them, Trevor walked me back to Black Bass.
He had plans to play poker with some of the lifeguards out in the Barn, and he kissed me before heading that way.
I was both wary and excited, thinking about spending the next few hours with Steph.
It had been a while since we’d had some dedicated time just for the two of us, and I hoped we could finally talk about our apartment and our plans for the fall.
Ever since the night at my mom’s place, I’d been even more aware of the two-Steph phenomenon.
Some nights, after I got back from seeing Trevor, she’d pat that spot next to her in bed, and I’d fall asleep with my head on her shoulder.
But other nights, she’d be in her own world, the light of her laptop casting shadow across her face.
I’d ask what she was up to, and she’d put a single finger to her lips like a dismissal.
Or, worse, she’d snap at me, tell me to leave it alone.
I couldn’t tell yet which Steph I would get tonight. It was looking like it might be the latter, the way she was bunched up against the pillows, nose buried in her journal, tongue out in concentration. “What are you working on?”
She didn’t answer, just gave a thin smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
“I wanted to ask you,” I said, and, finally, she glanced up. “The other day, Margo seemed kind of confused that I was taking her room. Has she talked to you at all?”
Steph blinked, like she was trying to place me.
For the length of a heartbeat, I convinced myself that I had hallucinated all of it.
That because I’d wanted these things so badly—to be roommates with Steph, live down the street from Trevor, and have the power and freedom to build my own road map—that maybe I’d simply made it up.
But then Steph blew out a breath, rolled her eyes. “You know how dramatic she can be. I thought I told her, but I must have forgotten. Don’t let it get to you, okay? She’ll come around.”
My face heated at this not-so-subtle admission that I’d been right: Margo wasn’t a fan of me. And Steph knew it, too.
“Okay,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. Her eyes were already back on her journal, but I didn’t want to lose her yet. “Well, do you want to watch a movie or something? We could—”
“Why did your dad leave your mom?”
The question was so unexpected, so strange, that it took me a beat to respond. “Sorry, what?”
She turned fully to face me, sitting crisscross on her mattress. She set her journal beside her gingerly, keeping her eyes locked on mine. “Your dad left your mom when you were a baby, right? Do you know why?”
I didn’t understand. She knew exactly how my dad had messed me up. How much it still hurt, to feel like an afterthought to him.
“Why are you asking me about this?”
She leaned forward, her expression eerily calm, almost detached. “Was it because of your mom? Did she do something? Maybe she was going to leave him, and he beat her to it?”
“What are you talking about? Did my mom do something to make my shitty dad leave us?”
“It’s just a question. Don’t get all jumpy.”
I wanted to shout at her. I wanted to remind her about the time I’d tried to learn about her mother, her backstory, and she’d shut me down completely. But her face was so relaxed that I told myself I had to be overreacting.
“I don’t know,” I ground out at last. “He got a job offer and decided to take it. He didn’t want us. I don’t think there’s much more to it.”
Steph nodded, like she accepted this explanation, then grabbed her journal again.
She’d rattled me with her weird questions, and I almost talked myself out of it.
But I had to ask her—I owed my mom that much. “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Sure.”
“Are you…is everything okay?”
She scrunched her eyebrows together. “What are you talking about?”
“Well, my mom’s worried about you, and I—”
She slammed the journal back down on the bed with impressive force. “You talked to your mom about me?” She spoke quietly, with a festering rage that I couldn’t comprehend.
Immediately, I knew I’d messed up. “She asked me to talk to you—”
“She’s too fucking scared to talk to me herself? Is that it?”
My mouth popped open. I was shocked by the force of her anger, and her clear contempt for my mom, of all people. “I wasn’t trying to upset you. Like I said, we’re just worried.”
“You don’t know me well enough to be worried about me.
” Keeping her eyes on me, she reached for the light switch, and we plunged into darkness.
There it was again; that streak of vicious anger that would come out, seemingly out of nowhere.
So hard to reconcile with the fun, kind person I’d been sharing a room with all summer.
“I don’t want to fight when we’re about to be roommates.
” I was sure I sounded pathetic, lobbing this out into the void, but it was easier to say with the lights off.
All I wanted was confirmation that this wasn’t built on shaky ground.
That we were in this together. That I’d keep her secrets, and she knew what it would cost me.
That she wouldn’t let me down.
But she didn’t confirm anything. Instead, she coughed pointedly, and I heard the mattress creak as she turned to face the wall.
“You know, I’m pretty tired, actually. Let’s talk about this tomorrow, all right?”
“Oh, um—okay, then. Yeah, we can talk tomorrow.”
I stared at the slats above my bed for what felt like hours, trying to sift through the hidden meaning that must have been embedded in her words.
Eventually I dozed off, awoken by the sound of the creaking door.
My eyes flickered open immediately, trying to recognize the figure in the dark.
Margo. She paused in the doorway, and I could tell she was waiting for her eyes to adjust—in here, there was no moonlight shining through.
She was waiting to see if we were still awake.
I kept my eyes shut tight, and eventually, I heard her cross the room to sit on the edge of Steph’s bed.
“Stephanie,” Margo whispered. I peered through barely opened lids, wondering what she was up to.
At the sound of her name, Steph sat bolt upright in bed, hand flying to her heart.
“Don’t worry, it’s just me,” Margo whispered. “Not the Phantom.”
“Jesus. What time is it?” I heard Steph feeling around, searching for her phone.
“After midnight.”
“What the hell?” There was sleep in Steph’s voice, and thinly veiled annoyance. “Did you just wake me up for fun?”
I didn’t miss the way Margo’s head swiveled toward me. I sealed my eyes shut once again, hardly daring to breathe. “I need to talk to you. I just got an email from Emory. They accepted me into that creative writing program. The new cohort starts in a month.”
I feigned turning over in my sleep so they couldn’t hear my gasp.
“Are you serious?” The exasperation was gone in an instant. “That’s amazing, oh my God. I thought you said there was no way. I didn’t even realize you’d applied.”
“Dead serious. I’ll tell you all about it.
But listen, I’m going to need my room back.
The three of us can’t all live in the apartment together.
It’s not big enough. I’m not sharing a room again, not after doing bunk beds for two months.
” Her tone was forcedly light, but I could hear the real request behind the words.
I knew what she wanted: me, out of the equation.
An awful cord of fear snaked its way down my spine. Steph didn’t even hesitate. “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to her. We’ll figure it out.”
Everything felt as precarious as a house of cards, suddenly. The new life that I thought I was building, that we were building. I couldn’t move to Atlanta if I didn’t have a place to live. I’d be trapped here. I knew I would.
This was my one chance. Steph was my only chance.
My bed creaked again, and through the slits of my eyes, I could see them both glance my way. They were being careless, talking like this with me in the room, and they seemed to realize it at the same moment.
“Let’s go, so she doesn’t wake up,” Steph whispered, then stood and pulled Margo along with her. As the door closed behind them, their words settled over me like a tarp, heavy with the weight of what I knew I might be about to lose.
I felt the sting of betrayal, hot on my face, long after they’d left. Not just from Steph, but Margo, too. She’d seen an opportunity, and she’d taken it. A predator, hunting its prey. Striking when the iron was hot.
I couldn’t blame her, in the end, though, could I? It was fair play, after all, when it came to Steph.
I was more than willing to do the same.