Chapter 14
Bailey hadn't actually refused to go off with Matt to someplace more private, but all that night, he felt like he had rejected him.
Maybe he would have, or at least he might have told Matt they had to wait.
If only Matt hadn't backed away so quickly.
And what he said about wanting to be real and to matter.
Maybe all of that was a sign that Matt wanted to take back his offer. That it was an impulse he regretted. Bailey didn't know. Matt left too quickly.
Bailey told himself he was right not to jump at his invitation, but at the same time, he wished he had grabbed his chance with Matt.
Thinking about what he missed out on, imagining what they might have done if they had gone off into the dunes left Bailey sleepless for half the night and dreaming of Matt when he did manage to get some sleep.
He was groggy when he woke up and desperate for coffee. Getting his first sight of Matt in the kitchen that morning, Bailey had all sorts of flashbacks real and unreal. They had kissed and this time Matt wasn't drunk. If he got another chance, Bailey told himself he wouldn't throw it away.
"Did you forget about it?" Matt asked.
Bailey had no idea what he was talking about.
He must have missed something while his imagination ran wild.
Then he realized he had completely forgotten that they planned to go on an outing to Schooner Point.
Bailey didn't feel up to it but Joey was already talking very enthusiastically about it as he drank his orange juice.
"Why is he so excited?" Bailey asked as Matt poured him a cup of coffee.
"I might have mentioned that they have boats that take people out for sightseeing trips, and that we would ask you if you wanted to go," Matt said kind of apologetically.
Bailey did not want to go out on any boats, but he didn't want to say no when Joey was already looking forward to it. "Sure. Why not?" he said.
"You look wiped. You didn't have that much to drink," Matt said. He had leaned in to whisper and Bailey was hit by a wave of memories and sensations that almost made him groan out loud.
He did have a little more than usual to drink last night, but he couldn't tell Matt that he was the main reason he was in this state. "I just woke up with a headache. I'll be fine once I have a coffee or two."
"I can drive," Matt volunteered.
"Yeah. Sounds good," Bailey told him. He noticed that this morning, Matt was his usual self, like nothing happened. What did he expect, for him to be dejected, disappointed, heartbroken?
After they had breakfast and went for a swim, they got ready and got on their way. On the drive, Joey got to use his tablet to take pictures out the car windows. So many blurry pictures, many of them of the backs of Matt and Bailey's heads.
"What's this?" Joey would ask and hand the tablet to Bailey in the passenger seat.
"I don't know. Your foot?" Bailey said to him. He then turned around and took a picture of Joey. "That's one you can identify."
"I look surprised, Daddy," Joey said as he took the tablet from him.
"I'll take some good pictures of you and your dad at Schooner Point and on the boat," Matt told him.
"And you too, Matt. You're one of us," Joey told him.
Neither Matt or Bailey said anything to that, but it was a sign that Joey was getting seriously attached to Matt.
It made Bailey want to ask Matt to come home with them when they left Laurel Beach, to keep being Joey's manny.
He didn't want his little guy's heart broken when they had to leave Matt behind.
Of course Bailey had no selfish reasons, none at all.
On their way to Schooner Point, they stopped at an open air market that had a lot of local produce but also a ton of prepared foods. There was plenty to load up for their picnic including a watermelon that wasn't as big as the one Joey had his eye on.
From there, they walked up to the cliff with a grassy top where they were going to have their picnic lunch.
Bailey thought they got there early, but there were plenty of people already there.
Bailey saw some couples but also people with kids.
When a group of kids gathered around someone's dog, Joey went to join them.
That left Bailey and Matt to spread out their blanket and look out at the view of the ocean.
It was just the two of them sitting quietly in the sun while around them people on other blankets chatted and laughed, at ease with each other.
Bailey hadn't anticipated any alone time with Matt and it made him a little antsy. Matt noticed.
"Are you uncomfortable being alone with me? I'm not going to jump you right here and now," Matt said with an uncertain smile. He was making light of the situation but obviously he was uneasy, and it was Bailey's fault.
"No, I just... I feel like I should say something but I don't know what to say," Bailey said, though he wasn't about to tell Matt that the real problem was that he wanted to jump him and not just here and now, all the time.
"I can behave myself," Matt assured him still with that lighthearted attitude that covered his very real concern.
"I don't have any doubts about you," Bailey told him. "I think you're a great guy."
"I don't know," Matt said like he doubted himself for some reason.
Bailey was going to ask him what was making him unsure of himself, but Joey ran over. "There was a dog and I forgot about the picnic," he said.
"I'm guessing the dog is gone," Bailey said as Matt started to bring out all the food they bought. "And we might have too much food."
"I'm gonna eat a lot," Joey promised.
They ate and the breeze off the ocean lifted up the corners of their picnic blanket. Joey got some rocks to hold them down then he noticed one of the rocks had a shell stuck in it.
"You get to keep that one," Bailey told him since it wasn't too big. It made him think of his grandfather, how he always found a reason to keep things and then he just couldn't give them up.
Now he caught himself staring at Matt, his blond hair shining in the sun. He was looking at the ocean and telling Joey what kind of boat they were taking on that tour.
They still had time before they went on the boat, so after their lunch, they went down from the cliff to the stretch of beach below. Their watermelon went with them and Matt put it in the water to keep it cool.
Part of the beach was rocky and Joey wanted to climb the sharp rocks that were getting splashed by waves so they were nice and slippery. "Can I go, Daddy?" he asked pleadingly.
"Oh, I don't think so. Those rocks are too sharp," Bailey told him.
"But Matt is going," Joey complained.
"Matt is a big guy," Bailey told him as Matt got ready to climb. "And I would rather he didn't."
Matt turned to look at him. "Really?"
"I didn't mean that I wanted to keep you from doing it. I'll just worry," Bailey told him, though if Joey wasn't there, he would have gone with him, risked life and limb.
"I'll be careful," Matt promised with a smile then he stopped again. "I like that you worry about me."