Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Sam opened his eyes, unsure of where he was. The furnishing were certainly not from the room he’d occupied for the last few weeks. Then he remembered the night before. Parts of his body ached like never before.
He stretched and turned to face Wolfgang. His side of the bed lay empty.
With a grin, Sam got up to surprise Wolfie in the shower. The bubble hadn’t burst yet. He dashed into the bedroom to find a note attached to the mirror. His stomach dropped as he ripped it open. He wouldn’t do this, would he?
S, I am weak and I know you will judge me. I couldn’t stand to say goodbye to you. I am so in love with you but I cannot live like you want me to. I am so sorry and I hope that you will be able to remember me with fondness one day, as I will you.
All my love, W x
Sam held on to the basin to steady himself. The emotions rushing around him threatened to totally take control. Sam would not cry in the room that Wolfgang had paid for to get his last bit of fun.
With a purpose that scared even himself, he threw his clothes on and stormed out of that hotel. He ran through the streets of Valencia. His flight wasn’t until the afternoon but he didn’t want to spend a minute longer in this town than he had to.
I’d rather sit in the departure lounge.
The place was deserted when he got there. The remnants of a wild night were everywhere. Everywhere stank of stale alcohol and Astrid’s cigarettes. The only memory of the people he had shared eight weeks of his life with.
When he got to the top floor, he had to check Wolfgang’s room. Hoping against hope that he’d had a change of heart and would be waiting for him. When he pushed the door open, everything lay desolate. Not a trace left.
Sam staggered into his own room and slid down the wall to the floor. His vow to control the tears finally failed and his body wracked with sobs. How many more tears would be cry for this man?
“Are you going to laze around in here for another day?”
Sam dragged the duvet over his head to try and block out his mother’s voice. He hoped she might give up if he didn’t respond.
He should’ve known better. Light streamed into the room when she hauled the duvet off him. “Hey!” he cried, grabbing it back. “Good job I wasn’t naked.”
Ignoring him, she opened the curtains. The light making him wince. When he opened his eyes, she was staring down at him with a scowl that could curdle milk. His mother had never been one for wallowing in life’s hiccups.
“You look awful,” she declared.
“Thank you.”
Her face softened as she sat on the bed. “Come on, love. I know it hurts, but I’m worried about you.” She wiped away the solitary tear that ran down his cheek with the ever-present tissue from up her sleeve.
“Why didn’t he even talk to me? Was it too much to expect a goodbye?”
They’d had this conversation on numerous occasions. Patiently, she took hold of his hand. “Some people don’t talk. He must have known he can’t give you what you deserve. We can’t blame him. Not really. I believe he loved you. That’s something isn’t it?”
She had a point. They’d had a connection with a strength Sam had never experienced before.
“I guess.”
“You need to let it go now. It’s been a week. I want you on the road to recovery.”
Sam had fantasised about all sorts of things. That Wolfie would call him, text him or even show up at the door. Proclaiming his undying love and how life without Sam would be impossible. Yet, deep down Sam knew that kind of thing didn’t happen in the real world.
“I’ll try,” he said, trying to sound cheerful.
“That’s the spirit,” she replied, patting his hand. “Tell you what we’ll do. I’ll make you your favourite for lunch. Scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. Only if you promise me something.”
His mother should have worked for the United Nations. Her negotiation skills were second to none and they worked. A glimmer of hope began to shine from deep inside him.
“Name it.”
“You get on that internet and find yourself another job. God help me, I’ll miss you but you need to give yourself a chance. You’ve done well this summer, so make it work for you. Don’t let a man ruin your future. Believe me, they’re not worth it.”
So with the smell of bacon sizzling away in the air fryer, Sam slumped down at the dining table and surfed through some of the websites Ruben had recommended.
“Anything taking your fancy?” his mum shouted through.
“I’ve only just started,” he replied. “You have less patience than me.”
Once he threw himself into it, he was like a man on a mission. The days flew by. He spent the mornings emailing his CV out and the afternoons catching up with friends. Once he even went to the bingo with his mother.
Another week had passed and he realised Wolfie took up far less space in his mind. Of course he still thought about him. He found that distance made it easier.
Finally, he got a reply offering him an interview. There was a squid project in South Africa that was extremely interested in his experience.
Thanks to the power of Zoom and Ruben’s reference, he must’ve impressed them, as an offer came through two days later. The leader of this project, Matome Nkosi, had worked with Ruben a few years previously. Matome had spoken to Ruben, which had clinched it.
Sam’s friends were furious that he was going even farther away and couldn’t understand that he craved the excitement he’d experienced arriving in Valencia.
This time he wouldn’t go anywhere near a man. He would do exactly what is mother had said and make this work for him.
About a month after he’d touched down at Manchester airport, feeling as if his life had finished, he walked into Departures with his mother in tow. She was already misty-eyed which was more than enough to make Sam burst into tears.
“Come here,” she said, giving him a cuddle and holding on to him with all her strength.
“I mocked you last time,” he said, pulling back. “Now I’m the soft one.”
She got out a tissue and wiped his eyes. “Now you buck your ideas up, young man. You’re going to have another adventure. Only this time, keep your underwear on.”
A group of young men walking by collapsed into fits of laughter. Sam turned to his mother and they giggled.
“Maybe you should come with me,” he said. “You can spoil my chances even if I get close to someone.”
She straightened his jacket. “Remember what I said, love. No man is worth ruining your chances for.”
To his relief, Sam was seated next to a man who seemed intent on using the flight time to watch every movie available. There would be no interrogation.
I wonder what Mrs Talkative is doing now?
They were on a night flight so he had no chance of daydreaming out of the window which was a disappointment. He’d only played that game in Europe. It seemed a shame to miss seeing the whole of Africa from above. He would have to wait for the return flight. Whenever that would be.
The rest of his travellers appeared to have fallen asleep but it eluded Sam. The excitement at going to work on a completely different continent was pushing the pining for Wolfgang firmly from centre stage.
He tiptoed down the aisle to the toilets. Typically, all were in use. The handsome cabin crew member who had been flashing Sam a kilowatt smile the whole flight appeared from behind the curtain.
“Hi, is there anything I can get you?”
Normally Sam would have replied with some witty banter. Today he had zero interest.
“No thanks,” he replied. “Just waiting for the loo.”
He leant against the side and looked Sam up and down. Talk about blatant.
“Holiday or business?”
“Business. I’m working outside Cape Town for a while.”
“Sounds glamorous.”
He would probably change his mind if Sam told him he would be squid wrangling for the foreseeable future.
“Not as much as your job.”
He bit his bottom lip. It was obvious he’d done this routine many times. “True. I have a man in every destination.” He stopped, seemingly lost in thought. “But not in Cape Town. I’m going to be all by myself.”
The conversation made Sam uncomfortable more than anything.
“I’m sure that won’t last very long,” he managed, desperately willing someone to vacate a bathroom.
He disappeared behind the curtain and quickly returned with a card.
“I’ve written my hotel down. Ask for Darryl Freeman. You’ll easily find me.”
Thankfully a woman came out and with a hurried thanks, Sam squeezed inside. Sitting down on the toilet, he took in his reflection in the tiny mirror.
“No man is worth ruining your chances for.”