19. Too Honest
Too Honest
Pearl lay awake as the sun peeked over the horizon. She should have been sleeping, and she’d had precious little time in her bed.
Her body remembered the night too well, sensing Driz all over her. Touching her. Holding her. Pearl had gotten carried away. She should not have done that, but she had a hard time regretting it. Driz had been so sweet.
Pearl huffed in bitter amusement at her ceiling. She’d expected it would be good, but she hadn’t been prepared for Driz’s passion. For the feeling of being consumed by her and begging for it to happen.
Giving up on the idea of sleep, Pearl rose and reluctantly cleaned up.
Her eyes fell on the pendant that rested on her dressing table, and her stomach dropped. She had wondered before, but after what Driz revealed last night, Driz must have been that child Sheriff Oak had spoken of.
The story was tragic, the thing with Driz was overwhelming, and together, the situation was fucked.
Pearl went about her day in a haze, avoiding her mother.
She hid in Molly’s kitchen instead of facing the saloon.
Molly questioned her, but Pearl didn’t answer, and Molly didn’t press, just let her stew in quiet peace, sitting out on her back porch, the drum of the rocking chair on the wood soothing and lulling.
As the sun went down, Pearl stared at the horizon. Driz would be awake now, all alone. Was she thinking of Pearl? Reliving their night together too?
Pearl shouldn’t meet her tomorrow. They’d already spent too much time together. Any more would be dangerous, and this could only end in disaster. But Pearl would meet her anyway. How could she not, when she knew Driz would wait all night?
Pearl finally fell asleep curled up near Molly’s feet with Buster, but she woke sometime late at night to find a blanket draped over her. As she stood on tiptoes, Molly stopped her.
“Come here. Sleep,” Molly instructed through the open door, lifting the corner of her quilt.
“I’ll go home.”
“I’m comfy and don’t feel like getting up to chase you. Get over here.”
Pearl relented, sliding into the space Molly indicated, letting the warmth seep through her, the familiar, comforting presence of Molly at her back.
Pearl didn't sleep around others. She shouldn’t give in. But she was so tired, which was always her goal. If she fell asleep exhausted, her mind had less time to think.
The weight of sleep dragged her eyes down, but it didn’t save her tonight.
She dreamed of Driz being ripped from her. By a river. By a dust storm. By blood, Driz’s body jerking with the impact as bullet after bullet hit her.
And by nothing at all. Driz simply turned and walked away. Pearl dashed after her, but she couldn’t catch up, no matter how hard she ran. She reached out, almost touching, and then Driz opened her wings.
Pearl jolted awake. It wasn’t quite dawn yet as she stumbled from Molly’s bed.
She needed to end this. The guilt of what she’d done, and what she needed to do, gnawed at her.
She headed out toward the fields and mines. Someone always needed an extra set of hands for something. Pearl was good at being hands.
And still the thoughts chased her all day, through the sweat and the sunburn and gritty wind, knotting tighter in a noose around her neck as the sun approached the horizon.
She slipped up to her room to change into her favorite blue shirt.
Then she shrugged it off again and swapped it with her second-favorite yellow shirt and the brown waistcoat.
After taking extra care brushing and braiding her hair, she dabbed on a trace of her expensive perfume from the city, and scrubbed and burnished her teeth until they gleamed and her fingers wore red indents from the wire.
It was well past sunset when she entered the ravine.
“You came,” Driz said, her voice deep and rumbly and loosening Pearl’s insides.
It was so strange to look at what was once a terrifying face and find it welcoming, Driz’s sharp grin of happiness soothing instead of frightening.
Driz hurried forward to meet her, wings twitching once, and Pearl smiled too. She couldn’t help it.
She opened her mouth to say she couldn’t stay long, but Driz covered it with her own. Her lips were firm yet gentle, and so eager as she kissed Pearl until she grew dizzy and had to step back to breathe.
“What would you like to do tonight?” Driz asked, grasping both of Pearl’s hands in her own. “Anywhere you want to go, I can take you. There is a beautiful waterfall I know of. Or the sky and stars are clear. I can bring you closer to them, so you can see.”
Pearl swallowed, her words getting stuck in her throat. She just didn’t have the heart to crush the raw excitement on Driz’s face. It seemed too cruel, even for her. But not stopping this now would be cruel too. Pearl faced an impossible internal standoff of her own making.
Selfishly, Pearl still wasn’t ready to give Driz up. One more night. They could have one more night, right? “Where’d you be if I weren’t here?” she asked.
“Probably my trove.”
“Then take me there.”
Pearl wound herself around Driz, shivering in pleasure as their bodies molded together, recalling how well they’d fit against that tree. Pearl almost said not to bother flying, but she could behave.
The air rushed past them as Driz’s powerful wings beat through it, carrying them higher. It was still a bit alarming to see the land falling away, but it was also exhilarating. And Pearl trusted Driz would keep her safe. Even when Pearl had stabbed her, Driz had caught her.
One of Driz’s hands gripped Pearl’s hip. Pearl wiggled higher, grinding herself on Driz’s lower stomach.
Driz’s rumble reverberated through her chest and into Pearl’s. Pearl snaked one hand into Driz’s hair, gliding a finger experimentally to the tip of one of her horns. They were mostly smooth but ringed with delicate ridges where they had grown.
Driz gasped, her hold tightening.
“D’you like that?” Pearl breathed in Driz’s ear.
Driz folded her wings. And they started to plummet. Pearl tensed, her heart and stomach tumbling at different rates, arms clinging as they fell.
Wings snapped out, the walls of the canyon appearing and passing.
They hit the bank, and Driz lay Pearl back, covering Pearl’s mouth and body, her kisses frantic as she pressed Pearl into the sand.
The adrenaline from the descent rushed and morphed into pleasure. Pearl reached up with both hands and gripped Driz’s horns.
The guttural sound Driz made was new, unlike what Pearl had heard before. It sent shivers of delight to Pearl’s toes.
Driz’s hands were everywhere, pushing away fabric to get to skin. Pearl grinned. So Driz liked her horns touched. Noted.
The hesitance of their last encounter was replaced by a hunger. Driz cupped the back of Pearl’s head, bringing it up to her bare, unblemished throat in a silent plea.
Pearl understood what she wanted, but Pearl was the one hesitating this time. Driz’s words returned, about biting her each night. Those words terrified Pearl, not because of the act, but the implication of permanence they held.
So instead of biting, Pearl kissed Driz’s neck, running her fingers to the tips of her horns, and Driz shuddered.
Pearl arched, loving the intensity of her goyle tonight. But guilt soured in her stomach. They should talk first. They should’ve talked first last time too.
“Driz, wait,” she managed just as Driz’s fingers slid between Pearl’s legs.
Driz stilled. “Wait?”
“Never mind,” Pearl panted. Talking could wait. “Keep going.”
Driz listened.
Pearl writhed and panted and climaxed, and still Driz didn’t stop. Her wings twitched above them, eyes intent on Pearl’s face the whole time as she wrung pleasure from Pearl’s body again. Until Pearl couldn’t take any more and she gripped Driz’s strong wrist.
Driz brought her glistening hand up and dragged it over her own throat and chest, painting herself. It shouldn’t have been so arousing. It should’ve been alarming. But Pearl wanted Driz to wear her scent.
The top two buttons of Driz’s shirt were open, and Pearl undid the rest, sliding her hands inside and tracing the lines of muscle.
Driz purred and trembled, and Pearl explored more.
She stroked the soft velvet of her wings, the curve of her horns, the dip of her back.
Each touch made Driz vibrate. She hadn’t taken her eyes off Pearl’s face.
Far too seen, Pearl leaned up and captured Driz’s mouth as her hand slipped past Driz’s waistband.
When Driz tensed and shuddered above her, her hands gouged canyons through the sand on either side of Pearl. Perhaps that too should’ve been alarming, but Pearl wasn’t afraid.
She gentled Driz with soft kisses, bringing her back to the moment, but Driz still watched her. She had never left.
Pearl smiled and Driz grinned back, those powerful arms gathering Pearl close as she sat them both up. Pearl settled into her lap, straddling her, clinging. They were disheveled and partially clothed, and sand had worked its way into too many places.
“Was that alright?” Driz asked, and Pearl chuckled.
“More than alright. Couldn’t you tell?”
Driz’s face remained serious as she brushed the hair from the side of Pearl’s face. “I do not want to do the wrong thing.”
“I’ll tell you if you do. But all of that was very right.”
Driz kissed her softly. Sweetly.
Panic swirled around in Pearl’s gut. She pulled away, climbing off Driz and out of reach. Pearl should clarify she didn’t need sweet. She didn’t want it. It would be a lie unless she made it the truth.
She stepped toward the shallow water. It would be cold and uncomfortable, and that was exactly what she needed. She yanked off her boots and shed the rest of her clothes.
The rushing water sent shivers up her legs, the sandy, silty bottom clouding around her shins with each step before washing clear.
As Driz joined her, Pearl marveled at the form of her in the faint light.
“You wore it,” Driz said, brushing the pendant on Pearl’s breast.
Pearl stepped back, regretting the choice. “Yeah.”
“You like the water too?”
“Not really, no.”
“Oh.” Confusion or disappointment creased Driz’s face and Pearl looked away.
She crouched down and washed herself. But Driz did not. She just watched. “I thought you liked water,” Pearl challenged, the dark and afraid creature in her chest twisting into meanness.
“I do not want to wash you off me.”
Pearl caught her breath and pretended it was the cold of the water. “Sometimes you say things,” Pearl blurted.
“What things?”
“You’re too honest. It’s scary.”
Driz’s eyes widened. “You are scared? Of me?”
“No, not of you. Just of your words.”
“Which words? Tell me and I will not say them.”
Pearl sighed, the frigid water stealing the slightly hysterical laugh that bubbled in her chest. “It’s not about the words, Driz.”
“But you just said it was. I do not understand.”
“I know.” Pearl closed her eyes, which tried to sting with emotion. “I know.”
Even if Driz didn’t say how she felt, she would still feel it. And that was the real problem.
Pearl finished washing Driz from herself and stood abruptly, splashing out of the stream. The air chilled and she shivered until arms circled her waist and wings curled around, protecting her from the breeze.
She relented for the moment, leaning in and accepting the gesture, resting her head on Driz’s shoulder. Driz sighed in contentment.
They stayed like that, simply touching as the heat of Driz slowly warmed and dried Pearl.
Pearl was a selfish, cruel person. She was fairly certain this meant far more to Driz than it did to her.
She needed to put some space between them and try to explain better what this was, and what Pearl couldn’t give her.
Instead, she snuggled closer, enjoying Driz’s heated skin against her own.
The cold necklace rested heavily on her breast, and Pearl’s gut clenched at the thought of how Driz had gotten it.
“How old are you?” Pearl asked Driz’s shoulder, a stupid part of her hoping Driz might say something to make it untrue.
“I have not kept count of the years. But I would say at least…thirty?”
Pearl chewed on her lip. That timeline made unfortunate sense.
“How old are you?” Driz asked back.
“Twenty-eight.”
“Do your people help keep track for you?”
“Yeah. My ma always reminds me of the day.”
“I think I would like that. To have a day to mark each year. Perhaps you can help me choose one.”
Pearl’s stomach rolled. “I should head home.”
“Already?”
Pearl hated herself a little more. “I need to sleep.”
“You could sleep here, and I can fly you home later?”
“No.”
Driz tensed before reluctantly pulling away.
They dressed in silence, but Pearl felt Driz’s intense gaze.
Driz took her hand, leaning in for a kiss. “When will I see you again?” She didn’t ask if this time—she asked when.
“I can’t spend every night with you.”
“I did not ask you to.” Driz’s wings twitched as she looked down. “Though I would like that.”
Why did Driz have to say things like that? It made Pearl physically ill. “It doesn’t matter what either of us would like. This—you and me—” She gestured helplessly, pointlessly. “You know we can’t really be together.”
“Why not?”
Such a simple, horrible question with a million equally horrible answers. Because my mother will find out soon. Because we aren’t even the same species. Because you’ll realize I’m not worth the trouble and leave me anyway.
There were too many reasons, so Pearl didn’t bother with any of them as her chest constricted, a boulder lodged in her throat. “I wanna go home now.”