30. Raithe
Raithe
My back burned for hours throughout the night, but not from the lashes. As I laid on my stomach in the infirmary, the balm working into my broken skin, it was her touch that lingered.
The pain from the lashings I could handle. I welcomed them as atonement for my past. What I couldn’t handle, it seemed, was Rahzlyn.
She’d chewed me out like no one before.
Everything I did was for the good of the queendom. My actions were justifiable because they had to be. She couldn’t understand that, and I couldn’t understand her. The only logical reasoning for her assistance was deception; that was part of her plan to manipulate me into trusting her.
But the animosity blazing between us had burned away into something else when I’d held her up, something I couldn’t quite identify. Something I didn’t want to identify.
“Look at that, almost as good as new!”
I groaned, peeling my chest from the cot. My mind must have eventually settled enough to have fallen asleep.
Gertah stood bent over me. She examined my back beneath her spectacles in approval. “Much better. Did you use Blood Healing?” When I shook my head, she sighed. “Then did you finally ask for assistance from one of my apprentices to apply yarrow?”
Admitting I’d let the princess tend to me seemed… inappropriate, considering I never let anyone touch me—not even the healers. That was why I’d tensed as soon as Rahzlyn started massaging me with her fingers. She must have only done that to fuck with my head.
Gertah, much to her chagrin, respected my request for distance each time I found myself in need of mending.
It was for that reason I obliged her by staying at least one night under her watchful care.
Dutifully ignoring her question, I reached for the pile of fresh black clothes neatly folded on the stand.
“So stubborn, you are,” Gertah chided. “Like Hector. Never could get that man to stay still for too long.”
I observed her at the mention of the previous solar guardian, noting the fond glint in her eyes.
“Don’t give me that look, young man. I knew him for longer than you’ve been alive. Treated every wound and bruised ego of his in this very room, much to his vexation,” she said affectionately.
I spent eleven years under his wing and remembered all too well the man she described. I rubbed at my chest absentmindedly, pushing away the discomfort of his abrupt absence.
“He talked about you all the time down here, you know. Of your shared love of books, how proud he was of the guardian you were becoming at his side—”
“Thank you for the mending, Gertah,” I said curtly, tying the strings of my tunic. I didn’t want to talk about Hector anymore. I couldn’t.
“Yes, of course.” She attempted to cover up a sniffle by scratching at her nose. “So damned dusty down here.”
Once I was fully dressed, she forced a green glass of potent juice into my hands. “Nio’s healing blend, freshly pressed. I’ll let you leave once finished. And I better not see you in here for a while this time.”
The tastes of cucumber, lemon, ginger, parsley, celery, and apples stung my throat. I smacked my lips in emphasis before handing her the empty glass. Satisfied, she allowed me to depart.
Upon resurfacing to the palace, I learned more than a day and a half had gone by. It was already early afternoon. After bathing in the privacy of my own chambers, I meditated to rid my mind of the lingering sensations from my heated encounter with Rahzlyn.
I couldn’t get the image of her face out of my mind—particularly when she went off on me with such passion. I shouldn’t have enjoyed the fire in her eyes. Not when the words that came out of her mouth weren’t at all pleasant.
Then you’ve never known love.
It was wrong to still be thinking about her.
That’s a mask you’re hiding behind to justify this obsession you have with the apostai.
Her words cut right through me.
Is it so hard to believe that someone could put aside personal animosities to help another?
It was. No one truly cared about others, let alone strangers, without wanting something in return. People were leeches in disguise.
Resuming my meditation, I focused on the air moving through my lungs—
“I don’t care about princess decorum. He’s a self-righteous prick.”
Rahzlyn’s voice decimated my concentration. I straightened, listening to her footsteps climb the staircase to the Chosen level. Alekko, Felaf, Gregorios, and Letti followed.
“Tell us how you really feel,” Letti muttered.
Alekko chuckled. “He has that effect on people.”
“You would know,” Felaf said. “Alekko spent years with him on the Martial Isles.”
“Was he always so… prickish?” Rahzlyn wondered.
Prickish? How original, I thought with amusement.
“He’s…” Alekko searched for the right words, if they even existed. “Always been a hard nut to crack.”
“He’s also your guardian,” Gregorios scolded. “We all come to this palace with our own afflictions. It is impudent to judge what we do not know about others.”
“I know that well, Seer,” Alekko agreed.
“It doesn’t matter what I say or do,” Rahzlyn protested. “He’s—”
“I will have words with Raithe regarding his attitude,” Gregorios said. “Turn your mind away from him and toward your training instead.”
I stiffened, deciding any attempts at further meditation would prove unsuccessful.
I slipped into my uniform, adjusting the mantle to my shoulder caps.
The black and crimson–dyed wool that draped over my back was dipped in gold to resemble glyphs, differentiating our uniforms from the rest of the royal guard and signifying our rank.
I met Alekko and Felaf in the hallway as Letti, Gregorios, and Rahzlyn entered the queen’s chambers. “What’d I miss?”
Felaf regarded me with remorse. “You were recovering for a while. I was worried I’d somehow caused irreversible damage.”
I rolled my neck and shoulders. “Never better.”
“Glad to hear it,” Alekko said, relief in his dark eyes. “So, what do you make of our princess? Solipsistic leech, or just leech?”
Felaf glanced between us in confusion. I wasn’t amused despite the mirth gleaming in Alekko’s face. As if he knew something I didn’t. That somehow because of the stunt she pulled, Rahzlyn could now be trusted.
“To be determined,” I settled on.
Alekko shook his head before taking his leave.
Felaf said then, “Our lady has been resting mostly. She had an educational briefing on Alekko’s responsibilities as Commander.
Now Gregorios is going to attempt Blood Sight on her and put together her natal chart.
The advisors are demanding to see one.” Felaf shifted on her feet.
“There’s still daylight left. Why don’t you grab some food from Nio in the kitchens first before joining us? ”
My eyes narrowed on her. “Is there a reason you’re discouraging me from entering?”
She shook her head once, her lips pressed together tightly.
“Then I’m going in. I want to see him use—”
Felaf caught my arm, exerting more strength than necessary to keep me in place. I retreated from her grip cautiously. Outside of the lashings or in the training ring, we never used our abilities against one another.
“She’s clearly having a hard time accepting her new Chosen status, and you’re not making it any easier. I don’t know what went down when you found her, but we must listen to Gregorios now and help her find her way. That means be nice to her, if you’re capable.”
I snorted at what I was hearing.
“What is with you?” Felaf hissed. “You’re normally so composed. Now you’re all… flustered.”
“I’m concerned,” I said calmly. “I don’t trust her.”
“You trust Scorpio, don’t you? We must not question her. I know you generally have little patience for people, but Novah is still our princess.”
“You heard her last night, Felaf. She threatened to expose everything to Maryn.”
“Only because she’s scared. She feels backed into a corner.
We are here to protect her—to make her feel safe.
If we prove our loyalty, she won’t want to turn against us.
I believe that she didn’t willingly choose to become an apostate.
For some reason she was able to reveal all this to you, but you’re not helping by being so callous. ”
“But she—”
“Don’t ruin this. Like you said yourself, she could be the answer. Our way out of this curse, and a solution to the apostai.”
I ran my tongue over my teeth in contemplation. “So you’re saying we should do as she says and let her grandparents live? Go against the Treaty?”
“Stars, no. You and Gregorios have done that enough. We should believe why she wants to do that in the first place.”
“Weakening the Astrals is exactly what the apostai wants,” I reminded her.
“I don’t think it’s coming from a place of apostate loyalty,” Felaf said. “But rather, fear for her family. She clearly wasn’t raised the way we were—to strive for Chosen status. Our families were prepared for the ultimate sacrifice.”
Felaf didn’t know the entirety of my background. Whatever assumptions she’d made, I hadn’t bothered to correct. Her ideas of my upbringing were far more pleasant to imagine than the reality of what I’d endured.
“All I’m saying is she strikes me as the kind of person who would do anything for the ones she loves. And loathes, for that matter.” She gestured in my direction. “Look how she stood up to Maryn for you.”
I recalled the little girl in the streets of Dioscuri, Novah, whom Rahzlyn named herself after.
I’d thought Rahzlyn was reckless for running into the road like that.
Perhaps she was the kind of person to put herself in harm’s way for others—even ones she barely knew—without seeking anything in return.
If that somehow really was the case… well, I didn’t know what to do with that.
Felaf rubbed her hands together. “Where I failed, she—”
“You were given an order, and you dutifully followed.” If I’d had to do to Hector what Felaf did to me… I ran a hand over my jaw. “Trust your instincts. If you’re looking for more words of wisdom or inspiration, that’s all I’ve got.”