32. Raithe #3
“I couldn’t be the daughter they wanted.
Too much and yet never enough. But I wasn’t too beautiful,” Rahzlyn murmured despondently, and stars be damned, something stirred in my chest. “I couldn’t keep track of our shop’s accounting and inventory, but I could keep the attention of our customers.
When I was eleven, an older man came into the shop and complimented my dress.
Even at such a young age, his roaming eyes made me uncomfortable.
When I ran to Nahn and told her, she spun me around with pride.
After that, Nahn would prop me at the front counter—sometimes outside—in my prettiest dress.
And that’s how I drew the attention of the baroness’s son, Jere.
” She laughed self-deprecatingly. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Sleep deprivation, I suppose.”
As I processed what she divulged to me, ignoring the why part, I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “And you’re the ashamed one?”
Her eyes lifted to mine. “I said some horrible things to my grandmother the last time I saw her. She raised me like her own daughter, and I insulted her by claiming she wasn’t a parent to me.”
“Parents should love and protect their children no matter what.” The ghosts of my parents resurfaced. I shoved them back down into the depths of my repressed memories. “What of your grandfather? Your brother? Did they condone such behavior?”
“Pahn was still teaching at the Academy back then. He missed most of her attempts to show me off. And Basil was too young to understand. But as we grew older, he noticed—and promised to always take care of me,” she said. “Always.”
“Doesn’t mean he should have enabled that.”
She scowled at me. “He didn’t enable anything. Without him—”
“Without him, you break down. Without him, you don’t feel capable. You’ve become dependent on him.”
My words were direct, but I was growing tired of seeing her act so helpless when after our short time together, she was anything but.
“That’s not—I am not—” With a huff, she crossed her arms beneath the water. “It’s not Basil’s fault that I haven’t done anything with my life. That I never stood up to my grandmother. I wanted to prove myself, I just never knew how.”
I refrained from speaking more on the matter before I found myself saying too much. A problem I never had before, until now.
Rahzlyn tucked her wet locks behind her ears. I tracked the movement. “Facing them, facing her… she, too, will know that me being Chosen is a mistake. Me? A queen?” A watery laugh bubbled up her throat, and it dawned on me that she was crying. “What a joke.”
Her silent tears pelted through the walls of my invisible armor. I’d never known how to console anyone—fuck, I’d never had to. But my hands itched at my sides to do something, anything, as I observed her.
Either she was the greatest actress in the realm, or she truly was a terrible liar.
If the former, what was her game? To lure me in with her fake vulnerability and gain my trust? If the latter, did she know how fucking easy she was to read?
Maybe it took more courage to be that exposed than to hide behind a shield.
“I am sorry, Raithe, about what I said to you the other night. That you’ve never known love? It was wrong of me to make an assumption about you out of anger.”
My chest tightened. “Don’t apologize for being right.”
Sadness softened her gaze. It wasn’t pity I detected, but true remorse.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I offered finally, my skin crawling to change the subject.
“I grew up in Scorpio. You didn’t. I spent most of my life on the Isles where we trained to keep our emotions in check.
Geminians value mind over heart. It seems you were taught to suppress what was innate to you, and because of that, you struggle with how to manage them. ”
“Clearly.” Her thighs shifted under the water. A mound of soap moved to expose wet, gleaming skin.
My fingers ran along the too-tight collar of my neck. “Look, uh, about your brother—”
“You’re off the hook,” she said quietly. “I’m sure you heard Gregorios, but he’s dead. Markus and Allory…” Her teeth dug into her lips, perhaps to blanket the pain she felt more deeply. “They killed him. Everything I risked was for nothing.”
“Maybe not.”
Her eyes shot to mine, a thousand emotions brimming in them.
Felaf’s footsteps shuffled across the terrace from her chamber. “We won’t be gone long.” I scratched the back of my neck, wanting to say more but unsure how. Rahzlyn tilted her head in anticipation. “Should you ever need another distraction, I… well, you know where to find me.”
You know where to find me? Humiliation almost had me slapping my palm to my forehead. I’d never said anything so ridiculous, so—
“I will.” She hesitated. “Thank you, Raithe.”
Surprise—and relief—flickered in my chest.
She didn’t need to thank me, but her gratitude was written all over: in the soft crinkle of her skin beneath her eyes, the tender draw of her brow, the faint pull of her lips.
Admiration. Appreciation. Acceptance.
No one had looked at me like that.
Ever.
I didn’t know what to do except depart abruptly while committing that look to my memory.