37. Raithe #4
“I disagree. Dreams are just as important as duty, destiny be damned.” Longing shone in her eyes.
“Otherwise, what is the point of free will? Why would scholars, artists, musicians—even warriors—exist? We may be Chosen, but we are still our people’s representatives.
Protectors of not only their lives, but also the pleasure of their souls.
I didn’t know him, but from all you’ve shared about Hector, I’m inclined to think he’d agree with me. ”
“Finally accepted you’re a Chosen, then?”
She shrugged. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“I never doubted what you are.”
“Just who I am, right?”
Her words had stirred something in me. There was very little I would say I did enjoy: flights with Cobalt, reading histories—both factual and forbidden—and unraveling mysteries that I didn’t understand. Like this beautifully bewildering woman before me.
There were times when I could read her like a book; other times, she left me dumbfounded.
“Your worth isn’t determined by a purpose or title,” Rahzlyn said.
She was wrong—it was. My purpose was my only redeeming quality.
Her fingers tightened around mine, reminding me of their tender presence. “I am all for uncovering the truth, but you don’t seem to care what happens to you in the process. I do.”
“You shouldn’t.” I tore my hands from hers, fisting them at my sides where they belonged.
“You wouldn’t understand.” Even if I wanted her to—which I didn’t—she never could, because I didn’t.
“We should get you back to your chambers. I’ll talk through your theory with Gregorios. ” I lifted the velvet curtain for her.
Rahzlyn blinked away the brightness pouring into the alcove, startled by my brusqueness. “Did I say something—”
“No.” Running a hand through my hair, I quelled the rising tide of emotions. This was why I suppressed them. Because when they arose, I was a confused ass.
I let the conversation die unresolved, sensing Rahzlyn’s frustrations. I usually preferred silence, but with her it felt wrong. Unnatural. I didn’t know how to break it.
When we reached her doors, both of us hesitated.
Rahzlyn’s grip on the knobs tightened. As my mind raced with a million things to say to keep her here a few moments longer, she faced me. “Back in the kitchens, what did Nio mean about you making him coins?”
Relief loosened my shoulders. Despite my curtness, she didn’t seem ready to leave—no more than I was ready to let her go.
“Every so often the guards… duel in the training courtyard,” I explained.
“Members of the palace staff like to bet on the winners and losers. Maryn turns a blind eye to it for whatever reason. Alekko believes it’s good for morale.
Felaf refuses to partake, preferring only to spar with me or Alekko.
There’s a difference between training and dueling. ”
“It’s not a fair fight if you’re involved,” she pointed out.
“I give my ring to Gregorios for safekeeping.”
“Even so, how would Nio win any coin betting on you? I assume you’re always victorious.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well, you’re…” With crimson cheeks, her hands gestured vaguely toward my chest. Then my arms. Then my legs. “And you’re… you know.”
“What do I know?” I asked innocently, suppressing a grin. I may have broadened my shoulders and flexed my stomach. To prove her point, of course.
Rahzlyn rolled her eyes. “Don’t make me say it again.”
“Say what?”
“That you’re attractive. You’re arrogant enough as it is.”
“Comes with the job.”
“Felaf’s not arrogant.”
“Felaf’s not me.”
“No, she’s not,” she said softly, her eyes appraising me.
The air grew thick with curiosity and confusion, that moan of hers from the kitchens echoing in my mind. I had the ridiculous desire to hear it again—savory and raw, like her. My pulse thudded with anticipation.
“Good night, Raithe.” She didn’t move.
“Good night, Rahzlyn.” Neither did I.
One of us needed to break the pull before I did something we’d both regret, like touching her cheek or running my thumb over her lip. Or worse, unburdening more of my twisted soul on her.
Her hands fidgeted with her skirts. Then finally, to my relief and dismay, she retreated.
I waited for her to slip inside before resting my head against the closed door to steady my breathing.
I couldn’t stop myself from listening to her shuffle through her wardrobe.
As she slipped out of fabrics and into a nightgown, the material ghosted her skin the way I’d wanted to.
I sought the chain in my pocket.
No matter what I did, she found a way inside my head.
I feared what she’d see there—how broken, how…
empty I was. That was why I clung to my purpose, to my title as guardian.
They were the only things that had once kept me moving.
The only things worth living for. But now, with sweat crawling down my spine and desire tightening my chest, I wasn’t so sure anymore.
Something was happening to me—something changing inside.
Maybe working together, trusting each other, would lead to us unraveling the secrets of her past. The secrets her grandparents knew and kept, the secrets connecting her to the apostai, and the secrets of our curse could all come to fruition by working as a team.
And maybe—just maybe—it didn’t have to be duty alone pushing me forward.
Maybe it could be something else too. Someone else.