Chapter 13 #2
“I’m pissed at Logan for making you cry again.
I’m pissed at myself for being so selfish and not encouraging you to leave him the first time I saw you crying over his bullshit.
” He rakes a trembling hand through his hair before continuing.
“And shit, angel… I guess I’m a little pissed at you, too, for thinking I’d be angry about you finally standing your ground.
That took a hell of a lot more balls than telling him you wanted poutine instead of steak. ”
I let out a weak laugh that collapses into something closer to a sob. “That poutine was so good.”
“It was,” he says, softening as he crosses the room in three long strides. He settles in next to me, rubbing his palms on the tops of his thighs. “Ending something that wasn’t making you happy doesn’t make you the villain.”
I exhale. “He said I don’t get to decide to end things.”
“Sounds like him.”
“I didn’t tell him about us,” I note.
Holden’s hand stretches the narrow space between us, and his pinky rubs the side of my thigh, toying with the hem of my shorts.
“I figured. Instead of that text about staying in the trailer, he would’ve shown up at my place and punched me.
From what I could tell, he hasn’t even been to the trailer yet.
I didn’t see lights on when I left to come see you. ”
I stare at the way the candle flickers and dances in the clear jaw as the last of the wax pools around the base. The one piece of me in this house is almost at the end of its life. Fitting. I bite back a bitter smile.
“He’s probably at a bar.” I loop my fingers around his.
“Probably. But that’s not your problem anymore.
” Holden moves his thumb so it’s resting against the pulse point on my wrist. “I’m going to sound like an asshole when I say this, but why the hell did you stay with him for so long?
I know his dick isn’t that big, he’s not rich,”—he gestures at the small living space filled with second hand furniture—“and I doubt he’s ever done anything that you’d consider book boyfriend material. ”
I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, a laugh bubbling in my chest. Logan’s idea of a grand gesture would probably be taking the trash out, and I’ve witnessed his grovel before. It involves gas station flowers and, if I’m lucky, my favorite chocolate bar.
“I guess it’s because of my rampant daddy issues.” I shrug.
“Oh.” He snaps his fingers and points enthusiastically into the air. “I thought I heard you call me ‘daddy’ this morning. It’s all making sense now.”
“I did not.” I swat at his arm. “I-I was never head over heels for Logan, but I wasn’t sure that kind of love existed in real life. Still not convinced, if I’m being honest. My mom brought home a lot of men when I was growing up—all of them losers. But I never saw her cry over them.
“When things fell apart, she’d start scouring the singles ads or head out to the club with her friends the same day because ‘this is how all men are, Sunday. If you start expecting more, you’ll get your heart broken.
’ So I put up with a lot of his bullshit because I knew it could be worse…
I thought he was the best I was ever going to get. ”
I shrug again. Seems to be the only thing I can do because as the words tumble out and I become viscerally aware of how stupid it all sounds.
“He’s not. You’re going to find someone who treats you the way you deserve.”
My eyes flicker over his face. “Someone who would rather cut his own dick off than make me cry?”
“Exactly.”
Holden lifts our hands to his face and twists my wrist to press a gentle kiss to my palm. He lingers there for a beat, coarse stubble tickling my hand. Giving my fingers a squeeze, he stares at me intently, eyes glossy in the soft candlelight.
“What happens now?” I quietly ask.
“Now you decide what you want. I’m sure he’ll try to convince you to take him back. Though it doesn’t sound like you can expect a flashy apology.”
I scoff. “Not happening.”
My heart stutters, and I hesitate. Not because I’m unsure of what I want, but because I finally feel entitled to my own opinions.
“Are you going to fight for me this time?”
“Only if you want me to.” His mouth tilts into a crooked half-smile. “It might be rough for a while. It’s going to take some time for Logan to come around to the idea of us being together.”
“Are you okay with that? He’s your brother.”
“He is. And he’s also a selfish asshole who sees women as conquests.
It’s going to be a blow to his pride, but not much else.
He’ll get over it.” He tugs at my hand until I’m hooking a leg over his lap, and then he reaches for my hips, guiding me to straddle him.
“I’ve had a year to think about all of this, and I knew that if a day ever came where you wanted me as badly as I want you, I wouldn’t hesitate.
Not again. I did that before and had to spend months watching you be with someone who didn’t appreciate how good he had it. ”
I can’t help myself; I cup his jaw in my hands and kiss him. It feels so right, I catch myself thinking about what forever might look like. And that feels right, too.
“How good do you have it?” I murmur between sensual kisses.
“You single-handedly dragged me out of hell, angel, and I’ve never been happier.”