Chapter 16
Sixteen
Afew days later, I’m barefoot in Holden’s kitchen with an icy wine cooler, chopping onions for the sheet pan of nachos we’ll be eating once Holden’s out of the shower.
Dusk gives the room a soft orange glow, and my hips sway slowly to some new country duet that’s been all over the radio lately.
The candle set in the middle of the island dances along with me, warming the space that already feels more like home than anywhere else ever has.
A knock at the door catches me off guard.
Setting the knife down, I take a hearty swig of my drink before padding across the room.
The door swings open, and I know who to expect even before I see him. Something about his presence enervates my soul, sapping its energy.
“He’s not here,” I lie. “If you came to start some—”
“I didn’t,” Logan cuts me off. He fiddles with the baseball cap clenched in his fingers. His nose is various shades of purple and yellow, and still swollen—broken, I assume. “I talked to Holden this morning.”
That knocks the wind out of me for a second.
He continues, “I was hoping you and I could talk. No fighting. Just… I think we owe it to each other to end things with an adult conversation.”
I cross my arms. “I told you when I broke up with you that there’s no discussion to be had.”
“Is that because you knew if we talked, you’d end up fessing up to the fact that you’re fucking my brother?”
He’s right, and that pisses me off. Every instinct I have is screaming at me to slam the door in his face.
I chew on the inside of my cheek for a moment before exhaling and heading back to the kitchen. I snark over my shoulder, “Sucks getting a taste of your own medicine, doesn’t it?”
“I get it. You wanted revenge, and my brother was right there.” Logan grabs a beer from Holden’s fridge and plops down on one of the stools across the kitchen island from me.
“I’m ready to forgive you, if this means we’ll finally move past what happened last year.
We don’t have to let this come between us. ”
Mid-drink, I nearly spray wine cooler across the kitchen when a sudden burst of laughter racks my entire body. “Are you kidding me? We’re over, Logan. We’d be over even if Holden had never come into the picture.”
His eyes flicker with hurt, and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Sunday, I love you.”
“No, you don’t. You love the idea of a girlfriend, and I happened to be available when you were in need of one.
” The glass bottle in my hand clunks against the quartz countertop, and I comb my fingers through my long hair, debating whether this discussion is worth it.
The alternative is screaming for Holden and asking him to force his brother out.
“If you loved me, you would’ve listened to me.
You would’ve seen me. You damn sure wouldn’t have fucked every pretty girl at every rodeo in Western Canada. ”
There’s a subtle flinch in his expression at that, and his eyes drop to stare at the beer set in front of him.
My voice shakes as I rasp, “And if I loved you, I wouldn’t have spent the last three weeks falling in love with Holden.”
A throat clears from the dimly lit hallway, and Holden saunters in wearing only his sweatpants. His hair’s damp from the shower, and the cut on his lip is healing nicely.
“Why are you here?” Holden asks flatly. “From what I just overheard, it sounds like you thought you’d come into my home and try to ruin my chance with Sunday again.”
Logan shrugs meekly. “Had to shoot my shot.”
Holden lunges toward him, and I wrap my hands around his bicep, yanking with all my strength to keep him from hurtling his body over the island.
“Don’t,” I plead. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for coming between you two. I fucking hate myself for it, but if either of you give a single shit about me, you won’t kill each other.”
Holden freezes under my grip, chest heaving once before he stills. He doesn’t look at Logan—doesn’t even acknowledge him—but drops his forehead to mine for half a second, grounding himself.
“I’m not gonna touch you,” he says finally, voice low and dangerous anyway. “But you don’t get to disrespect her in my house.”
Logan nods once, slowly. “Sorry… I didn’t come here to win you back, Sunday.
I know that sounds like bullshit, considering what I just said, but I swear that wasn’t my intention.
I…” He blinks up at me with watery eyes.
“I really fucking hate how shit ended with us, and I know a lot of that—most of it—is my fault. I’m a piece of shit. ”
“He admits it,” Holden mutters.
I shoot him a look before leaning a hip on the counter and meeting Logan’s vivid blue gaze. Those rich, deep eyes used to make me feel so many things, and now all I see is how broken they are. How lost.
“We aren’t each other’s person, and that’s okay.” My hand naturally seeks Holden’s, and he squeezes. “Doesn’t give either of us an excuse for handling things the way we did. We were both assholes. I know I wish I’d handled things differently.”
Logan nods. “Same.”
“So do better now. The bullshit you pulled when you walked in here doesn’t scream ‘I regret treating you like garbage’ to me.”
“That was… I don’t know.” He fidgets with the beer bottle label. “I don’t really have an excuse. I honestly wasn’t planning to try and win you back—I know you’re better off. Old habits die hard, I guess.”
I sigh. “One day you’ll find your person, and loving her—staying faithful to her—isn’t going to feel like a chore. I don’t think you’re a total piece of shit, Logan. You just… you didn’t love me.”
Logan grips the neck of his shirt and pulls it up to wipe his runny nose, then takes a slow sip of his beer. The room’s quiet, save for the soft country music still playing from my phone.
When he finally speaks, it’s to Holden. “We’re probably done rodeoing together now, hey?”
Holden says, “I mean… we can finish out the season, if you promise not to stab me in my sleep or something. But, uh… I actually have a stable manager job waiting for me when I’m ready, so I can’t spend next year out on the road with you. I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you.”
Logan’s face twists with confusion. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want it to fuck up the summer. You’re not exactly known for handling hard news well.”
“Oh, you mean like jumping off my horse and punching you in the middle of a sold-out rodeo?” Logan chuckles into his beer.
“I think that’s a pretty good example, yeah.” Holden briefly laughs alongside his brother, and it feels like maybe we’re going to make it through this okay.
For a moment, Logan sits with a quiet, pensive look. Then he says, “What an epic way to end our team roping career, though.”
“That’s one way of looking at it,” Holden says.
“Stay here. Tell your new job you can start whenever… And take care of her.” Logan gestures toward me with his chin. “You’ve got a pretty great girl. Don’t fuck it up like I did.”
Holden gives my fingers another squeeze.
Logan stands up and drums his fingertips on the counter’s edge. “If you’re cool with it, I’m gonna take the trailer and finish up the season. Maybe see if one of the other guys wants to be a heeler for me… or I’ll stick to solo runs.”
“Of course,” Holden replies easily. “Take care of yourself out there.”
Logan sees himself out then, and the finality of the front door softly clicking shut eases an entire year of tension knotted deep in the fibers of my musculature. I breathe easier, and I think Holden does, too.
He leans back against the counter and pulls me to stand between his legs. His arms curl around me like a blanket, and as the adrenaline drains out of me, I tuck in tighter. I could burrow into him, live surrounded by his heat and scent.
“You’re falling in love with me,” he says into my hair. It’s a statement, not a question, thanks to his earlier eavesdropping.
“I’m as shocked as you,” I say. “I tried really hard not to.”
“Yeah, I noticed.” He kisses the top of my head. I can hear the cocky smirk teasing his words. “It was bound to happen, though. I’m irresistible.”
“Insufferable,” I correct, pressing my cheek to his bare chest so I can hear his heart beat.
“If you thought I was obnoxious when I was secretly in love with you, it’s about to be wild now that I can be loud about it.”
There are about a million things I want to say, but instead, I loop my hand around his neck and bring him to me for a kiss. Deep, intimate, and with every inch of my body. Our bodies naturally sway to the song faintly playing, and it hits me how quiet this life with him is. Peaceful.
Falling? No. I’m sinking blissfully into love with Holden Kearney.
This is how it’s supposed to feel.