Chapter Seventeen Amanda
Chapter Seventeen
Amanda
I’ m completely screwing everything up,” Amanda said as she sat down on one of the open couches in Rosie’s bookstore and café, Fact or Fiction.
Marvel was seated in an armchair next to the couch with an open book in her lap titled Yoga for Witches . “Aren’t we all?”
“I’m not,” Rosie countered, plopping down on the couch next to Amanda and crossing one knee over the other. “I’m killing it at life in every way possible. What are you two talking about?”
Amanda laughed lightly at Rosie’s sarcasm, leaning farther back into the couch and letting out a sigh.
“Lies.” Marvel shrugged her shoulders and turned to the next page in her book. “If I wasn’t screwing something up, life would be pretty boring.”
“I’d like my life to be a little more boring,” Amanda admitted. “Clayton gets back into town tomorrow, and I have to tell him about the project I’ve been doing on the side for Mrs. Crawford. In fact, I think I might quit entirely. Oh, and I kissed Dominic, and I don’t know why. And then I told him I’d basically plan his birthday party.”
Marvel just let out a laugh, but Rosie looked like her eyes were going to pop out of her head.
“Well, damn,” Marvel said as her laughter died down to a chuckle. “You weren’t lying, were you?”
“Amanda!” Rosie finally said. “I… I don’t even know where to begin with all of that.”
“I’d say we begin at the kiss,” Marvel replied. “How was it? Does he have soft lips? I bet the scruff on his face tickles, doesn’t it?”
Amanda grinned at Marvel, and she could feel her cheeks heating at the memory. “I’m not a touchy-feely type, but it was… it was actually really nice. It felt… serene. If that makes any sense. Like there was something homey and peaceful about being joined together like that. I haven’t felt that way with another person before.”
Marvel hummed lightly and nodded her head like she understood completely. “Just like his grandaddy.”
“Oh, good Lord,” Rosie said with a groan. “That’s a mental image I do not need, Marvel. Amanda, I thought you said you didn’t want anything with Dominic.”
“I don’t,” she replied, putting her hands up defensively. Her tone was clearly too high-pitched to be truthful, so she lowered it an octave. “I think. I mean, I don’t know. It just felt really nice. I told you and Nola at dinner a while back that I’ve been feeling lonely. It feels isolated to be the only single one, to not have a family of my own. Kissing Dominic… it felt like having someone. He felt like family.”
“You really shouldn’t make out with family,” Marvel added, licking the tips of her fingers before turning the page in her book again.
“Wise advice.” Rosie turned back to Amanda. “And you’re planning his birthday party?”
She nodded. “It’s in a few weeks. I figured we could do it in our combined backyards on the water and invite his former team members and friends and family. Well, his mom is his only family right now. And his ex-wife.”
“You’re going to invite his ex-wife?” Rosie’s voice had not returned to a normal tone once yet in this conversation. “Oh, I have to come to this. Please, please let me watch this all go down. I need to be at this party.”
“First, I have to quit my job, or Clayton is going to fire me.”
“Maybe we should invite Clayton and Adam to the birthday party, too,” Rosie teased. “Bring Mrs. Crawford and her husband, too. Let’s make it a whole town affair.”
“You’re enjoying this way too much,” Amanda replied, but couldn’t help letting out a laugh.
Rosie leaned back against the couch and let her body relax a bit. “I’m actually so happy about all of this. You’re finally quitting a job that’s just been holding you back. You’ve found a guy that you feel at home with. You’re going to get out there and do things for you. This is literally all I’ve wanted for you since we met.”
Amanda put her hand on her chest. “Aw. Rosie, that’s really sweet. I mean, it sounds wonderful when you phrase it that way, but it’s honestly just not that simple.”
“Why can’t it be?” Rosie asked. “I mean, yeah, Clayton might be mad. But he’s a businessman first and foremost, and he’s not going to want to burn bridges with you. He knows your talent level, and you’d be an asset to have in his network. He will see that eventually. I don’t know how he wouldn’t. I’ve also never gotten the vibe that he’s that cutthroat like you say he is. I mean, I’m sure you know him better than me, but at last year’s Christmas party, he and Adam really seemed to adore you.”
“That’s very true,” Marvel added in. “He and his husband are like little chihuahuas in fancy sweaters—lots of bark, very little bite, and will definitely hump your leg. That boy definitely has a good business head on his shoulders, too. He might talk shit about you privately behind your back for a little while if he’s hurt, but he knows better than to turn a feud public.”
“I don’t want a feud at all!” Amanda countered. “I want to just be on my own and do my own work. And I want him to let me out of my noncompete.”
Marvel waved her hand. “Those things are barely enforceable. And if he did try to enforce it, everyone in town would think he’s an asshole. Believe me, he won’t.”
Amanda knew that Marvel was probably right, and Rosie was firmly nodding her head in agreement. But it was still a scary step to consider. She wasn’t one to naturally love conflict, and at the very least, there was going to be some initial conflict when she told Clayton. She wanted to be able to give him the benefit of the doubt like Rosie and Marvel were, but she couldn’t imagine anyone would be happy hearing that they’d lost their biggest client and an employee at the same time.
“Things aren’t that simple with Dominic, either,” she added. “I’m not sure there’s anything there for the two of us going forward.”
“Why not?” Rosie asked. “You like him. You kissed him. He definitely likes you. Sounds like he kissed you back, too.”
“Absolutely,” Marvel agreed. “Everyone can see that he looks at you like a lovesick puppy. It’s kind of sad, actually.”
“Marvel!” Rosie scolded. “It’s not. It’s cute.”
“Not if Amanda’s going to rip his heart out,” Marvel countered. “You saw what she did to Blake.”
“Blake is an asshole,” Rosie countered.
Marvel nodded her head. “We really need to start recruiting better men to this town. I’ll bring that up at the next meeting of the welcoming committee.”
Amanda waved her hands between the two of them. “It’s not that. It’s… I don’t think he wants any sort of commitment, and if he did, it isn’t going to be with me. He just got divorced from one of the most gorgeous women I’ve ever seen in a magazine, and he’s a famous athlete. Those types of people have needs and interests that I’m just not equipped for.”
“Needs and interests?” Marvel scrunched up her face. “You make it sound like a business transaction.”
“Seriously,” Rosie agreed. “Have you asked him what his needs are? And what kind of needs are we even talking about?”
“I think she’s talking about sex,” Marvel answered for her.
Now Amanda was sure her face was probably bright red. “I mean, that’s one of them. But he’s also newly out of a very serious commitment—they were married for basically forever. He doesn’t know what he wants to do next, either. There’s a lot that would make jumping into a relationship feel impossible right now—for both of us.”
She also was concerned about how his future medical and vision journey might impact him and anyone he chose to be with, but that wasn’t information she was going to share with anyone without his permission. Not that she cared at all about being with someone with no or little vision—she had no problem with it—but she could tell it was a deeply emotional and vulnerable topic for him, and she didn’t know how to talk to him about it. Or if he wanted to talk about it at all.
“Well, maybe you should ask him about that before deciding it for the both of you,” Rosie countered. “You don’t even know how he’s feeling yet.”
She knew that was true. He’d tried to broach the topic with her at the Boat Parade, but she’d shut it down fast. She just hadn’t been ready to figure any of that out, and she wasn’t sure that she’d ever be ready. But she might just have to bite the bullet and have the conversation.
“But, uh…” Rosie added, suddenly sitting up on the couch. “Looks like you might need to have another conversation before the one with Dominic.”
Amanda followed Rosie’s gaze to the front door of the bookstore to see Clayton walking in with Mrs. Crawford. She gasped, her stomach dropping hard. “Shit.”
They didn’t seem to see her at first and were actively chatting and laughing together as they headed into the café half of the store and went up to the counter to place a food order.
“Gotta go,” Rosie said, hopping up and heading behind the counter to take their orders.
Amanda wanted to be absorbed into the couch, but there was nowhere to hide.
Clayton turned around just then, and his eyes fell on Amanda, his face lighting up with a huge smile. “Amanda! Look who I’m having lunch with.”
Mrs. Crawford turned to look her way as well. “Amanda, darling! You have to come join us.”
Amanda stood slowly, and walked over to them like there were bricks in her shoes. “Heeeeey, guys. How are things? Clayton, I thought you were out of town until tomorrow.”
“I was, but Mrs. Crawford called me up for a meeting, and I can’t say no to my favorite client,” Clayton said, placing a hand against Mrs. Crawford’s back affectionately.
A knot began to form in her stomach. “Oh, awesome. That’s great.”
It was absolutely not great at all. She didn’t know why Mrs. Crawford had called this meeting, but she had very clearly told her that she didn’t want her intervening with Clayton for her. She hoped to God that that wasn’t what was about to happen.
Mrs. Crawford finished placing an order, and Amanda heard her add an extra sandwich for her before turning back to look at them both. “I actually think it’s kismet you’re here. Let’s all three sit down, because I wanted to discuss projects going forward.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Clayton ushered them toward a small round café table with three chairs, and they all took a seat as Rosie worked on prepping their food and drinks behind the counter.
“So, Clayton,” Mrs. Crawford began, “I want to have Amanda take on a more senior role in my design projects going forward, and I’ve told her that I really think she should be out on her own. She has such an incredible eye—very different than yours, which is also incredible—and it doesn’t make sense to me to keep that hidden away.”
“Hidden away?” Clayton put a hand on his chest and looked over at Amanda with a confused furrow in his brow. “I would never want to hide away talent. Amanda is such a valuable part of our firm. Her design eye is incredible. In fact, that’s why I have her look over all your designs, specifically. I only want you to have the best.”
Uh, what? Amanda had not once gotten that type of open compliment from Clayton. She tried to wipe any look of shock from her face, but frankly, she wasn’t sure she’d heard him right.
“I love to hear that,” Mrs. Crawford continued. “So I’d like Amanda to take over my home projects on her own, outside of your firm. My husband wants to keep using your firm for business-related design needs—your style is perfect for the vision he has for his company. But, for my personal needs going forward, in both our house in Heart Lake and our vacation homes, I’d like to use Amanda exclusively.”
“Use Amanda in my firm?” Clayton asked. “Like as the lead designer on your jobs?”
“No,” Mrs. Crawford replied, and Amanda considered what it would be like to just stand up right then and there and run out of the store as fast as she could. “I think Amanda needs to be on her own. It seems to be what she wants. Right, Amanda?”
“It’s, uh, it’s…” Amanda cleared her throat, looking anywhere but directly at Clayton. “I had been mentioning to Mrs. Crawford that I did want to be in business for myself one day.”
“Oh.” Clayton looked surprised but then wiped that expression from his face and nodded slowly. “That makes complete sense. You certainly have the talent to do that. I hadn’t known that was something you were considering so soon.”
Rosie arrived right then, carrying three plates of premade sandwiches in one hand. She doled them out to each person at the table carefully. “I’ll be right back with your drinks.”
Amanda cast Rosie a rescue-me look, but Rosie just gave her an apologetic frown and skittered away.
“I’m guessing that Amanda’s contract with you has a noncompete,” Mrs. Crawford continued. “So I’m hoping you’ll be able to waive that, since I don’t want to deal with any red tape around transferring my business to her going forward.”
Clayton waved his hand like it was no big deal at all, but now he was the one avoiding looking at Amanda directly. She could feel the pit in her stomach only getting bigger.
“Absolutely,” he agreed. “Consider it gone. I want this to be a seamless transition for you, Amal. You and your husband have been some of my best clients over the years, and I’d definitely want to keep that relationship strong.”
“Wonderful.” Mrs. Crawford beamed as she picked up her sandwich and took a bite. “I think this could be the start of something amazing for both of you. I know it’s none of my business, and I’m just clodhopping my way in here with my big feet telling you what to do, but I just care about you both so much. I had to say something.”
“Of course,” Clayton agreed, taking a bite of his sandwich now. “You’ve always been a loving friend. I’m glad Amanda has someone like you vouching for her.”
“Yes. Thank you, Amal.” Amanda gingerly grabbed at her sandwich and shoved it in her mouth so she didn’t say that this was exactly the opposite of what she’d asked from Mrs. Crawford. She was both horrified and pissed off and literally couldn’t think of what to say next.
So sandwich it was.
Clayton put his sandwich back down and turned to look at Amanda finally. “I’ll make sure to send over some exit paperwork, and I can send you the previous measurements and designs for Mrs. Crawford’s houses. If you need any help, I’d be happy to step in anytime with advice or whatever you need.”
“Thank you,” Amanda could hear her voice responding, but felt like she was not even inside her body right now.
Clayton put his hand on her upper arm and gave her a deep look. Something about his expression felt genuine but also deeply pained. “I want you to feel fully supported going out on your own, Amanda. Running your own business is very hard, and I know I would have appreciated having a mentor in my first year doing that. I want to make sure you have that through me and my firm as you’re getting your feet wet out there.”
“Oh, wow,” Amanda said, swallowing the bite of sandwich that she was sure she’d choke on. “That’s… that’s really kind, Clayton.”
He removed his hand from her arm and gave her a wide smile that didn’t fully reach his eyes. Instead, his eyes just seemed sad. “Of course. We have to stick together in this industry, you know? It’s always better to be out in the open and not go behind each other’s backs.”
Shit. She knew exactly what he was insinuating with that. She’d literally gone behind his back.
“Yes,” she tried to find words to respond. “That’s never ideal.”
“No, it really isn’t,” he replied, his gaze firmly on hers. Finally, he turned back to look at Mrs. Crawford, who was already almost done with her sandwich. “We’re going to help make this seamless for you, Mrs. Crawford. And I’m honored you brought this to me to talk about. It’s really so inspiring how you invest in small businesses and people. You really see the diamonds in the rough and want to help them shine.”
The older woman preened at the compliment. “I do do that, don’t I?” she agreed. “It’s really my mission in life. I love finding talent and helping foster it—kind of like how I did with you.”
Rosie dropped off their coffees but then ran away from the table just as fast.
Mrs. Crawford picked up her paper cup after finishing the last bite of her sandwich. “I hate to dine and dash, but I have a facial at one. You two finish up, and I’ll be in touch on Monday with you both.”
Amanda wanted to beg her to stay and not leave her alone with Clayton, but instead she nodded and smiled and wished her the best of luck at her facial. Mrs. Crawford departed in a flurry of overpriced scarves and a designer handbag, and then Amanda was left seated alone next to Clayton.
A quiet moment passed between them before she decided to try to break the ice.
“Clayton, I…” She wasn’t even sure how to finish that sentence, or of what she wanted to say. This entire exchange had been the absolute last way she’d seen this admission going. “I am so sorry that this is how you found out. I asked her to let me be the one to talk to you. And I was going to tell you tomorrow.”
“You were going to tell me tomorrow that you poached my largest client and you’re breaking your contract with me?” Clayton asked, his tone leveled and quiet. He wrapped up his partially eaten sandwich like he wasn’t able to finish it. “Well, no need to worry about that. I think I got the gist after this lunch.”
Amanda swallowed, because this was worse than if he’d just started yelling at her. He wasn’t even mad. He was hurt. “You were out of town when she needed something done, and I was just trying to help. I didn’t know it was going to go this direction when I stepped in, but she approached me with the idea, and it’s just… I mean, how can I turn it down?”
“You can’t,” he agreed. “It’s an amazing opportunity, Amanda. And she’s not wrong. You’re going to be great at it.”
She sat there quietly for a few moments. “Clayton, I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t be, Amanda,” he said, dabbing at the corners of his mouth with a napkin. “You deserve this opportunity, and I’m just sorry you felt like I was holding you back. I wish we could have talked about that more openly and figured out ways to help you feel more empowered at our firm. I guess I was under the impression that we were closer than that—friends, you know? But I’m sorry that clearly wasn’t how you felt. Either way, I meant what I said—I’m happy to help support you as you build up your own business. Just let me know what you need.”
She felt like the world’s biggest asshole. Christ, she literally was the biggest asshole on the planet right now. “Thank you, Clayton. I’ll, uh, I’ll let you know.”
“In the meantime, I’ll send over the exit paperwork via email, and you can clear out your desk this week,” Clayton said, placing the used napkin down on his plate next to the wrapped sandwich and pushing his chair back. He stood and offered her a weak smile. “I’ll see you around, Amanda.”
“You, too,” she replied, though there was a tremor in her voice she was trying to get control over. “And again, Clayton… I’m really sorry.”
He just lightly shrugged, not responding verbally, and then headed for the bookstore exit after dropping his plate into the trash can.
When he was gone, Rosie reappeared and slid into the chair that Mrs. Crawford had been sitting in. “That was the most uncomfortable experience of my life.”
“Of your life?” Amanda balked. “You weren’t the one sitting at this table.”
“I knew he’d be professional and cordial about the whole thing,” Rosie continued, propping her elbow on the table surface and resting her chin in her hand. “But I hadn’t expected how sad he’d be. I swear to God, I thought he was going to start crying.”
Amanda could feel the lump forming in her own throat. “I mean, I did poach his biggest client.”
Rosie shook her head. “That doesn’t seem to be what he was sad about. He seemed sad about losing you. I told you that he and Adam like you. I think you really hurt his feelings, Amanda.”
She looked toward the café exit, even though Clayton was long gone. She couldn’t help but wonder if Rosie was right, and she’d misread the situation with Clayton entirely. She’d just been going on and on about how lonely she’d been feeling lately, but when push came to shove, she also had to admit that she didn’t naturally allow people in. Maybe Clayton had actually thought of her as more than just an employee. Maybe he’d thought of her as a friend.
Shoot. She should have just talked to her boss. It would have cleared up so much. There had been nothing to be afraid of in opening up.
And maybe she shouldn’t make the same mistake with Dominic by not letting him in, either.