Chapter Seven
“Are you a vegetarian?” Harper said and pursed her lips as she poured Charlie another drink.
Charlie squinted and let out an accidental hum before she answered.
She hadn’t been a vegetarian, but things were changing in a lot of ways, apparently even subconsciously.
“I haven’t considered myself one. When I lived in New York, I wasn’t at all.
But I’ve found myself moving away from meat, I guess.
It wasn’t a conscious change, really. Why? ”
Harper smiled, a real smile that melted Charlie a little.
Though real smiles were becoming the norm since Charlie had started frequenting the bar more regularly, especially when there was a food truck.
She always sat at the bar rather than a table and chatted with Harper as she nibbled on a grilled cheese with a little cheese fried into the bread or a pulled-jackfruit sandwich from the barbecue truck.
Not about anything deep or thought-provoking but just getting to know each other.
Mostly superficially, but occasionally, they went a little deeper.
“Just curious. I noticed you never get anything with meat.” She pointed her chin at the truck outside.
“Most people get their mac and cheese with a pile of barbecued meat or bacon on it, but you seem to have spinach and peas in yours. Can I ask why you’ve been moving away from meat, especially if it was unintentional? ”
Charlie felt a zing of electric zip through her at the idea that Harper was paying enough attention to her to notice her eating habits and took a bite of her mac and cheese to cover her reaction.
It was delicious with its perfectly balanced bite of sharp cheddar, offset with the creamy smoothness of gouda, and gave her perfect cover to make an, “Mmm,” sound to give herself a minute to think as she didn’t immediately know the answer herself.
“I’m not sure. I think it’s maybe because my previous life was filled with what you might call toxic opulence.
Filet mignon, lobster, Almas caviar, Michelin stars…
” She shivered as a cold chill ran through her body and settled in the pit of her stomach.
“I don’t want my life to be anything like that anymore, so I’ve been a little aggressive in backing away from it.
” Charlie hadn’t expected to share all that.
Hell, she hadn’t even realized the truth of it before she said it.
Harper chuckled. “I don’t think that eating pulled pork would be considered opulent by many people.”
Charlie laughed from her belly. “True, but we also learned about a concept in my yoga teacher classes called ahimsa, which is to choose nonviolence. I think that might have played into it as well. And I’m not saying I’m never going to eat meat again.
Hell, I might eat it tomorrow. But for now, not eating meat feels better.
” She shrugged and wondered if Harper would think ahimsa was woo-woo stuff.
It didn’t matter, but Charlie had found herself caring what Harper thought of her.
She needn’t have worried as Harper’s smile simply softened.
“I get that. It’s kind of the reason I don’t eat meat, either.
There’s so much ugliness in the world. I don’t want to contribute to any more of it.
I only really knew one other person who felt the same way.
But she’s…” Her words got quieter as she spoke until she trailed off entirely and stared at her hands.
Charlie gave her a few beats to see if she’d continue. When she didn’t, Charlie couldn’t not prompt her. She needed to know. “She’s?” she said questioningly.
Harper straightened, but she didn’t look at Charlie. “She’s not around anymore.” After plastering her damn bartender smile back on, she said, “Is there anything else I can get for you?”
Apparently, the deeper revelations were only going to come from Charlie today.
She didn’t understand what had shifted and hated how their conversation was ending.
It was the first time she’d seen Harper start to show any vulnerability, and she wished she could hold on to it for a little longer. “No, thanks. This looks great.”
Harper turned her attention to a young couple wearing matching sun hats who’d just walked in. And tried to squelch the bubble of jealousy that reared up as she wished Harper’s attention was still on her.
Foolish. Harper had a job to do. Charlie knew Scissor and Gavel had 4.
8 stars on Google, and Harper couldn’t ignore patrons if she wanted to keep that rating, but Charlie wanted to know more.
She wanted to know who the person who wasn’t around anymore was to Harper.
Was it the person Andrew had mentioned that she’d loved?
She rolled her eyes at herself and picked up her drink, a bourbon smash at Harper’s recommendation, and took a sip.
It was delicious, as everything Harper had made for her was.
She pretended she wasn’t staring at Harper as she tried to convince herself that Harper’s allure was just because Charlie was lonely and excited to be making a friend.
And she believed it.
Sure she did.
Harper’s hands shook as she typed out a quick text when her shift ended at the bar. Are you awake?
She’d asked Em to close, so it wasn’t too late, but it was after nine in Chicago.
Almost immediately, her phone started ringing. She swiped to answer, but before she could even say hello, Andrew said, “I’m always awake if you need me. What’s up?”
Her heart warmed at his tone. She didn’t think she could have loved a blood sibling more than she loved him. “You’re the best, thank you.”
“I know, I know. Now tell me what’s bothering you.”
“You know the woman I told you about the other day?”
“The day you hung up on me and then texted to tell me you were sorry? That she had just walked in, but you couldn’t be bothered to call me back? Yes, of course I remember.” His words were sharp, but he blunted them with a laugh, so she knew he was a little hurt but was mostly just giving her shit.
“I am sorry about that. I meant to call you back later once I’d fixed her garbage disposal—”
“Wait, you fixed her garbage disposal? Are you Handy Harper now?” He laughed so loudly, she pulled the phone away from her ear a little. “Ben, Ben, get this. Harper is fixing things these days. She fixed a garbage disposal the other day after she hung up on me.”
She could hear the deep baritone of Ben’s voice in the background saying, “She wouldn’t even change her own light bulbs when she lived up here.”
“Ha ha, funny guys. And I did change my own light bulbs. Just not my own light fixtures.” Harper’s tension eased, and she smiled at their gentle ribbing.
She was grateful as she took what felt like her first deep breath in hours.
Though she wasn’t going to tell them that.
“And I’m a business owner now. No one has time to wait hours for a contractor to fix something when I can do it myself after watching a little video on my phone. ”
“Damn, girl. Now tell me why she’s got you so riled up.”
She took a deep breath. “So that woman, my tenant, came into the bar tonight. She’s been doing that a lot, actually.”
“Interesting.” He drew out the word into about ten syllables, and she imagined him twirling the ends of a mustache that he didn’t have. At least, she didn’t think he had one. She hadn’t seen him in a while.
She wasn’t going to mention that she’d caught herself flirting with Charlie a few times when she’d been in the bar.
She’d been telling herself it was just what she did as a bartender to get better tips.
But Andrew wouldn’t see it that way and would probably get obsessed with the idea.
“She lives here. I am the closest place for her to get a drink and food.”
His hmph was laced in disbelief, but she didn’t take the bait.
“Anyway, we were chatting, and I almost told her about Kelly. I never talk about Kelly to anyone other than you and your mom. Yet, there I was, chatting with my tenant, a near stranger, and Kelly and being married and her dying almost slipped out.” She tried to stop herself from hyperventilating, but it didn’t feel like it was working as she gasped like someone just pulled from the water.
“Okay. Why does that have you so upset?” He spoke slowly, as if he was speaking to a child.
“Because I never talk about her to anyone. And I almost did without thought.” Wasn’t it obvious?
“It isn’t a secret that you were married, Harper. You don’t have to hide that part of your life from someone you are becoming friends…or more with,” he added hopefully. “Or anyone really.”
“They just don’t need to know. And it hurts to talk about. She should still be here with us.”
“I know, sweetie. She should. I miss my twin sister like only you and Mom could ever understand, but talking about her, remembering her, not lying by pretending I’m an only child, helps me feel close to her.”
Indignation rising, Harper’s voice grew tight as her throat constricted. “I’m not lying about her to anyone. I’m not claiming I’ve never been married. I’m just not volunteering the information.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be harsh or upset you, but how is not ever mentioning Kelly honoring her memory?”
“I can honor her memory in any way I see fit, and that doesn’t mean I need to talk about her to strangers.”
“You can, but it isn’t healthy for you to pretend like the first forty years of your life didn’t happen, and the only people who know it did are me and Mom.
” She huffed, but he continued, “Look, all I’m saying is, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you disregarded your self-imposed rule to never talk about her.
I think it would be healthy. It’s not like you have to share every single detail, but letting someone in on a sliver of the pain you’ve gone through in the past three years would probably be cathartic. ”
Harper sighed, needing to process everything that Andrew had just laid on her.