Chapter Nineteen #3
“I’m so sorry, Harper. But you still can’t blame yourself for getting sick. It might have happened even if you had worn a mask. You could have gotten it at dinner. Or the person who cleaned your room had it. Plus, even if you hadn’t caught it, the alternative is you being dead too.”
Harper hung her head, unable to make eye contact for the words she geared herself up to say.
“There have been a lot of times when I thought that would be better. Kelly was my whole world. We’d been together since our first year of law school.
Since before my parents died. The only family I still have is hers.
Sometimes, in my darker moments, I wish I could’ve gone with her.
I occasionally thought about how…I could still make that happen.
” She couldn’t hold back the tears and wiped at them with the back of her hands.
“Will you scoot over here next to me?” Charlie said, her voice soft.
Harper’s first instinct was to refuse, but she really wanted the comfort of Charlie’s arms now that she’d laid herself completely bare, so she scooched around until her entire right side pressed against Charlie’s left. She sighed as Charlie wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in.
“I’m really glad you’re still here.” She ran her hand up and down Harper’s arm, and although Harper couldn’t gather words around the huge lump in her throat, she melted a little. “Is it okay if I ask what changed? How did you make the decision to keep staying?”
Harper nodded, even though her head was still on Charlie’s shoulder.
Charlie kept rubbing her arm, patient as her tears slowed and finally stopped.
And the swelling in Harper’s throat finally eased enough for her to breathe.
“Therapy. And I knew Kelly would be so mad at me if I gave up. So I changed everything. I moved here and started a new life where I didn’t feel like a ghost was walking with me everywhere I went.
And that helped some. And I adopted Franky.
” Harper ran her fingers through Franky’s soft hair and sighed.
“She’d been adopted by an older woman who passed away, and no one in her family took her, so she ended up in the shelter.
I think we worked through our grief together. ”
“She really is a soul dog,” Charlie said and squeezed Harper tighter as she intertwined their fingers on Franky’s neck. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that, but I’m so happy she was there for you and helped you start to heal.”
“She’s the best.” Harper felt those words in her soul. She was so grateful that Franky had come into her life when she did.
“You know, she’s helped me start to heal as well.”
Harper lifted her head in surprise. “Really?”
“Yeah, I was in shock when the shit hit the fan. And with yoga teacher training and sitting at your bar regularly and talking to you, I was starting to thaw, but time with Franky is what really started to bring me back to myself. The version of myself that I’m rediscovering, anyway.
” She bit the side of her lip, and Harper soothed it with the pad of her thumb.
Harper found herself wanting Charlie but without the discomfort of guilt that had been lurking over the past few months.
She wanted to kiss her, but she was also getting a cramp in her glute from sitting on the floor in this weird, scrunched-up position.
“I think Franky is pretty soundly asleep and will be able to stay that way for a while.”
“You think? I’d hate to wake her up and start her stressing again.
” Charlie’s eyes held genuine concern, and if Harper hadn’t already been falling for her, that look would’ve done it.
The fact that she was willing to keep sitting on the uncomfortable floor in wet clothes just so Harper’s dog wouldn’t be stressed had warmth radiating out from her belly and coating every inch of her skin.
“Yeah. The poor girl exhausts herself from her physiological responses. The shaking, the panting for so long, takes a lot out of her, so even when she doesn’t get her meds, she’s always knocked out once she can finally settle.
” Harper stood. “Here, let me grab the dog bed, and I can kind of scooch that under her as you get up.”
It wasn’t the most elegant maneuver as she tried to keep her robe closed, but they managed to make it happen with only a few “harumphs” from Franky and several almost side-eyes.
Franky was so tired, though, she couldn’t even open her eyes enough to give them a full side-eye.
Harper made sure she was still as tightly wrapped in her beach towel as she could be before she bundled Charlie into the bathroom with the other robe to change.
While Charlie was in there, Harper rearranged the goodies onto the table again and tried to process all the revelations she and Charlie had both just shared.
It was a lot. They both had a lot of baggage, but weren’t they both trying to move forward?
For the first time since she’d lost Kelly, she felt like maybe she was ready to.