Chapter 17 #3
I understood that this planning was all for my benefit.
But I felt a heaviness move over me, as if my very blood were weighted.
I thought of that old fairy tale about the girl who chose to dance a few steps in red shoes, and then couldn’t stop dancing, even after she grew so exhausted she had somebody chop off her feet just so she could rest. But even amputation didn’t work: The chopped-off feet kept dancing around in the red shoes.
That would be me, replacing dancing with lying.
I’d told one lie, and then another, and now I’d have to lie to nearly everyone until I died.
Miss Berry reached over and gave my elbow a squeeze. “As soon as you feel like your old self again, you’ll go home. In the meantime, I’m pretty envious.” She looked out the window, at the silvery sky. “You’ll be down at the beach with the Florida sun. And I’ll be up here freezing.”
She waited, not saying anything else. I realized she was waiting for me to thank her.
“Thank you,” I said. “I appreciate it.” I didn’t know if I should remind her to ask if I could see the baby. She didn’t seem to be thinking about it.
“You’re welcome.” She carried her chair back over to the wall.
“That’s something I really like about you, Nora, how you appreciate the help you’re getting.
Not every girl does. But you’ve been such a pleasure to work with.
” She appeared almost bashful, telling me this.
“I want to help every girl, but many of them are…well, they tend to focus on themselves. I hear a lot of woe-is-me in this job, let me tell you. But not from you.”
“Oh,” I said, surprised to hear that she saw me this way. Since I’d arrived in New Jersey, and long before then, there’d been plenty of woe-is-me in my head.
She glanced at the door, still open to the hallway, and closed it. A maroon winter coat hung from a hook at the top. The maroon was the exact shade as her jacket and skirt, and I knew she must have purchased it as a set.
“I definitely shouldn’t tell you this.” She came close again, lowering her voice to a whisper.
“But I want you to know that I found the best people for your baby. I had to work my tail off, but I found the dream couple. I really did. He makes an impressive salary, but he isn’t arrogant at all, and she was a music teacher before they married.
She can play Bach and Beethoven and all of that, but also things you hear on the radio.
They have a piano in their living room, and during my home visits, she played and he sang along.
It was so much fun, watching them. They both have warm, outgoing personalities. ”
I nodded, encouraged. I wanted her to keep talking, to tell me everything about them.
“And they’re sweet to each other. So sweet.
” She touched her hand to her chest. “You can tell how much love they have to give, how excited they are. They’ve been ready to adopt for a while now, but I managed to convince them to wait for this baby.
Your baby, Nora. I mean, I did that for them as well.
I told them of your sweetness and your intelligence, and they agree that if she inherits your character, she’ll fit right in with them.
They have extended family on both sides, all living close by.
You’re not going to believe this, but the woman’s sister just had a baby two weeks ago, and they’re one block over.
So she’ll have a built-in playmate. They’re just ideal, Nora. I’m positively thrilled.”
“Thank you,” I said. I imagined the woman at the piano, the man standing with his hand on her shoulder, and the baby in a bassinet, looking like me and Leonard. My heart felt full, thinking of that. I don’t mean I was happy. My heart felt full in my chest the way my eyes felt full before I cried.
“It was my pleasure,” she said. “I worked hard for this placement because I know you’re a special girl.”
I didn’t think I was so special. I’d been compliant at Shaded Acres, and generally good-natured. But that was true of a lot of girls there.
“Leonard’s smart,” I said. “I mean, you can tell them that. Like crazy smart. He took college courses when he was in high school. He kept testing out.”
Miss Berry didn’t quite roll her eyes, though I could see she didn’t believe Leonard was smart, or she didn’t care. Then she seemed to reconsider.
“I’ll tell them that,” she said. “I agree. They’ll be glad to know it. These are highly educated people. They’ll want the same for her, I’m sure.” She looked at her watch. “Goodness,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I’ll try to get here by eight.”
“You’ll remember to ask them to bring her in?” I wanted her to know I meant today, not tomorrow. “On your way out?”
Miss Berry tilted her head. “I said I would, didn’t I?”
I nodded.
“Well.” She took her coat off the hook and slipped it on. “I keep my promises.”
I guessed the point she was making.
“I always say”—she rested her hand on the door frame—“doing what you’ll say you’ll do is the definition of integrity.”
There wasn’t much I could say to that. So I only nodded to show I understood, and she nodded back, pleased.