Chapter 35 #2
Callie swallowed. This bit was going to be hard. ‘My first thought was–’
‘That you couldn’t go through with it.’ Frida was silent for a moment. ‘So,’ she said slowly, ‘what Sunil said was true?’
Callie reached over and grasped her daughter’s hand. ‘I’m so sorry but yes, I told him I’d booked into a clinic. The next thing I knew he and Vivek had gone. I was on my own, in a panic.’
Frida bit her lip. ‘How far did you get? Did you get to the clinic, get on the table?’ she demanded.
Callie shook her head so hard her auburn curls flew.
‘No.’ She couldn’t decipher her daughter’s emotion.
‘I didn’t even get as far as the clinic.
When Sunil left I knew, I just knew I wanted the baby.
It was all completely illogical. But that’s what I felt.
I’m so sorry, Fri. I’m so very sorry you had to find out I considered having–’
‘Having me aborted?’
Callie covered her face with her hands. She didn’t think she had any left in her, but tears began to flow again.
Her shoulders heaved. ‘Yes,’ she said brokenly.
‘But I couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry I even considered it, but I was desperate.
You should never have had to deal with all this.
’ She sobbed, heaved herself out of the deck chair and ran indoors.
Sometime later Callie sat at the kitchen work surface nursing a glass of water in shaking hands. She felt wrung out and fearful about how Frida would be. She heard her daughter murmur something and then felt arms around her. Frida smelled fusty and in need of a shower but she didn’t care.
‘Tea?’ Frida asked.
‘Sod tea. I need something stronger.’
Frida gave a tiny smile and opened the fridge. Pouring a generous glass of white wine she pushed it over to her mother.
Callie drank half of it, wiped her mouth and then said, ‘That hit the spot. What a day. I’m so sorry, Frida, that you found out in the way you did. It was information you never needed to know. You must realise–’
‘Ssh. It’s okay.’
‘It’s okay?’ Callie asked, amazed. ‘You’ve found out that your own mother once considered getting rid of you and it’s okay?’
Frida perched on the other kitchen stool as best she could with her injured leg.
‘Got to admit,’ she began slowly, ‘it was a helluva shock when Sunil mentioned it, especially as he seemed to think I knew all about it. It came out all casual when I was asking why he hadn’t found me before.
Up to then I sort of assumed it was because he was busy with his own family. ’
She looked down, twisting a lock of hair around her finger.
‘I even thought maybe you’d kept him away from me.
I mean, I didn’t know anything about you two or how it had been between you or why you’d split up.
Maybe you’d been protecting me from him.
Then I wondered if it was because he didn’t care about me.
’ She grimaced. ‘That was hard. Being rejected by your dad. It was driving me loco. Then, when he did get in touch I was made up. It answered so many questions. Except one. The big one. Why he didn’t know anything about me.
It was hard thinking you’d lied to him, but I sort of understood.
I mean, you were guarding yourself and me.
Maybe he was the Big Bad. But he didn’t seem like that.
Sunil’s always been so great. It was doing my head in.
I tell you, Mum, my mental health’s been crazy. ’
‘Don’t you want wine?’
‘Better not. Not with the painkillers.’
‘Sensible girl.’ Callie reached out and stroked a strand of hair off her daughter’s beautiful face. ‘But then you’ve always been my sensible girl. Were you angry with me because you thought I’d lied to Sunil? Or that I considered an abortion?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. Both, I suppose. Oh, Mum, it all got on top of me, so I ran off. Stupidly got in the car. Sorry. Got to the café and then heard about the beach huts so thought I’d try to get Austin’s gear for him. Didn’t mean to put you and Johnny in danger coming to find me.’
‘Forget that. We’re all okay, aren’t we?’
‘Mostly.’ Frida rubbed her leg.
‘I didn’t lie to Sunil, lovey. We agreed I should have a termination and he knew I’d booked an appointment before he went away.
Don’t think the worse of him, Frida. Please don’t.
He was young too and, in his way, had expectations from his own family.
’ She pulled a face. ‘I don’t think they took kindly to the idea of their student son getting a girl pregnant so they sent him off to the States, along with Vivek.
He went abroad and, as far as he knew, thought the problem, that was you, had been sorted. ’
Frida gasped. ‘So that’s why he didn’t come to look for me?’
Callie nodded. ‘Only when he’d gone, I couldn’t go through with it and didn’t have any way of contacting him. I didn’t lie to him; I changed my mind but–’
‘He never knew!’
‘He never knew,’ Callie echoed. ‘And I had no way of telling him he had a beautiful, funny, clever daughter. What a mess, eh?’
‘Yeah, maybe.’
The two women sat in silence, processing.
‘But we’ve been all right though, haven’t we?
’ Frida said eventually. ‘Without a bloke around? Just the two of us? I mean it’s great I can get to know my dad now but, if I’m really honest, I don’t feel I’ve missed out on anything.
’ She grinned. ‘Apart from his child maintenance.’ She held up her hands to stave off Callie’s reaction. ‘Joking again!’
‘I suppose we’ve muddled along.’ Callie mustered a smile. ‘I’m very proud of you, you know. And the way you’re handling all this. You’ve grown up so much lately.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ Frida scuffed her shoe, embarrassed. ‘You’re pretty cool yourself.’
‘Promise me something, Fri.’
‘What?’
‘That, whatever’s going on, you’ll talk to me.’
‘Course.’
‘Can I give you a hug now?’
‘Oh yes please. And then can we eat something, Mum? I’m starving!’