Chapter 37
Thirty-Seven
French painter of intimate and subtly erotic scenes. What is the story of the painting?
(Taken from Calliope Thorne’s teaching notes.)
‘Sorry,’ Callie said. They were sitting on the sofa, close together, arms wrapped tightly around one another, the open French windows letting a gentle sea breeze drift the scents and sounds of the beach in.
‘For what? For quite frankly ruining one of my favourite shirts by sobbing inconsolably onto it, for declaring undying love, or for running out of milk?’ He grinned and kissed her temple. ‘Just as well I don’t mind black coffee.’
‘We’d packed everything up in the car,’ Callie protested.
‘You’re lucky the coffee was on top of one of the last bags I squashed into the boot otherwise it would have been a mug of hot water.
And your shirt will dry.’ She trailed a finger down its buttons, longing to stroke the skin beneath. The thought made her go hot.
Capturing it, he brought it to his mouth and kissed the tip. ‘So, what are you sorry for? Loving me?’
Callie sat up in indignation. ‘No!’ She shook her head, curls flying. ‘Never that. I’ve no idea how all of this, whatever this is, is going to work, but I’ll never be sorry for being in love with you.’
‘Excellent news. And, as to whatever this is, let’s clear that up.’ His expression became serious. ‘I want to build a life with you, Calliope. I want to marry you. I want to love you and live with you.’
Breath hitched in her throat. She took his face in her hands and kissed him. ‘I’ve been an idiot.’
‘Tell me, my delightful idiot. How so?’
‘Think I was running away.’
‘From me?’ Johnny looked startled. ‘Am I that scary?’
‘Yes. You were making me feel things I hadn’t felt for years, maybe not ever.
It was seriously messing with my head, as Frida would say.
I was too scared to give in to it all, think around how it would all work out.
’ She bit her lip and looked down, concentrating on a tear in the knee of her jeans.
‘I was worried it was just a holiday fling. That when we got back to the reality of our lives, you’d see the real me. ’
Johnny put a gentle hand under her chin and lifted it. ‘The real you?’
She met his eyes. ‘An overworked, stressed-out teacher, who had no time to breathe let alone put effort into making a new relationship work. That’s if you wanted a relationship,’ she amended hurriedly. ‘I didn’t know. Couldn’t read you.’
Johnny wound a curl of bright hair around his finger. ‘Oh I want a relationship.’ He nuzzled her neck, the sensitive part just beneath her ear. ‘I want lots of relationships!’
For a moment she sank into the pleasure, then pushed him off, giggling. ‘Be serious. There’s nothing more I’d like than to take you to my bed, but you were the one who wanted to talk. And there are things we need to talk about. I was worried, am still worried you’ll end up thinking I’m boring.’
He looked incredulous. ‘Boring?’
‘We’re very different, Johnny.’
‘True, in some ways. In others we’re remarkably alike. But neither makes you boring.’
‘It does in comparison to your family.’
‘My family?’
‘They’re all so…’ She struggled for the right words. ‘…glamorous and show-bizzy.’
‘They’re a pain in the neck,’ he replied, basely.
Callie giggled again. She toyed with a button on his shirt and it came loose revealing his chest. Bending to kiss it, she felt his breath hitch and wondered if she was that boring after all.
She seemed to be having quite a dramatic effect on him.
Running her hand down his side, she felt his larger one stop her.
‘Oh no, if you won’t take me to your bed, which by the way I think is a splendid phrase and one I intend on using often, you can stop making me go cross-eyed with desire, and talk. Why on earth did you think I’d think you were boring? Have I ever said that?’
Callie shook her head again. ‘No, you haven’t.’
‘You must know I think you’re amazing. Your art talent, the way you’ve brought up Frida on your own. The way you battle for her. How can that possibly be boring?’
‘We’re from such different backgrounds.’
‘Which is good in my eyes.’
‘I’m not like you.’
He trailed a hand over her breast. ‘For which I am exceedingly grateful,’ he murmured, his eyes glazing.
She put her hand over his, loving how it cupped her breast and feeling her nipple stiffen against his palm.
She needed to concentrate. This was important.
But she was losing the ability to recognise why.
‘Johnny, you’ve never had to struggle for money, worry about feeding your child.
You’ve never been so exhausted by the stress from work that you lose all power of thought but aren’t in a position to give it up. Have you?’
This sobered him up. He slid back up the sofa, slightly further away from her. ‘I can’t say that I have. There have been other stresses of course but nothing like that.’
‘I suppose, when a situation was untenable you just changed it?’
He nodded. ‘True. Sometimes that was imposed on me though. For a long time I had a contract whereby I had to change location every three years. It was both a stress and a benefit.’
‘But you always had a job. A salary.’
‘Yes. Of course I did. Where’s this going, Callie?’
‘You see, I’ve never had the courage, even when life seemed impossible, to change things.’
‘This is different though, surely? You had a child you had sole responsibility for.’
‘It’s more than that. The way I was brought up meant I didn’t have the confidence you and your family have. When I talk to Jessica or your mother, or even your Aunt Sybil, I feel so…’ She paused, flailing for the right words, ‘…inadequate. And yes, boring!’
Johnny put his head on one side, pondering her words.
‘Well, Jessica’s always had enough confidence for the whole of the family, Mum’s one on her own – a completely unique being, and Sybs is possibly certifiably insane.
Not having as much confidence as them doesn’t make you a bore.
It makes you delightfully relaxing to be around. ’
Callie took an enormous breath. ‘I’m scared of change, Johnny.
But I’m even more scared of turning into my mother who never ever changed.
Just did the same thing day in, day out.
I’ve been so muddle headed about all this.
I think I’d decided you and me wouldn’t work even before I gave us a chance. I’m so sorry about that.’
‘Don’t be.’
‘And then the Frida-Sunil stuff kicked off so I had to deal with all that. I pushed you away as it was too much to deal with. I’m sorry.’
‘Stop saying you’re sorry, my love.’ He ruffled her hair. ‘There’s nothing to be sorry about.’
‘I’m petrified of change, you see, and risking losing what I’ve fought so hard to achieve.’ She braced herself for him to belittle her, to say how ridiculous her fears were but he didn’t. Instead, he gathered her up in his arms.
‘Of course you are. But, Callie, I’ve had to embrace change recently too.
And scary change. Don’t you think I can understand your fear?
I decided I couldn’t be relied upon to do the job I’d been doing for nearly a quarter of a century so went freelance.
And, trust me, freelancing is very scary indeed. ’
‘Is this to do with your post-traumatic stress?’
He nodded against her head. ‘I’ve booked in with a counsellor. Had a chat with someone at the hospital yesterday in fact. He didn’t think it’s full-blown PTSD but I’ve definitely got some things to process. Verity’s been marvellous too.’
‘Verity?’ Callie said, startled and not a little jealous.
‘She’s been talking me through things. She’s an amazing woman.’
‘Ah.’ Callie remembered all the murmured phone calls she’d heard through Johnny’s bedroom door.
His arms tightened around her. ‘I’ve got some stuff to work through, but I honestly believe us being together shouldn’t mean all that much has to change, not for you. Me and change are old buddies, so that’s not a problem.’
‘I want to be around for you to talk to. I’m a good listener.’
‘You’re the best. It was you who helped me sort out a lot of things these past few weeks.’
Callie did a quick calculation. ‘It’s not been quite two weeks.’
‘Only two weeks? Time flies when you’re having fun.
And I don’t want to waste any more of it.
Don’t throw what this might be away due to fear.
You’re not on your own anymore, Callie. You’ve got me.
Whatever life throws at us, however we do this, we’ll be together.
It’s time you let someone else in.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
For a delicious moment Callie let herself be held by a pair of strong arms belonging to the man she loved.
Could she let her guard down after all these years and let him take some of the strain?
The idea was so intoxicating she forgot why she’d begun the conversation in the first place.
‘Oh!’ She sat up with a jolt as she remembered. ‘I need to tell you something.’
‘Fire away.’ Johnny gazed at her, deadly serious.
‘You’ve won the Lottery? You’re running as Lullbury Bay’s next member of parliament?
You’ve decided to open a goat farm?’ He pulled a scandalised face and slapped his thigh.
‘I’ve got it. Grace Grosvenor is pregnant and Austin Ruddick is the father! ’
Callie giggled. ‘No, nothing like that. I’ve got a decision to make. An enormous one.’
‘Okay. Let’s hear it.’
She filled him in. About the job. About moving to Lullbury Bay. About everything. She’d claimed she was the good listener, but Johnny was even better.
‘And have you made up your mind?’ he said, when she’d finished speaking.
She nodded, eyes shining. ‘I think so.’ She hadn’t decided until this precise second but suddenly felt as if she could achieve whatever she set her mind to, face the fear and change her life.
‘Whatever you’ve decided, I’ll back you.’
‘But I won’t be an hour’s drive from you, Johnny.’
‘Then I’ll move.’ He took her hand, studying it intently.
‘When Dad had his fall in the car park at the Art School it made me realise how old he was getting. I’d like to be nearer my parents.
Maybe it’s time this boy of the sea came back to his roots?
I’d like to have the scent of the tide in my nostrils again. ’
‘Oh, Johnny. Would you really do that for me?’
‘Callie, when are you going to realise I’d do anything for you? And,’ he shrugged, ‘after all, it’s only another house move. One of many.’
She gazed at him, tears beginning yet again. She hadn’t cried for years but, over the last day or so hadn’t been able to stop. Shaking her head slightly, she said, ‘I’ll never get used to how casually you treat moving house.’
Holding her hand tightly he kissed her. ‘One move I won’t make is away from you.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
They kissed. Lingeringly. And then broke away as Callie’s phone vibrated.
Reading the text she said, on a laugh, ‘It’s from Frida. She says she and Verity have got talking to Austin and Lucie in the Sea Spray and they’re all going to watch the RNLI Raft Race. Does it matter if they don’t come home for a couple of hours?’
Johnny’s eyes twinkled. ‘Fine with me.’ Standing, he pulled Callie up to meet him. ‘Shall we, finally, take this upstairs?’
Callie threw her arms around him. ‘Oh yes. I think that’s one move I can do! I love you, Johnny Starling.’
‘I love you right back, my Calliope.’
And, with that, he took her by the hand and led her to the steep stairs.