Chapter 17 #2
You getting hit up by baby-crazy randoms too? I said one line about wanting twins on TV and suddenly I’ve got shitloads of messages from clucky chicks wanting to jump my bones. Insane!
The message had weighed on his mind on the drive home from school.
He was tired of trying to recall exactly what he’d said in the home visits, when he’d met Emily and Kyra’s families and closest friends.
And as he started working on the theatre sets, the crowded workspace reflected his state of mind and warring thoughts.
Tonight would be a great time to tell Clem about the proposal the real estate agent had put forth and the eager buyers who had begged Ian to sell South Giddi Giddi.
I should check in about the show, see if Clem’s started watching it again.
Last month, she’d been on the same page as him, deciding the show was too cringe-worthy to watch. But had something changed? And if so, what?
He walked to the bathroom to wash his hands, and as he crossed the hall he caught a glimpse of the Brealys sitting together, heads bent close as they made notes on the scene being rehearsed on stage.
He wanted what they had, and it hurt that he was still a week or so away from being able to go public, as a couple, with the very lovely Clem Crossley.
Wiping his damp hands on his shorts, Spencer returned to the storeroom to find Clem setting up.
How could a woman look so beautiful while wearing an outlandish Christmas headband and doing something as ordinary as rinsing out paintbrushes?
A smile came to his lips as he recalled the reason they’d neglected the cleaning-up the last time they’d painted sets together.
Clem looked up, catching him watching her. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes, and when he heard her soft sigh, as if she was steeling herself for something, he had the keen sense that he was losing her.
‘So we’re off the hook now, if this is our last piece to paint?’
‘That’s about it,’ he said softly. Six weeks of rehearsals, of working backstage together, had flown past. Between his absences for beekeeping trips and the few sessions Clem had missed when she was ill, it felt like their volunteering gig was over all too quickly.
Why did it feel so final? ‘Backdrop and set will be sorted by the end of the day, the cast seem close to knowing their lines almost inside and out, and at 4 pm we get to put our feet up for a week before the dress rehearsals begin.’
He closed the gap between them, but instead of downing her tools and sinking into his embrace, Clem stayed where she was, resting her head against his shoulder.
The soft reindeer antlers tickled his neck, but as quickly as she’d leaned in, she straightened up again and resumed working.
‘Does anyone really put their feet up at this time of year, though?’ Clem gave a wry laugh as she prepped the paint. ‘I’m running on fumes, when really I should be gearing up for Christmas. Also, I fired Selina.’
She yawned, and Spencer’s protective instincts went into overdrive, trying to think of ways to make her days easier.
‘That would have been hard. Anything I can do to help? Supplies delivered? I can roll up my sleeves and help once school holidays start? Addison and her crew aren’t arriving until Christmas Eve and I’ve only got a few things booked in between now and then.
Or I could sneak in after the girls go to bed, massage the kinks out of your shoulders so you can have a better night’s sleep? ’
She smiled sadly, holding his gaze before another yawn slipped out.
The virus had left deep smudges under her eyes.
‘I think that would lead to the opposite of sleeping, don’t you?
I’ll manage, honestly. I didn’t realise how high my expectations were for my first Christmas in business.
Everyone says it’s the bumper season, but according to the bookwork I reviewed today, it feels like a bust.’
He tried to read her expression as she searched his face.
‘What’s up? Besides being tired, is everything else okay?’
Avoiding his eye, Clem stepped away, intent on slathering her brush with as much paint as it could hold.
The combination of Christmas tunes and paint fumes were giving Clem a headache, adding to the uncertainty that felt like more than she could handle just now.
‘I’m grabbing a drink. Back soon,’ she said, ducking out of the room and away from the carols, away from Spencer.
Clem splashed water on her face, groaning at the sight of the headband Harriet had insisted she wear.
‘Ho, ho, ho,’ she whispered to her reflection, trying to muster up some festive spirit.
She came out of the bathroom and collided with a lady wearing green jeans and enormous Christmas earrings. The bulging garbage bags she was carrying dropped to the floor, revealing a candy-cane-themed t-shirt. She looked like she had enough Christmas spirit for the entire cast and crew.
Clem helped pick up the bags.
‘Sorry, I was in a world of my own,’ the lady said.
‘Luckily it’s fabric, nothing breakable.
’ She thanked Clem for her help and fixed her with a warm smile.
‘I’m Leearna. Mia roped me in as the costume assistant.
Though it’s been years since I’ve sewn, so I hope the cast aren’t too fussy about their outfits. ’
‘Better you than me,’ Clem replied. ‘I can’t sew on a button. Mia will be happy with any support she can get, and I’m sure you’ll do a great job. I’m not much of an artist either, but I’ve been helping paint the sets.’
‘Ah, you’re working with our local celebrity?’
Her conspiratorial smile made Clem’s guts twist. ‘My brother went to school with Jeff,’ Leearna said. ‘Not that it means I get the inside scoop on Jeff’s best friend, mind you. More’s the pity, right Mia?’ Leearna called down the hallway.
Mia popped her head around the corner. ‘Hey! Just be a minute.’
She had Fred strapped to her front again, and when she joined them, Clem realised how much he’d grown in the weeks since she’d last seen him.
Last night’s Love on the Land episode swam before her eyes again. Had Spencer watched baby Fred grow with an envious eye? Had he studied the boy’s soft hair, so much like Jeff’s, and the nose and chin that were all Mia? She eased out a breath.
‘Hey babe, you look a tonne better. What are we gossiping about?’
Leearna leaned in. ‘I was just about to tell Clem that if you ask me, if Spencer and Emily were really shacked up together, she’d be here with him this close to Christmas, wouldn’t she?’
Mia’s eyes glinted with mischief. She glanced over her shoulder. ‘The suspense is killing me. Has he said anything to you, Clem, while you’ve been back there painting?’
Clem was stumped about how to answer this.
Mia’s jingle bell earrings chimed as she adjusted Fred’s baby carrier. ‘Erghh, I’m guessing he’s frozen you out too. Did you see the show last night? He would make such a great dad.’
And there it was; the unflinching truth that she couldn’t give him the one thing he truly wanted: babies of his own.
Mia and Leearna headed backstage to unload the clothes and Clem returned to the props room.
She paused in the doorway, watching Spencer paint and wishing she could press pause on this moment.
Even with the secrecy of their relationship, things had felt so right but the words she’d heard him say on TV last night echoed through her mind.
He turned, catching her in the doorway, and came towards her.
‘I’ve missed you,’ he murmured, capturing her lips in a kiss.
Clem wanted to sink into the kiss and enjoy the stolen moment, but she couldn’t leave it alone.
‘What about children though, Spence? I caught last night’s episode, and it was clear Emily’s family were obviously thrilled to hear how you want to go through the joy of seeing your wife’s belly swell, hold her hand while your kids are born, see which traits they’ve inherited from you, ensure your family name’s continued. ’
He frowned. ‘I didn’t say all that. Maybe the bit about my family name, but I wasn’t the one talking about pregnant bellies and labour wards. That’s not my style.’
Clem sighed. ‘Maybe I mixed that up, but you were nodding and your eyes were all glassy and look, that’s totally fine. You absolutely deserve that, no questions asked. But I can’t give you that. That’s not something that can ever happen with you and me.’
‘You’re still young, Clem. And you’re an amazing mum. Plenty of women have gone back for more babies in second relationships, a decade older than you even. You wouldn’t even consider it?’
She shook her head.
‘Not a chance. I was so, so sick after I had Harriet. So dangerously sick, I had to be locked in a psych ward. I thought the people I loved most, Jack and my pop, were trying to hunt me down to steal my baby and sacrifice her for a cult ritual. And every time I heard someone else’s baby crying, I thought it was a coded message I needed to interpret or else they’d find me. ’
She watched his expression change, his face growing ashen.
‘It was terrifying, Spencer, and I was in there for weeks. Too much of a danger to be with my baby. Stuck in there with a whole bunch of strangers, rocking in the corner. And honestly, in my psychotic state, I probably looked and acted every bit as mad as everyone else in that ward.’
She jammed her hands into her pockets, shuddering at the memories she had filed away. There was a reason she never mentioned this, a reason she worked so hard to keep any dalliances on her terms, but he’d seen her failed visit to Mia’s maternity ward, he already knew part of her story.
She needed to end things with Spencer so he had a chance at the babies he so obviously wanted, and she needed to do it right here and right now.
‘Obviously not everyone ends up as an involuntary inpatient like me, and once I had the right meds, I was as stable as the next person. But I’m not going to risk that again. Once you’ve had post-natal psychosis, you’re twice as likely to have it with subsequent babies.’