Chapter 18 #2
‘So, tell me more about the other ladies from the show. Have you been in touch to see if there’s anything to salvage? Have any local hotties tried to nab you since watching the program?’
‘This feels like an ambush, Addy. Did you even need those extra presents, or were they a ruse to corner me on the drive over?’
‘A bit of both.’ She smiled sweetly, glancing at the colourfully wrapped gifts on the back seat.
‘I didn’t marry Bryce for his shopping prowess.
It’s easier when I do it, and Louisa knows the best gift shops in Penwarra.
And we beat the Christmas Eve rush by getting in early with the groceries, didn’t we? ’
‘Hmph,’ he said, returning his attention to the road, scanning diligently for kangaroos and wallabies.
‘You saw the fuss in the supermarket, people think they know me now. People I’ve never met are happy to tell me which contestant they liked best, and ask how my love life’s going.
I’d hoped it would have died down now the show’s finished airing. ’
‘I’ll admit,’ Addison said, ‘I wanted to see it with my own eyes, and the people of the Limestone Coast did not disappoint. I’d forgotten how different it is in the country. You know, I still haven’t met my new neighbour in the far townhouse, and he’s been there three years.’
Spencer covered his mouth as another yawn crept up on him.
‘And I’m glad we came early,’ she said. ‘I heard you rattling around the house in the middle of the night, and those bags under your eyes have an interstate postcode. Even if you won’t admit it to Ian and Louisa, or Mum and Dad, or yourself, I’m not afraid to tell you you’re looking like shit.
You know I’ll keep digging until I find out why. ’
He kept his gaze fixed ahead. Addison might be bossy, but her heart was usually in the right place. She knew things with Emily hadn’t worked out, but she knew nothing about Clem.
Not that there was much to tell, as it turned out. Thinking of the beautiful, sunflower-loving cafe owner made his chest ache.
‘When were you going to tell me about your jailbird penpal? Did the TV producers brief you on the protocol for love letters from prisoners?’
The change of topic caught him by surprise. ‘Is nothing private?’
Addison had the grace to look sheepish. ‘I may have shuffled through your mail last night. I thought you’d been joking about the fan mail, but the envelopes were just sitting under the fruit bowl, begging to be discovered.
I’m surprised the prison staff don’t censor them, she wasn’t exactly a wallflower. ’
‘I forgot to throw them out, but they’ll go in the bin the moment we get back. How’s work been? Are you deep in graduate head-hunting again, or is that done for the year?’ He pressed the accelerator, keen to end the inquisition.
‘I know what you’re doing, and if you keep fobbing me off, I’ll raise the topic over the roast turkey or while we’re singing Chrissy carols, Spence. Plus, I want to arrive home alive. I’ve seen how many roos are on the roads here, and you could lose a tyre in those potholes.’
Her comment reminded him of Clem’s recurring flat tyres, and then her horrific reaction about Belle’s death. Who was he to judge? A sense of moral superiority was as foolish as a secret relationship. He slowed, pulling off the road, and turned to his sister.
‘Even if I was interested, there’s no way I’d date an inmate. I’m done with this topic, Addy.’
Checking the road, he indicated to pull over, mumbling under his breath. ‘One murderer’s enough in any relationship.’
‘What did you say?’ Addison’s gasp was sharp. ‘Spence, you’re not a murderer. Did one of those fangirl floozies say that? Or was it Emily? I knew there was a reason I didn’t trust her. Give me her address, I’ll add her name to an underground doxxing list. Or troll her. Or something. How dare she?’
Addison’s immediate reaction was reassuring, but she was his big sister. Of course she’d say that.
Addison took his hand, tears brimming.
‘You did something really hard, out of love, not hate. Belle was going to die anyway, that was clear, and you saw her deteriorate. All you did was respect her wishes and follow her orders, under medical supervision, to help her pass with dignity, instead of spending weeks, or months, in agonising pain, unable to control any of her bodily functions, relying on medicine to keep her breathing—and for what? It’s not really bonus time when there’s zero quality of life. ’
Sighing, he told Addison about Clem, giving her an abridged version of their short relationship, ending with the argument that had run on a loop in his head ever since.
‘Oh, I liked Clem.’ Addison frowned. ‘She would have been a better fit for you, after such a crappy outcome with the TV show. But making you feel like a murderer is not cool … I’m not excusing her, not by a long shot, but maybe there’s more to it, something that made her react like that?’
Spencer shook his head and Addison reached across the car to give him a sideways hug. ‘I don’t know.’
With a sigh, she leaned against the car door. ‘Well, that’s it. Now I have to hate her, and say farewell to the baklava donuts I’ve been dreaming about since winter.’
‘You don’t have to hate her,’ Spencer said. And as he said it, he realised he didn’t hate Clem either, despite how angry and guilty and hurt he’d felt after their last conversation.
He’d shared the hardest moment of his whole life with her and in response, she’d fled in horror, but she’d been vulnerable with him too. ‘She was also upset about the final episodes, you know the scene where I banged on about wanting children of my own?’
‘You were being honest.’ Addison winced. ‘It was never going to be smooth sailing, watching you whispering sweet nothings and planning a future with someone else. Clem doesn’t want more kids?’
He shook his head. ‘She was really sick with a post-natal illness I’d never even heard of. It sounded awful.’
‘So is it a deal-breaker for you?’ Addison asked gently. ‘Not having babies?’
Spencer shrugged. ‘I’m still processing, but it’s a non-issue anyway. I can’t change my role in Belle’s death and there’s nowhere to go if Clem’s morally opposed to VAD.’
He put the car into gear, returned to the road and turned the radio to talkback. Addison let it play for all of three minutes before switching it off again.
‘There’s another principal opening in Pinnaroo if you wanted to ditch this place. Ian told me about the unexpected real estate offer too,’ she said. ‘You’re not even tempted?’
‘Belle wouldn’t have wanted that. She loved it at South Giddi Giddi. Ian and Louisa have always loved it there too.’
Addison folded and unfolded the strap of her handbag. ‘I love your heart, Spencer, but you can’t stay on those terms alone. Nobody is pressuring you to leave your home, but it sounds like Ian and Louisa are excited about the idea of returning to Canada. I thought you’d be happy for them.
‘Is South Giddi Giddi holding you back? Can you really move on, and expect to bring another woman into your life, if your past is so carefully wrapped around your future? It seemed to me that Ian and Louisa were trying to set you up so you could keep that dream alive, and now, because that didn’t work, maybe they’re trying to set you free?
I get it, it’s a beautiful home, and even though you took down her photographs, there’re memories of Belle in every room, in every garden bed. ’
It was eerily similar to what Emily had said, and the knowledge that Addison was making a logical argument, and asking a question he’d asked himself many times, didn’t make it easier to hear.
What is it with everyone trying to tell me how I feel? He took a hand off the wheel and chewed on his thumbnail. ‘I don’t know anymore.’
‘Maybe it’s a great time for a change?’
Spencer nudged the car into the middle of the road.
He knew every divot and pothole, every slippery corner, and the scrubby sections where kangaroos and wallabies were most frequent.
He’d been Spencer Hawkins from South Giddi Giddi for nine years, and he loved the serenity, the peace the property offered. How could Ian and Louisa leave?
Would he ever feel the same sense of home if he left, or would he spend the rest of his life feeling like a wanderer, trying to find the place where he belonged?
‘Change isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be, Addy. I’ve tried it, and look how well that worked out for me. I told Belle I’d look after this place.’
Dolly met them at the carport, her tail wagging, and a generous rib bone clenched between her teeth. Spencer switched off the engine and went to open the door when he felt Addison’s hand on his arm.
‘Before we go inside, promise me two things. Just meet with these house hunters today instead of dismissing it outright. They might be idiots who’ll run the place into the ground, or they might be the perfect caretakers for this garden, this home.
And if so, then maybe that’s an easy way to settle this once and for all. ’
Spencer eased out a slow breath. ‘They’re wasting their time, I’m not even sure why Ian’s entertaining the idea. I won’t be cleaning up or doing anything special for this. In fact, I’ll probably be on the opposite side of the paddock, just me and the bees.’
Addison squeezed his arm. ‘I know, Spence.’
‘And the second thing?’ Spencer got out of the car, and Addison joined him to collect the shopping bags from the back seat.
‘This completely contradicts my first point, but bear with me. I only met Clem briefly, but I liked her more than anyone else you’ve dated, and every time we spoke over the last few months you seemed happy, even though on TV it looked like your love life was a shambles,’ Addison said.
‘If you love Clem, then isn’t it worth finding out if she said those horrible things in a moment of shock?
Will you look back one day and wish you’d tried to explain it to her, understand her viewpoint before walking away? ’