14. Holden
HOLDEN
Cozy shifts under Sage before she’s ready for it, but instead of fighting for control the way she would have a few lessons ago, she adjusts. She’s improving, though she’s still too in her head, still trying to be perfect instead of just feeling it.
“Loosen your grip,” I tell her, arms crossed over my chest.
She exhales, fingers easing on the reins, and Cozy settles again almost immediately.
“Like that?” Her green-gold eyes dart toward me.
“Yep.”
I pivot to follow them as they circle me in the pen. She’s actually riding now, not just sitting on Cozy’s back.
“Don’t think about it so much,” I call out.
She lets out a short laugh. “That’s easy for you to say. You think riding bulls for a living is a good idea.”
I step closer, focused on Cozy as she shortens her stride, picking up on the tension that’s creeping back into Sage’s hands.
“Keep her moving,” I say. “You slow down, she will too.”
Sage adjusts, nudging Cozy forward again.
The mare responds cleanly but then breaks into a trot before Sage is ready, sending her listing to the right. Not much, but enough that a vision of her sliding out of the saddle flashes before my eyes.
I move without thinking, one hand shooting out to grab the reins and the other landing on Sage’s hip.
My shoulder twinges—sharp, quick, gone just as fast.
Cozy slows, and I release the reins, stepping back like it didn’t happen. “Sit deeper in the saddle.”
Sage doesn’t respond straight away. When she does, her voice is quieter. “Does it still hurt?”
I have no idea what she saw on my face that made her ask, but I keep my eyes on Cozy. “Sometimes.”
It’s been a week since we talked on my porch in the middle of the night.
Seven days without either of us mentioning that I’d been one breath away from kissing her.
I’ve kept myself busy with ranch work, but apparently not enough to stop thinking about it.
I keep remembering the way the moonlight reflected in her eyes and how she’d trusted me enough to tell me about her parents and her ex.
Then my brain goes and remembers the way her lips parted. The way her nipples pressed against the material of her top.
The way my cock hardened so fast it almost hurt.
It took every ounce of my self-control not to thread my fingers through her hair and tug her head back so I could taste her mouth.
Hell, if I were back on the circuit and a buckle bunny looked at me the way Sage did, I wouldn’t have hesitated to give us what we both wanted.
Not that I’ve ever felt that kind of draw toward any woman before.
But there’s no fucking way giving in to temptation with her wouldn’t end badly.
She knew it too. The realization hit her about the same time it smacked me upside the head.
So we did the smart thing and backed away.
But a minute after her cabin door closed behind her, I was under the hot water in my shower.
For the first time since she started disrupting my life, I allowed myself to wrap my hand around my dick and picture her while I stroked.
Better an imaginary Sage than the real one, because what I pictured doing to her was dirty as hell.
Now it’s a struggle to keep myself in check around her, to stop myself inventing excuses to touch her.
And at times like this, when I have reason to?
My palm on her back to correct her posture, her fingers in mine when I adjust the way she’s holding the reins, my hand sliding down her leg to show her how to position it.
Fuck. Riding lessons are becoming a damn minefield.
The more time I spend with her, the harder it is to remember why keeping my distance is the smart move.
I force myself to refocus on the lesson. “Now, walk her forward. Don’t overthink it.”
Like I can talk.
Sage and Cozy move forward, but I can sense the question still hovering in the way Sage’s attention flicks between what she’s doing and me. “Quit looking at me and keep your eyes where you want her to go.”
She quickly focuses between Cozy’s ears again, her expression going blank.
I shouldn’t have been so brusque. But the last thing I need, on top of fighting this physical attraction, is any pity Sage might suddenly feel for me.
“Heels down,” I tell her.
“They are.”
“I’m looking right at them, and they’re not.” I reach forward and tap her ankle.
With a frustrated groan, she adjusts. That sound coming from her shouldn’t affect me the way it does. I shouldn’t be wondering what it would take to make her groan in pleasure instead. Or what other sounds I could draw out of her.
I scrub a hand over my face. “Want to try trotting again?”
“Yep.”
“This time, do it like I showed you.”
She shoots me a glare, which, at this stage, is probably for the best. Then, with a click of her tongue, she urges Cozy forward. As the pace shifts from a smooth walk to a bouncy trot, her balance wavers, but before I can step in, she corrects herself and finds the rhythm.
“You feel that?” I ask.
She nods, her breath a little uneven. “Yeah. It’s… faster than it looks.”
I chuckle. “Just wait until I get you galloping.”
A smile ghosts her lips, but then she wobbles and snaps her attention back ahead.
For a moment, the only sounds are the thud of Cozy’s hooves in the dirt and the creaking of leather. Eventually, though, Sage speaks again. “Will you tell me what happened?” Her voice is reserved, uncertain in a way that doesn’t fit her.
When I don’t answer right away, she tightens her hold on the reins enough to slow Cozy to a walk again.
I rub my hand across my mouth. What am I trying to hide? My injury’s no secret, as much as I don’t enjoy talking about it. So I nod. “Do two full circuits at a trot, and I’ll tell you.”
Her brows shoot up, as if she was expecting a different answer. But she straightens in the saddle and urges Cozy forward again.
This time, she moves with the mare almost immediately, making it all the way around, and flashing me a triumphant smirk as she finishes the first circuit.
I circle my finger in the air. “Keep going.”
When she finally comes to a stop in front of me, her smile is bright with accomplishment.
I distract myself from it by patting Cozy’s neck. “Good job.”
“I’d like to think you’re including me in that sentiment,” Sage says. “But I’m pretty sure you’re only talking to Cozy.”
Her mouth is tilted in amusement, but there’s something almost wistful in her eyes.
The look sends me flashing back to her confession the other night, that her parents never told her they were proud.
I’m an asshole. I’ve been barking orders at her for the last hour because I’m pissed about my attraction to her, while she’s been hell-bent on succeeding at an activity she wasn’t interested in doing in the first place.
“City.” I squint one eye as I look up at her. “If I had a coffee right now, I’d give it to you.”
She blinks at me, then lets out a peal of laughter. “Before or after you give Cozy a mint? No, wait. Don’t answer that. I’ll take what I can get.”
The corners of my mouth tilt up as I soak up the warmth of her amusement. I want to believe it’s because she’s the only woman other than my sister I’m spending time with, but I can’t deny that the more I’m around her, the more I enjoy her company.
I hold Cozy still as Sage swings her leg over and dismounts. The move is much more graceful than the first time she did it.
Which means I have no reason to wrap my fingers around her arm and turn her to face me.
But I do it anyway.
As her eyes meet mine, she wets her lips, and my body goes on full alert. I force myself to merely brush a loose strand of hair from her cheek, a featherlight touch that still feels too intimate.
“You did good, Sage.” My voice is lower, rougher than it has any right to be.
Her breath catches, her body swaying toward me. Fuck, when did wanting a woman start feeling so damn dangerous?
“Holden,” she breathes.
“Mmm?” I can’t stop staring at her mouth. So soft and pink. Would it really hurt to just kiss her? I’ve always been better at actions than words. I could show her how seeing her smile eases something inside me.
I could let her know exactly how proud I am in a way that would leave no doubt.
But it wouldn’t end there. And unlike on the circuit, there’d be no moving on tomorrow or the next day. She’d be a temptation too hard to resist, living right next door. At least until she leaves—or I do.
I step back and clear my throat. “You wanted to know about my shoulder?”
A flash of hurt crosses her face, and I curse myself for making things worse instead of better. But a moment later, her mouth tilts into a smile.
I don’t like that I can’t tell whether it’s real.
“I believe that was the deal,” she says.
I nod, take Cozy’s reins, and gesture toward the gate. “There’s not much to tell,” I say as we start walking.
Rick was there when the doctor gave me the news—he was the one who broke it to my sponsors. I told my family the bare minimum when I showed up here and said I was hanging up my bull-riding hat. But other than that, I’ve barely talked about it.
Maybe because it still hurts like a punch to the gut.
“It was a good ride,” I say. “A tough bull. I managed to hang on for the full eight seconds. But I made a mistake coming off. I twisted one way while the bull twisted the other, and I landed badly. Before I could regain my balance, he turned back, knocked me off my feet, and stepped on my shoulder.”
She sucks in a breath through her teeth. “That’s horrible.”
“Wouldn’t recommend it.”
At the gate, I stop and lean against it. When Cozy nudges me, I rub her nose. “At first, all I felt was heat. Then my arm wouldn’t move. Ended up with a traumatic shoulder dislocation, tore my rotator cuff, and did some nerve damage.”
Sage winces, and I look down at the reins in my hand, running them through my fingers. “Spent more than a few nights searching the internet for a quick fix.”
“And what did you find?”
I shake my head. “Exactly what the doctor told me. Surgery, rehab, regaining strength. No quick fixes, unfortunately.”
“But it’s healed now, right? Can you go back?”
“I can lift hay bales, ride horses, rope cattle. But getting the strength back wasn’t enough.
Strength isn’t the same as reliability. Sudden, high-torque movements can set it off.
In the ring, you don’t get a second chance.
If your body doesn’t respond instantly, you’re dead weight on the back of a one-ton living steam train hell-bent on killing you. ”
Or worse, permanently maiming. I’d rather quit than risk losing more than I already have. If I can’t ride, rope, or work cattle, I’m next to useless, even on the ranch.
She searches my face. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be to give up everything you’ve worked for.”
A spot behind my ribs throbs painfully. “Harder than I thought it’d be.”
It’s tempting to tell her about the offers Rick is working on. About the possibility that I can reclaim at least part of the life I built for myself. But I shove the urge down. There’s no point mentioning it to anyone until I can confirm there’s something worthwhile.
I scrub my hand over my face. “I’m gonna get back out and do some work. You okay to put Cozy back in her stall?”
She blinks at my abrupt change of topic, but merely nods. “I think I’ve got the hang of it now.”
My nod is a little too abrupt. But talking about that shit’s got me needing to move. “Good. I’ll find you later.”
I pass her Cozy’s reins, then swing the gate open, holding it for her as they pass through to return to the barn.
Only when she glances over her shoulder and catches me still watching do I turn and go.
“How are Sage’s riding lessons going?” Quinn asks around a mouthful of food.
It’s a couple of hours later, and I’m in the kitchen, grabbing a late lunch with him and Chance.
Dad usually leaves sandwich fixings in the fridge for us before heading out to keep himself busy around the ranch.
These days, that could mean anything from exercising one of our retired horses to repairing tack, with old country music playing in the background.
The three of us had barely sat down with our sandwiches when Quinn started in. Now he swallows his bite. “You going to answer me?”
“She’s trying. Can’t ask for more than that.”
“The two of you seem a lot friendlier than before.” He breaks into a smirk.
I pin him with a stare. “That a bad thing?”
He exchanges a knowing look with Chance, then leans back in his chair. “I know you got used to buckle bunnies climbing all over you on the circuit, but even you must have noticed that she’s damn hot.”
I shift my jaw to loosen it. “I’m not blind. What’s your point?”
“You’re telling me you’re spending all this time with a woman as attractive and nice as Sage, and you’re not the slightest bit tempted?” Chance butts in.
“No,” I lie through my teeth. “And don’t either of you get ideas. She’s here to do a job, not to fend off cowboys who can’t keep their dicks in their pants.”
Chance laughs while Quinn holds up his hands. “Hey, I never said anything about my dick.”
“Looks like I dodged a conversation bullet.” Taryn wanders in with a grin on her face and drops into an empty seat opposite Chance and Quinn, planting her elbows on the table. “I want to invite Sage to the Silver Pony this Friday. Can you come with us?”
She’s not addressing me, but I straighten in my chair anyway.
“I’m in,” Quinn says.
Chance’s eyes slide my way before he answers. “Sounds good. Knox’ll be here Friday as well. The three of us should be enough to keep an eye on you two.”
Tension ratchets up my spine. I’m not worried about Taryn. She’s allowed to hang out at the local bar as long as one of us is with her. The whole town knows us and that Taryn’s not to be served alcohol—or bothered.
But Sage? She’ll be noticed by every single man in the bar.
It shouldn’t bother me, but it does.
I fold my arms across my chest. “Don’t I get an invite?”
All three of them stare at me.
“You never want to come,” my sister says.
It’s true. I could count the number of times I’ve been to the Silver Pony since I’ve been back on one hand. And I don’t like the way they’re all watching me. As if they can see something I don’t want them to see.
I push back my chair and stand, picking up my empty plate. “Might be nice to be asked.”
As I take a step toward the sink, Taryn jumps up and clutches my arm. “Of course you should come.”
Regret comes quickly. I have no real desire to go to a bar and deal with the stares and whispers. But I’ve made a fuss about it now. “We’ll see.”
She lets me go without protest, but as I leave the kitchen, her excited voice rings in my ears. “It’s going to be so much fun.”